So since yesterday it is that TOM and here it is just in time to try to lay waste to all I have spent the last month doing. I really, really hate the TOM. On one hand I should not complain too much because I am blessed enough not to turn into a nasty, sarcastic, anger spewing she devil like a friend of mine does. And I do not crave everything bad for me to eat or drink. On the other hand I get excruciating pain and cannot eat much because even the thought of food makes me extremely ill. Too exhausted to exercise and cannot sleep much because I cannot get comfortable. I am just hoping my body does not get it into its mind that I am starving and decided to hold until all I eat.
I did lost 2 pounds last week and I think if at this TOM I am down 2 pounds anyway then it is a 2 pounds fat loss not water. I am going to take some Motrin and hope for the best as I do not want to skip exercise tomorrow.
I did the Si6 yesterday - Start it Up. Today has become my day of rest - again. I will switch to Ramp It Up as of tomorrow.
I was tired and draggy today so I made today my day off from Si6. Although I did do the walking outside 2.5 miles. My plan is to work up to 5 miles for distance and then after a week or 2 there work up to covering the same distance in 1 hour or less.
Other than that the day was quiet. Saw an email from my ex - thoughts of that selfish, inconsiderate jerk always puts me in a pensive mood. Started to read the email adn then decided to just delete it instead. I mean that is old ground and I do not intend to go digging up the body buried in that grave.
Meals:
B: 1/2 cup Oats with 3/4 cup Soy milk and 1 scoop protein.
L: Boca Meatless Chili, vegan burger with guacamole
S: 10 cashews and 10 almonds
D: Stif fry veggies, 1/2 cup black, pinto and Lima beans.
Went to be late - again. I swear I do not know why I am resistant to sleeping sometimes even though I am sleepy. Then in the morning I wake up at the same time anyway so I am only depriving myself - dang it.
I had breakfast but missed my snacks and then ate lunch well after when I should have because I was grocery shopping and running errands. At least I did not skip lunch altogether, although it is what I was tempted to do. That for me is also progress. The last almost month has been about not just weight loss but eating when my body needs food regardless of whether I wanted to or not. I am looking forward to the day when I do not need to convince myself that I should eat, the day when I do not need to schedule my meals to keep myself on track. My whiny self did not want to but I am keeping her on track and buried in the deep, deep recesses of my being. Serves hger right. I am fully convinced it is her fault I am fat and have to work so hard to lose it. She needs to suffer so she can stop whining already. I should sic the sado-masochists on her.
Did the Start it Up for the Slim in 6. I still hate it. It is soooo boring without music and soooo annoying with that music it has on it. But I do see signs of progress so I will keep plugging away - if I do not bore myself into a coma first. On the other hand I went walking with my mom. We decided to do 1.5 miles to ease her into walking. Doing that after the slim in 6 dvd was a no-no because the effort caught up with me about half a mile away from home but I toughed it out. Of course that was not the end of it. I got home and realized I had locked the door and my mom had the key so I had to walk to her place - another mile - because I stupidly had not taken the cell with me. Some people cause themselves so much pain by being dumb . Yeah baby, I am talking about you whiny girl. (I figure since she made me fat it is her fault when I do dumb things).
Other than that I feel great. Still not sore but looking at a workout journal from years - and I mean years - ago I apparently did not get sore then either although I generally worked my muscles to failure on most days I lifted weight. Fast recovery apparently. TO go along with the fast decline. I mean doesn't it just piss you off that you can spend 20 years running and lifting weights and doing stuff to get fit and healthy and in less than 1/10 that time you can lose all that conditioning. The body is one underachieving so and so. If you are not consistenly pushing it, it heads for the lowest common denominator. But me, I want to have the Body Electric. And I am just stubborn enough to know I will.
My exciting menu of mouthwatering delicacies was:
B: 1/2 cup Oatmeal with 1 cup lowfat Soy milk and 1 scoop protein powder
L: Boca Meatless Chili and Boca Vegan Burger with guacamole.
D: WW Veggie Burrito W Tortilla with stir fry vegetables & guacamole). Can you tell I like guacamole and stirfry yet?
S: 15 Cashews and 5 Almonds - how is that for splurging? lol
So I finally got ahold of a digital camera and took my "before" pics. And I must say I feel gypped. Apparently in the night some malicious body fairy came by and switched my body. They took my fine, fit and fabulous body and replaced it with this fat, squishy one. I look at the pictures and I wonder how this happened. Lack of attention is all I can think of. The last time I recall really looking at myself in a mirror I was 145 and spending way too much time in the gym helping a friend train for a body building competition. Now fast forward 10 years and I do not know the person looking back at me in the mirror at least not the exteriror I see. It is hard to realize that I let things go through apathy and ill health. Expecially since the ill health was nothing new. If I maintainedmy body through all the flareups before why didn't I keep it up?
I think our biggest enemies a lot of times are ourselves and apathy. Apathy takes over as we make excuses for not working out, for not eating, for eating too much and in general for neglecting ourselves. And we women are especially given to that.. Somehow looking after ourselves take a backseat to everything. But in my case, no more. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I want to be fit again. And I want to look in the mirror and see me looking back, not some unknown person.
