The beginning
So I have finally found my motivation to take off the weight I need to. Where it was while I was putting on the weight, I have no idea. I guess the thing that frustrates me the most is how I let myself get this way in the first place. I remember in high school and college how fat I thought I was and now looking back, I would give anything to go back there - I looked HOT! I know WHY I started gaining weight - to make a long story short, I had a traumatic event happen in my life that totally and completely changed me. For the past 6 or 7 years, I have been a totally different person. I honestly can say I didn't know who I was, who I had become. I was not this person who did not work out, ate whatever they felt like and what tasted good at the time. I still thought of myself as that in shape, athletic girl who can run a mile in 7 minutes. Oh, but I was fooling myself. I had become the person I told myself I would never be - wearing way over a size 20 and so ashamed of that fact I never wanted to go out with my friends. I ultimately let one devastating event change my life - I know Beth would definitely not have wanted that, but at the time, I was helpless to prevent it. For some odd but fabulous reason, I am FINALLY starting to wake up and want to take control of my life. I AM that in shape athletic girl who can run a mile in 7 minutes (or at least I am working on getting back to that girl who is inside me). Surprisingly enough, my change of heart coincided with a crush that ended not so great this past weekend (I got the whole lets just be friends speech). Normally, that would have sent me straight to McDonalds, but I found the strength to put that disappointment into something that would help me become the person I want to be - straight outside and on a nice long walk all the while cursing boys and their idiocracy (while on this walk, I found I can still turn heads which was exactly what I needed at the time!). I am still absolutely terrified the motivation I have acquired will one day leave me much like it came and I will revert back to my old crappy eating, rarely exercising days. I plan to ride this weight loss train all the way to my goal weight!!!!!!