I'm not so sure why I am feeling tired today. I went to bed at my normal 2 am and woke up at about 9am, so I've had enough sleep! I think maybe it's because good ol' Aunt Flo is here for a visit. Ugh! I hate it when I am feeling lethargic. Especially when I have been exercising and filling my body with healthy foods! Whatever, it will pass...
PV Princess got me thinking about how far I've come since I started with ExP in Oct 2005. Today is her 1 year Anniversary on the site and she is 75 lbs down. I, on the other hand, have been on this site [more on than off] for 1 year and 4 months, and have lost a whopping 14.4 lbs! How depressing!! Actually, I know, and others who have been around here with me know, that I had lost about 40 lbs, but I lost sight of my goal and put weight back on. So, it's not all that tragic.
It is during this retrospective that I learn that I must do more to take care of myself. And I must be careful. For months on end, I may be all gung-ho, but then poof! I am rolling around in a vat of peanut butter without a care in the world! As evidenced by my blog's title and by my many posts on the topic, I am going to get married in September. Being a chubby person for just about all of my life, I am choosing now, to get my act together, once and for all, so that I may look at those pictures of me and my DF on that day, and not cringe. But the fact of the matter is, I have a long road ahead of me.
The road is not only long to try and reach my goal of losing another 53 pounds in 6 and 1/2 months, but more, it is for maintaining my health and working toward a healthy mindset that will enable me to keep the weight off! The constant head games I play with myself would keep the most advanced chess player interested. It is a constant battle in my brain. So, I guess, though at the time I just thought it was a catchy headline, 'A Bride's Battle,' really is what is defining me at this moment.
But, what can ya do? Luckily, I have found a new passion for getting as close as I can to goal in 199 days! (I just realized that I am getting married in under 200 days! ) Anyway, like I was saying, thankfully I have a renewed sense of getting my ass in gear to make things happen for myself. Happily, I have been following WW Core, and it has not been the bane of my existence! I actually enjoy not measuring my food, but rather, thinking about what I am putting in my mouth- and only allowing healthy choices pass my lips. And I am happy to report that I have not had bread of any kind for 9 days! Since it is a trigger food for me, I really need to step away from the bread- and I have!
The point of this story is this: though I am bummed that I did not stay the course originally and kept on losing, I am thrilled that I have found it within myself to get back on track in time to make some serious changes in my body, mind and overall life. I mean, really, I only have one body and one life right? And the fact of the matter is: There is no dress rehearsal. I need to make it count!! Enjoy your day everyone!
UPDATE: Got my new Polar F6 HR Monitor in the mail already today! I just bought it yesterday! Did my 30 min pilates dvd, saw that my HR wasn't very high, so I then jumped on the treadmill for 15 mins. Got in a good brisk walk and burned 202 cals according to my new gadget! Yay me! On my way to 5 days/week of exercise! Day 2- done! Have a great one!
So, it's Sunday and a new week will soon be upon us. Friday was uneventful except for the fact that I finished Week 1 of the 'Couch to 5K' challenge! Yes! I am so excited that I completed my first week! If only my flat feet would cooperate. They have been bothering me, not to mention my bunions! Ouch! I'm sorry if that's TMI, but I am a bit worried that I may have to get surgery on my feet, which would mess my whole plan up! I refuse to thwart my success, so I suppose that more frequent trips to the podiatrist for the oh-so-lovely Cortisone shots in my feet will be necessary!
DF and I have had his 3 children staying with us for most of this week and all of this weekend. I know that running after them does not count as 'real exercise' but my body doesn't realize that! I am beat! I did do my Pilates dvd on my C25K off day, which was Thursday, and I am still feeling it in my abs! I was never so happy to feel aching in my abs before! I plan on doing the Pilates dvd tonight after we drop the kids off at their house.
