so i called a dentist today to see if he knew of anyone that was hiring and...his front office person obviously didn't tell him to call me back b/c he didn't. so great. now, do i call him again on monday or just assume she'll give him the message?
i'm in a very clean-y mood, and i'm pretty sure i could tell you why. i should be studying for boards. instead, laundry, dishes, and cleaning my room suddenly are very appealing to me. but no. i have to be self-disciplined! after i get off here i will be doing my Bible study, then starting to study for boards again. they're in 11 days now. that is insane to me!!
what am i going to do when i don't have to study anymore? its so weird that the college chapter of my life is closing and the real world chapter is opening. and its also weird that the real world chapter won't be closing again until i retire, i guess.
anyway, for breakfast i had 1/2 c grapes (1/2) and 1/2 c pineapple (1/2) for total of 1 pt for breakfast
for lunch i had a turkey sandwich (3) and about 1.5 points worth of fruits. so total that is 5.5. then i had a 100 cal hostess cake pack which is 1 pt so thats 6.5 total. not too shabby. =) i am supposed to be going to eat dinner with N tonight though, so hopefully i'll stay within points.
"if you give up when its winter, you will miss the promise of spring, the beauty of summer, and the fulfillment of fall. don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. don't judge life by one difficult season. perservere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come sooner or later." -ian campomanes
everytime i get to 149, its like i relax like i've reached my goal. i realize 150 isn't obese. i just really want to lose some weight. i think i'd be more self confident. i don't feel fat every day but i do sometimes and i always wish i could lose 10 or 15 pounds.
anyway, this morning it said 149. i ate a good breakfast but didn't have time to pack lunch and didn't have any lean cuisines so i bought lunch in the cafeteria. tonight i cooked spicy chicken and macaroni and cheese for my cousin zach so i'm sure that wasn't too good either
i did go grocery shopping though, so now i'll have some healthier options. i bought a lot of fruit! grapes, strawberries, pineapple, and orange. i also got some low cal food i know i like. tomorrow is a new day and a great day to start to try to get to 140 so i am even closer to my goal!
thanks to everyone for encouraging me--(esp. jane does) its wonderful to know i have such a wide network of supporters =)
p.s. for those of you who do WW, i found some hostess cakes that are REALLY good. they're like those hostess cakes with the white swirl on the top, anyway they're 100 cal pack and they come with 3 small cakes in per package. i think there are 6 packages per box. anyway, i had some tonight and they tasted really good--AND! they're only 1point!!
i posted about saturday night when i couldn't sleep at all....well, monday ninght i couldn't sleep again. i hadn't taken adderol or anything. i was just thinking about passing boards, graduating, finding a job, deciding where to live...etc. i laid in bed from 11-3 with no sleep at all then i finally went to sleep and had a dream about being late to clinic and also that my sister's friend told me my sister hated me and i was really stressed out and i woke up shaking really bad and sweating. i've never had anything like this happen so i called my dad and he called my doctor who got me lunesta.
i'm not taking it unless i really need it b/c i really am not a big pill person but i took some last night and it was great. i slept really well and finally feel refreshed!
i've got to study a lot today but i'm not as stressed about it.
i kind of splurged a little yesterday afternoon i got grilled cheese and french fries...but i ate a good dinner and this morning i weighed 150.
its so hard becase all of my roommates and close friends weigh 135 or less. i guess they don't realize how much i weigh... b/c they were talking to mark and he said his girlfriend had asked him how much he thought she weighed and he had said 140 and all the girls were like "MARK! you're not supposed to guess a girl weighs that much!"
then the conversation went to girls who weigh 150 and directly from my roommate's mouth came "i mean 150 is a lot for a girl." i was like....great. that makes me feel good. haha i just kind of sat there and didn't say anything.
i read a good quote the other day by beth moore (one of my major rolemodels)...
"the quality of our lives comes from what and who we think we are."
even though i know some people think this is stupid, i truly think i have a.d.d. i'm not saying i have a.d.h.d. but when i'm studying its like i can be looking at the words trying my hardest to focus and learn and i start day dreaming then have to restart the paragraph. its so annoying. i'll find myself just looking around, even when i have the best of intentions to study. anyway, MB has adderol b/c she's been diagnosed w/ a.d.h.d. so i took 1/2 of her dose yesterday and i swear it was the most amazing thing ever. i was totally focused on what i was trying to study and i feel like i learned a lot and retained the information really well. i'm definitely not going to become addicted. the only time i would ever even think about using it is on a friday or saturday when i have several several hours to devote to studying. and there are only 2 weekends until boards.
unfortunately, i took the 2nd 1/2 at around 7 and right after i swallowed it she was like "yeah...if i take mine after like 6 i can't sleep." i really didn't think much of it though b/c i usually can fall asleep. but yeah....i didn't sleep all night long. so now i know if i do ever take it again i will definitely take it earlier than 6.
i'm exhausted but i have a test tomorrow and i don't want my schedule to be really off track so i just took a 3 hour nap and then i'm going to force myself to stay up til bedtime. i have a test tomorrow, anyway so i need to study
in other news, i just got off the scale and it said 147.5!!!
really though i'm not going to record anything until a week from my last weigh in because if thats just water weight it wouldn't be accurate.
