but at least I'm keeping up on the food log, body log and weight log.  I just usually find myself so busy that I don't have time to actually write, only time to up date.  So anyway, here I am.  It seems like the weight loss is slowing down, but that is to be expected.  I'm getting better at sending my husband and daughter out to dinner without me (they seem to enjoy the "date") and not feeling left out.  I look at it now as "me" time.  Sunday night they had a date and I finally got started on a book I've been meaning to read.  Time flew and before I knew it they were walking in the door.  My husband was very thoughful for Valentine's Day - No Candy!!!!   I told him that due to finances, we had to have a cheap V-Day - no arguments from him!  He got me exactly what I needed, a cheap calculater as my my last one died a few weeks ago.  For him, he got a 6 pack of his favorite beer, 6 slim jims and 6 lottery tickets - a perfect guys gift.  Of course, the best part of the three day weekend was all the extra time we got to play with the puppies.  They make it real hard to come to work after having the time to play, but someone has to pay for the kibble!

I did discover a horrible secret this weekend - sugar free definately does not mean lower calorie!  I guess I just assumed the cookies I bought would be ok calorie wise, but after eating way too many of them I actually LOOKED at the package and discovered my mistake.  And being the penny-pincher I am, I couldn't throw them away, so I am still nibbling, slowly, on the remainder of the bag.  I need to pay more attention when shopping. 

I haven't posted in a while because I was having computer issues and you know what?  Even though I've only used this blog/site for less than a month, I've found out how much I depend on it.  It does really help in so many ways to be able to post thoughts, feelings, sucesses and failures.  It holds me accountable for my actions (or inactions!).  Anyway, it's great to be back!  Since last time I wrote I've lost more weight, now down a total of 12 lbs!  I'm pretty excited about this.  I have been religious about keeping a food log both in this site and on paper so I never have an excuse to "forget" to add something.  I went back to my doc on Monday for a check-up and he's pretty pleased with the results so far.  I've had lots of encouragement from my husband and my daughter (she's 8 and has decided she likes my "diet" food). 

All in all, things are going better than they have for a long time. 

I finally did it!  I went out yesterday and got myself a scale, and boy, am I glad I did.  As soon as I got it home I stepped on it and saw that I've lost 7.2 lbs already!  Yippee!  Very excited now.  I've got to add some exercise.....

Wednesday was Puppy Day here at work and my girls were a hit.  Even the director came over to play with them, so I'm guessing this was a good idea.  Seems like everyone needs a little puppy therapy.  Instant love goes a long way to reducing your blood pressure. 

Is anyone else having issues with the food d

Wow, I've been dieting now for about a week.  Can't tell if I've lost any weight yet or not (still have not bought a scale), but I'm feeling pretty good.  I've been religious about the food diary so I KNOW I've been averaging 1045 calories a day, a definate reduction.  And I'm not feeling hungry.  My only serious downfall was Saturday.  My daughter had earned a free pizza at Pizza Hut and wanted me to take her.  Of course I did, and then I had a personal pan as well.  Then I proceeded to go to a party Saturday night.  I didn't pig out the way I normally do, but I know I was bad.  From what I can remember, I ate 1 shrimp, 1 spoonful of crab soup, a bunch of baby carrots (I know, good so far, right?), 1 hot buttered rum mixed with 100 proof spiced rum, 1 captain & ginger ale - or maybe that was 2?  At this point I think I remember fudge, cookies, cranberry crumble.......well, you know how it goes from there.  On the upside, once I got home I did get a workout with my husband (and yes, you know what I mean), but I really don't think I burned off what I consumed.  Oh well,  I had a good time and will try to do better.  I went to the grocery store Sunday and tried to buy only good for you stuff.  No sugar added, fruits, whole grains.  We'll see how it goes.  Anyway, I really do plan on buying a scale this week.  And to up the exercise, which to this point has been pretty non-existant.  Started that yesterday with walking with my Brownie daughter for 1 1/2 hours selling Girl Scout Cookies.  Though it does suck that I have to buy some.  I'm not buying my favs though (Somoas) 'cause I'd eat the whole box in one fell swoop. 

I need to buy a scale.  I am 43 years old and I have never owned one.  Perhaps that was a mistake, cause how can you track your weight without it?  I'll probably break down this weekend and get one.  I have numberous personality flaws, but sometimes the biggest one to overcome is the guilt I feel whenever I spend $$ on myself (like for a scale).  I feel guilty buying foods that only I would eat, drinks that only I will drink, clothes that only I will wear.  Whining again!  Ok, I'll stop.