Yesterday was shoe shopping day at our house! DF, the 3 kids and I loaded up the minivan and hit the mall! We were on a mission to get the kids new sneaks from Stride Rite. The shoes there are well made, the employees actually know how to do their job and the shoes come in great colors! So, all 3 of my soon to be step kids got new sneakers that they love! And DF and I stumbled upon a great store called, "The Walking Co." Has anyone heard of this amazing store? DF and I were in dire need of new shoes! DF had not bought himself a new pair of dress shoes since 1998 and the shoes that I have been wearing to work were purchased in 2000! Despicable! Now that I am no longer in uniform on a daily basis, and have to wear the dreaded business attire, I need shoes that I can comfortably wear in the office as well as in the street, if I have to go out into the field to conduct an investigation. When all was said and done, DF and I dropped $590 on 4 pairs of shoes for us- 2 pairs each! Thankfully, I just got my tax money! Talk about walking on air! These shoes are the most comfy shoes I have ever worn! And they look cute too! What a relief!
Last night, my high school buddies [also my bridesmaids] and I got together to celebrate one of the girl's Birthday. We went out for Mexican food and I must report that I did a fantastic job! I ate 12 tortilla chips with salsa for an app. For dinner, I requested no rice, sour cream or refried beans, but instead got black beans and guacamole to go along with my chicken fajitas. And I switched the flour tortillas for corn ones! Yummo! I did not have any sangria along with the girls and I had only coffee for dessert! Yahoo! So while my skinny buddies chomped down on chocolate cake and flan, while swilling white sangria, I thought about all of you guys and your positive words and also, my wedding dress. One dinner would not have wrecked everything, but I would not let it get to me.
At 4pm, DF, the kids and I will be attending a Baptism party for DF's cousin's baby. There are still some family members of DF that I have yet to meet, and today will be the day that I meet all of them. I feeling kind of bummed about it, only because I do not have anything cute to wear! I really hate to shop for clothes for myself, and though I did peruse Lane Bryant yesterday at the mall, I got frustrated and left in a huff. One thing's for sure, I cannot wait until I have a body that fits into a 'normal' size! Ugh! The angst! Either way, I am sure DF's fam is not sizing me up based on my clothing, rather, I suppose they will be comparing me to DF's ex-wife, whom everyone disliked. At least I know that I have that battle won! My witty remarks and sunny disposition will shine through! Adhering to Core at this party should be a challenge! But I am determined to make it work for me! Wish me luck people!
Tomorrow starts Week 2 for my C2K challenge! I hope that I feel as great as I had this past week after completing each workout! Unfortunately, while scrubbin' up in the shower yesterday, I dropped my tube of Shiseido foaming cleanser on the top of my foot! Now it's bruised and kind of swollen! Not fun! Oh well. I am happy to report that I almost met my goal of 5 days of exercise this week! Tonight, after getting back to the house, I will compete my goal! Yay! So, next week my goal will be to complete Week 2 of C25K and to do 2 additional workouts with my Pilates dvd for a total of 5 days of exercise! I know I will be feeling great! Have a great week everyone! Just think- it's another week to get healthy and make it your lifestyle. Seize the opportunity to take care of yourself. I know I will.
Good evening ladies! I hope everyone is having a Happy Hump Day! I have a few minutes at work, so I figured that while I have time, I’d blog! Today was Week 1, Day 2 of the ‘Couch to 5K’ program that I had started a few days ago. Again, I felt fabulous after my 30 minutes were done! I have been walking at 3.5 mph to 3.7 mph, and my jogging intervals have been 4.5 mph to 5.0 mph! I cannot wait until I am at Week 9, looking back on this week, when it all began!
In celebration of my doing this program, and to have another goal to work toward, I am choosing to participate in the “Revlon Run/Walk” on May 5th. This event raises money for underserved women with different types of cancers so that they may receive the proper treatment. Check out the site: http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/ny/. The race starts in Times Square and runs up thru Central Park and ends between the North and East Meadows within. My mother walked this race several years ago and I remember the massive amount of people turning out for this great cause! FH said that he would do it with me if I would like! So, he and I will be running our first 5K together! He will be starting the Couch to 5K program next week so he will be prepared too. And, I am going to see if there is an NYPD team that participates in the race, because if so, we will probably run with them! I am so excited!
The rules state that each participant must pay a $25 registration fee and each person is expected to raise at least $225. I am no stranger to raising money since I have been participating in the ADA’s Diabetes Walk for about 8 years now. When the time comes I will post the website so that anyone on EP that is interested in donating may do so, to support the battle against cancer!
