Cathy's Final Journey

The Last Diet Of My Life

My Profile

  • Name: Wtg2lose
  • City: Ruffin
  • Region: North Carolina
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 175.3cm
Start weight: 332.60lb
Current weight: 298.00lb
Goal weight: 170.00lb
Lost to date: 34.60lb
Remaining: 128.00lb

My Calendar

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May '12
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Really Simple Syndication
09/16/2009 18:48

Ok, so here goes...

I am so frustrated with myself but I really don't know why.  I knew my weigh in this morning was going to be terrible because of all the food I have gorged myself with!!!  It seems like every other day I say to myself that I am starting over...do good with breakfast and lunch, but by midafternoon I am so hungry that by time to eat supper I really gorge!!!! 
 
This morning my weight was 298!!!  Ok Cathy, you are not going to reach the 300 mark!!!  I REFUSE to go above 300 again!!!  I know I am just about there, but this morning's weigh in has been eye opening for me!!!  .I WILL start eating better!!!  I am going to have to start thinking of myself and not worry or fret over the other situations that are in my life.  For once in my life, I am going to be selfish and think of me!!!  I know that sounds terrible, but I have had so much stress lately that I just completely gave up on my eating and really not caring about myself and my weight.
 
I really need to get a balance in my life, one that I can live with.  I started working on that today!!!  I made my mind up that it's up to ME to handle how I live my life and that includes making the right choices in everything...especially my eating habits.  Even though I haven't been eating right, my exercising has continued on...mostly due to the wonderful friend I met last year at the Y.  She will not let me quit exercising, no matter how many excuses I try to throw at her.  I wish she could come live with me and coach me through my eating habits too!!  LOL!!! 
 
But I know it's up to me so me, myself and I will have to do what's right.  I need your help.  I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I hope to start blogging.  I know that will help me if I would just DO it!!! 
 
So, here goes!!!  One day at a time!!!
 
Thanks for listening. Hope everyone has a great day!!
 
Cathy
 
 
 
 

Posted By: Wtg2lose Add Comment | Comments (7) Top
08/18/2009 17:52

Bruises, bruises, bruises....

But thankfully no broken bones!!!  Just call me Ms. Grace!!!  While at the Y yesterday walking on the treadmill, something happened and the next thing I knew I was being tossed to the wall.  Don't know what exactly happened...but boy do I feel it this morning!!! I fell mostly on my left side.  My left knee, the left side of my face, my left arm, my left wrist...all have bruises and scrapes.  And to add insult to injury...the gym was packed!!!  I was soooo embarrassed!!!    After getting up (with help of course), I wiped myself off and got back on the treadmill.  My knee was hurting but I was determined to at least finish the treadmill.  I came home and iced my face and my knee, but I am still sore,,,but I will be better.  Tomorrow I am going back to the Y for my normal workout...I am going to keep up the exercise if nothing else!!!  I'm not giving up on the exercise. 
 
 
 
 






Posted By: Wtg2lose Add Comment | Comments (7) Top
08/03/2009 17:43

Starting over....

Today will be the "do-over" for me.  Since March 26th of this year I have GAINED 33.6 pounds after losing 79.2 pounds since May 1, 2008.  That's gaining almost 1/2 of what I had lost. 
 
No need to think about what I have already done, just try to look forward.  I was wondering if anyone could give me some information on healthy foods that I don't have to cook.  I know there are some foods that I can buy ready to eat that can be healthy for me.  I will still cook a little, but I think I would do better if I could just have something to fall back on when I don't want to cook.  Sound lazy don't I?  Probably true to an extent. 
 
I had thought about getting into the NutriSystem program for a while, but not sure if I would like their food or not.  It's too expensive to join without knowing for sure.  Has anyone tried their food? 
 
I am going to start over today.  I know I will feel better physically.  I need this sooooooooo badly!!!  I also need all the support I can get!!!
 
Wish me luck!!!
 
Cathy

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08/01/2009 04:13

I am really, really bad!!!

Bad for me...bad for my health....bad for my mental state of mind...bad for my emotions...bad for the way I look at myself, my life, my actions.
 
That's the way I have been acting for the past 4 months.  I'm up to 284 pounds...up from my weight of 253 in March of this year.  WHAT HAPPENED??????????  I know, but I can't seem to turn it around.  Don't tell me it isn't a "mind" thing, because it is, that's for sure!!!! 
 
