Haven't been on in a while. I know. When I find the motivation, it doesn't last long at all, does it?
I've been sick (again, I know). Some nasty bacterial infection. I haven't been watching what I eat at all. I have no idea what I weigh.
But I did hit a real low today. I glanced at myself the wrong way in the mirror this morning and didn't recognize myself. I don't know. I look at my face in the mirror every day, but it doesn't look that same as when I'm without makeup, and my head's turned to the side. I don't know who that person is. It's me, but I don't remember ever looking so bad.
I was going to go to Wal-Mart today and didn't. Why? I didn't want to see anyone I knew, looking the way I felt.
One of the customers at work asked me last week if I was pregnant. I've never gotten such a question before. Seriously. We all know I'm pretty big, but I don't have a protruding stomach (it's nice and round, but doesn't stick out!).
I feel enormous. I feel miserable. I try to remind myself of the topic at the last WW meeting I attended: "My weight has nothing to do with my value as a person." Too bad society doesn't agree.
Not that I think I need to lose weight to please society. One of the reasons I've held off for so long is actually so that I wouldn't cave in to society. But I need to learn to be happy with myself, and I can't do that if I don't recognize my own face in the mirror.
Weighed in this morning at 205 (no clothes - 207 with clothes). The weight I'll be reporting on here from now on will be my Thursday morning weight without clothes. I believe it will be more reliable than my Thursday evening WW weigh-in with clothes and a stomach half-full of food :) So I'll probably weigh in around 208 this evening, which is fine because I know what I weighed this morning :) Apparantly my bra weighs half a pound. Who would have known?
So I will be setting a mini goal to hopefully keep myself motivated. I'd like to be in the 190-195 range by the time I go back to school for the fall semester (August 28). I can totally do that, I just have to stay motivated. And no, I'm not planning to lose all the weight that fast, though it would be nice and if it happens that way, great! But I've done diets in the past, losing up to 30 pounds, and I know how quickly I can lose weight at first. 195 is a reasonable goal, I think. So is 190, but I'm trying to be a little conservative so I don't disappoint myself if I don't get there. We'll see.
Though I have not posted in the past few days, I have been doing pretty well. I have not dipped into my Flex points this week, and if anything I've been eating less than my allowed points every day. That's not necessarily a conscious effort, but when it's late at night and my choices are to eat to finish those points and go to bed, or just go to bed and eat in the morning, I tend to choose the latter. It won't always be this easy, I know, but for now at least it's picking up the weight loss.
I also tend to save up the majority of my points for the evening when home from work/school. I do this so that I don't make any mistakes. I don't want my mom to cook a great meal (nice to have her around!) and not be able to eat it because I only have 5 points left for the day. I make sure I still have at least 10 left by dinner time. Usually that means not all points are used. Like now, I came home from school and took a nap. It's almost 10pm and I still have 8 points left. I'll probably go eat something in a few minutes, of course, but just to illustrate.
I'm slowly gaining motivation back. I was 207 when I woke up this morning and weighed myself with no clothes. Of course, Thursday evening at weigh-in I'll probably weigh in more, since clothes tend to add about 2-2.5 lbs, but at least I'm positive I'll have a loss!
I did well today. Went over my points slightly, but that's okay because it wasn't more than the 5 points I didn't use yesterday. It al balances out, anyway.
I just feel miserable. I have a heightened sense of self-awareness, and I'm not so sure that's such a good thing. I feel like such a huge blob. Sitting in class today, I even noticed... I'm the third largest person in the class, and the first largest female. I don't always pay so much attention to things like that, but damn! More motivation, I guess, though too much negative motivation isn't good either!
But see... I know that if I stick with this for a while, I can lose 15 pounds by the end of August. That's not necessarily a goal, but I know I can do it easily, and maybe I need to start focusing on things like that.
I'm calling today Day One because... well, I did very well yesterday, but then I went with the family to a mexican restaurant. And I didn't hold back, so... I know I need to get serious, and I do plan on it.
I have 5 points left today and am considering not using them. It's almost 10 pm anyway and I really do feel horrible about last night.
Mom & I baked a cherry pie that's 1 point a slice... very good! Had Subway for lunch, but didn't realize Sun Chips were 4-5 points! Next time I'll stick with the Baked Lays!
As soon as I really get back on track, I'll be fine. Once I see it working, I'll be fine. I just need to give it a GOOD week! I've been on this pattern where I'm good maybe 3 days in a row and then I'm terrible. I really am going to try, I promise...
So, I haven't posted in the last few days. I haven't had anything good to report - which is why I'm forgetting all of that and starting over today.
I ran across some photos of myself and was encouraged to create an album titled "Why I Will not Cheat." Seeing those pictures truly motivated me to get right back on track.
I hear so often about how some large women lose all of their weight and then have trouble recognizing themselves. It's completely opposite for me - I see pictures of myself and automatically think "OMG, there's no way that's me," and then I quickly stop looking. I've never viewed myself to be as big as I am. I know I'm not thin. I don't feel thin, nor do I think I look thin. But for instance, I don't believe I have a double chin until I see it in the pictures. And in reality, it's not a prominent double chin, but it's there. It's definitely there.
It's kind of like, I KNOW I weigh 212 pounds, but I FEEL like I weigh 175.
