10/29/2010 19:30
Strange Feelings
I am not sure what has been going on with me lately. I feel rather depressed but not sure why. I mean I know some of the things that are getting me down but I don't think they are severe enough to explain the way I feel lately. Just the other day I had hit my head on the edge of my car door. Hurt like heck let me tell you. Normally that kind of stuff just makes me mad. I hate hitting my head period. At first I was upset but then as I went into the house to check on it, I started crying. I cried for quite some time. It was strange. It didn't feel like I was crying because I got hurt, it felt more like I was crying because of emotional issues. Then yesterday I was folding towels and listening to this one song by Enimen called "I love the way you lie" and started crying again. This time the song seemed to have trigged some past memories when I was with my ex-husband. Not sure where that came from though. It just hit me out of the blue. The relationship with my ex was not the greatest. A lot of abuse and stuff.
I guess maybe things have been just creeping up on me maybe and I have not really dealt with them. Plus I think I am lonely a lot. I don't really have many friends. I have one good friend but we don't get to hang out a lot much anymore. I don't really have any family other than my brother and we don't talk much either. Then again we never really did. Just the way it went I guess. Plus I guess I got spoiled with all the time I got to spend with JL when we were both off so now that we are both working we don't get as much time together. He is definitely my best friend and I love spending time with him.Today we are going to the movies. We are going to go see the movie "Red". It looks funny and we haven't really gone anywhere in a long time so we definitely need something different for a change of pace. I suggested a "Date night" because we haven't gone on a date for a very, very, long time. I thought it would be nice to finally go on one and a good way to reconnect with each other. He is looking forward to it and so am I.
Then there is the stress of trying to get caught back up financially after being out of work for the past 3 months. We are doing it slowly but surely but I am just starting to worry how we will cover Christmas shopping for the kids. Have to shop for 4 kids and I am not sure how the heck we will do that. I don't want to really rely on credit cards because that has caused more problems than solved in the past. I am trying to get my credit card debt under control. I am very close to succeeding. I cancelled quite a few of my cards just recently and am down to just 2 cards. I picked the 2 that had the lowest interest rate.
I suppose my weight too is a factor. It is always there in the back of my mind. I haven't worked out at all since I started my new job. I am more active but I wanted to actually work out too. I just feel like I don't have the time some days or when I am off, I don't want to do anything. Very frustrating!
For the most part, I am at least watching what I eat, most days. I do pretty good on average with the occasionally slip up here and there. I spent all afternoon yesterday cleaning the house so at least that was some exercise. I am just worried if I don't get back to working out I won't do it at all. I don't want to lose the muscles I gained when I did work out, and I really want to get out of the 180s for good. I am tired of looking at it. I want to see new numbers like 170s for a start.
I decided to try and make a small goal for myself. I am a little nervous about it because in the back of my mind I am already gearing myself up for failure. Bad way to start I know. My small goal is this: I want to lose 10lbs by New Years Day. That gives me 2 months. I don't think that it is impossible if I really work at it. I think that it can be done and not be stressful on my body. I know you are not supposed to lose weight too fast but I don't think 10lbs in 2 months is too fast. At least I hope not.
Well that is what I am going to try for. Even if I don't quite make the full 10lbs I am hoping to get really close by New Years Day. I guess that means I need to get my butt in gear and get working out. It also means I need to pay closer attention to what I am eating. I really want to do this so I am hoping my mind and body can get on the same page and work together on this. Also I am hoping if I start working out maybe that will help lift me out of this weird funk I am in.
I hope everyone is doing well! Wish me luck! Hopefully by New Years Day I will be able to report a significant loss! Have a great weekend!
Posted By: yoopergirl10
10/29/2010 09:39
I COULD HAVE
written this post. I too have had a bit of an emotional session when I heard a song ... I couldn't stop crying once I had started and couldn't even say why but know deep down it is because Iwas disappointed in myself and my weight.
At least I am doing something about it and am trying to stay strong and positve, I hope you can do the same!
I hope you feel better within yourself soon and hopefully you can stop worrying about your finances ... well done for getting down to 2 credit cards, know how much trouble credit cards can get you into ... been there, done that and soooo learned by it.
Luv
JOY
10/29/2010 10:58
Chin Up
Everything works out in the end. I've had those moments so many times that I felt like I had a part in writing your blog. Just today I lost my debit card after just using it at Walmart, and ended up calling my best friend in PA and crying. I started to let out things I didn't even know I was mad about. There was no reason other then I just bottle things up too! Stress has a funny way of making us deal with it at a later time. Talk to someone, anyone about how you are feeling. Do you have any family members, or past friends that could still lend you an ear?
I wouldn't suggest credit cards either! That is how so many people end up in deep trouble. Those gifts will triple the expense if you are not careful. Try to think of a creative way to save money this Christmas. Maybe an animal? Kids get so excited even if it is a fish! I'm sure there are also a lot of other ways to save if you research online. :)
About your weight, the more your stress (i need to give myself teh same advice) the more you gain. Breathe! Just breathe! Remember, everyone on here is here for you as well. :)
10/30/2010 05:12
Hope you feel better
I know exactly the kinds of feelings that you are talking about. A lot of people in my family have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and living in the UP, it starts getting cloudy and the days get shorter this time a year, and a lot of them are struggling also. I actually sit under a SAD light in the morning, and that really seems to help. Plus getting outside (even when it feels like I'm going to get blown away) also seems to improve my energy levels. I hope you can get out of your funk and find things that bring you joy!
((HUGS))