Let's see, something positive.......I know!  The one thing I really like about my job is that they let me bring my puppies into the office once a week to spend the day!  Yesterday was puppy day, and boy, was it fun.  I have 2 chihuahua pups, Cinder & Ella, who are 4 months old.  They had a blast and lots of folks came by for "puppy therapy".  Admittedly, I don't get a lot of work done on puppy day, but I make up for it the rest of the week. 

If only this were the story of my life!  I have been so busy today, that I've hardly eaten.  I just updated the food diary and found that I've only have about 350 calories today!  A dry bowl of rice chex, an Asian Pear and 1 small choc. chip cookie!  The amazing part is that I'm not hungry, which is great, but I know I will absolutely pig out when I get home and things slow down.  Argggggg!

7:00 am: Here I am trying to lose weight and staying away from temptation and what should happen but I am reminded of a party I had accepted an invitation to months ago that is a weekend-long event this weekend, complete with plenty of booze, sweets and fried foods!  How do I decline?  It's not that I don't want to see my friends, its just that I know I cannot resist!

Actually, so far, so good.  I was trying to figure out how to cut calories from the ramen noodles I brought in for lunch and decided to just eat the noodles and not add the oil, seasoning & peanuts.  I guess that will probably just about cut the calories down from 540 to 270.  Just guessing on my part & probably wishful thinking as well, but that is what I am going to call it.  That said, my intake so far today has been 656 cal.  I promised my daughter I'd fix hamburger helper tonight (she loves the stuff) so I'll need to eat just a small portion if I am to keep the cals under 1200 for the day. 

As you may be able to tell, I blog from work so I just pop one off when I can. 

I go off on tangents occasionally, and right now I'm thinking I can't wait to get all the holiday goodies out of the house.  I was raised not be wasteful, so I can't throw anything out.  I've brought as much into the office as I can and now it's up to my husband and daughter to take care of the rest.  I can see this will be the hard part for me.  If I were just feeding myself, it wouldn't be so bad, but I buy all the groceries and cook for the two of them.  It was difficult last night fixing fish, broccoli, and french fries for my family and eating only a cup of raw cauliflower with dip for myself.  And I don't even LIKE fish or broccoli!  I know, I know, I'm whining......

7:45 am:  Well, I was starving yesterday!  I used the food diary on this site and it say I ate approxiamately 1,175 calories.  That's about what it should be, so I guess I need to just get used to it.  Need to go the store and get some no-cal bulky items like lettuce to fill me up so I don't feel hungry.  It wasn't bad in the evening, but around 11am yesterday I started feeling very hungry and shaky.  Did a bad thing a popped 4 Hershey kisses and that seemed to settle things until I could get lunch.

This is my first blog, so forgive me if I make mistakes.  I don't know much about the purpose of these things, I just assume it a kind of diary.  So, let's get started.  First, I guess, a few things about me.  I'm 43, white and fat.  43 is relatively new, but white and fat my entire life.  I honestly don't mind being 43, and my skin color has never mattered, but I hate being fat.   I realize some things I can't change (my age and height - which is short!), and somethings I shouldn't change (my color - skin cancer and tanning lotions have never turned me on), but with my weight?  Something has got to give.  I am heavier now than I was when I was pregnant.  I'm 5'2" and 212 pounds.  I have always had a poor body image, but when I think back now, whoa, was I nuts!  I remember being so depressed when I was in college and hit 120!  If only I knew what was in store.  I was never an athletic person - the closest I came to a team was as scorekeeper for the basketball team in high school.  I did get more active in college when I joined the outdoor club - did a bunch of climbing, hiking, camping & canoeing.  I also became quite active in live action role playing - Dagorhir.  I was even president of the organization for a year.  I would go out and fight just as hard as any of the guys.  But as I grew up I became more sedentary.  I've been a secretary now for 20 years and do nothing but sit on my butt all day.  I've joined gyms, gone on low carb, no carb, liquid and starvation diets and nothing has worked.  The most weight I've lost has been through depression (nothing but a bagel a day for 4 months!), but that plus more came back when I got my life back on track.  I'm now married with a soon to be 8 year old and 2 4-month old chichuahuas.  I work 9 hours a day, commute 2 hours (there's 11), only to come home, fix dinner, do laundry, play with my girl and the pups for a few hours, chill in front of my computer for about an hour and then off to bed.  I don't know how to make changes at this point but am hoping this new pill helps.    Oh well, enough for now.....