did great yesterday and today! i'm following the "wendie" plan. its where you eat minimum range one day, average range the next, minimum the next, high the next. you vary it so you keep your body guessing on how much it will have to metabolize and it keeps metabolism set on "high"
i decided to take the job at home. its weird! but i'm hoping its the right choice.
a girl that graduated 2 years before me is trying to set me up with this guy and he is way too cute for me. i just don't feel like it's going to work out even though i wish it would. haha i sound so insecure and pessimistic. it just seems like these great guys pop out of no where but never work. who knows though. i'll give it a shot.
i took clinical boards saturday. SO SO glad they're over. =)
"obstacles don't have to stop you. if you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. figure out how to climb it, go through it, or walk around it." michael jordan
why do i feel like giving up? if i could just eat healthy like i normally do without the few splurges i take (usually big ones) i know i'd lose weight
i truly want to! its just that i let stuff get in the way. i need to realize i'm stronger than cheeseburgers, icecream, and __________(insert tempting fattening food here)
i realize little tastes every now and then help you maintain your healthy eating style but i decide to take entire days off and it shows.
i'm in maintenance mode and i still want to be in losing mode.
i need some motivation! i guess i'll weigh in the morning and enter the number and try to get back to my original 5,10, and 15 lbs goals. i think i'm probably about where my 5 lb goal was from the beginning.
i just let stress, other people's meals, television commercials...etc. interfere with where i want to be.
basically it takes more than just eating healthy meals every now and then. i need to be consistant.
and also. why do i attract the clingy nerdy guys? i realize some amount of nerdiness is cute but not when they talk to you for 5 minutes about the fluctuations in the temperature in their apartments. no lie.
subway for lunch tomorrow! yum. i love it. going out to dinner tomorrow night w/ A so i'm going to get something light on calories.
i've totally enjoyed some jelly beans today. which is so sad. i weighed 148 yesterday morning, but i went out and had a drink last night and a late dinner and it was 150 and i think i just got so frustrated i kinda gave up for a day. i totally want to keep losing weight its just hard because something always seem to come up where i don't know how many calories are in something.
i think i'm going to start writing down my points again tomorrow. i think it becomes more real when i see it in writing.
now the question is--do i want it? i don't know if i want to move back home! i'm sending out more resumes and if i don't hear anything within about 2 weeks, i'll accept the position. i just feel like my life will come to an end. i feel like i've met everyone i can at home. maybe this will be a good starting out job, though. to gain some experience and confidence.
i feel like i'll never get married and as bitter sounding as that is, it's just honest. i don't think i'm ugly or fat but i just feel like i'll never meet anyone who just clicks again. i've had boyfriends before that have but it just didn't work out because of timing in our lives. i don't know. AH.
i love when i come home because since i've been on my diet they're the ones that notice, since they don't see me every day. like 3 people have told me i looked skinny. i actually borrowed my friend's dress pants for my interview and they were a 4! they were a little tight but not too bad. i am aware that this doesn't mean i wear a 4 now haha. my easter dress is an 8, which isn't bad. just not where i want to be.
thinking about all the huge decisions i have to make just stresses me out! its like i have all these options but once i choose one i can never have any of the others again. and they all produce different outcomes. its just not a calm time in my life.
i have officially officially lost weight. i was 5 pounds less than when i went to the doctor last time, which wasn't that long ago.
i still need to lose more but i know it's do-able now.
yesterday sucked cuz i had pizza for lunch so i couldn't eat much for dinner
last night i went to the store and bought kiwi, plums, sports bras, water, fiber one....i felt like such a health freak and i loved it!
i've been off diet cokes...well cokes of any time for 2 weeks now. i splurged and had 3 total but seriously. that is SO amazing for me since i pretty much was on a diet coke IV for 4 years. anyway when MB and i ran last night, i ran so much farther and didn't feel nearly as exhausted. i'm not sure if the water is the reason because i haven't run since a long time before boards and i know sitting on my butt studying all day hasn't made me any more in shape.
i got a call from a dentist in my home town for an interview
i'm nervous. not really b/c of the interview but because i'm not sure i want to move back there. we will see though. maybe this is God's plan for a while, anyway.
