A Spiritual Quest

Lazy Sunday and 5 lb Loss

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:09:15

I slept through church again. Not sure what happened. I turned my alarm off at 8:30 thinking I was about to get up and take a shower. The next thing I know it's 12:00. So I just rolled over and went back to sleep and didn't get out of bed until 2 pm. What am I still in college?!

I've been working lots of overtime lately and I thinks it's taking it's toll on me stress wise. I'm getting ready to go to work again today and I'm hoping I'll be able to get everything done in about 4 hours. Hopefully. I just have to hold on until december. I was planning to take 2 weeks off, but I may actually take 3 since the place will be closed for winter break. I'm off most of next week to attend a conference. I'm actually looking forward to being away but stressed about the time I'll lose and how behind I'll be with my deadlines when I return. I'm realizing that I'm the one putting all the stress on myself.

Anyhow, back to to the flour/sugar detox experiment. I have not completely eliminated either but have greatly reduced it. I was getting frustrated because I wasn't losing any weight but this morning my scale was 5 lbs lighter. At first I didn't trust it so I pulled on some jeans that I couldn't button two days ago and they fit. I'm wearing them now.

The pain from the neuropathy has greatly improved as well. It's hard to say at this point if its' coincidence or not because it has a tendency to fluctuate, but I have noticed in the past when I eat better the pain seems to get better.

Also, my coworker that I was walking with is feeling better.She was terribly sick and ended up with pneumonia so we hadn't walked in about 3 weeks I guess. She's feeling better and wants to get back to it. I can't wait. I just don't do it on my own. We will probably only be able to get 2 days in before I leave town, but that's a good start.

Next week will be difficult diet wise since I will be eating out most of the week. Eating out 3 meals/day will be quite a challenge, but the person I'm going with is usually health conscious with food, so it should make it a bit easier. I think I'll take some kashi granola bars for breakfast. That will eliminate one meal per day at least.

Hope everyone is doing well. Will be taking my laptop so hopefully I'll be able to check in periodically to see how you guys are doing. I really really do appreciate you guys. Just you sharing your stories and your journeys is so inspiring. I always need to be reminded that no matter where I am it's never too late and I'm never too far gone to start making better choices.

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Interesting quote

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:08:16

I ran acrosss this again in a book called "the miracle of midfulness" by thich nhat hagh. I recommend this book to anyone. It's short, non-scientific, and a great reminder to live each moment as it comes. Basically it says to not blow through a task just to get to something else but to be present while doing the task. Don't do the dishes just to get it over with. Do the dishes to be doing the dishes. Fully focused on the present moment.

"Don't do any task in order to get it over with. Resolve to do each job in a relaxed way, with all your attention. Enjoy and be one with your work...The feeling that any task is a nuisance will soon disappear if it is done i mindfulness.

...without rushing forward toward the future, live the actual moment.

When you are washing the dishes washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. When you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most imporant thing in your life"

Just wanted to post it here to remind myself of the impoartance of living in the moment. I may need to read this daily

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sugar withdrawal

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:06:19

big time sugar withdrawal. well sugar and flour withdrawal. i'm attempting to eliminate sugar and flour from my diet. i have had a massive headache for days and i hate everyone around me.

i started monday and did pretty well during the day but around 9:00 that night i gave into the left over halloween candy. kinda wish there was some here now. tuesday i did pretty well until i had a mountain dew meltdown. actually a mountain dew and 2 chocolate muffins. yesterday was the first day i made it all the way through. today i've done well so far, but i swear i want to gnaw my arm off.

on the plus side the pain in my hip and leg are much better today. could be coincidence. we'll see.

trying to muster up the energy to go prepare my lunch for tomorrow. tomorrow evening i want to make some yummy yummy pumpkin soup. can't wait. i really hope this crappy feeling passes soon. if i can make it a few more days it's supposed to get better. crossing my fingers.

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The fat resistance diet

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:02:16

So I'm reading this interesting book called the fat resistance diet. It talks about inflammation as the culprit to alot of health problems including obesity. It doesn't sound that different from south beach except that this author does not recommend any sugar or fat substitutes because they trigger inflammation just as much as flour and sugar. The information in the book is very interesting. However I took issue with one thing which surprised even me.

The first chapter is all about how your fat is not your fault. I thought about it more and more and I agree that the food industry in general often misleads the general public and we are often misinformed about nutrition in general. But my entire lifestyle promotes obesity which I need to take responsibility for. My parents fed me a crappy diet. To this day they eat crappy food and know virtually nothing about nutrition. Convenience foods such as prepackaged stuff and heat and eat dinners are nutritional nightmares. We have little control and until recently little knowledge about what's going on behind the scenes in the cattle/meat industry and the dairy industry. So I agree that these factors have contributed to my being overweight - okay, well lets call a spade a spade - morbidly obese.