In more good news, I received my Federal tax return today! The ‘Wedding Fund’ will be looking pretty good after I get to the bank tomorrow! It seems as though time is slipping away though. Weddings are so friggin expensive! Especially in big cities like NYC. Luckily, I am pretty cutthroat and have absolutely no problem whatsoever not inviting people that I do not want there! You know the ones I’m talking about, the second cousins that you never really see, but your parents say that you have to invite! Or the co-workers of parents that you’ve never met! Maybe if someone other than FH and myself were paying for the wedding then, I’d say, “sure! Invite ‘em all!” But sadly, this is not the case. We are paying for everything! So… we say who comes and who doesn’t! And Cousin Blanche who is my 2nd cousin, twice removed [whatever the hell that means!] will not be in attendance. The room only holds 150 people, and there are so many friends and coworkers that we’d love to invite, but cannot squeeze in! So, we will be keeping it to only our favorite people in the world are invited to our most wonderful day of our lives!
OMG! I almost forgot to report this! After my own Daily BAN, [thanks PV Princess!] I am in Onederland!! Yippee! I still have a long way to go, but it really does feel great to be back out of the 200’s. My short frame is just not happy there! So, here I go, step by step, working my way back down the scale. I only hope, as the wedding gets closer, I get more and more passionate about working out and eating right!
I wonder: how many sizes can I go down without my dress being destroyed by alterations? Anyone have any insight, please advise! Hope you all are having a wonderful evening!! Keep on drinking that water and doing that exercise!! We can do this!
Today I started the 'Couch to 5K' plan! I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, alternating between brisk walking and jogging intervals. I feel fantastic!! The program is designed so that a person with no running experience at all [Couch potato] will follow the plan's guidelines for 9 weeks and at the end, will be able to complete a 5K [3.1 miles] without stopping!
I have always wanted to be a runner. I just never had the lungs for it! I was a smoker for about 15 years and obsese for longer than that. But now, since I quit smoking a year and 1/2 ago, and am now eating healthily, I figured I'd give running a shot.
As I've already mentioned, my fiance bought me a treadmill for a promotion present [I was a police officer promoted to Sergeant about a month ago,] and I just started getting on it the other day. It really is too cold and icy here in NYC to be attempting to run/walk on the sidewalks and I'd get run over if I did it in the streets! So I will be completing the entire Couch to 5K program on my treadmill! Anyone interested in doing this with me, check out this site: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
Today is also going to be my first full day on WW Core! So far, so good. Ate my Fiber One with extra fiber cereal, strawberries and blueberries with skim milk and a cup of coffee for breakfast; I am about to have a banana now, and will have lentil soup for lunch!
Feeling strong! Feeling renewed! Feeling in control! Have a wonderful day everyone!
P.S. I put a bunch of pics in both of my albums if you are bored and feel like looking at them!
Well folks, that time has finally come! I am completely fed up and disgusted with myself! I have officially climbed back up on the wagon! It may have taken me a long time, but at least it has happened right? I wish I had felt this passionate a couple of months ago, but at least it did happen at all! I will focus on that!
What lit a fire under my ass, you ask? Well, I hopped on the scale a few minutes ago and discovered that I not only gained MORE weight, but I am now officially only 10 pounds down from my 'Official Starting Weight," when I joined EP back in Oct. of 2005!! Gasp! Embarrassing? YES! Pissed off? Most definitely!! Do I still have time to get my act together and lose weight for my wedding, so I don't look like a beached whale in my strapless wedding gown? HELL YEAH!
So, the plan is this: First, I will make sure that I eat 3 meals and at least 2 snacks everyday. I will stick closely to the WW Core principles, but not actually attend WW meetings, as I do not have the cash for it. I do have the materials from when I joined several months ago, so I will use them as my guide. I will also ask everyone on EP who is on Core, to please post foods that I will be able to eat. By this I mean, pre-packaged foods, since I already have the Core foods list. For instance: what specific cereals [hot and cold] can I eat? What specific soups can I eat? What specific frozen meals can I eat? Any and all help from other Core people would be greatly appreciated!