if anyone can tell me where to find the fiber one bars, i'd really appreciate it! i looked at walmart last night and coudln't find them anywhere!
well, i'm back home! its time for that little weight tracker to start on the decline again. its so hard to be consistent and self-controlled when youre with your best friend and she's wanting to go to the cookie shop and bringing you jelly beans and stuff.
i felt great when i was eating healthy foods and keeping track of what i was putting in my mouth instead of just stuffing whatever looked good in for 4 seconds of enjoyment until the next bite. not that i can't enjoy good food every now and then but its all about portion and consistancy.
so tomorrow, i'm starting to keep up with what i eat and the point values! i was doing great losing weight and inches so i'm going to keep going.
i'm so grateful to this site! i love writing how i'm feeling.
right now i'm feeling annoyed at myself for what i've eaten but tomorrow i want to feel proud that i've stayed within my goal range and eaten healthy foods.
well boards are OVER!!! i'm soo relieved. the 1st half went pretty well. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. the 2nd half made me want to jam a pencil in my eye! it was awful. the 1st half was subjects like microbiology, pharmacology, etc...and it was 200 questions and the second half case studies where they would give you a picture of some teeth and give a picture of the radiographs and a patient chart and that half was 150 questions. i talked to a lot of the girls in my program though and they all said they felt the same way. we have to wait 6 weeks to find out the results though!
a dentist in my hometown wants to talk to me about working for her. while thats very exciting, i'm not completely sure thats what i want to do. part of me wants to move somewhere i've never been. but i think this job would be temporary because i'm pretty sure its for a hygienist on maternity leave. so maybe i could just work there for a while to get some experience then find a new job in a new town. who knows. its up to God! i just wish he'd be like "ok, go here." and i'd be like "ok." haha
anyway as far as diet goes--eh. well the day before boards we went out to eat and the day of boards i didn't really do great. i did ok yesterday but now i'm visiting my best friend from high school and i never do so good when i'm up here. its not like i eat really unhealthy foods its just that its harder when i'm not at home to count points and have as much control of what i eat.
i was at 149 this morning...i guess if i can just maintain that until i get back home on saturday afternoon, that will be ok. i just can't go crazy.
i'm looking forward to getting a "big girl job"! i'll be glad when i can buy good furniture and everything. i've been mooching off my parents for long enough. but i mean i'm 21. its not like i'm 30 and still mooching off them. =)
i think E and i are going to work out today! i haven't even had time to work out in i don't even know how long.
i'm watching MTV's True Life: I'm a Genius. they are crazy! they know everything.
my boards are TOMORROW!! unbelievable. they're from 8-6 with 1 hour break so if nothing else the mental focus will be hard to keep up. anyway, i'm SO ready for them to be over. ive been studying for like 2 months and really hardcore studying for 1 month so i'm ready to have a life again! i won't know what to do with myself =)
i did SO good yesterday til i went over to K's and she wanted to get shakey's....i weighed this morning and it was 146.5!! i'm so happy about that. its like i don't even feel like its real. for so long i struggled to get under 150 and every day after i splurge, i expect it to say 154 (which isn't BAD!! it just took me forever to get under 150)...anyway its so exciting. its great to finally see the work show some benefit. i can't wait til after tomorrow when i actually have time to get out and walk/ run or whatever.
tonight K,M,S, and i are going out to eat and then after that i'm not studying anymore for boards! its so weird to say that but i know my brain couldn't take it. i just need to relax
well, its been like a week since i wrote on here. my life has been consumed with studying for boards--which are tuesday!! i'm going to spend the majority of today, tomorrow, and sunday studying but i think my mind needs a break on monday.
i weighed this morning and it said 147!! allthough i'm very excited (esp because i expected it to go up after my chocolate binge yesterday) i'm scared to put that number in yet, so i just put 149.
i'm dogsitting this week and i'm excited. she's a really sweet dog and its my roommate's dog so she's used to me taking care of her some. right now she's curled up on the floor next to my feet.
after tuesday, spring break will officially start! i'm not sure what i'll do to have fun, but i can guarantee you i will find something =)
