I haven't been here for a little while. I want to thank those that commented my after my last post. That was a VERY hard day. I took my friend to lunch that afternoon and we saw a fatality accident on the road a few minutes after it happened. Had she driven past my house a mile she probably could have been involved and practically had a nervous breakdown just seeing the car involved. It was pretty serious. My friend had had enough that day. Her little man is staying i our hearts...
I haven't weighed in since my last past either. I knew that TOM was near and was expecting to find him visiting last week, but the week was moving right along with no TOM. I had a friend who called and she was sick all week and was shocked to find out she was pregnant. So after talking to her my mind started wandering and I was starting to get afraid I was pg. I surely didn't want to be there. Not while trying to lose weight... Ieven felt sick one day. AND really had my thoughts everywhere. Yesterday I was going to buy a PT and TOM made a grand appearance early on. GOOD thing! GOSH I was getting pretty nervous. Had my due date figured out in my head too... I am assuming that with all of the stress of the last week, I was just a little late.... So after TOM makes its move away I will be stepping back on the scale. I have no expectations about a loss, but that will be ok. I have been dealing with life that has slowd me. SOON I will be on track for my goal... Things are settling down. My friend isn't quite as needy right now and things are looking brighter. Oh yeah One more thing. Even though I am not eating the best, my shadow has made a presence inside the gym. Yep I have been and worked out...
I am so completely heartroken today. Yesterday I wrote about my friends little baby. She went to her regular appointment yesterday and then back that evening because of pain. The dr missed that she was in labor. She went home and said things just didn't feel right. She later told me that she was bleeding and put a call in to her dr. She was told to go to the ER and was 8 cm's. Her little boy was trying to be born pretty much as soon as she got there. There was no way to stop it. He didn't make it. He was only 1lb. 10 oz. Not even as big as was thought by the dr. The baby's father was out of state for work and she couldn't contact him at all last night. she called me first thing this morning completely distraught. I knew, but didn't know when she called. She calld and tried to talk and just couldn't and hung up and then called back. I asked hwe where she was and if he was ok and she just said NO and broke down. It was the hardest conversation. I have never spoken to a mother that lost her baby at this stage of pregnancy. It took 20 minutes for me to know for sure that he was lost t ous. I knew it wasn't good, but I didn't know for certain if he was gone. I just listened. She feels like it is her fault. That the father is going to blame her for this. We spoke for about an hour. She asked me to try the father whose phone had been off. She met him through my husband... Anyhow, I called. He answered. This was the hardest phone call I have had to make. I had to tell the father that she had gone into labor and that their son was born. And that he didn't make it. I kept talking telling him things that the mother had told me and there was no one there. He wasn't talking. I asked him if he was ok and he said NO! Which I knew, but I just wanted to see if he was there. I told him I wasn't either and that my friend was basically losing it. She signed papers Against drs advice to leave the hospital this morning. She is distraught. She is afraid he will say it is her fault. They have fought most of the pregnancy and have just started getting along again. She didn't want him to call her. I called her back after talking to him. She decided to go ahead and call him. The hardest part was over. She called me after and said he was really upset. HE doesn't tend to show emotion. I asked her if there was anyone else she needed me to call and she gave me a phone number to another close friend of hers. I left her a message. she called me back and I had to tell her also... Those are the hardest words that anyone has to say. she had called a few people. Her father that she never was close with and just this month saw and started talking... She called him and he cried. She told me this morning that all she wanted was her mom. She called her mom and told her and to put it nicely, I lost every ounce of respect for her mother. with a few innapropriate words she told her that she disowned her and more.... Basically, just hung up on her... I can't believe how cold she acted. When her mother found out she was mad at her about it, but this is no way to treat someone who was in the hospital all night losing their baby. I don't know what to do for her. I am just so sad. she called again just now while I was typing. She said she doesn't even want to face the other kids. she just wants their father to pick them up after school. Please pray for this family if you are able. They need all the healing prayers that they can get.
Expecting a possible gain or maybe the same I stood on the scale this morning. I have not done well this week, but still a loss. WOO HOO!!! Today I weighed in at 290.8. an eleven pound loss since I started this blog. Not really bad. Would have loved more, but that is ok... A slow loss keeps it off...
