Wana Be Thin Again

I gained 50 LBS in 6 months! I want to look good again! :(

My Profile

  • Name: bugabee
  • City: Logan
  • Region: Utah
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 157.5cm
Start weight: 154.00lb
Current weight: 154.60lb
Goal weight: 110.00lb
Lost to date: -0.60lb
Remaining: 44.60lb

My Calendar

31
July '14
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My Photos

Before After

My best friend comes in 3 months. Sugar is bad, but biggest loser is good.

Hey friends. Well I have gotten to to over 150 pounds. This is not good, I feel so unhealthy I can't stand it. I am addicted to sugar so much it is sending my body to its grave! Anyone out there want to be my good ol' friend who can help me out when Im about to over load on sugar ??? I can call or text  ya and have you tell me how awful what Im about to do is going to do to my body. Oh sigh! Its controlling my life! There are points where I don't even want the sugar, candy sweets, cookies but I am so addicted I have them anyways then feel crapy as Im eating them and after even worse. Sometimes they don't even taste that good and yet I still do it. I really need to work on my self control cuz I really have none. bla. lol. But I joined the biggest loser group with the university and already it has helped. I made a friend I won't say her name for privacy reasons but- oh she is so fantastic and so fit its unreal! We worked out today and she just kept going and going and going, yet I was on the floor crawling and screaming in pain and sorrow. She is such a good motivator and so positive! I really have never had such a good workout. How lucky I am to have such a kind friend. :)  I am excited for the meetings. Tuesdays we talk about health and have learning sessions. This week was a Dr. speaking, he was very informative and really put everything in perspective. Then Tuesdays we do a work out as a group- This week we did yoga. I find yoga fun, but I feel like its more of a massage not too much of a workout (except for some of the positions) cuz I am still very flexible even after all the weight gain. Maybe I just need to push myself more. Then fridays are weigh in days. I weighed 156.8 with my clothes on. I am only 22 years old and already I am this overweight. I read an article when I was writing a report last year that on average people gain 15-20 pounds a year when they live a unhealthy lifestyle. Oh man...if that is really true I will be unable to walk by the time Im 30! Please anyone out there I need the support! I do so much better when I have someone to talk to about the dirty rotten sugar that consumes my life and having someone to work out with every day like my super awesome friend today. something about that extra support just really makes you want to get going. Last thing then Im out. I have one of my best of friends coming from Texas to visit me in April- she is a dancer for the Texas football team, she is very tall thin, blonde freaking beautiful girl, when she comes I don't want to look like this. I want to be proud of how I look. Last thing---Joshua says I can have a 300 dollar shopping spree when I loose all the weight. :)  That means I really get a 400 or 500 dollar shopping spree because I can talk him into letting me have more all the time and he would be ok with it cuz he could see his wife as sexy agian. lol :P thanks friends.

Hey again. :)

Well I'm back to blog and I'm back to my old big weight numbers :( so here we go again!!

2 days of talk!

