I dont know what is wrong with me tonight.. just feelin really down.. Could be my .6 weight loss this week lol.. And not getting my ribbon.. Could be my husband is working till 2am today.. Could be the STUPID MEDIACOM people didnt show up for the THIRD time to hook up high speed internet.. Could be home sick.. Could be lots of things I guess.. Im just feelin down.. I think Im just tired and I dont know just feel like Im done with life ya know.. Am I the only one that ever feels that way? Just tired of dealing with money and people.. I dont know.. One thing that did make me happy today was that I finished my boxes for church.. We are able to fill a shoe box with toys and stuff for kids in africa.. The reason this makes me so excited because my sister was in africa last summer and got to pass out these same boxes to the kids and she said that was one of her fav parts of her trip to see those kids faces light up for toothpaste lol.. So it really touched my heart so we are doing two.. One for us and one for my sis.. :O) So that was nice to get those done! :O) *sigh* I started another job the other day.. The more I go the more I think it was a mistake.. Im working with my husband and his work. Yah. I only go like 2 days a week for a couple hours so its no big deal but man that job just sucks.. lol.. It is putting a strain on me.. I mean everyone there LOVES me and thats a good thing but a bad thing cuz now they expect greatness lol.. Its hard.. So I dont know how long that will last.. It pays less then working at the daycare.. Man I just dont want to work anymore at all and now i am working more.. weird.. We are thinking about buying another car.. why.. so I can work even MORE lol.. man.. *sigh* So this week was bad.. Bad eating bad not working out and bad weigh in.. At least I didnt gain.. Thats good.. Its hard.. Im starting to feel comfortable with my weight and thats not good.. Makes me want to eat more! I need to come up with a POA Plan of action! Worked last time I did that lol.. I need to get hard core to get these next 10 lbs off to make it to the big 100! So yah.. Well I hope everyone has a great weekend! I will ttyl
my 10 year old step-daughter came up to me the other day and gave me a hug around my waist and said "mom I can reach all the way around" lol it almost brought me to tears.. I guess I never thought about that so now at work when kids give me hugs (I work at a daycare so I get lots of hugs each day) I love when I feel there hands touch.. :)
I am enjoying so much going to sporting events now because I dont have to worry about if I am going to fit in the seats! Its crazy those seats use to be terrible.. I mean there still not the most comfortable things to sit in lol but my thighs dont get marks on them from the arm rests any more...
Everytime we use to go out to a restaurant I would ask for a table.. It was so embarrasing to get a booth and have my stomach hang over the table.. You would be soooooo uncomfortable that you wouldn't enjoy your dinner at all.. It would make me eat really fast because I wanted to leave.. Now... EVERYTIME we go out I make SURE we get a booth.. even if we have to wait longer! Because it is SOOO much better then a table and now there is all kinds of room! I can sit and enjoy my healthy dinner and really take my time...
I didn't like going to the movies very much because I was afraid the arm rests wouldnt move up and I would get stuck in the chair.. Well now I actually prefer to have the arm rest down so my "arms can rest" lol..
At lane bryant the biggest size jeans they have in the store are size 28's well.. When I was at my heaviest those were to tight.. I just wore sweats around the house.. Now I could squeeeeeezzz into the 28 jeans but It was just not comfortable at all.. The other day when I went to lane bryant I asked for a sales asst to get down a sweater for me she asked what size and I said 18/20 and she gave it to me along with a 14/16 because she said I might need that size.. I was thinking are you kidding me do I really look like I am a 14/16! Wow I cant wait for the day to not be able to shop there anymore! And by the way My pant size right now is 20 or I can SQUEEEZZ into an 18 lol.. crazy
I went to this sports store to get my husband a new 49er jersey for his bday and I asked the guy to get me down one and he said "oh yah I think we have a Medium" I just smiled and said no its for my husband I need the biggest size you got.. :O)
Its these little things in life that I never had or don't remember.. Everyday people take these things for granted.. I am so blessed by God that I am alive to be able to enjoy these little things! I thank God daily that I did not kill myself with my weight and that I am on the right track to do His will and be healthy! Not just for me but for all of those around me... I know its hard.. I am doing it with all of you.. But I am also hear to tell you that its WORTH IT! And YOU CAN DO THIS! You just have to want to bad enough! All things.. I mean ALL THINGS are possible through Him.. :O) Believe that and you will someday in time get to your goal!
