I hate admitting that I've been eating badly. I want to be here to inspire people and cheer everyone on. The past three or four days I've overindulged because I felt sorry for myself due to TOM. I got to thinking....am I going to do this every month? NO!
Yesterday was hubby's birthday and he wanted one of the Dairy Queen Reese's Cup ice cream cakes. I ate two pieces, then after church we stopped at Sonic--he wanted Extreme Tots. I got an order of jalepeno poppers. Then when we got home I ate some regular chips and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
The point of this post is--I literally hate eating like this. I feel so much better physically and mentally when I'm on plan, no sugar, within my points, exercising daily, eating a balanced diet, etc.
I'm back on plan as of this minute--and like the title of my blog "I'm going to live the life I'm supposed to!" I'm not supposed to be fat--I'm supposed to be a success story, an inspiration to others, a role model for my children, a sexy wife.
TOM came yesterday and hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't cramped this much in a long time. Thankfully I usually only have about two days worth of horror and then it tapers off for more days. As long as I have ibuprofen, I'll make it!
DH always picks up the slack when I'm wiped out, so he wound up grilling chicken for supper, washing the dishes and even washed our youngest DD's hair last night. No wonder I love him! Tomorrow's his birthday, I need to get him a DQ ice cream cake I guess. Hopefully I can stay out of it!
I took yesterday and today off from exercising, back at it in the morning! I ordered two new workouts from collagevideo.com. I got Amy Bento's Boot Camp & Jari Love's Get Ripped Slim & Lean. I'm a fitness dvd fanatic...I actually need to weed a few out of my collection and sell them on ebay.
Well, this is three weigh-ins in a row that I'm at 181. I did have the bad eating day Sunday, it wasn't a binge, but I went over points and ate some sugar. My intentions were to not eat any flex points at all.
Definitely time to buckle down and do more exercising, focusing on cardio to burn the fat.
I also need to make a more conscious effort to physically journal instead of "keeping it in my head". After over four years of following the WW plan I literally can keep track in my head, but I know the journaling will keep me more accountable especially with portion sizes.
Everyone's still asleep and i've had my first cup of coffee, might as well take advantage of the me-time and pop in an exercise dvd to get started on that fat burning....
I hadn't posted about it yet, but my pastor had made the announcement Wed. night that he felt that it was time for him to leave the church. This is a very common thing in the Baptist community in the south. He had stayed for three years and felt it was time to go. In that time, our church membership has increased dramatically, we added a completely new sanctuary, had a very successful Easter production, etc. His wife and children were such a wonderful addition to our church family. We had a dinner for them, gave them gifts and a lot of members shared with them what they meant to us. He said he had prayed that God let him leave while the church was on a high, positive note and that no one could say there was conflicts, etc. and there wasn't. He promised to visit us, but now we're without a pastor until God puts it on our heart to bring it to a vote. The deacons are going to line up some traveling evangelists to preach during our services.
I think worshiping the Lord with people brings you very close together. Its such an important and intimate part of your life you can't help but grow close. They are truly brothers and sisters.
Anyway, at the dinner yesterday I gave in to some overeating. I ate more than my body needed. I ate a piece of strawberry pie-the first thing with sugar I've had in about 4 weeks. Then when we got home I proceeded to eat a Hershey chocolate bar and a Little Debbie crunch bar. I wasn't hungry at all. Again, I gave in to emotional eating due to being so sad.
I could have prayed, read my Bible, played with the girls, so many things that would've made be happier than overeating. I'm definitely back to counting points today and making positive choices. I know I can't be perfect, but stringing those positive days together sure makes me feel better mentally, physically and spiritually.
Those of you that read my blog and pray, please say a prayer that God will show our congregation the right man to pastor our church.
Anyone watch the Dr. Phil show yesterday? With the lady that's lost 165 lbs. and her husband wants her to lose 25 more?