Leaving weight loss for a little while. I am blogging this just because I need to "say" things to people that aren't involved. Basically I want to try to get this off my chest...One of my very best friends is pregnant with her 4th child. She had problems with her first.(toxemia) and nothing with the next 2. During the csection with the 3rd she was supposed to have her tubes tied. 5 years later. Separated from her husband she discovers she is pregnant again.(not his) She got pregnant within about 2 weeks of separation. She found out about a month later. Anyhow, she had to keep this all to herself because of the divorce proceedings. She wouldn't have been able to get a divorce if anyone had found out. It turned out that the dr never performed the tubal and had told her he would pay for the dr visit part. BLAH blah. Anyhow she contacted an attorney who was unable to do anything until after the divorce was final... Because of that she continued to go to the dr that messed up. anyhow, she has had the worst pregnancy of anyone I have ever known. VERY sick. Cramping and things that are just not normal. She has been to the dr adn ER almost weekly. She knew something wasn't right. Anyhow, the nurse she always saw(never the dr) told her that something wasn't right ad that she just wanted her to make it until 30 weeks. No testing or anything. At about 22 weeks she was put on shots every other day to keep labor away. Already dilated... She eventually went on 2 shots a day. She was diagnosed preeclampsia(toxemia) during the first trimester which isn't common. Anyhow, She finally got her divorce and decided to contact another dr for a 2nd opinion on things. He tested her as soon as he saw her for placental abruption. She had EVERY symptom that is found on the internet for it... Well the diagnosis came back that this was her problem. She was told the risks involved and what to do if... You know how drs explain things. The cause was her high blood pressure(preeclampsia). I am still baffled why they never checked this... Ok that said she is having some other problems with the baby. He isn't growing properly. The dr has never had a case like this before and is consulting with colleagues. At this point they do not know if hte baby will survive or not. She is 34 weeks now and the baby should weigh about 5 pounds, but is only about 2 and has been tiny for a while now which is why she went for the 2nd opinion. I wonder if the placenta is just not giving him what he needs. Anyhow, the dr has said that he may not survive at this point. He isn't developing properly... He gave her the option yesterday to get a steroid shot to possibly help him grow. He said that with all the other drugs the previous dr has prescribed that he didn't know if it would help or do anything at all. He told her that it could send her into labor, it might not do anything, but then it might jump start the baby's growth. Her decision to make. She went home and thought about it and decided to go back and get the shot. Figures it will give him the best chance... There are still many people in her friends and family that do not know she is pregnant. I am also friends with those people adn want to talk, but she doesn't want people to know... ANYHOW, htis was just to get it off my chest. Can't keep everything to myself. Just gotta get the sad things out you know.... So if you have read this and are a praying person, please pray for my friends little baby LMB are his initials...
I haven't even tried at all this week so far. I have been busy trying to get my family ready for my SIL's wedding this weekend. I will be very glad when it is over. I have been getting everything we need. Dealing with shoes for DD, the flower girl basket. Tell me why I had to pick that out. No fun. Not my wedding. Not my place, but I had to decide which was the best for a wedding when I don't even know what the wedding gown looks like. Well I think I have almost everything done. I will weigh in again this week. I won't besurprised with a gain or loss. I think I may set my goals as 10 pounds at a time... And maintain. Don't know though. I think that next week will be calmer and I will get things back together. I intend to eat as healthy as possible this week and get things under control next week...
Ok well after getting my new scale yesterday I knew that the weight was going to be up. Of course I expected it since I haven't been doing anything right. I know this. I hate being a food addict. It would be nice if I didn't have to eat food to be healthy. Mind you I know that there are differences in scales adn I don't have one here to se if it weighs high or low... We all know how that goes. My husband said it was wrong. LOL Said he was 15 pounds more than the last time he stood on a scale. Mind you he hasn't gained any weight. His pants are looser than ever. He really needs some new ones. I hope that soon we both need new ones. As of right now I have clothes that are 24 to 28. Maybe some 22's. I also have a pair of my old high school pants. Now I am curious though. I have seen on a few blogs that pant sizes have changed. I know that right after having my dd a friend tried on my old 16's and she said they felt like her 12's. Maked me wonder if the have changed. Eventually I will know because I am going to where them again one day. Well at least to prove I could. LOL They are not so stylish.
Ok well I do want to comment on the Virginia Tech Tragedy. I am saddened for the families. And my thoughts are with them in their times of need.
