05/07/2010 02:39
Keep getting run off track. PERSONAL UPDATE
I am back to where I started when I moved here weight and fitness wise. (Duh, when you weight over 250 pounds, you can't do 5k workouts anymore) It has caused inflamation in my hips, making my life a painful hell. My doctor put me on a 7 day agressive anti-inflamatory med pack and it has relieved a lot of the pain. I still have discomfort but not staight up PAIN.
We have also adressed another pain I have been dealing with for a while. Cystic acne. I am on an antibiotic, a benzyol peroxide wash and retninA. (I can't spell today so bare with me) I only have one painful spot on my nose and a spot on my chin right now but TOM is coming soon.
My final barrier was my work hours. I dropped down to one baby in my daycare who has hours I can work with and am not exhausted at the end of the day. My stress level for work has dropped a million levels! I need the money but I think right now I need to put my body's needs in front of that for the moment.
I worked out today. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill with grade intervals and 5 minutes on the bike. The one thing I really noticed on the treadmill was my reflection. It just is not me in the mirror. I see a small head on this huge body with fat jiggling around with every step I took....that fat right above me knees. I kept thinking GROSS!!! I said that I would never go back to that weight and I let it creep on up. We are moving back to our house in SC and I don't want to look like what I did when we left.
The final thought of this post is the reason I gained my weight back when my dh came home from deployment. Yes, he is an enabler. He used to enable his dad as a kid so it is engrained in him to do so. That is something we can work on. The biggest thing was that I could relax when he got home. I didn't have to be mom, dad, taxi, teacher, caregiver, housekeeper, accountant, etc all by myself. I could just let loose and be able to breathe. I just relaxed too much. Getting myself back into that mindset is going to be hard but I refuse to let up. I have continued to come back here, hoping I can find IT again. That motivation and drive that I had when I lost the 40 pounds that I now carry again. That is pretty much my 6 year old stuck onto my body. The fat is more annoying that she is, which is pretty hard to beat!
All joking aside, I think I need to buckle down again. I still need new shoes but I am willing to gut it out. Seeing myself in that workout mirror was a big wakeup call. I want that engrained into my head.......