Second, I will do exercise at least 5 days per week!! My fiance bought me a brand spanking new treadmill as a present for my promotion to Sergeant. It was set up for me over a week ago! I have not gotten on the damn thing!! That shit is gonna change as soon as I am done blogging this post! I have Grey's Anatomy taped and will watch it as I walk briskly on my treadmill. I will work my way up to jogging and a future goal of mine will be to run a 5K. I hope at some point to do a longer race, as it has always been a dream of mine to run a marathon- but one step at a time! I will also take good care of my precious flat feet, since without them, I cannot walk or run at all! On the days that I do not feel like walking, or if my feet hurt, then I will do my Pilates dvd. Either way, I will be working out 5 days per week!!
Third: I will not buy any more ice cream, chocolate, cake or any other foodstuffs that will thwart my success! The personal sabotage has gone on long enough! No more McD's. no more spoons of peanut butter- ENOUGH! I will eat fruit. I will eat low fat cheese. I will eat FF yogurt. I will be healthy, damnit!!
Fourth: I will stop with all of the negative thinking about my situation and my body! I am 32 years old, and I have been feeling bad about my figure for about 20 years of my existence!That is ridiculous!! And it will end. Right now. The facts are these: I am a pretty girl. I have nice eyes. I have good teeth. I have large, child-bearing hips that have been passed down thru my ancestors. I have large, strong thighs. I have small wrists. I have small fingers. I have a big laugh. I have a big smile. I have healthy parents, friends and co-workers who love me. I have a mini-dachshund who adores me, and a fiance who thinks that I am the best thing since sliced bread! I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR! I have health insurance, a stable job and will have a pension after another 10 years and 8 months of service. The fact is: Life Is Good. My negativity is doing no one any service! So I will stop.
Fifth: I will do my best. I will blog on this site more, so I can share ideas, goals, triumphs and missteps with you all. I can only do as well as I put my mind to. In doing my best, I will also make an effort to drink more water. Real water- not count my coffee as water, but actual water! It will be a challenge, but it can and will be done!
All in all, I have made a pact with myself to stop the self destructive behavior and get on the healthy road to living. I want to lose weight and be healthy for myself. Yes, I do want to look fabulous in my wedding dress, but more, I want to look fabulous in my underwear!! And my fiance cannot stop talking about us having a baby soon after we are married, so I need to be in the best shape of my life to take on that challenge! I need to stop thinking about all that I have done wrong and focus on my future! It all starts today! Gotta go get on that treadmill! I'll check in later with you all! Have a wonderful weekend!
I AM STRONG. I AM HEALTHY. I AM INTELLIGENT. I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE.
UPDATE: So, I got on the treadmill and did 30 minutes total of fast walking with a bit of jogging! I feel great that I FINALLY got it started! Yay me!!
Hello everyone! It has been a long 4 months since I last blogged! Since then, I: have been promoted to Sergeant, picked out my wedding dress, received a treadmill as a promotion present from my fiancé, and gained 20 pounds!! Ugh! Now it is 7 months from my wedding and I am back at the 201 lb mark!! Ladies, now more than ever- I need your help!
To say that I feel like a fat slob is an understatement! I feel frumpy, lethargic, unsexy and disgusting. What makes it all worse is that I cannot seem to stop eating crap! Fast food and ice cream are staples in my diet! I have not exercised in months! I no longer wear a uniform to work, so now I cannot gauge my gaining by how tight my pants or belt are getting on me! My fiancé just bought me a new Nordic Track C2400 for my promotion and we received it Thursday. Have I gotten on it? No, of course not! I am looking at it right now, and feeling bad since I have not gotten on for a workout. I haven't even told my fiancé that I have not used it yet. I am so ashamed.
So, what is my next step? Go back to JC? Go back to WW? Can I stop eating crap? My motivation is in the toilet. My self-esteem is there too. Is there anyone out there who can help me get back on track? My fiancé, Mike, [God love him] only showers me with compliments. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy every day and goes further to state that I will be, at any size. Part of me wishes he were less fantastic, so maybe I would get motivation to return to plan to please him. But the truth is, all I have to do is please myself. This is the problem. Why is it that I have such trouble doing what is necessary to make me happy? Why do I want to stay miserable? Why?
