02/01/2010 02:45
Better Late Than Never
I'm 32 years old and have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a teenager, I was always the "fat one" of my friends and came to rely on my gregarious personality to get me attention. After high school, I realized that my brain was also a valuable asset and began to lean heavily upon it for my social success. But in college, when I was searching for ways to get 1 or 2 credit hours to make me "full time" without adding to my already heavy work load with 2 jobs and school, I decided to take yoga. Then yoga and circuit training. Then yoga, circuit training and weight training. Then yoga, circuit training, weight training and belly dancing. For the first time in my life, I felt the joy of being more physically fit. I had already lost some weight just from walking every day and trying to eat better, going from about 235 pounds to probably 215 pounds. But in this active year of college, I dropped to 180 pounds and stayed between 178 and 183 for the next year and a half.
It was during this time of relative thinness that I discovered that I am actually attractive - not the terrible, hideous, disgusting girl I always thought I was and tried to prove I wasn't. I looked in the mirror and truly liked what I saw. I wasn't perfect, I was still heavier than most of my friends (although I've always carried my weight well), but guys were asking me out and I could shop at Old Navy in their regular sizes for the first time ever!
Moving to New York City on my own for law school, with a part time job on top, ended that period of my life. I started law school at about 200 pounds and by graduation was back at 225 or so. Between 2006 and 2009, I volleyed between 210 and 225 pounds until, in 2009 I began steadily to gain weight and just never stopped.
So much of my weight problems have been due to a refusal to put the energy necessary toward a healthier lifestyle. I quit smoking just over a year and a half ago, and I planned that move for 6 months. When I finally quit, I had a plan of action, I journaled about it every day, I talked to my friends about it, I rewarded myself for it... I made it a priority. I finally realized toward the end of 2009 that if I wanted to be more physically fit, I would have to put that same determination and commitment toward my weight.
So, since January 7, I have been on a 1510-1550 calorie plan. I order my groceries online (www.freshdirect.com), where I can see the calorie content before I buy a food and create meals based on calorie content. They also have a lot of pre-made foods (soups, microwaveables, salads) that are under 400-500 calories, which helps a lot with lunches at work. I try not to skip any meals (a big problem with me in the past) and build in snacks like string cheese and almonds, which I always have at work, so I'm never so hungry that I go overboard. I also ALWAYS have a relatively low calorie (but always full flavor) dessert. Sometimes this isn't a perfect science - I'm supposed to have 1/4 cup of sorbet and I have a 1/2 cup instead - but since it's low calorie, it's not going to ruin my entire day if I go a little overboard. I just don't want to deny myself something a little sweet and end up, 2 months down the road, eating and entire cake.
I'm also working out 2-4 times each week, which is definitely contributing to my feeling better, overall, and my weight loss so far.
I've had a lot of issues already, even though it's been relatively successful. Weekends are really, really hard. Depressing days have ended up with a 5 hours eating binge. I have a lot to work on and address. But this is my start and my best effort.
Now, off to Wii Fit!