This recent shooting really scares me. My friend who is currently going back to school to become a teacher and I were discussing this yesterday. Her MIL asked her to quit classes and start online. which is not the answer. We both felt that she is safer in the college setting than the elementary school setting these days. I have heard several times about kids and violence. It scares me, but I also am not going to take my kids out of school. I think that being there is alearnign experience. And yes kids are cruel, but I think that learning how to cope with disappointment and how to react in bad situations is the best thing... My BIL and 2 SIL were pulled from public school right after my DH graduated because the parents felt that the school was teaching the wrong things like sex education. They felt that it was only their place to do this. well anyhow there have been some major issues with the younger siblings. Their 2nd child, "J" the oldest dd, thinks that if work isn't her way then she needs to quit. She doesn't understand how to be in a social setting and well is clueless. She is married for the 2nd time. The first was just her way of getting out and it was a trainwreck... The 3rd and 4th were placed back in the school system after being out for about 6-7 years. They were in high school and #3 "C" was supposed to be a junior, but was placed as a freshman as well as #4 "S" who was a freshman. The schools said they were not on the correct levels and they struggled to behave properly. "C" got into many fights and acted out because of just not understanding rules. Anyhow when 17 he had written on a school wall after breaking in oe weekend, but didn't want to get caught SOOOO he set the school on fire. Major trouble there. His parents encouraged the wrong things and eventually he committed suicide last year because he didn;t know how to cope with lifes disappointments... "S" is a senior this year and is doing better than the others, but also has some issues... No serious trouble, but she likes to get in fights in school and is into sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking. Not on the right path. Her parents don't believe when someone tells them what she is doing. She had a pregnancy scare a couple years ago and is only 17. I hope that she gets it straightened out soon. I don't think that homeschool is wrong for everyone, but for that family it was. The kids didn't learn anything because the parents didn't teach. Just told them what to do. They just got the answer books and copied most of the time. Changed a few answers... SAD really.
I really don't know why I mention the things I do in my blog. I guess it is just what comes to mind as the fingers move. Oh there are a few blogs here that bother me. I understand wanting to be smaller, but I have found that there are a few people that are SICK! OK yes I am OBESE! but I get the calories and nutrition that I need. The thing that bothers me are there are people here that want to look like models. At least one blog I read states that she was only eating 200-300 calories a day. That is a sickness. One specific person stated things about anorexia and said that SHE is not anorexic. Her goal105 she is 110 and 5'8 I think... Anyhow, she talks about how anorexic people want to be ugly and grossly thin, but not her. She just wants to be 80% of her ideal weight and beautiful. She says people tell her she is too thin, but she thinks she is fat. I am sorry to inform her she is anorexic. She said that she is starting to lose her cycles and that is ok with her because she is getting beautiful. It kills me because she thinks it is better to be too thin than too fat, but I am not so sure. Anorexia can cause serious health problems... Oh and she thinks that a vitamin makes up for eating write... VERY sad. I hope her family finds her some help soon.
I am doing well today eating right and just here with the kiddos... Hoping to see that jump up in the scale make a dive down soon... I just hope that I don't get addicted to it... I get addicted to a scale easily. My goal is to just manage to make one whole on plan day... So here is to 3 more great mini meals. LOL
OK so I was complaining about my scale right. Well today my brother and his girlfriend show up unexpected. We were outside in the front yard and I noticed a box on my front porch. I had ordered something on ebay recently, but was pretty certain that it wasn't from that... I also sell Pampered Chef and thought that maybe they had sent out something even though it wasn't in their box... well I open it and discover it is a new scale in the box. Much nicer than the one I had sitting here that is just horrible... Well, anyhow I weighed and am not really happy. You can tell I haven't been good. Anyhow, I have to tell you why there is a scale on my front porch. I didn't order it adn neither did my DH. Last week I decided to call the company that made my scale. I couldn't find a number and searched the brand which took me to their website. Eventually, I found a contact page. No phone number, but there was an email option. Figuring that I could vent my frustrations and let them know I was extremely unhappy with their product. Told them about the crazy weights. And it says that it is very accurate, etc... It asked for phone number and it asked if I would like a phone call from an associate. I decided to check yes and wanted to basically just let them have it. Well, until a box arrived on my porch there was no contact. not an email or anything. I was needless to say geting annoyed with the company and was telling my friend this morning about it. Anyhow I was very happy to see a new scale. Now I don't have to purchase one. This one is much better quality than the one I purchased. Yes it is the same brand, but there is a major difference in he products. First, It does three measure types. lbs, kgs, and st &lbs. And then it is up to 400... Anyhow it actually weighs the same everytime you stand on it... I paid $20 for mine and got a $50 one! Needless to say I am very impressed with the improvements. ANd maybe just maybe I will purchase another one of their products now!
