Hi everyone ~ it's Monday 8/27 and I hope the day is treating you well. I had the day off from work today and spent the majority of the day doing housecleaning, laundry and some piddle paddling too :). Today is the first day of school for my 5th grader so I will be picking him in a while ~ I can't wait to hear about his day, who is in his class, what lunch period he has and everything else he wants to tell me. I am really trying to take a deep breath and smell the roses and this includes my relationship with my 10 1/2 year old. He is very considerate, compassionate and lovable boy yet I realize he is getting older, has his own opinions and I need to "take a chill pill" more often. LOL
The baby and I were at home by ourselves today. He has a little cold and I have been wiping a runny nose all day too. <sigh> Thank goodness we got ear tubes put in last June otherwise I know we would be heading for a doctor's visit soon because the runny nose always preceded an ear infection.
On to me ~ my spirit continues to be better. Later, I plan to research a few meal ideas. I didn't have to do much cooking over the summer ~ because my MIL would watch my son and she was kind enough to cook us dinner....she cooks really good and this has been an eating control problem too. I feel I will be a little more in control of what I eat since I have to cook it. <lucky me> Ü LOL
Well, I am off to visit a few blogs and check how you are all doing ~ wishing y ou a wonderful evening.
First, I would like to thank you all for the words of encouragement, support, emails, and comments you have given me. I do find EP a strong source of support.
The last couple of days have been better. I do not want to repeat what I blogged about yesterday - but realizing that it is not just me being lazy has been like a revibe for me. This morning I weighed a number I haven't seen on the scale in quite some time and it was a wonderful feeling.
As far as my eating choices I tried to eat well today but my parents have a BBQ restaurant and my sister and I alternate working on Sundays, so it was my turn to work. BBQ has a lot of sodium...etc so I didn't make very good choices with eating....but I am drinking my water all evening and trying to flush out my system. I soooooo want to get my 25# star this week. That would be awesome.
Again, thanks for the encouragement. I know that through prayer and support from you I can overcome this fear and figure out the next step. I do not expect for this to happen overnight and have accepted this is a major part of my journey.
Sorry ~ this will be a long one....thanks for my sweet SIL and GCQMom for helping me realize that this is a real fear; a real problem I have; and sharing some information to deal with it so I can move passed it.
Some of you may ask " FEAR????????? what in the heck is wrong with you girl?" ~ but this is me - at this very moment I have faced the fact that I continue to sabotage my weight loss efforts for the fear of the unknown! Unless you know what this fear feels like - you will not be able to relate.
The fear of what? (I am not really sure).
I have been overweight as long as I can remember as far back as 7th grade. I remember being "bigger" than my friends. I wasn't a fat baby. As pictures show me. I was of normal weight when I was born, I was a normal kid, doing normal kid things...and then boom...7th grade hit and I was bigger than my skinny friends. I have tried diet after diet; year after year this has been my "new years resolution". When I was 23, I was about 210; I was single and became very active in church volleyball. I started to see my weight drop and decided to put more effort into it and went on a "diet". I dropped 30 lbs. to about 180 - well, guess what happened. My now hubby became my boyfriend and eventually we got engaged and are still married today. Now I am not saying that by losing weight I will be out looking for another man (goodness no) but being this weight I have a "shelter" around me and don't have to worry.
I have always thought that I was lazy. I always figured this was my problem. I always thought that I just didn't want to put the effort into losing weight; didn't want to put the necessary time it took to be successful. With having over 100 lbs. to lose it can be very overwhelming. Successful people say "take it in 5 lb. or 10 lb. increments" - I tried that. It didn't work for me. This causes me to slip into a bit of a depression mode and guess what I would do - EAT. I would find myself gaining back that 2-3 lbs. I put so much effort in to lose a couple of weeks back.
Only recently have I been asked "what are you afraid of?" - Hmmm...... I have never thought of it that way. Once I asked myself this very question only then do I realize this is a real problem I face.
