Not so good timing

Well I am back from my trip to the Midwest.  While it was a great trip, I wasn't so great sticking to an eating plan.  After being back and analyzing the whole situation.... it wasn't the greatest idea to try an eating plan days before leaving on vacation... when  my resolve was low and my "giving in" muscle so strong.

I'm back and making better choices now.  I did make a few good choices on my trip.  Had salad a few times... got on the treadmill a few minutes... and I need to give myself credit for that.  In previous times, I wouldn't have done either thing.

--ohh and so the airplane seatbelt did fit... but not much left in the belt reserve.  Next time.. I'm going to have to pull that belt tight!  :)

Day 1 -- The binge ends today!

I made the decision lastnight that the binge ends today. 

I'm going to follow this book the best I can... proceed to the next steps when I'm ready, it's not a race.   The point here with the book is not changing my body.. but changing my mind. 

I'm going to continue to use the Nutrisystem plan through the rest of the year.  If I struggle to stay with it, I'll start Weight Watchers in January '08.

It feels good to have a somewhat long-term plan. :)

I'm back... with the Beck book

I went way off into binge-mania.  I found myself eating just to eat... I have no idea why I eat.... everytime I realize what the flip I'm doing.... it's too late.  I'm eating.

I got the beautiful hot pink Beck Diet solution book earlier this week.  I was so excited to see the Amazon box while I drove up.  Anyways, I've read the intro -- and I like what's I've read.  So far it's making sense.   I think if anything, I like reading that I shouldn't give up hope.... that there may be a way to unlearn some bad habits I have.  Hope that some day food will NOT rule my life.  A small passage I like:

"... I often refer to two 'muscles': your resistance muscle and your giving in muscle..... every time you resist eating something you shouldn't, you're strengthening your tendency to resist in the future ..... everytime you eat something you shouldn't, you're strengthening your tendency to give in.  So whenever you feel the urge to eat something you not supposed to, thank about what muscle you really want to strengthen".

It's a good book.

Humidity Hell

... that's where I am. 

I have no air conditioning, so I am absolutely miserable and trying not to stay in the same place too long.  I just feel sticky.  I'm hoping it's going to be better by the weekend.  If not, I may need to pack up and head to the coast.  I don't think I've been this miserable since I lived in the Chicago area.

The nice thing about humidity though is that it's a chore to eat.  Just not in the mood for anything.  I just want water.... or pop lol.

So other than this humidity nightmare, I'm still doing good.  Feeling like I may start adding exercise to my plan here within the next few days.  For me, I think it was wise not to start trying to change everything at once.

What a dream

Last night I dreamt that I had made a pan of brownies for work and just had a 1x1 piece to sample them.  Mmmm they were good.  Then I proceeded to convince myself that I had enough ingredients to make another pan... and that this whole pan could be mine.  I ate the whole flipping pan.

I woke up this morning with the usual junk food mental hangover -- it took me about 1 min to realize THAT WAS ONLY A DREAM!!!!!!!  And when I got up this morning... I dunno.  I had more spring in my step. 

It's crazy what an influence and addition food has in my life.   

I ate out lunch yesterday - chinese.  I was of course apprehensive... almost like I'm going to drive myself off track and into another binge.... but it didn't happen AGAIN.  I ate til I was full and let the rest sit there with my napkin over it.  I figured in the presence of others I wouldn't remove my napkin to eat more. LOL

I know that it's most likely I'll lapse into a binge at some point, but I'm really happy with myself for how I've dealt with eating situations.... hoping that when I do binge... these posts will bring me out of it knowing that I DO in fact have the strength to gain control over bad eating situations.

-thanks to everyone who's left comments to my posts.  If not for all your encouragement and feedback, I would not have the motivation to keep going.  I feel so supported here.

Now this weekend... much better than the last! :)

Got up at the crack of dawn to get laundry done.  I have to actually 'go' to a laundromat, which is the biggest pain in the @ss, but it makes me burn burn burn.... lifting, moving, carrying, folding... so it's all good.

