job. stress.

i got the job!!!!

now the question is--do i want it? i don't know if i want to move back home! i'm sending out more resumes and if i don't hear anything within about 2 weeks, i'll accept the position. i just feel like my life will come to an end. i feel like i've met everyone i can at home. maybe this will be a good starting out job, though. to gain some experience and confidence.

i feel like i'll never get married and as bitter sounding as that is, it's just honest. i don't think i'm ugly or fat but i just feel like i'll never meet anyone who just clicks again. i've had boyfriends before that have but it just didn't work out because of timing in our lives. i don't know. AH.

i love when i come home because since i've been on my diet they're the ones that notice, since they don't see me every day. like 3 people have told me i looked skinny. i actually borrowed my friend's dress pants for my interview and they were a 4! they were a little tight but not too bad. i am aware that this doesn't mean i wear a 4 now haha. my easter dress is an 8, which isn't bad. just not where i want to be.

thinking about all the huge decisions i have to make just stresses me out! its like i have all these options but once i choose one i can never have any of the others again. and they all produce different outcomes. its just not a calm time in my life.

i have officially officially lost weight. i was 5 pounds less than when i went to the doctor last time, which wasn't that long ago.

i still need to lose more but i know it's do-able now.

Ok, this isn't where I wanted to start my comment BUT!

How could you get into a four?! We're the same height and weight and I can't get one LEG into a four : P I am still in 11s, my goal is to get to a 9.

NOOOOOO FAAIIIIRRRR! *ROAR!*


Now, where I wanted to start this was, congratulations on the job offer! As for if you should take it, if you think you can do it with a smile on your face then probably : P If you wait too long it might be gone. I am looking for work and going on interviews myself, I pretty much am only applying to places that I want to work and think I'll take the first one that makes me a final offer. I make a two-month plan for things like this. I try to get through two months and I think that if I quit properly after two months, well, it can't hurt me too bad in future searches : P And I'll have money! Woo hoo.


I don't feel like I'll ever get married, either : / It's not so bad... it's not something I decidedly want, I've never really fantasized about a wedding or a family or anything. Mostly I want to be alone, I just want a really pretty man there when I want him there! I love my boyfriend, I really do, I just don't see me having a 'happilly ever after'. What really sucks is... outside of him, I don't think I will ever click with anyone again : / I never have with other guys, I feel like it's this or nothing.

Why did I give up chocolate?!