So today was WI day.. Im down 1 lb but should be down more than that. I worked out 4 days this week.  Mon skipped tuesda and worked out 2xs yesterday and this morning. I need to get my eating under control thats the problem! I still eat bad not AS bad but still bad. And next weekend I am going to NY for a week so Im sure that will set me back.. This up coming week I Need to suck it up!

When I think of the word "obese" I dont think of me; but truth is I AM. And Im not just slightly obese I am morbidly obese. I weight 279, am 5' 7-8" and 22! So truth is I am morbidly obese.  So this is kinda embarassing to write but Im going to because I need to get it out and for me its easier to share with my "online" friends then my real life ones. But I found out I have PCOS- Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. When I was in 8th grade I have to go on BC because I had cyst on my ovarys and it caused very heavy irregular cycles for me. TMI  coming.... I would go through 4 super tampons in an hour!!!! Well I got on BC and everything was fine. When I turned 17 me and my boyfriend had a couple accidents.. never got pregnant. so call me stupid I know but I kept not getting prego, not that I wanted to but now I was curious if I even could. I remember 8th grade and having cyst but they didnt explain it to me so I was scared that ment I couldnt have kids because me and K would have unprotected sex pretty much on a regulare basis now and no baby.... I didnt want to ask my mom or Dr because I felt they would think I was trying to have a baby if I asked about it. WHich I was trying but its like I wanted to know if I could or couldnt ( I know I said I was stupid ) anyways so me and my boyfriend kept haveing "accidents" and I never got pregnant. Well I had years and years of accidents with alot of guys -dont wand to get into it I was young and dumb and seeking love in ALL THE WRONG places- anyways from the time I was 16 - 20 I couldnt even count how many "accidents" I had. When I was 20 I ended up getting pregnant. So after I had Amiya I decided I wanted to try for another. ( Amiya wasnt planned but I didnt want to have my kids far apart in age so we tried for the second ) I never got pregnant. Well also after I had Amiya I started to grow really bad facial hair ( GROSSS ) and I also got this blochy dark colored spots between my breast and really bad acne ( I NEVER HAD acne growing up! ) and my weight is all in my stomach area which I thought was because of Amiya. My period pretty much comes when it wants. I still havent gotten it and am not pregnant. I am not even trying anymore because we broke up and I want to lose weight before I have another.  So anyways I didnt think this was all related. I thought I couldnt get pregnant cause Im to fat, and the other stuff like the hair and acne I just thought my hormones were messed up; which they are but I didnt know you can help it. Well I finally mentioned all this to my dr and she dignosed me with PCOS. They put me on BC to take care of the cyst again and she said that this is another reason why I am having a hard time losing weight and why all my weight is in my gut area. SO They put me on some hormonal pills so reduce the hair growth and also it will help clear up my acne. She said I had PCOS since 8th grade but no drs really mentioned anything to me about it. People dont usually find out they have it until they get married and are trying to conceive. SOmetimes you can but 90% of the time its very very hard to get pregnant.  Anyways being over weight and obese can make the symptoms much stronger. So once I gained 50lbs being pregnant thats why the hair and acne started so badly and why my period is so messed up. Once I lose weight alot of my symptoms will go away.  They said that 1 out of 10 girls has PCOS, just its not common to catch it until you start trying to have kids and cant.

Sorry this got to be so long its just I feel so releived to know that my hair and acne problem can be fixed. And it opened up myeyes that being obese effects more than you know! Also I was wondering does anyone else have PCOS?

 

So @ 4:59am my alarm went off and my first reaction was hit the snooze them I was like wait Im supposed to work out today! So I kept going back and forth about oh I'll start tomorrow, I got to bed late last night and blah blah blah the same excuses I have been feeding myself for the past 6 years. So I finally said to myself-yes out loud- Morgan get your fatt @ss out of bed and go work out! - and I did. I read this qupte on one of the profiles here and I really motivated me and I wrote it on a piece of paper and put it in my room cause I loved it so much - a year from now your going to wish you had started today- Now isnt that such an inspirational quote.  Sorry to whoever I stole this from I cant remember so I cant give you credit but thank you cause I LOVE it!..

 

so

 

So I dont have much time to blog on the weekends.. I usually blog when I am @ work. But I wanted to make sure I told all of EP that I AM going to get my big ol booty out of bed tomorrow morning and be to the gym by 5:20ish and work out for an hour. I feel like if I post it I would feel like I have to actually do it. I know sad but Im still in the weak stages of this whole journey.