Tuesday 1-18-11
(I saved it as a draft on Tuesday- I didn't post it.)
Good news! I didn't sit around today! Yippppeee! So I have no classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays so I usually just sit around, do homework, watch movies and eat endlessly. So I wake up at 8:45 and take Joshua to class, I then start pot-stickers for breakfast, I know not the most healthy start to a day...but they taste so good. :P lol. I shower, then pick up Joshua from class. We had so much fun together. :) We sat and talked then when he was going to leave for snowboarding I     But today I thought to myself- why would I want to throw all that time away. SO- I cleaned a huge pile of things that had been sitting in the corner not sure what to do with them, cleaned up the bedroom, organized the cupboards, then just did the every day cleaning such as vacuuming, changing the bed sheets and such. You should see me change bed sheets, we have a queen size bed, and I am 5'2" so trying to put a fitted sheet on is like fighting a......I'm not sure what its like fighting, but to say the least I look ridiculous! :D  Now I have a relatively clean house, besides the kitchen....lol. Dinner destroyed that, but I am so tired now! Crazy how things that most other people and even I use to do daily have become a workout for me.....well at least a kind of work out. I am really tired. So anyhow Joshua comes home from snowboarding class. And I just want to add that he is in the advanced section! :) its so cool, he is good at everything. lol. So he comes home and we talk about everything he did that day. We then eat dinner together, I was not up to cooking anything to great, so we ate freezer food- awful for you- I know. :P We had this manicotti stuff we got from Walmart, oh my gosh- friends don't buy it! its so gross. but we did throw in some veggies with it....but also had deviled eggs. - so not a great dinner.... lol. We were both so tired, we took a nap at like 6 that night, then I got up at 8 and cleaned the kitchen as Joshua did homework. I was still so tired I went back to bed (and missed out on a sell of broccoli and cauliflower for .48 cents a pound!) dang it! Joshua and I then laid there and talked, he really needed to go to bed cuz he had class at 7:30 then we end up staying up talking. :) We talked about memories from our wedding, when we were dating, and memories as kids. It was great! :) Then at 12:40pm we get a call- yes! a call!  someone called about some free plants I put online in December. The worst part is I said- don't call me on the message, and if you want them they will be outside. anywho- the plants were gone the night I put them online. So this guy calls this late, I am pissed! So Joshua yells into the phone- its past midnight you moron! lol- I hung up on the jerk and then we laughed. We talked some more, then went to bed around 1:30. lol. It  was a good day! I feel like I got a lot done, and I was happy. I notice when I do nothing I am depressed, and really- I am not a depressed person. I felt great today and I loved it!

Wednesday 1-19-11
What a great day! Woah! :D Today my alarm went off and my first thought was go back to bed and miss class, then I decided why!!?! I am paying thousands of dollars and living off of practically nothing to be in school so why would I not go? :) So I ride the bus up to class. Oh- P.S. on the bus I noticed quite a few people staring at me like I was a total weirdo.....I thought why is everyone staring at me....then I noticed I was singing the about two lines worth of a song over and over and over - out-loud...wow. Let me hide under a rock please! See I have this bad habit of singing and humming when I don't even notice it, like for example- in class.....when the teacher is talking....or we are talking a test or like today on the bus. Joshua tries to point out to me when I am doing it, so I stop and 3 seconds later I start up again! This happens all the time, and its always the same part of the song- I talked to my mom and she said I did that when I was little too....lol. Anywho so that was one of my many embarrassing moments. So class was good, then after class I went to the DRC, it was post to only take a minute so Joshua went with me, it ended up taking an hour. :( He was kinda bugged cuz he didn't have time to shower or eat cuz of me. :( We ate lunch, then I took him to class and I started on my math, when Joshua came home I was still working on math and he wanted me to take a nap with him, I decided I shouldn't cuz my math was due at 4:30. Good thing, cuz I had just enough time to finish then catch the bus and get to math. My math teacher is fantastic, he is so helpful and kind, and he does not make you feel like your dumb if you don't understand. I had a teacher before named Barbra Biggs, I called her Barbra Bitch because she was so rude to me and would make awful comments that made me feel like I really never would finish math. Anywho so my teacher now stayed after class for an hour and taught me how to do the math, and even more how to divide also how to +,-,*,/ decimals. This may be like a wow to you guys cuz you prob already know how to do this, but I am a 3.49 GPA college student and I had no idea. (I had a 3.89 GPA til I got my first failing grade in history last fall due to me not wanting to go to class because of my weight problem, but that's another story.) So I am so happy because I finally leave class and I know how to do the homework and math that I have never understood! I call my mom and tell her how happy I am because I have such a good teacher, then I call Joshua and my good day gets even better! :D He said he would come get me then calls me back like one minute later and says he will be a few minutes before he can come get me because we had 3 packages arrive from the UPS guy right then. :D How happy is that! 3 Packages and also a great math teacher! So he comes and picks me up and we start on our packages as soon as we get home! First- My exercise bike came! :D YES! :D Its the WESLO pursuit E 23 bike. And it was only 80 bucks on Amazon! So we put it together and I start on it right away! Now  I can exercise at home! :D Then we open box 2, and there are EIGHT big packages of sour straws candy in it! Yeah! :D We love sour straws, so much we served them at our wedding! :D Then the last one was my replaced phone cuz  mine won't send pictures....lol. We then go outside with the dogs and play with them. Kona- our big 50 pound dog finds a sick that is about 5 feet long and 3 inches wide and gets so excited! She runs around with it and we chase her, Sunni our shih-tzu chases her and plays ball. Kona has this red really strong rubber ball that she holds on to and Joshua throws grabs the other end and then he spins her around and she sometimes gets like 4 feet off the ground- its her favorite game :D They were so happy that we were playing with them :) We go inside and I ride the bike for 25 minutes. Wow! What a work out, I was dead and a total sweat ball----ewwwww. We shower then watch a James bond movie til I get to tired and are ready for bed. It was such a great day, I am so happy I am doing stuff! I am getting out and doing something with my life again! :D Thanks friends, oh and the exercise was about 25 minutes on the bike tonight! :D YEAH! :D