Ate completely 100% on plan.  I even quickly heated my Nutrisystem lunch before going to Target.... who is this person that's taken over my body??????

I like her... I like her...

I was reading over my past week of posts, and I'm doing so much better just one week later.  I haven't weighed in yet.,.. and haven't been exercising -- but I look at this as making the strong foundation for life-change.  I feel really good about what I'm doing here.  Not sure why it clicked this time and not the last 999,999 tuimes, but I'll take it.

I also ordered the pink Beck Diet book.  Not a plan, but cognitive training... a little piece everyday.  Can't wait to get it.  It'll be my brain workout.

Hope everyone else is doing swell and melting inches.

Not perfect, but still going strong

Lastnight I had dinner at a friend's house.  I knew it'd be challenging and perhaps a little too soon to really do well with the situation.  I ended up eating 2 bowls of chili and it was completely delicious.   We'd also gone to the local Chef's Market and picked up a HUGE bag of Kettle corn, so had that moreless as dessert.

Later when I was home, I ate a lot more from that bag.  A binge,  I fell asleep on the couch until 5AM and then went to bed.  This morning, I got up and threw the rest of the kettle corn in the trash and have been committed to being on plan since. 

Tonight -- 8:30 pm -- I've eaten everything on plan and I'm quite full.  It feels great to have not given into prolonging the binge.. taking it for what it was and just moving on.  A definitely good sign.  I've been lazy all day and I need to do some work for work.  I've been putting it off all day.  Trying to get as much of the new website populated as possible in time for our big meeting on Tues.

2 days down... still on a roll

I am officially over 48 hours binge-free.  Do I think I'll ever binge again?  Absolutely -- but I'm going to ride this as long as I can.  Like I predicted, I have no desire to eat anything drenched in sugar or fat.  It's like the first 72 hours are the detox -- and then my cravings subside.

I got on the scale this morning.  No loss... in fact a tiny gain, but totally not discouraged.  I feel puffy, and by looking at my ankles. I know I am.  Besides, I feel "good" and that' more important than the flippin' scale anyways... right? 

Tonight I am having dinner at a co-worker's house.  Some sort of black bean chili.  I'm going to practice portion control and hopefully I'll be successful.  It'll be good practice.

The ball has started moving!!!

It's 8:38 PM....

I haven't binged, I haven't purged, and I've been on plan 100% today.  I think today I'm going to make it through.  I'm SOOOO happy.  I haven't made it through an entire day without some sort of junk food binge for WEEKS.

I even brought my Nutrisystem to work and ATE it. 

Do you know how great I'm going to feel tomorrow morning?  It'll be one happy morning without a junk food hangover... and with more willpower to stick on plan.

It's always so hard for me to get the ball moving... so this is a HUGE breakthough.   Once I get going, I lose interest and desire in eathing junk.  It's like a detox.   Thanks to everyone for the awesome feedback lately.  I love the support here at this site.

Tomorrow Always Comes

I was reading Ugly Betty's blog  -- her latest post really hit home.

I am so guilty of having the same strategy when it comes to changing, weight loss, etc.  Always it's 'tomorrow' -- but when tomorrow is finally here.  I tell myself.... tomorrow.  It's such a horrible cycle.

I also tell myself that I'm just meant to be this way... and I know it's not true.  My drug of choice is food.  I had an interesting night Sun when I was in the middle of a cookie-binge (read my post on the WalMart junk.. uggh ) when I put a cookie back in the plastic tray and said "Jen -- you don's have to eat this.  Just because you bought it doesn't mean it has to be consumed"

It was such a foreign feeling.

It's crazy how addicted to food I am.  My therapist wants me to go to Overeaters Anonymous, but I don't.  It's like entering that room scares the *)(%^*% out of me.

Well today is the 'tomorrow' I referred to yesteday.  Do I do something with it, or do I let the opportunity pass?