week 1 of 12 down! woo hoo
so like i said im doing this 12 week challenge thing.. ok well week ones weigh in i lost 6 lbs!! woo hooo im excited.. it wasnt as much as i was hoping but 6 lbs is a great start! im going to az next week so that will be tough to stay on track but im really going to try! i got a challenge to WIN damn it LOL.. i hope everyone is having a great weekend!!
ok ok okkkkkkkkkkkkk
so yes.. it has been a long time.. to long! not having a computer really sucks along with not having a kitchen to cook food it! oh man this is getting so freakin out of control it is nuts! I was at 110 lbs lost ONE HUNDRED TEN!! and now im back up to 305 great! i really really really dont want to get back to 355.. my living situation has to change it just has to! I dont know what to do.. we are planning on moving back to arizona in july well my husband and daughter would go july i would go november.. but thats a freakin year away so do i just sit here and watch the scale go up for another year?? its been two years we have lived here.. a little over actually.. and 60 lbs.. sweet.. in case you dont know.. we live at my mother in laws origionally we thougth our house in az would sell and we would get our own place well yah market crashed and we are stuck.. its benn TWOOOO years! yah.. no fun.. there is a kitchen but its just not worth all the trouble using it.. its not my house not my rules if you get my drift.. so yah.. no kitchen.. limited amount of use of even the microwave..so what do you do in that situation.. you eat out.. now i ask where is it cheap to eat out? fast food.. dollar menu! right? so yah thats it folks.. my 60 lb weight gain.. i knew what i was doing its not like i had no idea but still.. gerr anyways so here i am at a place where i need to decide what to do.. either i sit and gain or i get up and work my ass off.. i might not be able to control my living situation but i can control how much i work out! right.. ok so i started this 12 week weight loss challenge with a couple friends.. its with this trainer and so far so good.. today was the first class.. you get a cash reward if you win so thats a huge goal! so yah.. it did cost $100 to do it but if it works its worth it! I just want to get back to where i was when i moved here at 246 then i can breathe and keep going.. its going to take awhile! *sigh* so here i am.. in all realness.. i hate the way i look right now.. i want my american eagle pants to fit again! i want that joy i had when they did fit! i want to feel beautiful.. so yes.. here i go 12 weeks.. wish me luck.. im going to kick som ass! you know im winning this thing right lol.. ;O)
going up up uppppp
I dont even know why i am writing.. maybe its just cuz i dont know whatelse to do.. i am beyond discouraged just frustrated mad upset everything.. i know i know how many blogs can i have about being mad.. well heres one more.. I was on point had like 3 weeks under my belt was doing good loosing slow but loosing.. i was down about 6 lbs and then one week all the way back up.. im like WHAT! yah i was shocked.. dont knwo what the hell happend but i was back back to where i started 4 weeks ago.. yup yup so what did i do.. what every fat person does EAT! yup ate and ate and ate.. now i feel like crap prob weigh MORE then i was a month ago and have to once start again.. I cant get it out of my head that it is because of this move that I have gained weight.. if i had a kitchen and could actually cook meals i wouldnt have this problem and i would prob be at goal by now.. so im mad.. mad that we moved.. mad that i dont have a kitchen.. mad that it is sooooo freakin hard to do this here.. i dont know what to do i want to go to the gym but when i have the time i cant ok sometimes i can but usually the husband is home and gets all butt hurt if i go so its easier to not deal with that and just stay home! i wish i could go to a fat camp or something where i was locked up for a month lol just to get my butt on track! Im desprate i dont know what to do.. i just cant do this by myself... i was so close.. sooo freakin close.. now im back at 301 lbs.. great huh.. yah not so much.. i hate myself right now..
I can't do this
I am so sick of starting over so sick of feeling like I've failed. I want the voice telling me I can't do this to stop! I'm driving home from a late movie and I'm like humm I want to eat! Naww I'm not hungry. Well maybe 2 tacos from jack in the box that's not to bad only 6 points! Lol I'm like well I don't have cash and I don't want to charge $1 so I search my purse and find a dollar in change but the line was really long so forget that. Oh I know a jr whoper! That's a buck ok burger king it is! Remember I'm not hungry actually my stomache hurts from all the popcorn and candy I ate at the movie! Ok so ohhh I want frys burger king has my fav frys. I will use my card and get a whoper jr and large frys! I know my stomache hurts the holy spirit is screaming in my ear to stop! But I don't listen. Then I scarf it down as if the faster I eat it the less damage it will do ya right. So I lye here in bed mad dissapointed just frustrated! I quit weight watchers yet again! When I lived in arizona doing ww was great! But here I have no kitchen so its freakin hard!! Like if I'm craving tacos I can't just make healthy ones I have to buy some and to eat low point I don't get that many then I'm hungry still and mad so I binge! Its this cycle! I don't want to gain all my weight back I really don't! I want to get back where I was when I moved here! I just really don't think I can! How do u motivate yourself and how do u eat out healthy and cheap? I'm so tired!
Ok so I win and then gain 10 lbs in 2 weeks.. SWEET SAUCE lol.. ok so im back.. once again.. this is getting old! I quit ww again lol.. im just done.. its so frustrating! I am in the same place I was a year ago! Moving here has really put a pause on my weight loss.. there is just only so much you can do without having a kitchen! You get so tired of eating salads and cold chicken! Then when you go out to eat it gets old ordering the same boaring bland stuff ya know! Gerrr.. When I did have a kitchen it was so much easier to weigh things and come up with great low fat recipies! But this just sucks! All I can do is try my best.. try to loose and if I dont then just maintain till I get my own place! AMEN! lol.. So me and my husband are competing once again.. Who ever has the most weeks "loss" then we get to pick where we go for Valentines day! I already made reservations LOL.. Cuz you know I got this! Here is go a great week for everyone! Happy New Year!!