Lazy day :(

Have other people had the problem that it posts the day after? Its saying I am posting on Jan 18, but today is the 17th! LOL. Oh well. So today ( Jan 17!) Has been such a lazy day. But ill start with yesterday. So because I work 24 hours non stop I take food from home, and then that is all I have to eat, good thing there is no chance to go get other food too. So I took to work healthy small portion meals- it was great! Til I took my client home with me ( I work with people that have disabilities) He came to my house to play games and I made him cupcakes because it was his birthday....bad idea. I ate like 3, then started on all the other candy in the house. I hate sweets! Can I please just say I hate them, why? Because I love them. We don't even buy like junk food or sweet things, we keep healthy food in our house.(Besides when I am awful and sneak money to buy loads of candy...but that only lasts a day cuz I eat it all so fast. :(  ...) But I love to cook, so I find a way to eat something sweet- I will eat marshmallow cream plane, or chocolate chips and even cake batter just so I can grasp my sugar craving. :( Its awful, and the worst part is I get really sick when i eat sugar, I mean really sick, I seriously bloat up like a pregnant women, I can gain 7-10 inches on my stomach in an hour because the way my stomach reacts to sugar... :( it hurts like the dickens! and yet I still eat all the sugar I can find when I hit that 3pm craving :( its so hard! So last night sucked, but the morning I did good. Did not exercise yesterday thou..... So today we  got up at 9am cuz no school. (Im a student at the university) and my husband stayed home well I ran to help a friend. Came home and he had made me cream of wheat to help settle my stomach... he is so good to me. Then he made waffles... oh gosh I love waffles- that jerk! Haha. Just kidding I love Joshua so much. So I wanted one, so I ate a full waffle....and felt sick again because I had ate WAY to much! :( This is another one of my huge issues. I love food so much, that I have such a hard time stopping, I think each bite is like heaven...so I can't stop. So we eat, and when I eat to much I get tired...So at 10:30 I am going back to bed already.... awful I know. We get up at 12:30 and eat queso for lunch...awful lunch. See Joshua is super super skinny and fit. He does tons of sports, runs and is just good at everything so bad lunches like today are nothing to him. I sit around and watch movies then he leaves for work......and I gorge... (did I spell that right?) Im awful. I get out the super butter popcorn, the mint chocolate chips, the candies I bought and was hiding but telling myself they were ok cuz they were sugar free...Side note, sugar free candies hurt my stomach SO bad....but they taste so good :( I sit there and watch movies, thats it nothing more. Joshua comes back with one of his clients at 4:30, I had no idea he is coming so he walks in with a client and I have no pants on...or underwear..... Joshua is use to me walking around without clothes (Sorry to anyone who had no desire to hear this) But naturally his client does not need to know even more see that I am clothing less...to late. I yell to him to turn around and let me put some clothes on. It was funny. lol. So Joshua looks at the couch filled with all the candies I have been eating, as I am trying to hide them all. I say sorry to him and try and give a reason for my actions. Naturally Joshua is the sweetest hubby ever, he just says you don't have to ask me for what you eat, I just don't want you to feel sick, because candy hurts your stomach, but Im not going to get upset if you eat candy. he is so good to me. So I get up and the most of something I do today is dishes.....then I come in the bedroom and watch more movies til now....I progressed to at least typing....sigh...lol. I did nothing today, I had loads of homework i should have been doing, but I didn't do any of it. and now I am sitting here thinking to myself why do I do this? I sit around using my food to be my friends. See the hard thing is, I don't really have friends around here, my social life is my husband and my dogs. Although I have started to make a friend the one I said I helped this morning. She is a doll- but moving in may! See this desire for wanting food has made me awful to the point I don't want to get out because I love to eat so much. Gosh I really should be on a talk show to work out my issues.....lol. I can hear it already "So Stephanie you eat away your feeling and use food for your friend" My answer "Yes Doctor Phil, its awful--how can you ever help me?" (Dr. Phill turns to my husband) "And Joshua- How do you feel about being married to someone who is so addicted to sugars that it controls her life?" lol. I make myself laugh. Lol. Anywho back to todays sob story haha: So I was 128 this morning and now I am 131...dear lord please help me....