On the other hand. It doesn't take a genius to know that potato chips are not a nutritional power house and little debbie cakes aren't a good source of vitamins. So, while the industry has contributed, I would not say it's their fault. Did fast food and junk food sales decrease since food producers have been forced to make their nutritional information public? Well I don't know the stats but I'd be surprised. Even though I know now that a McDonald's quarter pounder with cheese has something in the neighborhood of 30 grams of fat I still eat them. In my thinking it would be akin to me blaming the jose cuervo manufacturers for my diabetic neuropathy. I don't blame the alcohol industry for my alcoholism or medical problems resulting from it any more than I blame others for my food issues/obesity.

Like I said, it's a lifestyle. Who do I blame for not getting enough exercise? Can I blame the tv industry for creating addictive drama that keeps me glued to my couch rather than taking a stroll around the neighborhood? I don't. Nor do I think it's helpful to.

To be clear, I'm not bashing the book. The book is very helpful. I'd recommend it to others. I hope to incorporate the dietary changes suggested. I just think we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I have made horrible choices in many many areas: food, alcohol, drugs, etc, etc. Because of some of those choices I found myself addicted to all those things. But it was because of my choices. Not the food industry, the distilleries, or the drug dealers. My poor health, pain, and physical condition are a result of a lifestyle of poor choices.

Not sure why I needed to write all that but I do feel better. Blaming others is not what I need to do. I need to own my part and strive to make better choices. Maybe I just needed to see this in black and white.

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sunday review

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 22:06:19

Okay, I didn't like posting what I ate. Don't think I would ever follow through on that. I did really well monday, tuesday, and wednesday but then thursday I didn't pack my lunch and it went downhill from there.

The coworker I've been walking with was sick all week. She sounded horrible on the phone. I did use my treadmill 3 days this week, but only for 20 minutes at a time. I hope she's feeling better. I can't wait to get back on the track. I know I should really try to go myself but it's just so much easier when someone is with you. I still may try to go tomorrow even if she can't.

That's all for now. Have to go get ready for the week. Hope you have all had a great weekend.

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Pretty good start

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 22:00:20

I've noticed some others have been posting what they eat every day and it seems to create some accountabiligy, so I'd thought I'd give it a shot. The trick for me will be to do it all the time and not just when I'm not embarrassed by what I've eaten. So, here goes...

Breakfast: Lance cheese on wheat crackers (I overslept and had to just grad something I could eat in the car)

Snack: a cup of cheerios I bought at a convenience store

Lunch: Hormel Completes Chicken and Dumplings (since it's portion controlled the fat/calories aren't too bad. the sodium, now that's another story). And an apple (fruit !)

Dinner: Homemade Tomato Soup (Vegetable ! ) and grilled cheese with brummel and brown margarine and nature's own double fiber wheat bread and a glass of skim milk.

Snack: nothing yet but I'm eyeballing some cherry yogurt.

Water: 70 ounces (Yay)

Exercise: I SO did not want to do it. I crashed around 6:30 and procrastinated until 8:00. I did a walk/run combo for 20 minutes. Just trying to prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING for 20 minutes. Even when I really don't want to . I could really tell a difference since I've been walking with the co-worker and this is only week 3 of that.

I'm heading back into the kitchen to get my lunch together for tomorrow. No more cafeteria food. I think that is really important. Most choices they have are deep fried and even the vegetables have bacon fat in them. Plus all the temptations of dessert.

Trouble shooting: I need to increase my protein intake a bit I really have to make an effort with the protein since I don't eat much meat. Will try to work some peanut butter in tomorrow. By the way, has anyone tried the kashi pumpkin flax seed crunchy granola bars? I really like them alot.

Do I sound manic? hope you are all having a good night.

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getting ready for the week

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:09:18

So, the ritalin is causing some stomach discomfort but I excpected that after reading the side effects. I was hungry today which made me really sad given that I didn't think about food at all yesterday. But I didn't eat all day long like usuall. Three meals - no snacking yet. Those late night binges tend to get me.

I'm continuing the home overhall, but I was moving at a much slower pace today. I don't want to do too much and burn out. I look at everything I need to do and get overwhelmed but I try to keep telling myself to take one small step at a time. Just do something.

I really want to do well this week with the food and exercise. Walking with a co-worker is very helpful but my schedule is so hectic we're not likely to connect more than 3 times/week. I want to make sure I do something every day this week. Tomorrow will be super hectic as I have 2 appointments after work, but they're space out. So I'm hoping I'll have time between them to work out and eat dinner. I thought I would give the treadmill another try and if that doesn't work out do the power walking dvd that I have.