I was wanting to be in "onederland" by the end of this year and that's not going to happen now.  My charm bracelet that I was soooooooo proud of still has just the 3 charms on it.  I am so far off track, that I should take a couple of them off because I have gained those pounds back.  Can anyone tell I am completely and utterly frustrated????  But the sad truth of the matter is, nobody can do it for me....it's up to me.  I know each day is a new beginning if we just want it to be. 
 
I have gone back to eating fast foods, and, sad to say, I have gone back to eating on the sly.  In other words, eating when I'm in town by myself....or eating at home when my husband doesn't know what I'm doing.  I know he can tell I'm gaining my weight back and I'm not fooling him or anyone else for that matter.  Sometimes I think it's a sickness with me...letting food guide my life.    
 
I need to sit down and think about what I really want in life.  I just want to feel better about myself and feel better physically too.  I have already started to see people stare at me again and looking at me in disgust.  They can't have as much disgust for me than I already have for myself.  I understand how they feel looking at me because when I look in the mirror, that's what I feel.....pure disgust!!!  (But obviously not enough, because I haven't done anything about it!)
 
Okay, I have vented enough for one time.  Maybe I will have a new start soon.  I would really like to be down to 230 pounds by the end of this year...that would be 54 pounds...about 10 pounds a month...doable????  It might be close if I could just get started.
 
Thanks for listening and I know there are a lot of people on Extra Pounds that are doing great and I commend them!!!  I am truly happy for everyone that is losing and I am pulling for all of you!!!
 
Cathy   (((((HUGS))))))   

Posted By: Wtg2lose Add Comment | Comments (3) Top
07/12/2009 01:07

Should be glad I maintained for a while, huh???

Sorry I have MIA for a while.  I am going to try to follow EP again because I need the support and encouragement I get from all the wonderful people.  Just wanted to comment on a couple of things.
 
I was noticing my weight log and the last time I entered a weight on April 30th, it was 271.6.  I know I had gained up to 283 at one point, but this morning when I weighed, my weight was 272.  WOW!!!   That means I have maintained my weight for 2 1/2 months...which is good for me!!!   I was surprised at the loss, but I knew I had been trying to watch my eating (not as much as before, but some) and I knew I had been exercising faithfully at least 3 times a week...but I was still surprised!!!  And, extremely happy!!!  I was so scared that I was going to gain all of my weight back the way I was headed.  Maybe this will give me an incentive to start buckling down and doing better on my eating.  I hope so!!!       
 
Hope everyone is doing well on their weight loss journeys!!!  Let's hang in there!!  I know it can get discouraging, Lord knows I can get discouraged, but I'm not giving up yet!!!
 
Take care and God bless!!!
 
Cathy

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06/09/2009 03:28

Okay, I'm a failure....

At least on my diet I am.   I cannot seem to get back on track.  I don't know what to do.  I will do good for a couple of days and then fall off again.  I was so determined for a long time and then I got off course.  I wish I could get back on track.  I need to before I gain all my weight back.  I could say that I have a lot of stress on me right now and blame that, but that would be a cop-out.  I can't seem to focus on my diet.  Maybe I can get back on track before too long!

Posted By: Wtg2lose Add Comment | Comments (4) Top
05/18/2009 03:41

Whew...life is tough!!

Hi All...thought I would try to post a little something tonight.  I have really tried to get back on track since the first of May.  April was a terrible month for me...only because I allowed it.  But that's in the past...can't do anything about it.  My last weigh in was on April 30th...but i feel as if I am doing better.  I have eaten a lot better so far this month and have exercised when I am able to.  I can't wait to weigh at the end of May.  Hopefully weighing just once a month will work better for me.  Time will tell!!!
 
My husband's health is really stressing me out.  I need any and all prayers I can get for him, please.  He is having to go to a physical therapist three times a week to get his legs wrapped to try and force the fluid in his legs and feet back into the upper part of his body where it's supposed to be.  After it it forced upwards and then starts back down, it is supposed to get to his kidneys and be realeased the natural way.  The physical therapist tried to show me how to wrap his leg (she is only working on one leg at a time because she doesn't want to push too much fluid upwards because of his bad heart...it might not be able to take the extra fluid).  I have to wrap his leg on the days that she doesn't wrap it and it's not an easy thing to do.  All I can say is that at least he gets it wrapped correctly three times a week and even if I don't do it perfectly...the way I figure...something's better than nothing.   She will judge my wrapping tomorrow and let me know what, not if, I am doing something wrong.  I hope to be able to get it right so his leg will get rid of the fluid.
 