i wish i could just see a picture of myself in a year or 2 from today and see that i'm happy. i think i'd be able to totally relax if i knew 100% that everything would turn out alright. but i guess thats where faith comes in. =)
i guess i'm gonna go study before home groups so i'm not as stressed out once i get home.
i'm so so thankful for this journal. i think its encouraged me a lot to have readers commenting and giving advice and also to be able to see how far so many of the readers have come!! everyone on here works so hard to achieve their goals.
last night MB and i ran/walked around our street about 4 times and each time around is like....0.7 miles so total about 2 1/2 miles. good job, i think. =)
i started today out with an english muffin, jelly, light butter, 1 c of grapes, and some water. i've been doing bad on weekends but i know if i will stick with eating healthy and exercising on weekends i'll lose weight faster and easier rather than losing the same pounds over and over again.
i'm about to go to the library and study for boards that are coming up in a little over 2 weeks. that is scary to hear because i don't feel ready at ALL.
my skin is a little burned from tanning. i do'nt understand why because i went from 15 to 17 minutes....and i didn't burn @ all on 15. oh well, i'll just wait a few days and then try again haha.
i can't believe i'm graduating so soon. its insane. really, i don't think it's hit me yet!!
i was at children's again today. its always so sad to go there!! there was a 4 year old little girl who was the size of a 2 year old MAYBE and had the mental capacity of a 3 month old and she was also blind. most of the kids there are absolutely the sweetest things ever. they all want to hug you and everything. there are some that are brats because their parents spoil them like crazy but i always leave there feeling so lucky to be healthy.
i ate 2 pts at breakfast
13 points at lunch
and 7 pts at dinner
so about 22 points
i'm about to go walking with MB
i had another "you don't need to lose weight" occurance. i was heating my lunch up and it was a lean cuisine and some of the other workers in the hospital were like "are you on weight watchers?" and i said that i was. they were like girl where are you going to lose weight from you have no weight to lose!
while thats encouraging it also makes it harder to make myself follow a diet.
i need to focus on losing weight for myself and not what others think. for my health. i know i'm not morbidly obese but i do know that even losing 10 or 15 pounds will increase my health. i want clothes to look great on me.i have a pair of big stars that are 28's (i think thats about a 6) and i mean, i can wear them but they're a little tight on me. i just don't want to feel self conscious and i want to be able to wear cute stuff but also be able to run longer than i can now and do more sit ups than i can now and...just improve my health overall.
i'm getting pretty tan! i love being tan. the whole time i'm tanning though i'm knocking myself for the whole radiation, skin cancer thing.
i am so thankful for my friends. they're all really fun and encouraging.
my sister and i were in a fight but we finally talked everything out and i'm so glad. i love her to death.
my mom and dad are the best parents i could ever ask for. they're both so so encouraging and supportive and let me make my own decisions and i know for a fact they will love me regardless of any decision i make. my mom is definitely the most selfless person i know.
God has been giving me peace about the future. so many times i've been worried about stuff and He has worked His perfect plan for my life and now i look back on it and realize it was stupid to worry about. i know that God has the job i'm supposed to have already lined up and if i am supposed to get married God already knows who that person is, so why should i stress about it?
i'm ready to get under 150. i keep fluctuating by like 1pound!!
today i was on rotation at children's hospital. its always so so sad to be there. its also always tempting, food wise, to be there. they have salads and stuff but they also have awesome pizza and deserts.
i'm proud of myself though because i ate a healthy choice pizza =)
today i have had
english muffin w/ 1 tbsp jelly (2)
healthy choice pizza (7)
quakes (2)
so thats 11 so far. i have a 6 point chicken in the oven and some grapes in a bowl ready to eat thats 1 pt. so that is 18 points total.
i can stop there or eat anywhere from 1-5 points more today so...i'm doing ok =)
my sister just called to say she's lost 16 pounds! i'm so proud of her and it definitely encourages me to keep working out.
well this weekend was rough to say the least. my family really enjoys eating out and lets just say i ate out for like 5 different meals in 2 days. it was pathetic
i was expecting to come home and see a 157 or 158 on the scale but it was a 153.
i knew today wasn't a good day to start over since we had pizza at lunch. i'm going to eat a healthy dinner tonight and start counting points again.
i've got to. GOT to get past 150. i feel discouraged that i can never get beneath that darn number.
as sweet as it is for people to tell me "you don't need to be on a diet! you look good" it just makes me believe it and think i can splurge more than i really can and then i feel disappointed in myself.
i think i'm definitely PMSing this week b/c i'm so moody!
i'm ready for people to tell me i look like i've lost weight. then i think it will all be worth it
today at lunch S had to go to the hospital cafeteria to buy her lunch and asked if i wanted to go. i said yes but i took my smart one's meal and water. i seriously thought about buying grilled cheese and fries for about 20 minutes but i decided i'd regret it too much later so i just stuck with it and it paid off! i stayed within my point range.
english muffin 1 , jelly 1, 100 cal popcorn-2, smart ones-4, chicken filet-6, grapes-1, yogurt-1, smart ones desert-3, macaroni-3
22
didn't exercise today but i was too exhausted from this week.
i'm feeling proud of myself for staying within my range even when i wanted fries and grilled cheese and i know its because i've sacrificed so much already in this change and i know if i just gave it all up for some fries now, it would be so stupid.
i'm so thankful for this site and all the encouragement i get from it =)
family pics saturday. all 20 of us. (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins....) wow it will be fun. =)