So yah I won woo hooo I won I won I won! lol I was amazed at the amout of weight I lost this week! I lost 8.6 lbs! Can you believe that! Im sure it has to do with the fact that I gained 4 lbs during vacation so Im sure that made it easier to loose it.. So yah Im excited! My husband did an awesome job too though he lost 7.2 so we lost a lot together! It was great motivation but I dont want to bet anymore lol.. It was to stressful haha.. Well I hope everyone has a great weekend! ttyl!
So tomorrow is weigh in.. AHHHHHHHHHH Man I better win this bet! I have worked out like crazy! :O/ As of today well this morning I was down about 7 lbs for the week! Isnt' that crazy!! So you never know though.. So we will see what happens TOMORROW! :O) Keep your fingers crossed for me! Oh and by the way my husband was down 6 as of this morning! AHHHH lol.. hope everyone has a great night! ttyl
....... on track that is.. :O) Man have I been working my butt off lol.. literally.. lol Its only Tues and I have almost earned all of my activity points for the week! WOO HOOOO.. Im tryin Im tryin! Im doing better with the eating.. I havent touched the halloween candy so thats GREAT! Yesterday I did ok.. We went to Chilis for lunch and got some really fatty appitizer it was this chili cheese dip.. YAH bad bad bad.. I didnt eat TOOO much of it and then for my meal I had one of those guiltless chicken sand meals that is only 10 pts so thats good! :O) Then dinner was very low point.. We had those fat free hot dogs they are 1 point each and then those wonder light buns are only 1 point each too so I had 3 so that was a 6 point dinner with 0 point vegies.. so thats REALLY low point! :O) So I did good I think.. :O) Today so far so good.. All I have had so far was a granola bar and some light OJ.. So Im READY FOR LUNCH! haha.. Im feelin better a LOT better.. Getting back on track is sooo great! I can't wait for weigh in Sat.. I hope I loose more weight then my husband this week! *fingers crossed* I really want that $100 lol.. I already got is spent LOL.. Yesterday he did soo bad.. I tryed to stop him but man he kept eating and eating and drank almost a whole bottle of wine.. gerrr I mean I want to win but I dont want him to kill himself ya know.. so yah.. Dude I better win after the day he had yesterday LOL.. Men suck.. they loose way to fast lol.. Well hope everyone has a great day! Thanks for all the encouragement! I couldnt do this without all of your support! :O)
Ok so I finally went back... $40 later found out I gained 4.2 lbs.. Not as bad as it was at one point.. I was at 7 when I got back from CA so 4.2 is ok I guess.. Im really having a hard time.. Im really depressed about everything.. I just can't seam to stay on track.. I dont know what to do to get back where I was.. I mean I was doing awesome... Nothing would temp me.. I was on fire.. Now everything temps me.. I want to EAT EVERYTHING.. Yesterday I went to the az state fair.. yahhh ATE EVERYTHING lol. I had indian fry bread with everything on it.. Had another one with just sugar.. Had 1.5 ice creams, 2 bites of a corn dog, 1 bite of a hamburger.. gerrrr I have 2 huge bowls of halloween candy sitting in my kitchen! I am such a chocolate person especially when I am on my period so that bowl of candy is screaming at me to eat it.. The only good thing about it is that they are full size candy bars so I cant just grab one and think ohh its just one small piece.. I really have to think about it before I eat a whole candy bar ya know.. Tonight I am going to a Halloween party and you KNOW there will be bad food there and then Tues on Halloween I am going to another party.. *sigh* This stuff use to never bother me I dont knwo what my deal is.. And why this week.. Why the week that I am trying to loose for $100!! I mean gerrrrrrrrrr My husband is struggling too and I