I think part of the reason I have this strange view of myself is because I've taught myself not to let my weight hold me back. This isn't a bad thing, not at all. I've always told myself that I won't let my weight define me, and I've never allowed it to. At the same time, however, the weight continued creeping up on me.
So, I'd love to hear others opinions on this.
From now on, I doubt I'll be posting every little thing I eat, maybe I'll just post total point values. I'll even (begrudgingly) post pictures shorly.
I haven't been feeling well all day, and am pretty sure I have a touch of something.
What I ate:
String cheese (3)
Pudding (1)
Baked Lays (2)
Egg Drop Soup (1)
1/2 wheat tortilla (1)
WW mini cookies (2)
Sucker (1)
6 in. turkey Subway Sub (5)
Fiber One Bar (2)
Total: 18 points, plus:
Dinner: Stuffed bell pepper w/ a few candied yams (?)
By dinner my head was hurting so bad that I just said what the hell and ate the dinner that was already prepared by my mother... I had 9 points let, and I probably went a little over, but that's okay, I won't beat myself up over it. I'm not feeling well, and while I admit I'm using that as an excuse, there are far worse things I could have eaten. (Besides, eating a whole bell pepper counts for like 1.5 servings of vegetables, right?)
I only hope I weigh in okay tomorrow. I had a lot of sodium yesterday, and I think that's the reason the scale told me I gained 2 pounds this morning. We'll see.
My mother made (by hand) some onion rings as a side for dinner (WW recipe). The serving size was pretty large for 1 point. Of course, by the time I stepped out of my room my father and my brother had eaten them all. Mom and I are on Weight Watchers - the guys aren't! Who does that? They actually ate all the food she cooked. So essentially, she cooked for 4 people, and 2 ate all of it. So sad... I was looking forward to those onion rings!
In good news, I seem to be back down to 211. This is good because I know a week ago I was up around 215. Weigh-in is Thursday, so hopefully it goes well!
So, here's how I did for the day:
Cheese (4)
Pudding (2)
Pickles (0)
Slice of bread (1)
Egg Drop Soup (2)
Fiber One Bar (2)
Special K Bar (2)
Pringles (1)
WW frozen dinner (5)
Zatarains Jambalaya (8)
Total: 27
I nibbled a lot because I had trouble finding filling things to eat around the house - sometimes that's my biggest struggle: finding food within an acceptable points value that will be satisfying.
Hello all... Trisha here. I am a food addict. I always have been, for various reasons. Boredom eater, binge eater, fast food lover... that's me.
So I joined WeightWatchers back in January, at a point when according to my BMI, I was on the low end of the classification of "morbidly obese:. Yes, at 221.6 lbs, after having promised myself I'd never ever, no matter what, gain over 200 pounds... there I was. I had stopped weighing myself because I was living in ignorance, not wanting to know, never expecting what I saw.
WeightWatchers worked for the brief time I was good on it. But after going out drinking with friends and eating out with friends, I found myself off the diet, with no hurry to get back on. I started taking advantage of not being on the diet. I knew I would eventually get back on, so I would start binge-eating horrible things.
I'm back on now, however.
Once I hit 130 lbs, I'll be on the high end of "normal" weight and will become a lifetime member. I don't necessarily plan to stop there, but that's the long term goal for now. Also, I don't have a date to achieve this by. If you set out to lose 90 pounds and give yourself a deadline, you're setting yourself up for failure.
I've also been overweight my whole life, but it didn't get bad until my teenage years. I could be okay with being "overweight" (in the range of 130-155) However, I'm not okay with being "obese." Therefore, there will be small goals along the way.
I'll probably be posting daily food intake... please, when you see fast food, and you will quite often, don't be shocked, and please don't lecture me, I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. I don't believe anyone needs to cut out all fast food, and I do believe it can be incorporated into a healthy diet. (After all, it's a part of our society, and it's not leaving!) WeightWatchers is all about no deprivation. You can eat anything in moderation and still stick to the diet. With me always on the run, expect to see fast food several times a week - and I will lose weight doing it!
For now, I'm allowed 27 points per day plus 35 points per week.
So, to get this started:
7/8/07 I had 27 points:
3 String Cheese (3)
Dry Chex Cereal (2)
20 oz Nonfat Latte (3)
Medium McDonald's Fries (8)
2 Tuna Fish Sandwiches (7)
Watermelon (2)
Fiber One Bar (2)
Total 27
And today, 7/9/07 I've had 27 points:
Egg McMuffin (7)
Coffee w/ creamer (1)
3 Taco Bell Tacos (12)
2 Tuna Fish Sandwiches (7)
Pickle 0
Total 27
Food choices won't always be so bad, but please be assured that I'm sticking to the diet. (I often choose McDonalds or Taco Bell over Subway for lunch because of price issues - and don't see a problem as long as I stick to my points) I'm not really interested in anyone else's opinion on this specific matter... as I said, I don't need to be lectured, and when I stop losing, then I'll reevaluate and adjust my choices. And by the way, I did ask for the tacos in fresco style (no cheese,) which would have made them 9 points total, but I guess I was ignored.
Oh, and by the way - I'm a 21 year old female here. Losing weight has never been difficult for me. The motivation to do it however, has been hard to find. But I figure I need to lose it now before it does get hard!
