Addictions - Letting go
I am an addict. I possess the uncanny ability to "get addicted" to just about anything. I have in the past been addicted to many different things (not in order):
1. Exercise
2. Weighing myself (up to 6 times a day)
3. Cigarettes
4. Drugs
5. Food
Currently, I am addicted to playing a video game and I want to stop, but I can't seem to do it. Much like drugs or alcohol, playing my video game started out as a social outlet, but now it is pure habit.
The nature of the addiction is such that you can't ween yourself off, per se, as for me, it's an "all or nothing" type of addiction. I either need to play the game, play it well, to the best of my ability, or not at all. "Going casual" isn't really an option for me or my ego concerning the game. Although, I just made a switch towards "more casual."
Perhaps it's an issue not so much with addiction as it is with "letting go". I have a hard time with endings, as well. I don't do endings very well or gracefully. My endings generally involve drama whether self-inflicted or otherwise.
I think the real problem is without my addictions, my life is rather empty. In my series of choices, I chose not to have kids. I was afraid of changing my life as I knew it, forever. Selfish, perhaps. They say those of us without kids, who choose to not have kids, are selfish, self-centered, yada yada.
Since I chose this life for myself, I guess all I have are my addictions to make me feel less empty, so now I need to choose another, healthy, addiction. Should probably get back to being addicted to exercise, at least that was good for me and only mildly annoying to others in the form of me getting cranky when I didn't exercise.
Ramblings for Friday. How does one let go? Have a great weekend, ladies!