think maybe thats the problem.. I mean when he wasn't doing ww I wanted to show him how it worked so I tryed really hard then when he started I wanted to do better then him so I kept going.. But now that he is giving up too it makes it even harder cuz I think ohhh well if he eats this double cheese burger and I only eat a single then im doing better LOL.. Gosh I hate my brain! lol.. Im just not doing good at all.. I was in the car driving and my fav song "mountain of God" came on and I was almost in tears because thats like my weight loss theme song.. I was thinking about how It is the Devil tempting me to eat all this bad stuff.. I mean the devil doesnt want me to suceed with this because it will bring Glory to God ya know.. I mean I have only gotten this far 80 lbs because of God.. It has not been me.. And the devil knows that and wants it to stop so he keeps putting all these opsticles in front of me and I keep falling down.. *sigh* I need to be stronger then him.. I need to see something and walk away from it.. Not put myself in those situations.. Its so hard but I have to if I want to get to my finish line! I mean its just food.. Why is it so hard to say no? I have a choice.. I can go for it and try with all my heart or go back to those before pictures.. I dont want to go back.. *tears* Im so scared.....
I am trying to prepare myself for tomorrow... its hard.. I know what I ate and I know it was ALL bad lol.. So I deserve to gain.. I got it.. Its just how much! Today I was 272 so thats good.. Im getting closer to where I was at but then I think wow.. I wasted what like almost a month.. I could be prob in the low 60's by now but NOOOOOOOO I had to go on vacation and eat everthing in sight.. and the worst part about it is I want to keep eating! Yesterday was my husbands birthday.. We went to this great restraunt called Firebirds.. It is SOOOO freakin good.. I chose ok.. I had chicken and mashed potatoes.. Only ate half I have the other half for dinner tonight.. But then I had a salad with it AND like 7 bites of chocolate cake.. Like TO DIE FOR CHOCOLATE CAKE.. lol.. oh man.. I should have known that I would start my period today the way I have been CRAVING chocolate.. lol.. So it was good.. Today Im doing good so far Im just starving thats all.. I mean you get in this ww routine and then you blow it long enough and when you try to go back its like starting over.. it SUCKS.. so if you are doing WW DONT STOP! lol... *sigh* SO the contest begins tomorrow.. Sat to Sat Tom and I are betting $100 to see who drops the most lbs in one week.. I know he is going to win but thats ok.. I just want to get him re motivated ;O) Im so trickey lol.. But if I do win that would be so cool LOL.. So yah.. *sigh* back on track *sigh* weigh in tomorrow *sigh* lol.. Man I need to stop looking back and keep looking forward.. this is so hard.. :O( Well wish me luck tomorrow.. Im off to go eat LOL.. Hope everyone has a great night! ttyl
So I am back.. THANK GOD! lol.. No we had a great time but I am just DONE with the vacations!! Sounds crazy huh but its true.. I SOOOOO need to get on track! AHH.. I weighed myself last night and I was 277 *sigh*.. But its all good.. Today I am back and ready to go.. :O) I will go to official wi on Sat woo hooo..
So Vegas was good.. We did SOOO many things! Went to see a few shows including umm A magic show at the Tropicanna and then we say The sopranos dinner show thing that was really fun.. Then we saw Mama Mia.. We also went to the wax museum and a lot of arcades lol.. Played a lot of games.. Tom got on a roll playing craps they actually had to close down the table LOL I thought that only happened in the movies LOL.. It was funny.. :O) Whatelse did we do.. Oh we ate.. and ate and ate some more! lol.. Went to a really good buffet at the Mirage! It was NICE.. :O) and yummy..