So, I turn to you my friends, for your strength, your words of wisdom, advice and prayers. I need any and all of what you are willing to give. I feel as though I am getting more depressed by the day and I cannot find the resolve to make a change. Does anyone have some insight to share?
If you are a woman, and have already been married or are planning to be married, you know about the angst that is wedding gown size hell!! It is a cruel joke played on all of the wide-eyed brides to be, that the wedding industry, in particular- wedding dress designers, have decided to grossly skew wedding gown sizes. As if we don't have enough issues with what size we wear in our day to day clothing, now, when we have to buy the most expensive dress of our lives, we have to buy it 2 sizes BIGGER than our street clothes size!!!
This is precisely why I refuse to go wedding gown shopping until December. I hope that in 2 months I will have lost another 15 lbs or so. Most of my adult life, I have lived in a size 18 or 20. I have worked hard since October 2005 to slim down, and am proud to say that I have lost 31 pounds to date! I hope to be at least another 40 pounds down by my September 2007 wedding, if my body allows me to get to that weight. [I've never been under 150 lbs as an adult!]
The point is this: if I go dress shopping now, I will have to buy a size 18 or 20, since I am about a size 14 now. Not exactly what I had envisioned when I started losing weight; buying my dress in the size that I had grown to abhor! The funny part of this nonsense of 'stupid sizing' [as I refer to it] is that once a woman needs to buy a size 18 or larger, she is then charged more money for the so-called bigger size!! I mean come on!! A size 14 [wedding dress size 18] is not a 'bigger size' to me!
Additionally, if I were to go out and buy a dress this month in let us say, a size 18, then continue to lose weight over the next 10 months until I have my first fitting- I may be a street size 8 or a wedding gown size 12 by then! What does this mean, you ask? Other than the obvious difference in sizes, the problem arises that I will be about 3 sizes smaller than my ordered dress!! In other words, to have my dress altered down 3 sizes, will ruin the style of it!! Ugh! Luckily for me, I still have time to lose some pounds and then look for the dress of my dreams. Then I will be able to lose a bit more, and hopefully the dress won't suffer!!
Ahhh, gotta love how the retail industry is on the side of the American/Canadian Woman!! Unbelievable!! On a happy note- I am down 5 lbs since I started back!!
So, it's been about a week since I have been back on the healthy way of living track. I still have not done any form of exercise. Boo! But my eating has improved dramatically!! Yay!
I did WW Points last week and started WW Core yesterday. So far so good!! It is looking like I am down 3 pounds since I have been back!! I must report, that I have been having stomach issues since I came home from Vegas on 9/16. Lets just say, I cannot be that far from the toilette! Ugh! This week I will definitely make it a priority to get organized exercise in- as soon as my perpetual stomachache goes away!
It seems as though EP has been quiet lately. I figure everyone is busy with their lives, getting the kids back to school, watching new season shows, etc. I hope you all are doing well!! Keep on chippin away at this weight loss battle! It can be won!
So, Ashley suggested that I restart my graph. After mulling it over for 2 days, I realized her words of wisdom are correct, "This is a new plan with a new purpose!" It sure is! Trying to lose weight so I can look my best on my wedding day is definitely a new focus of my weight loss journey. But I gotta tell you guys- it was not an easy thing to do psychologically. But it was necessary. To help ease the pain, I figured out how to take screen shots of all of my weight entries over the past 11 months, and then promptly deleted the entries on my graph!!
It's funny how much of a security blanket it is to see that I was 213 pounds this time last year and now I am not. Even though I gained back a bit of weight over my summer hiatus, it still has been a looong road. Now it is time for a renewed one! I am finding it a bit of a challenge getting back to eating healthy again. Two months of not giving a damn sure does do some damage to the stomach and psyche! Ahh well, one step at a time!
I have not done any organized exercise as of getting back on the wagon. Boo! I think it may be good ol' Leslie Sansone who will get me moving again! Her perky motivation may be just the thing! Hey, it's a start right? Plus, I love the looks that Leo gives me while he's lounging on the couch watching me do the 3-mile walk. I think if he could speak he'd say, "Come on! You know you want to take me to the park! Enough of this inside walking nonsense!!" Lol.