The way he talked to her reminded me of the way my ex had talked to me. When we were first married I was over 200 lbs. Birth control and bad habits added another 30-40 lbs. over the years. I went on a crash diet and lost 100 lbs. in 7 months basically by starving myself eating 500-700 calories a day. I maintained 145-150 for about a year and then started to gain the weight back. When I was about 220 one night I could tell something was wrong with him. He proceeds to go and get a picture of me at my low weight and told me, "that's what I want".
Our marriage was never the same, even though we stayed married another 4-5 years. I hated him for not knowing how hard it was for me. I hated him for not loving me the way he was supposed to. My body doesn't define me. I was the same person inside that needed support. That incident set off vicious resentment and rebellion issues. I snuck and ate. I hated my body even more than before. He had never said anything before my weight loss. I wished I had never lost the weight in the first place.
Like I said, bad memories.....
Thank God I don't have to live like that anymore. I know now that it was his problem, not mine. He wasn't happy and determined it was my fault, and didn't accept any of the blame for our marriage crumbling.
I've been married to my soulmate now for over 7 years. He saw me at my largest (285) and absolutely treated me the same that he does now. He supports me no matter what I decide to do. He knows that I want to keep the weight off for my health. He knows I can't handle half-gallons of ice cream in the house. He lets me have my way and makes sacrifices due to my eating issues. I love him for that and so many other things.
The couple on Dr. Phil have major marriage issues and I could see the resentment on her face. Even after losing the 165 lbs. she still wasn't "good enough" in his eyes and never would be. He talked about her hanging skin, not working out enough, etc. If it was me married to him, there would be a burning bed incident!
I'm sure she has had self-esteem issues and feels like she "deserves" to be treated this way. Its really sad, but I'm sure there are lots of women living like this.
I'm off today and Monday so that's a 4-day weekend. Its been a long time since I've had 4 days off. Feels good!
Tomorrow is my WI, but I went ahead and weighed this morning and I'm exactly the same as last week despite staying perfectly OP. I do need to step up the exercise, but jeez! These last 20 or so lbs. are really going to be hard, but I can do it.
I still haven't eaten any sweets, almost a month now, and I feel really good. We're having a cookout/dinner for our pastor at church Sunday. After being with us for three years, he's resigning. We're grilling and the ladies are supposed to bring desserts, etc. I'm going to make deviled eggs with ff mayo and probably a sf fruit salad. No one will ever know the difference. :)
Tuesdays are my deadline days, but we got finished pretty early and I was home relaxing. I kept thinking about food after I had already eaten supper. I ate a few almonds and then went and got a sugar free fudge pop from the freezer. I stayed perfectly within my points and didn't overeat! I wasn't physically hungry at all.
My youngest DD is finished with pre-kindergarten and wanted my DH to take her to my MIL's to stay all night. He gave in and had taken her. I realized the reason I felt like I needed to eat was for comfort because I missed her! Every day when I get home from work she takes time to hug me and pet me. Figuring this out was a great step for me and I'm so glad I didn't give in!
I really, really feel great! For the first time in over three years I feel in control of my eating. I mean, REALLY in-control. I don't get antsy around trigger foods at all anymore. My health and my body are priorities, not the food.
A few weeks ago I felt like I was destined to gain the weight back I had lost. Its amazing how making bad food choices will destroy your plans, your goals for yourself. My weight loss journey not only has made the healthier but has boosted my self-esteem.
Surprisingly I am down this morning at weigh-in. Down another 1.4 lbs. and I'm thrilled! I had maintained around 190 for over three years so I'm sure the first 9 lbs. that came off really fast was water weight. Now I'm getting into the fat!!
I'm planning on upping my exercise to at least 5 times a week, a lot of cardio and two days worth of sculpting/weights. That means getting in bed a little earlier because I do the best when I work out in the mornings, after DH goes to work and before DDs get up. I can do it, I just have to keep my body and my health as a high priority.
I don't feel like I've lost any weight this week at all. I've been 100% on-plan, could've exercised more, but haven't strayed at all. No matter what, I have to stay positive or I will fall back into my old habits. I have to remind myself that this is for a lifetime, it really doesn't matter WHEN the weight comes off. I just have to know if I keep on the straight and narrow, it WILL.