I wish that I could copy and paste. GEE. OK so I was complaining about my scale that doesn't work and how it weighed my 9yo that weighs about 75 pounds more than 130. LOL
Well, I made it a little further and decided to make my gym scale my official scale until I decide to spend some money on another scale for home. It weighed me less than the dr scale so I will like the numbers better. I just hate to not really know. Tanita is the only scale that ever weighed me in over 300. I wish I knew if they were the accurate scale or if it is ALL other brands a little less that were off. Well, I plan to go to the gym tonight with hopes that I haven't GAINED any weight. Yes Gained. My heart is in the dieting mind, but my head is not. I just cannot get myself into dieting mode.6wbmo works well for me, but I just cannot get myself into mode. I don't think I am mentally all the way there yet. I know I want to lose weight, but I am not disciplined enough to get my butt in gear. My wants are not with my motivation. I gotta get this undr control. There is no easy way to lose. BUT it is easy to gain. So I really got to get it under control. I hate restricting myself. I LOVE FOOD! I love flavor...I love the concept of ww points, but I am afraid of converting wrong and totally messing up... I cannot afford the cost of food on Jenny. I don't know much about LA weightloss, but am curious about it. (if anyone does let me know) I think I need to go to a counselor. I think I need the accountability. I am most curious about LA weightlos right now. I looked at weight watchers online. I am sure it would help, BUT I want more info on LA before I can choose. You see really the reason I was interested in phen was really for the acountability. I could have attempted to get it online, but knew there were risks so I decided to go to the dr and well I am very glad I did. I wouldn't have checked my bp had I not and well it isn't worth the risk. Yes, I lost 15 pounds, but I think it was because I knew I was going back... So as of right now I am thinking that I might want to join a place like LA or WW... Time will tell. I hope that I haven't gained since I haven't been doing what I was supposed to. Watching what I eat and exercising... I have had my gym membership since January last year. I was doing awesome to begin with. 5 days a week... And then we just got busy. and it dropped to 4 then eventually I barely went. I had a friend sign up for motivation, but I found that she actually held me back... She stopped going after about a month if that. She never wanted to go and when she did, I drove. I never got my FULL workouts that I wanted. she wanted to walk the treadmill for 20-30 minutes and that was it! For me I want the cross trainer and some machines. The treadmill causes me ankle problems and she doesn't like the CT because it was too hard. BOO HOO! I think it is the best choice for me. Well she did legs with me one day and never touched another machine because she was trying to show out and get more weight... Anyhow she was sore and wouldn't touch. Well, she became pregnant and can't go now due to complications... I tell you this because I wish there was someone to work out with. When I signed up at the gym, I got a family membership with my husband... Well, he went 2 times in the first week and then started making some excuses... Well, Let's just say that in the last 16 months DH has had 3 friends sign up to go with him. He went 2x's that first week and then he started making excuses, and he hasn't made it to the gym more than 3 or 4 times since then... He told the first friend that they would work out mornings together. Dh showed up the other guy didn't... dh stopped again. Next friend showed up and again they discussed mornings. I knew that dh wouldn't get up earlier and suggested against it. Well DH went once adn then has been too tired ever since... And the last person works out in the evenings and DH hasn't worked out with him at all. This was all told to you because I have been trying to get dh to go or cancel his end of the membership. It is driving me crazy that I am wastin money on his membership. We get an AWESOME deal, but still. So yesterday I asked him to go and again another excuse and well I have found that he makes me annoyed to the point that I don't want to go after we argue about it... I need his support. Well last night I told him that he needed to go and he had the nerve to tell me that I did to. OK yeah ,but at least I used my membership more in the first week than he has total. Gee I mean come on. They know me at the gym. I helped write their next commercial. NO I am not in it... My dh would be looked at as a new member everytime he came in... UGH It really gets me. I just wish I had a workout buddy. $15 a month is a great deal and then they are opening a 2nd one even closer to my house...I cannot wait. That drive is part of why I don't go. I have to drive through the worst traffic in my town right now, but the new one is about 6 minutes (driving). You see I live about 5 miles outside of town and right off the main road which runs down the road where they are bbuilding the new gym I am so excited because My membership will be good at both locations... WOO HOO. Well I have written a small book about nothing. Well not nothing just that I have been doing nothing!
So today I plan to go to the gym to see the damage of nothing the last 3 weeks. I should change my tracker some time tomorrow. I do not want to see a spike, but I expect that... So until the next time...
