I'm driving to see my dad tomorrow. My dad has been sick with emphysema for a long time. He's been in the hospital since Sunday. He's getting to the point where he's literally suffocating to death, and has been getting this bad for the past THREE months. Sunday he had his first panic attack which landed him in the hospital.
I don't know if any of you are familiar with what a panic attack feels like, but it's scary at best, terrifying at worst, and the worst thing about the whole thing is you feel like you can't breathe and/or you're having a heart attack or stroke. I don't wish this feeling on my worst enemy, and now it's happening to my dad who can't breathe to begin with.
I honestly have no idea what to say to him to make him feel better. I want desperately to make him feel better. They can't give him any kind of anti-anxiety medicine because it can screw with his already depressed cardiovascular system. What can I say to help him through panic attacks when mine were always mental, and his are apparently physical, but my god, that has to be a HUGE weight on his MIND as well.
Apparently, he told my sister that his brother (who's been gone for years) keeps telling him he should go up and play golf with him. Now, I don't think this is hallucinating (nor do I care if it makes him feel better), but I think it's his way of telling us he's ready to go, but my sister asked him if he wanted to go play golf, and he said, no, he had stuff to do here first.
My dad is 62. SIXTY two. He's YOUNG in the grand scheme of things.
I'm so afraid I'm going to bawl in front of him, and I really don't want to, I simply want to make him feel better. Facing death has got to be terrifying. How do I do make him feel better?
I realize what I'm asking is impossible for anyone to answer as most of us have no idea how to deal with death or the dieing. So...yea.
New Year's is usually one of my favorites time's of the year, new beginnings, I LOVE them. This year, I will be in the hospital with my dad. Spending as much time as I possibly can with him before I have to go. Wish me luck. and Happy New Year to you all, may next year be better then this year.
Posted By: Zexxii
Comments to this post:
12/30/2009 03:02
:-)
I'm certain your Dad would understand tears during a time like this. I am so sorry he is going through such serious illness, and sorry for your hurt and pain. I pray somehow you are able to have an experience like I did with my Dad in the fall when I almost lost him to a heart attack. I called on my faith a lot during that time, as did my Dad. Thank God he's here today. I will pray for your Dad that he can overcome the illness and that the panic attacks will be removed from him.
It kind of tickles me that he said he's not ready to go play golf up there with his brother. For one reason, he knows where he'll be going one day, which I find great a comfort. And for the second he sounds like he still has some fight in him and isn't ready to cave in! This is good! :-) You may have him around lots more years to come. Again, I'll pray this is so!
Personally, I think it is ok to cry with your dad. Be there, hold his hand, do what feels right.
I have no magic answer, I don't know what your Dad wants or needs. But having you by his side will most likely be the most important thing to him and to you.
My prayers are with you and your family. Death is something no one wants to face but its something that we all eventually have to deal with. I can't tell you how to feel, but just remember try to enjoy him this weekend cherish the moment..take pictures ...just talk! TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM! Make every moment from this moment on count!
Raspberry Cordial is correct. It's OK to cry with your dad. Death is a part of living, and maybe he needs to know things are OK with you, and let you know his wishes before he can go.
Sorry, I think it's much harder being the one left than the one going.
I think by making the choice and time to go see him, an cry if you need to! it only shows you love him.... is all he could ever want or need to make him feel better, to know a child loves you is the GREATEST gift in life and if he can pass on knowing to his last breathe his girl loved him... his job was done well.
I do know what panic attacks are like, and like you I would not wish them on any one else. I am so sorry that you are facing this right now. I am, so, so sorry.
There are no answers - juat love. Surround yourself and your family and especially your dad with love. It may not make him better but it will sure make him feel better.
I will be thinking of you on New Year and praying for you.
As everyone else has said, there is no right or wrong way to act.
My dad had a heart attack & never regained consciousness before he passed away so I never got a chance to tell him (or show him) how much I loved him before it was too late.
I honestly believe there is nothing wrong with crying - it shows you care.
And as others have already said, he will be happy to spend his remaining time with the love of his family surrounding him.
How are you doing? I wanted to tell you that one thing that helps people with COPD when they are feeling panicky is to keep a large fan in the room. Having the fan blowing on the face seems to help calm people down. It gives the illusion that there is plenty of air and seems to help. It's and old nursing trick. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Are you still doing JC? How do you like your body bugg?