Man this is going to be hard to get back on track!!!!! AHHHH Ok I can do this right! I am so at that point where I just want to say f#$@ it and give up.. I told Tom that and he was like "dont give up do it for me" im like umm ok I will try! But the thing is I need to do it for ME... And if Im not motivated Im so afraid I am going to give up like all the other times.. Its like Im at a fork in the road and I have to pick either the easy road or the hard one.. but the thing is that I need to get in my head is that the easy one might look more fun but it is a lot SHORTER then the hard one.. It might be hard and stressful and bring tears and make me mad at times.. but at least its longer and I will get to live! right! I mean I go down that easy road and who knows when I will die.. *sigh*.. I can do this... Ive come soooo far! And I am like soooo freakin close! RIGHT>?>? RIGHT!! lol... So yah.. thats what im dealin with right now! I will keep you all updated! Thanks for reading! ttyl
I dont even know where to begin! lol.. Just to warn you this will most likley be a very long blog ;O) So.. We went back to CA.. Had so much fun! We didn't do a whole lot of things just really spent time with family and friends.. Tom and I got to go to golden gate park and go on a little hike / adventure lol and we even went down to the carousel and ate pink popcorn something I haven't had since I was a kid.. It was really fun.. We also went down to San Jose and did some shopping.. It was fun.. Just did a lot of local things.. Had 3 bbq's that didn't enclude a bbq lol.. Seams like we sure ate mexican a LOT! lol.. Ok so since we are talking about food.. man how bad did I do.. LOL.. I went to CA KNOWING I was going to gain weight.. I got there and was like ohhh forget it Im just going to eat.. And so I did.. I ate and ate and ate some more even when I was full.. One night lol we even went to dinner 2 time in the same night.. LOL Yah.. I had mexican like crazy, Donuts from my fav donut shop, I dont even know how many deli sandwitches I had with mayo and EXTRA garlic! lol yumm I made lasauna one night at Toms moms house and had 2 pieces lol.. WIth bread.. LOL I had chinese twice, candy, icecream, pie.. OMGOSH.. lol.. I ate like a mad woman.. ANd it was GOOD lol.. But when it got towards the end of the trip I was SOOO tired of eating and SOOO ready for some CHICKEN AND VEG! lol.. My body was aching my chest was so heavy.. I had no energy.. It was TERRIBLE.. Do I regret it.. umm no.. but I am ready to get back on track thats for sure! So I got home and ran to the scale lol.. I had to see the damage.. I mean how much weight can one put on in 12 days LOL.. Yahhhhh SO I weighed 277 when I got home! When I left I was at like 268 My last ww weigh in before I left was 270 so I gained anywhere from 7-9 lbs! Can you believe that lol WOW.. crazy.. Tom was worse.. He gained 12 lol.. it was nuts.. So I am home.. And back on track.. TOTALLY struggling like it is the first week.. Im STARVING lol.. Today I weighed in at 273 so Im getting closer to where I was so that is GREAT news.. I still wont go to a WI until next sat cuz this weekend is my moms bday trip to Vegas so I leave Friday morning and come back monday night! lol.. But when Im in Vegas I won't do bad I will be a good girl lol.. Or try to as much as I can.. :O) So that was my week.. *sigh* ANd it was fun.. :O) Now it is back to reality and back to getting these last 100 lbs off baby! :O) I do however miss home.. (CA) I hope someday we can move back there.. Hey you never know I mean if its God's will for us to be there He will make a way RIGHT! RIGHT! lol.. Hope everyone has a great week Gosh its SOOO GOOD TO BE BACK ON TRACK!!! ttyl
Im excited about my trip! Nervous about my weight but excited about going! I weighed myself this morning and I was 268.1 WOO HOOO.. Now it was just before I got in the shower so I was naked but hey thats ok! lol.. Makes me feel good.. :O) I prob wont get a chance to blog until I get back from CA so it will be almost 2 weeks!!! Wish me luck out there! I am going to try my best to eat right and to walk ALOT lol.. I hope everyone has a great week! (or 2) lol.. I will ttyl
Trish
PS. About those pants.. well.. Im going to bring them.. lol They dont look bad with a big sweatshirt lmao.. I might wear them I dunno yet.. Still kinda tight but damn my ass looks good in them LOL.. :O)