I went to the grocery store today. I was really shocked that I bought 4 little bags of groceries and it was 40 bucks. Inflation is killing me :). Goals for the week: NO fast food. NO fast food. NO taco bell or McDonalds. NONE. I want to prepare all my meals this week. Eat some fruits/veg daily. Drink more water. No soda. And do some kind of exercise every day.

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The ritalin diary: day 1

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:08:21

An hour and a half after taking my first dose of ritalin I did the unthinkable - I fell asleep. That's right boys and girls a hefty dose of a stimulant makes one sleepy. I must have missed that day in school where the told us that central nervous system stimulants make you sleep. But it did sleep. I pulled out the bottle and sure enough there was a sticker that said "may cause drowsiness". I'm still scratching my head over that one . Here I was thinking I'd be fidgety and want to go run a marathon and instead I slipped into a minor coma. Interesting.

I got a ton of housework done today. I have undertaken a major organization project thanks to some information I got from another blog about the flylady. I love her already. I hope to continue tomorrow with the rest of the house.

I hope this is not one of those effects that wears off, but I really didn't think about food at all today. Wasn't hungry ever. I ate lunch at 11 and that's when I took the medicine. At 5:30 I realized I hadn't thought about food since then. Friday I was hungry from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed and no matter what or how much I ate I was still hungry. Also interesting.

Tomorrow is my plan for the week day. I try to plan meals,go shopping, set goals for the week. I've had difficulty planning meals and cooking them because my kitchen is always so disorganized. Today it is organized. Thanks to the flylady I have set some goals to keep it that way.

So, thinking ahead a little, I definately want to increase my water intake, eat at least 1 fruit and 1 vegetable each day, and continue to exercise.

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Random thoughts (as if I have to point that out)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:08:13

This morning I was stuck in traffic because of a run/walk for something. I'm not sure what the something was. Diabetes or heart disease or cancer or something. Not the point. As I was sitting in my car watching the stream of runners I was overcome with two emotions: guilt and inspiration. I watched old men and women running, a 5 or 6 year old girl who was runner number 119, and a guy with cerebral palsey walking. No excuses for them. Not I'm too old or I'm too young or I have a physical disability. I felt guilty becuase I'm not that way but at the same time I felt inspired to move toward that attitude. Anyhow, it was an interesting conversation in my head.

I have been trying to do better in the exercise dept. I was only able to walk 3 days so far this week. I have so many obstacles after work and it's so easy to say I'll just do it tomorrow, but at least three days I did it anyway even when I didn't want to. I walked 3 miles in 1 hour on monday, 2 miles in 45 minutes on tuesday (it was HOT and i was a little slower), and 3 miles in one hour on friday. I'm surprised that I can walk 3 miles honestly as out of shape as I feel. I suppose over time I'll get quicker. I've been walking with a co-worker and honestly if it wasn't for that fact I would still be procrastinating. It's a little added push and it goes so much quicker. Once I'm moving I really enjoy it and want to do it more.

On a completely different topic I started a trial run with ritalin today. After a lifetime of struggling with attention problems I was at the end of my rope with it. I'm a bit worried that I have to much emotional investment with this. I feel like the medication is a last resort and if it doesn't help I'm going to be seriously disappointed. I just have such high hopes for it. A side effect for some people is decreased appetite and weight loss. Now I in NO way am taking the medication for that reason, but if that happens you know I'm not going to complain about it :) I just really think if I can get my attention issues under control my self-image will be greatly improved. I'm just tired of feeling like a failure every day.

I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks. I'd really like to get in sync finally with the exercise AND food. It seems I'm always doing well in one and falling away on the other. I'd like to drop a few pounds before the dreaded doctor's scale.

I've tried to comment on some of your blogs but it seems we're still experiencing the occasional technical difficulites. I am keeping up with you guys, I just can't always comment. But know that I am always grateful for the support and inspiration here.

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fairly good day

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:03:18

Today was a fairly good day. I walked 3 miles. Woo Hoo!!!!! I'm super excited because I'm the most sedentary person I know. I was worried that I miscounted last time because I walked 3 1/2 miles in 1 hour 15 minutes, which I know isn't fast for alot of people but I figured I was slower than that. Today I walked 3 miles in an hour so it seems to be about right. The only down side was the someone was mowing their lawn and now I can't breathe. I hate allergies.

I did not make the best food choices but on the plus side only ate 3 meals. Typically I graze all day and binge all evening. If nothing else walking gets me out of the house for a bit and away from food. So the moral of the story with the walking thing is I cannot do it alone. But if someone goes with me it's goes so quick and is actuall enjoyable.

On the negative side, I haven't eaten a piece of fruit or a vegetable today or drank much water for that matter. Things I need to work on tomorrow. Off to check on your blogs. Hope you all had a great monday.

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