After work yesterday, I had to go to Walmart to stock up on stuff to fix for tomorrow's Homecoming at church. How crazy am I to get back on track with the biggest eating day of the year coming up tomorrow? But...why keep putting it off when its so hard to get back on track.
I got on the scale and saw 188 this morning and was horrified, but what do I expect...I haven't had an actual on plan day for about 2-3 weeks now. I have good intentions and do fine during the work day and then when I get home I eat everything I want, and then feel like crap because I've overeaten yet again.
I'm going to wait to change my weight log until tomorrow to see how much is water weight. Hopefully a lot....
I slept in to 8:00 a.m. this morning and it felt great. DD has been watching my TV, but I'm fixing to take it over and do a fitness workout. Gotta catch up on laundry and housework. Sure won't have time next week, got revival at church all week.
Positives for next week despite being busy--I'll get a spiritual boost plus be so busy getting the girls and DH ready I won't have time to overeat! Maybe by this time next week I'll be back down to my posted weight~~LOL!
It seems I have all good intentions in the mornings and then when I get home in the evenings, I eat everything that's convenient. I do great until I get home then I grab whatever. I'm finally tired of overeating and ready to get back on track. My plan is when I get home to grab a big bottle of water, sit down, read the mail, etc. while drinking it.
I'm tired of waking up knowing that I had a bad day before and starting off the day feeling bad. I love the feeling of when I've strung a few good days together and want to get on the scale and see it go down.
We've got revival at church next week, starting Monday. That will definitely help in the evenings, we'll be way too busy getting ready for church!
I decided to go ahead and weigh this morning, just to see how bad it was. The verdict...183.8, definitely not as bad as I thought. But, I have spun my wheels for several weeks now. I've been back on-plan now for two days and wonder why I think its so hard. Then I remember all the church dinners that we have and the feeling of PMS, etc. No, my friends, this weight loss journey of ours is definitely NOT EASY. The benefits are definitely worth it though!
O.K....I'm tired of being negative. No one is going to lose this weight for one. I have to be accountable for every bite that goes in my mouth. I set goals for myself and wind up not following through. I got up when DH left for work this morning and had all intentions of working out before work. What did I do? I re-set the clock and got back in bed to sleep for another hour. How do I feel now? Sure wished I had worked out. And then I proceed to feel negative....
I'm going to set small, realistic goals for myself. Today I'm going to focus more on upping my water. I already drink at least 100 oz. a day, but I'm going to aim for 120-130 oz. If I don't have to work too late, I'm going to get some exercise in, even if its only 30 minutes. Also, no mindless eating today.
Some positive attributes about myself...I'm a good mother, wife and employee. Striving to be a better Christian--I know that God loves me. Oh, and I've lost 104 lbs.!!
The past few weeks I've really lost sight of my goals...and today I'm refocusing. I woke up really dreading to weigh, and then I realized, I don't have to! I weighed in last week at 180.8 and even if I have gained 3-4 lbs. I don't have to "see" it if I choose not to. I really think it will make me feel worse than I already do.
I'm getting back on track TODAY!
Something I've realized in all the years that I've dieted....sometimes you do lose sight of your goals. You have to make yourself and what you want a priority. I've really let emotional eating take over the past couple of weeks--does it make me happy? Only temporarily...sometimes the "good" feeling goes away before I even stop eating. I feel the guilt starting to build.
I really feel like I need to trust more in my faith. I tell everyone that asks me about their problems to trust in the Lord. Pray and rely on His strength. But, do I do that? I let my worries about money, the kids, impending jury duty, etc. take over sometimes instead of having the realization that God will always take care of things, and always has. He cares for me and wants to "heal" me of this need to overeat. But I ask myself, do I want to be healed of it? I truly enjoy eating. Don't get me wrong, I love my new body and how I feel when I do eat healthy.
I think that many people diet and think this is temporary, someday I'll get to eat like I used to eat. That simply isn't true. You have to really watch what you eat to maintain. Sure you can have a few treats every once in awhile, but I have trouble limiting those treats to every once in awhile. Once I give myself permission to splurge it turns into a whole week kind of thing. Its so hard to get back on track.
I weighed in at 180.8....at least its not 181 like it has been for the past three weeks.
Well, I made the decision to start back to WW meetings in July. I looked at the calendar and I had Vacation Bible School one week on Thurs., and another I'm slated to clean church. So I might as well wait to pay when I can actually go! After I made the decision to wait a few weeks, a friend of mine came in the office yesterday telling me that she had joined. I told her I would be there in a few weeks. I'm also going to call another WW buddy of mine to see if she'll join us. That way it will be more motivating.
I've got yet another dinner at church tomorrow, this one is a combination to welcome our new pastor and for Father's Day. We Baptists sure enjoy our "fellowship" dinners. I think I'm going to buy a couple of cantaloupes for my "dessert" to take. Plus I'm going to marinate boneless chicken breast and grill them in the morning to take. I've still got to decide on a vegetable or side to take.
I had a great workout last night...Amy Bento's Boot Camp. I burned 509 calories. I'm going to use it when I want a high calorie burn.
I got brave and got on the scale this morning....after eating pretty badly for almost 2 weeks now and doing miniscule exercising, I'm the SAME...181. I'm definitely going to take this and run with it because I was sure I was at least 185.
I still haven't decided on the WW meetings, and the meeting is tonight. On one hand, its kind of like a challenge--how much can I lose in the 12 week At-Work session? The last few times I have gone to meetings I didn't really get much out of them. I know everything that the leader talks about, the old ladies get on my nerves, they talk about boring recipes, etc. The positive thing I get from them is the peer competition. The question is...is that worth $110 or could I continue to do it on my own?
I don't know what it is about the weekends sometimes, I swear I think I get temporary insanity. I don't think about my weight loss goals, don't exercise, etc. And when Monday rolls around, I think to myself, geez, I wasted two days spinning my wheels.
Yesterday I stayed perfectly within points and thought how "easy" it would be to lose this last 20-25 lbs. Why am I struggling so much? In reality, if I can lose (and keep it off for four years) most of my weight, why is this last chunk so hard? Because I make it hard. For the most part I'm very consistent through the week, and then throw caution to the wind on the weekends, ruining my good work of the work-week. In other words, I self-sabotage.
I've been thinking a lot about my weight loss journey, and I really get upset. I've thought that at some point it would "click" and I would have no struggles, stay perfectly within points, enjoy waking up to exercise every morning, etc. Its not going to click--its going to be a daily struggle and I really resent that.
But on the other hand, it is worth it. I've improved my health, exercise helps control the weight, and with God all things are possible. I should rely on His strength more.
I guess, ultimately, its up to me to look at it positively or negatively. Today I choose positively!!
My WW leader called me yesterday at work and told me that starting this Thursday you can sign-up for the At-Work program and get 12 meetings for the 10-week price. I know if I work really, really hard, plus do more intense workouts I can reach my goal in that time. But then I'll have to pay for maintenance after that 12 weeks to get my lifetime. The high weight acceptable for me to get to goal at WW is 169.
Money is incredibly tight right now with the girls out of school I'm paying the babysitter $100 a week for the summer. I'm going to have to really watch the money I spend on groceries, not pay as much on bills, etc. to fit this in.
But, then I get to thinking--am I just using the money as an excuse because I don't know if I can wholeheartedly do this. Am I the only one that thinks like that? I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't know if I honestly will work my hardest to do it.
On one hand I don't want to waste the money because I don't think I will; and on the other hand, I think, this might be the last money I have to pay WW. I've done this so many times before and just basically maintained because I sabotage myself every time.