So this week my husband gained 3 lbs and I lost! WOO HOOO so I win! Im excited! I was expecting a gain this week so a loss was great! It was only 1.8 but thats more then I have had in awhile so that is awesome!! I ate so many cookies yesterday im sure they havent kicked in yet lol.. Last week I only lost .8 and I did GREAT so I think im just a week behind.. I got to try key word TRY to work hard this week so that I can not have a gain next sat.. christmas time is really hard for me cuz I love sweets.. but I can try. :O) Hope everyone has a blessed christmas!! I shall try to update soon!
its been awhile but im down!
So I went to arizona.. oh man what an amazing time I had with God! :O) *sigh* So I didnt go to ww while I was there and then i missed last week.. I thought for SURE I would be up when I weighed in on sunday but actually I was down .2 lol hey its soo better then a gain! haha.. so im all good! :O) My husband and I are competing again haha.. the rule is we both just have to loose weight.. doesnt matter how much (thank God) haha.. But who ever has a "gain" first looses! The winner gets to pick our next vacation in Feb! WOO HOOO!! So yah im excited! So we shall see what happens! Is anyone else doing the new plan on weight watchers? Let me know what you think!
another gain are you kidding me!
ok so i went to my weight watcher meeting expecting to loose this week! I had an awesome week.. I did not fall into a LOT of temptations I said NO a lot!! I did have a bad day yesterday but that was it! I know I shouldnt have ate pizza and ice cream yesterday but we were out and I had done sooooo good all week I thought it would be ok! I worked out a lot this week to.. But I gained! yup .2 lbs this week so in the last 2 weeks it is .8 thats almost a pound wich wouldnt be bad on a normal basis but im working my ass off.. trying sooo freakin hard.. its really frustrating! So I left my meeting in tears I didnt even stay for the meeting.. im so angry.. I have a choice.. i can either say F it.. and just quit.. or I can make it make me try harder.. so im going to give it one more week.. im going to work my ass off and eat really well ALL week.. if I dont loose then im done.. we shall see.. I hope everyone has a better day then me..... ttyl
*sigh* ok so im trying this week.. really really trying and Im doing a great job! lets see it was umm sun night i got in a fight kinda with my hubby.. yah fun.. then monday and hes still in a bad mood.. whatever.. ok so mon night he throws a fit about not getting anything he wants.. ok i understand his frustration but then he gets mad cuz there is nothing to eat.. ok well budget is really tight so we are just eating whats in the house and hes not use to that.. ok so he wants pizza.. yah I have been CRAVING pizza for weeks now and havent fell into the temptation.. yah so he wants pizza.. throws a fit about it so I go get him a stupid pizza.. I had to get it... smell it the whole way home and then sit in bed and watch him eat it.. SWEET! I am very proud to say I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THAT #*#*$*$#(W&(@*&@(#*&@*(&#*@( pizza!!!! Thank you LORD!!! I sat there and did my workbook for loose it for life.. it was soooo freakin hard but I did it.. :O) WOO HOOO FOR ME! lol.. if you know me then you know that was sooo hard.. I wanted to CRY!! seriously.. i was so frustrated!! But I did it.. I desirve stars today! :O) ok there are no stars so hearts lol... Send me some hearts damn it LOL.. so my feelings for the day... men suck lol.. hope you have a great day!
up .6 blaaa
So I gained .6 this week.. blaaa yes thats POINT 6 haha.. could have been 6 lol but its not.. so Im still down the 15 that I have lost in ww this round haha.. Its ok.. i will get it off this week.. I knew I would gain and actually it wasnt as much as I thought and I prob didnt even gain cuz I was soooo soar when I weighed in from working out yes at the gym woo hooo.. and I know when you are soar you are retaining water so therefore weigh more.. so yah.. we will see what the scale says on friday.. im going to change my wi day to friday so i will be missing a day this week.. that sucks.. but fri works better for me.. sometimes on sat I have to take my daughter with me to weigh in and i dont like to.. she is super skinny and the last thing she needs is tips on how not to eat! So yah.. plus its nice to have my weigh ins all to myself..
Im reading this book loose it for life... has anyone read it? Im also doing the workbook it comes with.. i love it.. it puts a christian spin on things really makes you think.. Im only like 3 chapters into it.. its a slow read.. cuz you read a chapter then do the workbook that is like a chapter a week or so.. and sometimes i do miss a day lol.. but its good.. you should check it out.. i got it on amazon.. cheaper that way! I am really trying to focus on myself.. it is a chore to me cuz I am so focused on everyone else all the time.. its so hard to put myself first.. im trying.. I NEED to or I will die.. seriously.. if I dont get this weight off I will die early.. and I dont want that.. I need to put myself first and go to the gym instead of thinking ohhh well the husband will be home and want me there ohhh the kid needs me home.. ohhhh i need to do this or that for this person.. NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I need to go to the gym for MEEEEEEEE!! I made myself a deal... if I go to the gym just twice a week for one month or just workout.. doesnt have to be the gym but a real workout.. then I get to buy new workout shoes!! Much needed.. lol.. I dont like to buy myself things either lol.. so this will be good! I can do this.. 2 times a week.. thats all! :O) lol pray for me haha.. so yah..
Well here is to an awesome week... weight loss or not.... I shall check in soon..