After 25 years of being overweight, I was faced with that fact. I say I want to lose weight; I even join different programs; will be successful for a month or so and when I have a certain amount of success, I quit. Yes, I am a quitter. I admit this. But, I don't want to be a quitter any longer. I am always looking for the next new way to diet or way out of this miserable weight. I have every diet book, buy tons of magaznines with success stories, join different groups, have all of the necessary stuff (pedometer, weight scale, food scale, points calculator, etc.) that I think will help me be successful....and they do help for a moment and then I quit. I joined Curves in June, hoping this would help me be successful. For a month and 1/2 - it did. I looked forward to going work out. Once the newness wore off - it got routine and lost its fizzle. I didn't quit, I still go about once a week - but I don't look forward to going there (unlike I did before). It's hard to get that first two week feeling back. It's hard to refocus after you have lost a bit of weight.
I have a wonderful support system at home. But instead of using their support to my advantage and keep on the success train, I let it fly right over my head and take their support for granted. Yes, that is awful. I admit it. I feel awful and guess what EAT. Yes, this is my answer to everything but I am working on changing this.
Thursday August 23rd was the first time I realized I have a "fear of losing weight" problem. I now know this is a real problem - others have this problem too. I am not alone in this. I now know that others face this same fear. There are other poeple out there who have this fear too.
Where do I go from here? I am not quite sure - but with prayer, I mean lots of prayer and soul searching, and support, I am ready to face this fear and find the solution to help me overcome this fear.
Sorry this message was so long but I feel like I have a weight lifted off of my heart. Knowing that why I do this to myself is a real problem and that there are others out there who suffer with the same fear is comforting to know that I am not just lazy. There is tons of information out on the web regarding this problem. Like this one and this one too.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. Now that I have recognized and accepted that this is a real situation I am dealing with - I can now begin the real work to overcome this fear.
It's Thursday evening....hope you all had a terrific day!
My day has been okay, again. I consider myself back on track but finding it difficult to journal. I know this is a vital part of my weight loss but I am not making it the necessary priority as I should be. What am I afraid of if I lose weight? I know this is a silly question but all of you who are focused on your weight loss - do not let silly stuff stand in your way. <shoulder shrug> Don't know!
Tomorrow is Friday ~ Yea! I am only working 1/2 day because my son has his 12 month check-up tomorrow afternoon. This includes shots...so I usually take him home afterwards and give him some mom TLC. Ü
Once there was a rubber duckie and a 5th grader....
LOL ~ tonight is "meet the teacher" night for both of my boys. My 10 year old is going into the 5th grade and this will be a transition for the whole family. He will have 4 teachers in addition to art, mucic, etc.
My little one is transitioning to pre-school and will be in the Rubber Duckie class. LOL.......The pre-school he goes to has each class identified by a cutesy name....I can't wait! He will have so much more to do (than what he is doing now) and he is past that "baby" stage. SCHEEEEEEEEEEEW! Being a toddler is lots of work too....but he is so much fun!
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As for me - I am not doing very well today. I feel like crap with a capital C. I have a silly head cold that is a combination of sinus crude and other junk too. I have been taking something....and this is what has helped me get through yesterday and today. If I am not better by tomorrow I will have to break down and go to the doctor....BUT I hate to do that. <deep sigh>
At my WW meeting on Tuesday - my leader said something that is very profound to me. She said that when climbing a mountain, it's the pebbles that make us fall. Step over the pebbles to climb the mountain." I have tried to remind myself of this today.
Thought for Today - Step over those pebbles to climb that mountain!!!
I lost 2 lbs.....................I am so excited. I had not been doing well the last couple of weeks...and finally refocused this week (with all of your support and comments). I am refocusing.....BUT I didn't do as well with planning my meals today but I plan to get right back on track in the morning. ÜÜÜÜ
Thanks for your support..... HUGS!
Thought for Today ~ A healthy weight loss is 1/2 - 2 lbs. per week (after the first 3 weeks). This way your body can adjust and it is more able to keep the weight loss off and you will be more successful in the long run! Ü
Living in South East Texas and the threat of Hurricane Dean hitting us this week is on everyone's mind around here.
I work at a State of Texas facility that serves over 400 residents who are mentally challenged; we are one of 13 state facilities of this nature. When the threat of a Hurricane is moving into the Gulf of Mexico - the Govenor will issue an evacuation for the Coast.....For those of you that remember Hurricane Rita 2 years ago (on the skirt tails of Hurricane Katrina) - we had an entire school/facility evacute to us - it is not pretty - but necessary for everyone to stay safe. Right now, the weather map forcasts Dean to slam into Mexico (sorry, Mexico)- but we know this can change course in a heart beat.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Hurricanes are not fun for anyone involved.