So, that's the plan for today: eating right and getting some form of planned 30 minutes of exercise in. Oh yeah, and lots of water too! Have a great day all!
Hello everyone!! Long time no post, huh? It seems like ages ago since I was last here. I cannot believe how quickly the summer has passed and we are already halfway done with September!! I really look forward to checking in on everyone and seeing what great progress you have all made!! As for me, here's what's been going on in my life over the passed 2 months...
Well, on the weight loss front- I made the conscious decision to NOT be on a diet. Actually, I took it one step further and choose NOT to eat healthy either! Uhhh, not a good idea! It probably all started around the 4th of July. The BBQs had started, everyone was saying how great I looked and I was feeling good too. I had taken a bit of a break on my exercise, since my feet were bothering me a bit and I felt as though I was getting burnt out. Bad move!! I have not worked out since!! And I cannot even tell you all how much Haagen Dazs, Sticky Toffee Pudding ice cream I have consumed this summer!! Ugh! All of the hot dogs, hamburgers and ice cream have caught up with me!! As of this morning- I have gained over 12 lbs since the last time I checked in here!! Oh no!! Actually, it may be a bit less, since I weighed myself after eating breakfast- but still!! Damn, I've got work to do!!
So, on to better news... My sweetie asked me to marry him on August 30th! We had already started planning our big day, a few weeks prior to the actual engagement, as we wanted to secure our date: September 14, 2007. This date also happens to be our 'Dating Anniversary' so we will be married on the same day! I figure, the least amount of dates a man needs to memorize- the better! Lol! We are sooo excited and have gotten alot of things done already. We've booked: the church [www.ccew.org], reception venue, [www.tinyurl.com/kwecp], photographer [www.julianewman.com], DJ/classical guitarist [www.astarrynight.com], and florist [www.tinyurl.com/kaz7g].
So... now, I have to get my chubby butt into gear and get to losing this weight!! Hence my new blog name!! I will restart the WW plan, though I will not be attending meetings. I bought a new Tanita scale, as well as a new food scale to keep the portions right on track! I bought the book, "Bootcamp 360 for Brides," and will be starting the workout regimen using it- today! All in all, I really want to look the best that I have ever looked, on my Wedding Day, and have a little less than a year to make it happen! I know it won't be easy, and I know it won't be a smooth road! But, I am determined to get it done! I figure I have a few months before I need to go dress shopping, so I am hoping to get a jumpstart on my plan by starting off with Core.
I know it is going to be a battle- but I am motivated more than ever to make it happen. So, here I go, once again... Wish me luck!!
) Anyway, like I was saying, thankfully I have a renewed sense of getting my ass in gear to make things happen for myself. Happily, I have been following WW Core, and it has not been the bane of my existence! I actually enjoy not measuring my food, but rather, thinking about what I am putting in my mouth- and only allowing healthy choices pass my lips. And I am happy to report that I have not had bread of any kind for 9 days! Since it is a trigger food for me, I really need to step away from the bread- and I have! 
Enjoy your day everyone! 
Did my 30 min pilates dvd, saw that my HR wasn't very high, so I then jumped on the treadmill for 15 mins. Got in a good brisk walk and burned 202 cals according to my new gadget! Yay me! On my way to 5 days/week of exercise! Day 2- done! Have a great one! 
Not fun! Oh well. I am happy to report that I almost met my goal of 5 days of exercise this week! Tonight, after getting back to the house, I will compete my goal! Yay! So, next week my goal will be to complete Week 2 of C25K and to do 2 additional workouts with my Pilates dvd for a total of 5 days of exercise! I know I will be feeling great! Have a great week everyone! Just think- it's another week to get healthy and make it your lifestyle. Seize the opportunity to take care of yourself. I know I will. 
Embarrassing? YES! Pissed off? Most definitely!! Do I still have time to get my act together and lose weight for my wedding, so I don't look like a beached whale in my strapless wedding gown? HELL YEAH! 
Lets just say, I cannot be that far from the toilette! Ugh! This week I will definitely make it a priority to get organized exercise in- as soon as my perpetual stomachache goes away!