I did the Slim in 6 Start It Up dvd and did much better than yesterday. Maybe by Saturday I will be able to get through the whole thing without having to march in place because I feel pooped. Surprisingly I was not sore this morning which means I probably did not push myself hard enough. I probably will be tomorrow after the effects accumulate.
Meals:
B: 3/4 cup SB Crunch, 1 cup lowfat plain Soy milk wuth 1 scoop pretein powder
S: 7 Almonds and 8 Cashews ( had to toast them)
L: Boca Meatless Chili, Cucumber & Broccoli with Hummus
D: Whole Wheat Flour Tortilla with stif fry vegetables and guacamole dip. Vegetables wrapped in Nori, Cucumber & Tomato.
I wanted to do an early mornign workout today except I did not wake up due to staying up late reading. How exciting eh? Had breakfast and told myself I would workout 3 hours after that. Even calculated when 3 hours would be but 3 hours later I decided to have 7 Almonds and 8 Cashews. See how good I am at keeping count. hehe.
3 hours after snacking the nasty sadist that lives in me decided that it was time for me to take my punishment so I dragged myself to the living room and put in a dvd and got to it. About 10 minutes into the routine I was pooped and wanted to rest but the masochistic bitch that lives in me kept going. She even rewound the dvd to a part where I had slacked off so I had to do that part over. I am not sure how but I got through the 20 minutes with those two yelling in my ears the whole time. And if that wasn't enough after I finished the cardio they decided it would be fun to try Pilates. Have you even seen a 200 pound woman trying to do a rollup? Well I can tell you it was NOT a pretty sight. On top of that it huuuuurt. So good says the masochist. It just hurts says I. I guess that will teach me to let my ass get squishy and out of shape. They are laughing in my ears as I type this because they know I will have to do this again tomorrow but I think I will fool them a little and do Yoga instead of the Pilates. Not that that is any easier but for some reason my mind perceives it that way although my body totally disagrees. Granted I can no longer do 100 Sun Salutations as a pick me up in the mornings but I can do 20 (if I lie to myself).
All kidding aside I enjoyed the exercise immensely. WHile you were doing it you ask? Are you mad? Heck no. While I was doing it I was cursing myself, the masochist, the sadist and my squishy self to Hades. But now that I am done I can say it was fun. Of course the drama will start over tomorrow but C'est la vie.
Meals:
B: 3/4 cup South Beach Cereal and 1 cup low fat plain Soy milk with 1 scoop protein
S: 7 Almonds and 8 Cashews. (Turns out the cashews are unroasted and made my ear itch just like it did when I was a kid and ate them raw.)
L: Stir fry vegetables with 1/2 soy burger and a soy sausage (sausage was horrible). Small salad of cucumber, broccoli, vidalia onion and tomatoes with cayenne pepper and salt.
D: Yet to be determined. Probably stir fry. Did I mention that I love stirfry. Probably cause anything that takes longer to make causes me to lose my appetite.
PS. D: Boca Meatless Chili with 1 scoop Soy protein powder, 1/2 cup Black & Pinto beans, 12 baby okras and some callaloo. Dinner was great but I think adding the 1/2 of beans was ambitios on my part because after drinking 8 oz of water I feel like I am going to burst. Now I will have to do some breathing exercises to feel less full. Imagine that. More exercises!
Yesterday while walking innocently along in the produce section at Walmart I was approached by Corn and its gang of other corns. It called me over and whispered to me "take us home with you". I know corn is a no-no so I was a good little girl and told Corn a resounding "NO". But Corn followed me and whispered to me "You know you want us. Take us home with you". I refused so Corn resorted to foul methods. It and the gang kidnapped me and tortured me. It tried to hypnotize me and to brainwash me by showing me how much I had enjoyed it in the past. The torture continued the whole time I was in Walmart. I could not escape because the lines were long. Corn kept whispering to me and taunting me. Laughing at me and calling me deprived. Corn and the gang took me to my house where they kept up the torture. Cucumber and Mushoom tried to help but they were too quickly overpowered by Corn and the corn gang. Finally I snapped and in an effort to break away and escape from Corn I grabbed it, tore its clothes off, washed it and steamed it with some sea salt. Then, I ATE IT. Yes, I confess! I did it! I killed Corn. But it deserved it for taunting me. It felt soooo good. That will teach it and its friends to laugh at me. Unfortunately his friends got away so I am sure this is not over. But I am prepared for them. Yes, let all corn beware. Attack me and suffer the consequences.
Weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find I had lost 4 pounds. Considering that the scale was not moving it was great to see.
Yesterday was a hard day as I was busy and missed lunch and snacks. I think next time I plan to be running around doing stuff I need to take some meals with me.
I got some walking and some cross training shoes - expensive as all get out but it was time. My old ones are comfortable but worn out. Goodbye my friends!
My scheduled exercise starts tomorrow and I am NOT looking ofrward to it. My squishy butt has gotten so lazy exercise wise that I cannot believe I use to love that stuff. Of course I know I will come to love it again but hey, I need to whine so here I am.