My days are going pretty well, but my night meals are not so well. I have been trying to get the not so healthy foods out of the house while the family is home to eat my cooking, but I don't want to cook for me and them. I am trying to stay close to plan, but I'm not quite there... After today though, I do not think there are as many main meals to cook that are no good. With 6wbmo it is easiest to be prepared with somethings precooked. I haven't done any of that yet. I had to go to the grocery store this morning to stock up on those healthier items. WHY does healthy food cost more than the unhealthy variety... I wonder if this is the reason that Americans are so overweight. They cannot afford to eat healthy so they start eating the junk and get used to it and crave it... This is so sad. Anyhow I just wanted to update really quick. I gotta go get thhe kids dinner on the table.. And then if I have time I will add more later..
I have been slacking here. I made it here a couple times, but decided that I didn't have time to post after reading a few blogs... Well, I was planning to start back on Saturday, but with the holiday I decided to wait until today, Monday.... Well, I just decided that if I started Saturday and then cheated Sunday that there was no way I would be able to go back 100%... SO this morning I woke up and stayed on plan until dinner, but the rest of the day was better than before. I decided that I don't like the phen enough to get back on it. IT isn't worth the side effects that I had. My Blood pressure is way more important. Besides I wasn't happy with the 15 pounds I had lost because "I" didn't do it... Does that make since. I like the idea of help on those really bad days... I hope TOM is kinder next time. BTW, I think I forgot to tell everyone, but I restarted 6 week body makeover. (6wbmo) I have used this in the past, but fell off plan because life was crazy and I wasn't supposed to be on it because I was still nursing my baby. I was afraid I wasn't geting enough for his nutrition and my own and after reading that they do not recommend it while nursing, I decided to stop for that time and I am excited to get back on plan... Except there are a few things that I will not completely follow. Salt is supposed to be limited and I will still eat salt in a few specific foods. There are just a few things I cannot flavor with other spices and enjoy. For the most part though I will follow that rule. Mind you the salt can slow weightloss according to this plan, but I am ok if it stalls a little. I really think the only food that affects me is green beans. I LOVE them, but the no salt ones are just EEEEWWWW! LOL so that is the main one.. And the occasional eating out meal food with it already added. HMMM I think And the occassional diet drink... Well I can tolerate the Diet Rite mentioned, but sometimes I am sure I would like something else... Like when out to eat again, I normally like unsweet tea, but there are a few restaurants that will never happen... Well I think there was more. After all I have been long "winded" with the posts, but I cannot remember much more... Oh yeah, My 19 month old gave me my first black eye today. OUCH!!! He headbutted me and hit right on the eye socket. It is swollen and Ican see my eyelid while looking forward... I know not weight related, but Iwanted to tell someone. LOL I have friends that if I told them they would laugh about it for months. LOL Well you know it is funny. I just don't want them to see me or hear about it. BUT look at me telling the WHOLE world. LOL OK so by the way. I don't know when I will officially weigh again. I weighed less at many places that the dr. Have to decide where my counting scale will be... I will have to buy another one eventually, but until then I will weigh probably in the evenings at the gym... I am there most often, but weigh less than the dr so I just don't know... And it is evening when I go there so not the best timing. BUT the place I can weigh most often... SO I will weigh in tomorrow at the gym and see what the scale says. Boy did I eat bad last week and now I am a little worried to step back up there...
Well I was thinking salad for dinner, but it didn't happen. Shortly after I wrote my earlier blog Dh called and told me that it was his dad's bday and his mom wanted us to come to the church and eat with them for a surprise... Anyhow, We had Tacos... soft with Nachos and rice/ beans... AND birthday cake. And the bad part is that the time frame that we had to be at the church really interupted my gym time. I am sure the scale will have moved in the wrong direction after that meal. I think that I will need to get there tomorrow. Bad thing is Friday is my nephew's bday so I hope that there is no party that contains cake associated with it... At least I decided that Saturday is my big restart day. No more cheating!!!!!!!!!!! OK all for now...
Of course I expected it since I haven't been doing anything right. I know this. I hate being a food addict. It would be nice if I didn't have to eat food to be healthy. Mind you I know that there are differences in scales adn I don't have one here to se if it weighs high or low... We all know how that goes. My husband said it was wrong. LOL Said he was 15 pounds more than the last time he stood on a scale. Mind you he hasn't gained any weight. His pants are looser than ever. He really needs some new ones. I hope that soon we both need new ones. As of right now I have clothes that are 24 to 28. Maybe some 22's. I also have a pair of my old high school pants. Now I am curious though. I have seen on a few blogs that pant sizes have changed. I know that right after having my dd a friend tried on my old 16's and she said they felt like her 12's. Maked me wonder if the have changed. Eventually I will know because I am going to where them again one day. Well at least to prove I could. LOL They are not so stylish. 
My goal is to just manage to make one whole on plan day... So here is to 3 more great mini meals. LOL