Then his doctor called him Friday and told him that the tests he had done on his kidneys showed that his kidneys might be failing him.  I don't know if it has anything to do with all the fluid pills he has had to take to try to get rid of all the fluid in his legs or not.  He is going to the doctor next week to talk to him about his latest blood results regarding his kidneys. 
 
Please pray for him.  I am trying not to think negative and put my trust in the Lord.  I know He knows what's best and I know that He can help Larry (my husband). 
 
Pray for me too, that I will be able to stay on track while trying to stay positive about Larry's condition.  I know things could be a lot worse and I keep telling myself that.
 
Thanks for listening and I hope everyone has a great week!!!
 
Cathy

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05/07/2009 18:29

Getting A Balance in My Life..

I really needed The Biggest Loser show Tuesday night.  The trainer was talking about having a balance in your life while trying to lose weight.  That's my problem and I need to fix it!!!  I am either being a fanatic about what goes in my mouth, weighing too much and being down on myself when I eat the wrong things or I swing to the other extreme of just plain not caring.  I need a balance. 
 
It hit me like a ton of bricks!!  I was being too hard on myself.  Pushing myself to the limit and I finally gave in to it.  The trainer was telling Tara that she had went too far one way...becoming obsessed with exercising and not ever eating off.  She told her she needed a balance because you can't just stop living life while being on a diet.  She even took her out to get a drink (which I don't do anyway...I have other "vices" that destroy me).  Anyway, it became real to me.  I always knew it was a lifestyle change, but something about it being a balance just hadn't occurred to me until the show.
 
Hopefully, I can get a balance and stick with it better.  That's what I'm going to try and do anyway.
 
Thanks for listening!!
 
Cathy

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05/05/2009 23:11

Trying to get focused....again!!

I am trying so hard to get focused on my journey.  I did well yesterday as far as eating and exercising, but today hasn't been as good.  I started out eating a healthy breakfast around 6:30 this morning, but then around 10:30 am I wanted something else to eat.  Instead of getting an apple or some kind of healthy snack, I noticed my husband's Cheetos on the table beside the chair.  I said, "Just a few won't hurt."  I ate a few, then said, "Well, I might as well eat something else too."  I got up and ate a bologna sandwich along with more Cheetos.  I was sooooo stupid!!!  This isn't right!!  I was so fed up with myself I had to get out of the house.  I went to Wal-Mart to find a mother's day present for my best friend's mother.  (My Mom passed away in '05.)  After finding a really cute blouse for her, I went to the checkout.  As I was leaving, the deli there smelt soooo good. I started thinking, "What can I get that won't be fattening?"  (It was around 2:30 pm by then and I had gotten hungry.)  All they had was fried food...fried chicken wings, fried okra, fried potato wedges...etc...I walked past the cold section where the salads were but they didn't look too fresh.  Then I realized that Subway (which is inside the Wal-Mart store) sold salads.  I walked into Subway and bought a grilled chicken salad and left.  I was proud that at least I didn't get any fried foods...that's a small step anyway.  I got into my car, opened the salad and took about  5 bites...brought the rest of it home and plan on eating it for tonight's supper.  (I will have to confess that I started getting hungry around 4 pm...so I got an apple and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter for a snack.)  I'm hoping I didn't do too badly.
 
I haven't taken the time to exercise today.  It has been damp, rainy and dreary here today and when the weather is like this, my ankle seems to act up a lot worse.  I couldn't hardly walk after getting back from Wal-Mart.  I'm hoping after I rest up a bit I will be able to walk on the treadmill later on tonight.  Wish me luck!
 
I need to start praying real hard!!!  I need to lean on the Lord more than I have been.  I know He will help me if I just put my faith in Him!!
 
Thanks for letting me confess my moronic actions!
 
Cathy

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04/30/2009 23:23

Looking Back

In order to try and get inspired all over again, I was looking at my previous blogs...the ones I wrote when I first started my diet.  Where has that person gone????  I don't even feel like the same person.  I am so fed up with myself. 
 
The month of April has been a terrible month.  I have had a lot of stress and I completely gave up on my diet.  I started having trouble with my heart...having several "spells" where I just about fainted...and a lot of palpitations with my heart.  I went to my regular doctor who immediately sent me to a heart specialist because of my symptoms, family history and other factors going against me.  (Being a diabetic, being overweight, my age, being a female and a family history of heart trouble....to mention a few.)   The heart doctor examined me and told me I had a prominent murmur and wanted me to have an echocardiogram and a stress test done.
 