Anyways my weekend was pretty good! My mom made pumkin squares ( kinda like a pumpkin roll ) Its so good with the cream cheese frosting OMG lol anyways so yea I went over board on those but besides that it was a good weekend. I got all my big stuff moved- still need to go back during the week and finish with the little stuff and cleaning. On friday I took Amiya to the park because it was BEAUTIFUL out! we stayed there for an hour and went on a little nature trail walk. She loved it. Then sat was the day I moved and that was that. Sat night Amiya and I watched a  movie and went to sleep. Then today we pretty much just stayed home. I did take her on a side street so she could ride her little power wheels 4wheeler, oh and today was the first day she was in Undies all day and she only had 2 accidents. Im hoping she will be potty trained fully by April when we move, she will turn 2 in March so she is right on time. Anyways got to go to sleep big day tomorrow.. Its the first day of the rest of my life!!!

Here is my daughter Amiya I thought I added it this morning but I guess it didnt work.. I still need to get used to EP

So I guess I am computer illiterate compared to the majority of the people my age.  Last night I tried to upload photos so you can see the face behind this blog but it kept saying something about too many pixels which Im assuming means my pictures are to big.. Well I tried to resize but it still wouldnt work... can someone help?? Thanks!!! Oh but I did manage to get a picture up of my daughter YAY me!!

 

Anywho so last night @ about 9:30 I was laying in bed and it just hit me.. Why dont I just get up @ 4:45 get to the gym by 5:15 work out until 6:20 go home and shower and get ready for work? DUHHH.. This way my mom wont complain about having to watch Amiya because they both will be sleeping anyways. The real challenge will be getting to bed by 9:30. That never happens! So I think I will do that every weekday, and 3 days out of the week do my Turbo Jam @ night. I would say go 3 days a week but I find myself saying oh I wont go today but I will make up for it on the day Im supposed to have off.. and this cycle repeats its self to the point where I dont even know where my dusty work out sneakers are because its been so long since I put them on... soo I think I will just go 5 days a week that way I cant put it off, it will be part of a routine before I go to work. ( Cause I wont work out on the weekends thats my time to spend with Amiya ) So whoop whoop  pull over that @ss to fat...- sorry got carried away when ever I say whoop whoop I always start to sing that song- anyways as I was saying whoop whoop I got myself a plan! Now the hard part sticking to it!

 

I ordered a bunch of work out clothes from Oldnavy. 220$ worth  Thats alot of money for me to spend on work out clothes. I used to just wear PJ bottoms and my exs old Army shirts. But I decided if I am going to be serisouse I need something to work out in that makes me feel good. I already feel so self concious going to the gym because Im fat, and then add my dingy old work out clothes and I want to go hide in the corner. So I bought 4 yoga pants and 2 sweat capris and 6 graphic tees that match my pants/capris, but are also colorful. And now Im waiting to get my tax $ so I can get my nike Shox I want ( are they a good work out shoe? They say they are for running but I want a shoe thats good for everything in the gym..- will they work?- But Im excited.  My goal is to lose twenty lbs by time I move to NY April 3rd. Then I am going to reward myself with getting my hair done. Cut, highlighted; the whole 10 yards! I have never had my hair done before ( highlighted ) and after having Amiya my hair went from blonde to a very dark blonde almost brown color, so I need toput  some more blonde life into it.

 

Well sorry my blogs are so long. Im usually a lengthy writer, so dont mind me!

So Thursdays are my weigh-in days...Not exactly what I hoped for but a loss is a loss, and the only thing I changed was my eating - A little- I still ate pretty bad this week. But Im down 1lb yay! 9 more to go and I reached my mini goal. I think it will be easier to do 10lb goals then one big one- I stole that idea from someone on EP but cant remember who.. sorry!-

 

 

 

So here I am my first blog. What has motivated me to start a blog about how I am now the size of a Rhinoceros ????.... Another wedding! Yup my oldest brother is now getting married. I thought I was in the clear, no more weddings, no more being the FAT bridesmaid, no more haveing to walk down the aisle with the cute groomesmen dreading every minute because you think he is hating this as much as you for the same reason.. because you are fat and he got stuck with the fat one. Yup I thought I was in the clear; the embarrassing dance, the awful dress that doesnt hide ANYTHING... but here comes my brother the one I thought would never get married asking me to be in his wedding.. UGHHHH!!! Usually sisters love this kind of thing dressing up and seeing their big brother get married.. Not me. I would like to enjoy it but I had barely survived my other brothers wedding so the last thing I want to do is be in one all over again. But I will be because I love my brother. One thing I WILL NOT be is the FAT bridesmaid.. Okay Okay maybe I will be the thick bridesmaid but I will not be the one that all the guys are praying they dont have to walk with. Instead I will be the beautiful women I know I am, Im not trying to get skinny, in fact I dont want to be skinny. I want to be healthy, I want to be thick but thick in the right places. I want to be sexy. I want to have the confidence to be able to not worry about what any man is thinking.  I want to be a better me! Mentally and Physically. So here I am writting my first blog because I WILL NOT be the FAT BRIDESMAID AGAIN!