i'm hooked

I love this community! I've only been a part of it for like two days and I've already received so much support. Thanks y'all. But, seriously, I have to get some work done. Can't afford all that Jenny without a job right?

first weigh in

My first weigh in was this morning. This is the last time I'll ever have a first weigh in again, because I'm sticking to this program. Down 2.6lbs. Yeah!

Normally I'd be all, "2.6 lbs, why didn't I lose 10?" For real people. I'd really expect to lose 10. Whatever nutty girl! That ain't going to happen.

So I'm really proud of the fact that I'm proud of my 2.6. Almost more proud of that than losing the 2.6 in the first place. This is the first time in a very long time that I've felt at peace with this whole losing weight business.

I'm not obsessing about it, just doing it. I used to spend hours counting down to losing my goal weight. Like literally writing 196, 194, 192...you get the picture, on a piece of paper. I was so focused on those numbers that I couldn't be proud of anything else. I also think I was replacing compulsive eating with compulsive number writing. Why can't I be a compulsive gym goer, work doer or husband kisser? I need to make my compulsions more productive folks.

Delivery Rocks!

I just got my first delivery of organic fruits and veggies from Planet Organics. This rocks! The veggies look crisp and the fruit is nice and bright (with the exception of some squashed kiwis). Could they (the diet powers that be or whatever) be making my diet a little easier? Delivery Jenny, delivery safeway and delivery organic produce. Please!

Though all this delivery is making it really easy for me to sit at home and watch Heroes. Who's up for some delivery personal training! I wish.

Maybe my dog will bark at me soon and get me out of the house.

psychic thug

When we first moved to the city, my husband and I were walking home from the Metreon after seeing a matinee. We were just walking down the street, happily minding our own business, talking about our upcoming cruise vacation, when a beat up, brown, 80s Cutlass drove by crammed full of wife beater wearing thugs.

One of the skinny, eminem lookin' dudes thrust his entire torso out of the passenger side window and yelled, "Lady, you are FAT. You need to go to Jenny Craig."

I was really hurt at the time, and it really dampened my vacation mood. But, I also find it pretty amusing that about 6 months later I did, in fact, join Jenny Craig.

I didn't remember about the guy in the Cutlass until I'd already made the phone call and scheduled my first order. When I did remember, I thought it was hilarious. I told my husband later that night that we should consult the psychic thugs at the Metreon for all major decisions from now on.

But I've still got a very sore spot from that guy's taunt and similar things that have happened to me.

I've changed a lot since I've gained weight. I used to be really out going and vivacious. I had tons of friends, and I was very energetic. I'm still a pretty happy person and fun to be around I think, but I'm much more low key now. I stick to hanging out at home with my husband, only going out occasionally.

It's nice a lot of the time, but I really miss being social. I know my newfound homebodiness has a lot to do with gaining weight and diminishing self-esteem.

I really want to be the girl I used to be. I hope that as I lose weight I will become more confident to be that girl. Have any of you found yourself in a similar situation? Did losing weight help you gain more confidence and become social again?

write. right?

Hello Internet,

I'm no Valerie Bertinelli, so you might not care, but this is my way of saying that I am going to lose this weight for good. I am a writer by trade, so this seems like the best way to hold myself accountable for my weight loss, to discover how I can avoid binging, to learn how to keep the weight off forever and maybe meet some friends along the way.

A Little Bit About Me

I live in an itsy-bitsy apartment in San Francisco with my husband and mutt. We are right in the thick of it between Nob Hill (which I always want to spell with a k) and Chinatown. It's awesome, but loud. This is our happy, little, tiny kingdom that I am currently bursting out of.

I've always kind of felt like a big giant (though looking back I know I was dum, du, du, dum), until I lost about 20 lbs on weight watchers right out of college. It didn't last long though, due to a bout of what I like to call "the crazies." A year later I had gained back the weight plus 60 lbs. Woo hoo, people. It was a yummy ride, though wrought with self-loathing. However, the crazies are very few and far between these days, and that’s great!

Five years later, I'm still carrying the poundage. Our move to San Francisco actually helped me lose about 15 lbs. without even trying, just walking around the city. Hilly is a gross understatement. Mountainous, kick your booty cliffs is more like it.

Anyway, I've tried weight watchers, body for life, the sunfood diet, atkins, south beach, e diets, the fat flush and I think that's it. But really, isn't that enough? Honestly, I haven't tried too hard to lose the weight. Well, I've tried hard, but for short periods of time.

About a year ago I joined Jenny Craig to lose weight for my wedding. It worked, but then I gained it all back, and I've been gaining and losing the same 15 pounds since November.

I'm over it.

I really like the Jenny program though, and I know it will work if I can commit myself long term. I have finally gotten to a place where I can accept that I'm not going to do this perfectly. It's probably going to take a year. I want it to be slow and permanent. I want to take exercise slow, so that it's permanent. I have a bad habit of throwing myself in 100% and fizzling out at the first hurdle. I really feel like things are going to be different this time.

For real internet, I mean it.

I want to have a record of how I'm feeling, why I'm doing things or not doing them so that I lose this weight and keep it off. I've looked at several journals here and it's inspirational that so many people are trying and doing. I’m going to do that now too, okay?

Thanks for listening internet

You are my best friend