I know a heart murmur is fairly common, so I'm not too worried about that.  My doctor said I might have a leaking valve or other complications, so she wanted the tests done.  I wore a heart monitor for 10 days and yesterday I went for my other tests.  I haven't heard anything from my doctor as of yet, so I'm hoping no news is good news.  I haven't exercised since last Friday because of all that's going on...tests, monitor...etc. 
 
I just feel like a complete failure.  There are a lot of other people who have more serious health issues than I do that still lose weight.  Why can't I???  I know the answer to that....I am having a mental block right now.  I am blocking my mind from doing what I need to do.  Why is it so hard for me???  Yes, I stopped journaling my food...I knew I wasn't eating right so why journal!!  I did continue to exercise as much as I could.  While wearing the heart monitor, I did slack off exercising.  The heart monitor kept malfunctioning while exercising, so I stopped exercising for about a week.  Once I got to remove the heart monitor, I did start back on my exercise schedule.  This week I haven't been able to exercise because of all the tests being made plus going with my husband to his doctor's appointment as well.
 
I will never reach "onederland" this way....not in 2009, that's for sure.  I have gained 18 pounds since my weigh in on March 26th.  If I start back tomorrow...getting back on the wagon that is...I will have to lose 73 pounds to get to 199.  Well, that goal is shot to #&*#@!. 
 
My weight loss bracelet looks pitiful.  No more charms for me anytime soon.  I have to lose 37 lbs. to reach my next minigoal to get another charm. 
 
I get so depressed thinking about all of this.  I feel as if I am not only letting myself down but everyone else too.  I know people have been supporting me and wishing me the best and are proud of me for what I have accomplished so far...but I think about...what if...what if I gain it all back.  What will they think of me then?  Aw, too bad...she couldn't stick with it.  I was hoping she could.  I can hear them now.
 
My husband doesn't help matters either.  I sound so like a royal butthole when I say this, but him not being able to do much as far as his health is getting me down too.  I know he would like a better life, not being as confined to home like he is.  I worry about him, but I also get irritated with him.  He has given up.  He goes around telling everybody that he is washed up...old...good for nothing anymore.  He doesn't take what the doctors suggest him to do to heart.  He ignores them.  He does take his medicine but that's as far as it goes.  His doctors suggested that he takes water areobics, to wear support stockings, to walk as much as he can.  Do you think he even TRIES to do any of these things?  I finally got him to go to the YMCA to check into the water areobics class...but wouldn't you know it...the pool was closed for maintenance.  They told us if would reopen in about 3 days and to come back.  I can't get him to go back.  He doesn't watch what he eats...eating all types of candy and junk food.  When I cook, I try and cook what's good for him, but most of the time he won't eat what I cook. It's not because he doesn't like what I cook...he would rather eat what he wants to eat.  For instance,  he will fix a pot of pasta and throw store bought sauce on it.  Then, another thing he will do is buy cans of yellow corn...open them...load them down with butter and heat and eat.  When I say open cans of corn, I mean he opens 4 or 5 (15 oz.) cans at a time.  He will eat about 1/2 of what he fixes and puts the remaining in the fridge to eat later.  When I say something to him about it, he says, "That's all I'm eating is corn.  That's not bad!"  I tell him, "Maybe not, but it's the quantity you are eating!"  His portion sizes are so out of control!!!  That's just a couple of the things he does as far as eating.
 
I get so discouraged when it comes to him.  He doesn't realize how much he is bringing me down.  I have talked to him about it and he will tell me what I want to hear at the time...but does absolutely nothing about it!!  I love him so much, and I worry about him.  I have even told him that if he loved me he would try to change his eating habits and try to get better for himself too.  When it's just the two of you...like myself and my husband...it gets to be so disheartening. 
 
I know I need to get back on the wagon for MY sake.  I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK ON INSULIN!!!  That should be enough incentive all by itself.  Forget about "onederland" and the charms. 
 
Please pray that I will get myself back on track and continue my journey to a more healthier and happier life.
 
If you have made it this far, I really thank you for reading.  I just feel like crying and just forgetting everything.  Again, please pray for me!!  I need your prayers and all the support you are willing to give!!
 
Cathy
 

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