Day two :)

So last night we took the dogs out and our planed 15-25 minute walk turned out to be an hour and 20 minutes! and I felt so good after, and the dogs were happy. Side note: I have two dogs :) Then I worked from 11pm last night to 11pm tonight. 24 hours of working non stop, so I am going to bed now, and ill talk later.

First day overlook on life, goals and how I want to be.

Today is my first day with extra pounds. today I weigh 130.4- I lost 20 something pounds in the past few months, but now I am over eating again and am gaining it back. I got down to 125.6 and it was great....but sitting around watching movies and eating junk food is making me gain it back. I read that a big step is to get out of your comfort zone and start seeing people, doing things you don't usually do. So my goal for the next two days is get out of my comfort zone and do things that I want to do, but don't because movies and junk food are holding me back. So I am going to start today by taking my dogs on a walk, in just a few minutes after I take my picture of where my body is right now. I bought a exercise bike it should be coming in the mail any day now, just got to be sure to use it. I want to be thin again, I would just love to be back down to 113. When I was dating my now husband I weighed 113! The skinniest I had ever been, and it felt great. I was going to the gym and I was really getting out and socializing. I have enclosed myself so much in my life that now I just don't even talk to people when they want to have casual conversations with me. I gained so much weight, people asked me daily if I was pregnant, and I was so embarrassed. I would save money to buy food just for me, and hide candy from my husband so I could eat it when he left. I would walk up to the university saying I was going to go study, but really I had my bag full of candies and junk food so I could eat it all, I would stay home rather then do fun things just so I could eat and sit around. I see so much how all of my actions are caused because I have allowed myself to hide myself away watching movies and eating. I would really like to loose this weight. On this blog I will put my feelings and my progress, maybe even day to day things :) So my feelings today were sad, I stayed home from going to my friends baby shower and seeing another friend because I over ate again and now I am very sick. I hate the stomach bloating and eveything. I look awful, and I really did use to be a beautiful doll. I want to get back to that point. So my progress today so far, I took the dogs outside, but sadly I sat on a chair as they ran around and I ate peanut-chocolate Fipz (ya know them pretzels dipped in horrible goodness) I have a picture on my phone of a drop dead gorgeous skinny girl who I want to look like, yet I am not even close to that right now. I think I need to add one more goal- bringing up my self worth. I don't like anything about myself, and I know that is horrible for you, I have one kind of friend but my social life consists of my husband and my two very sweet dogs. That's great, but I have let myself go so much that now I don't want to be around anyone but them.- its awful. So now I am going to take a picture of how I am today, then I am going to take my dogs on a walk. A good walk too, not just around the block, and I know they will love it, and i could use the exercise. :) Yeah!

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