Extrapounds

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skinnyi3itch2b

I'm kind of in a silent struggle and I joined this site to get the much needed companionship.

Here's my story..((warning: not for youngsters)

I remember being in 2nd grade and not wanting to wear a dress for picture day.  In high school I was on the school swim team, city league swim team, basketball team, and school leadership.  You would think that I would thin because of all the activity but I always had that dreaded POUCH.  If only I had realized how pretty I really was...

After I graduated High School I moved away and begun using drugs.  I was on speed for four years.  I began a daily user pretty quickly.  I felt pretty, got positive feedback, soo much attention from men, felt fun and exciting, and could party all night and work all day.  I convinced myself I needed the drugs to work as much as I did.  Drugs to make money to get drugs to make money...vicious circle.

Things fell apart out of town and I moved back.  I started to use so much that I would drink to calm the high, then get high to sober up.  I spent so much money just to feel NORMAL.  Eventually my life caught up with me.  I lost my job and got a DUI.  I ended up getting kicked out of the DUI classes because I was always late.  Even if I had nothing to do all day I would late.  A tweeker is always at least 15 minutes late.  Being kicked out of the program got my license taken-and that saved my life.

My mom freaked out and took my car.  There was suddenly no way to get a sack.  I gained so much weight.  I hadn't eaten in four years.  I would eat slimfast optima bars and that would be it for two days.  Food was forced the whole time I was using.  Suddenly everything I tasted was soooo amazing and I never ever felt full.  I would eat all day long and then when my parents got home I would eat dinner with them, and again when they went to bed.  I replaced smokin speed with smokin pot.  Smoking pot didn't help the eating problems. I gained 100 pounds within a year.  I stopped going out and became embarassed when I did go out ( I was a cocktail waitress and knew everyone out and I had gone from hottie to FATTY)

I may be fat now but I'm a better person.  I used drugs mostly on the downlow and not many people really caught on.  So when they see that I've gained so much weight I can't really say why.  It just looks like i blew up.  I'm clean now, I'm a math major with honors at my college, I have self respect again, I realize how pretty I was when I always thought I was fat.

My ultimate goal is to get to the weight that I was when I was using (which isn't realistic but looks great on me 170 lbs).  I just want to get there so that there is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER another excuse to fall back into that life.  I'm proud of far i've come but damn I wanna be pretty again.

To who ever has gotten this far- I appreciate it and I would love to be friends.

.:.

ps. im not going to re-read this for typos because i'll just end up deleting it haha.

Posted: 2009-12-20 07:49:00

Titaniastar

hahaha I never re read i always hit post... then I see all the typos lol

I can sooooooo understand your story and I am most definately here to give you whatever support I can, feel free to ad me to your friends list and i look forard to geting to know you .... thank you for being so honest too.... for me blogging and reading other blogs keeps me going on and on xxx

Posted: 2009-12-20 09:15:00

FormerSloth

Thanks for your honesty. If you feel to ask questions or just vent you can also add me if your like or heck i'll even just add you. I've usully been a happy person but once my depression hits my weight goes up by mood gows even further down. I'm on a journey to lose wieht and make myself feel better and continue the journey to remain happy and confident and never have to face this battle again. :)

Posted: 2009-12-29 04:17:00

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