I already started back with the breathing exercises and they had me sweating. Plus my abs are sore, sore, sore. On the other hnd my stomach is already losing some of the squishiness so I cannot complain. I plan to do some cardio and toning at least 6 times a week and continue with the breathing exercises to flatten my belly internally.
Still feel great. No flareups or anything. I still have some residual soreness under the skin but only in some places now. I think a massage in a few weeks is in order. Although, I better wait 2 weeks for it as I am sure I will appreciate it even more by then.
I am sure that title shows my age but hey, it's the truth. I feel great. I am adjusting to eating more and I have managed to find a balance where I do not feel so full that I want to throw up. I am eating more often and smaller meals. I hope that in a week or 2 I can spend less time trying to remember to eat.
I hope I see some results this weekend when I do my weigh-in but I realize that in any case it will take my body time to adjust.
The only thing that would make this day perfect is some rain. I love storms and we have not had much rain lately. I miss it. Sigh!
I am impatient for it to be next May already and for all the major work to be behind me. Each day I look worse as I get squishy and squishier.
Anyway, enough complaining. I feel great today. No depression and no Lupus flareups. Too bad it is going on to Summer. I HATE Summer.
I ate well although I did not reach the 1200 calories I set as goal but the effort counts. However, damn I am out of shape. And I mean OUT OF SHAPE. I used to be able to run miles, cardio workout for hours and do weights with no soreness. Now 5 minutes of cardio that is not a snail's pace walk kicks my ass. Sheesh, for those good ole gym rat days.
Exercise Plan: Walk 2-3 miles daily gradually upping the pace outdoors and via Walk Away the Pounds. Start Yoga and Pilates next week. Add in TJ in 2 weeks.
Well, off to watch my telenovela. Then some reading and music before I go to sleep, which I will do at a decent hour.
Started the South Beach Diet today and immediately got off to a bad start. When I woke up I still felt stuffed from dinner last night so I skipped breakfast. Around 3pm I bit the bullet and had the rest of the left over stir fry for lunch.
Had dinner around 8 pm and I am stuffed again from that. I really HATE feeling full like this. It is taking a lot of effort to stay focused on losing weight.It would be so easy to go back to skipping meals. But that is NOT an option because I am tired of my fat ass.
As if feeling like I am about to bust was not enough I am now squishy and doughgirly. Before I lost the 9 pounds I was fat but it was firmer (except for the rolls – lol). Now my stomach is squishy not to mention all the other parts. I look worse now at 206 than I did at 215.Yuck. Now I HAVE to lose it all.I can not wait to reach my goal. I wish it was next May already.
I did not go walking today. I plan to go to the chiropractor in a few days to see what’s up with my back. However, the Turbo Jam dvds are finally here. I will start them tomorrow. Hopefully my back will not tighten up on me or I will be really ticked. If I do not start doing some serious exercise my squishy fat will be worse it will be squashy hehe.
Food was
B: skipped it – not hungry
L: Stir-fry snow peas, green beans, Vidalia onions, mushrooms and tofu crumbles.
S: 15 Almonds – yum – I loooove almonds
D: 2/3 cups Lima and pinto beans in their own juice with lots of spices and steamed broccoli. Plus some okra and cucumber.I like them as much as I like almonds. But I was stuffed. I am still stuffed.
Dammit, I did not even make 1000 calories today and I feel like this. It feels very disgusting to be full like this and tempts me to throw up. Yeah, right. All I need is to start that all over again. Ahh, the way of the shinobi is torture.
Today I decided I was going to take a day off. No watching what I eat because I am totally fed up with feeling stuffed. So for breakfast I just had some water with lemon, ginger and cayenne. Around 3 pm I went to the store to get some tofu and stuff and decided to try the Purely Decadent Soy ice cream. The mocha almond is good. A little too sweet but it tasted good considering I hate coffee.
Anyway, I decided that I needed to get off my lazy ass and exercise. I used to love to work out but getting started was always the kicker. I chose to go for a walk around 7pm.FIgured that is best because there is no way my squishy ass is up to anything more strenuous. The sun was still up so I was a little worried but it was not bad. I walked about 2 miles in about 20 minutes. Rather slow but I got it done. My lower back got tighter and tighter as I walked so I had to brace myself with my arms clasped behind my back or my hands locked behind my head. Made it easier. I bet I looked damned strange though walking down the road (bopping actually as I was dancing to music I was listening to) with my hands clasped behind my back or my head. Lol. I had thought my breathing would be the problem but as I was waking so slow due to my back it was easy. I will keep walking for 2 miles for 2 weeks with an eye to cutting the time it takes me. And
For dinner I went all out - not. I had stir fried vegetables (sugar snap beans, snow peas, mushrooms, vidalia onions and scallions with cucumbers) with tofu crumbles. I also had okra in a spicy dipping sauce and steamed broccoli with soy cheese. Did not like the cheese much and the okra tasted off. I am not sure if it is because I bought frozen okra instead of fresh or if it was the dipping sauce. Anyway, I ate like 3-4 hours ago and I still feel stuffed.
No more pounds lost but all in all I am ok with it. I plan to start South Beach diet tomorrow although I am thinking of skipping Phase 1. Not concerned about cravings.
