matching
After getting sidetracked once again, I am back... hopefully for the long-haul! I had a conversation with a really good friend last night about how my "inner self" doesn't match my "outer self". It was really good to finally be open about my insecurities... It felt like such a release of pressure I was putting on myself. So, here I am, about to bare my soul to you...
I feel like I have a beautiful, fit woman inside of me that's being suffocated by my 310lb girth. I feel like each time I look in the mirror my inner-self is ashamed of what I have hidden her behind. I feel like I can do anything and succeed at anything on the inseide, yet I lack so much confidence right now. I like being naked, there's so much freedom in it, yet I can't stand being naked because I'm so pissed at what I've let myself become. I image learning to surf, playing with my puppy on the beach, and ultimately not hiding when the camera comes out... I'm tired out feeling like my insides don't match my outside. I wish the weight would come off as quickly as possible because there's nothing I want more than to be proud of how I look- not just who I am on the inside. I know that it's the "inside that counts", but for once I want to be able to walk down the street and not care what people say or how they look at me bc of my weight. I want to not hide behind loose jeans and oversized shirts... I just want to live with no more fears or regrets when it comes to living to the fullest.