As for me - I am doing "well" today ~ I had my oatmeal for breakfast (2 pts.) and was so busy in evacuation planning meetings all morning that I didn't have time for a mid-morning snack but for lunch I had a Smart Ones, salad and 2 pt. dessert. I have to satify my sweet tooth after I eat, it is just a habit. Oh yes, and I have had 2 big glasses of water....so I feel I am doing well with my water intake also.
I need to get my booty moving and planning to get by Curves after work today. I have not been faithfully going the last month. <shame-shame>.
I appreciate all of your comments, emails and contact. Your support is what has gotten me back on track and I give you a gazillion hugs for that!
Thought for Today - Stay safe and remember that we are not guarenteed tomorrow - so we have to live today.
Today has been an "okay" day. I did plan what I was going to eat and stuck to it....but I did have some ice cream this evening after dinner that wasn't "planned"....and all I can say to that is..it was yumm-o!
It's the beginning of TOM and boy ~ that has really put a "cramp" into my week. LOL. I will not let this discourage me though. I plan to go back to my meeting this week after a couple of weeks of not attending. I have the option of attending on Monday evening or Tuesday during the noon hour. Same location...BUT I prefer to go on Monday evenings because it is after work and I don't feel rushed BUT the dilemma ~ I usually weigh more in the evenings than I do during the day....so I rush over there at noon on Tuesdays and weigh in - in my wind shorts and tank top. LOL
I don't know what the scale is going to say....I hope it will say less than last weigh - in. <deep breath>
This is the last week for both of my boys before school starts. My 10 year old will be starting 5th grade and my 1 year old will be starting pre-school/daycare too. I am really looking forward to his starting school too. He is at a private sitter right now that doesn't take the kiddo's outside and my little one is cooped up all day. <sigh> BUT that's not why we are leaving....I had told her that we would keep him there until he was a year old and would transition him to a preschool which she prefers to watch infants anyway....so we're cool.
Wishing you all a wonderful healthy week.
Thought for Today ~ I am in charge of what I eat. Baby steps!
Today is a good day ~ and yesterday (Friday) winded up being a good day too. I feel that I have refocused and know that I am the only one who can make this work for me. I did plan my meals and snacks for today and feel good about what I am eating. I had a 6 pt. breakfast taco....
1 pt. Carb Balance tortilla (fajita size)
1 scrambled egg (2 pts.) mixed with 1/4 cup sausage (2 pts.)
1/4 cup FF shredded cheese (1 pt.)
It was yumm-o.
Hubby and I even worked in the yard a bit - until he strained his back (again) <sigh>
For lunch I had a sausage sandwich (had to use this up in the frige - but incorperated it in my eating plan today) 7 pts.
chips - 3 pts.
diet dr. pepper - 0 pts.
I need at least 10 pts. for my dinner....I am making a casserole that is 7 pts. and a few extra for some sort of dessert.
I feel that I am doing well so far. I have not been this focused in weeks....
I ask myself ~ what is standing in my way of refocusing and getting back on track?????????
The answer ~ "PLANNING"!!!!!!
To be successful I know that I have to plan.
I have to know what I am going to eat today otherwise I will fail.
When I fail to plan my meals, snacks and plan what I am going to drink throughout the day I fail :(.
It's hard to pick back up and start over again ~ but I know I have to do it. I have to start over again. I had a goal of being at 230 by the end of August but that is not a realist goal any longer because I have goofed off the majority of the summer. Goofing off means not following the plan as it is written; as it is supposed to be followed; and following the plan that helps me be successful. <sigh> So I will make a goal of being out of the 240's by the end of the summer. Oh goodness ~ I have 2 weeks. I better get my boooty moving (literally)!
Wishing you a "plan" filled day.....I pray that God touches our hearts with motivation and the will to be successful. With His help and guideance we can be successful ~ together!
I do not want to repeat what I blogged about yesterday - but realizing that it is not just me being lazy has been like a revibe for me. This morning I weighed a number I haven't seen on the scale in quite some time and it was a wonderful feeling. 
Thought for Today - Step over those pebbles to climb that mountain!!!