So apparently... when one gets bored with studying... one eats...
OMG... If there were an EP "god", he would have struck me with lightening by now. Let's do a run down.
breakfast: Jack in The box... breakfast sandwhich and a medium dr. pepper.
work: 2 16 oz things of water.
Lunch: Wendy's (husbands idea and totally justified by sonya's blog thanks for nothing people!!!!)
Mid afternoon Snack - THREE (count them... 1... 2.... THREE) servings of rice with turkey mixed in. (I've been craving this all day and even though I was NOT hungry at all after the massive spicy chicken sandwhich that i had with fries and yet another DP... I couldn't resist it.... they should put a lock on our pantry, take away all of my debit/credit cards AND keep me from all forms of cash...)
Oh yes... and another Dp which I'm currently sipping on while writing. If they had a straw long enough, I'd have it in my mouth.
So... because of my complete lack of sanity... today is my cheat day. Tomorrow... I get back on this horse.
Quick Question (all crap from today aside): Does anyone here have problems being "Regular" (you know what I mean....) I have a feeling if I were more "regular" I would lose more weight... like I consume these foods... then I never get rid of it... except for once a week if i'm lucky... any remedies? am i the only one?! HELP!
The scale went down again today! Though it definitely shouldn't have! I ate out TWICE again yesterday... breakfast and lunch. Last night I just had steamed jasmine rice (so good!) I'm sure the lack of eating anything really substantial for dinner made this morning's scale look so good... but I know I'm still not making good decisions.
This morning I made yet another bad decision. I went to McDonalds... but in my bad decision I made a good decision... I got a bottle of water instead of soda. Which much to my surprise, they DIDN'T charge me extra for. And now I'm at work and I'm just sippin on water.
I can't believe I've eaten out so many times. I keep giving the excuse that there are no groceries at home, but do you know how many HEALTHY groceries I could have purchased for what I've spent going out. I complain I'm broke and I go out to eat. I complain that I'm fat and I go out to eat. I want to be someone's inspiration, but I can't even be my own! I swear, I'm an idiot sometimes.
So something I've never mentioned before is that I REALLY want to start walking/jogging/running. I've always wanted to be a runner. I've always wanted the freedom to just turn off my brian and run. Or think through all of the problems of the day. You always hear that it's such a stress reliever and boy do I want to relieve some stress.
There's a 10K at the end of March here in town that's kind of a big deal. The weather won't be terribly hot yet and really I can walk 6 miles no problem... and you would think that in 4 months I could TRAIN to at least jog part of the 6 miles. And I think I really want to do it. Plus... runners bodies are HOT! And if I could get me one of those would be awesome.
My friend Michael, who is a runner, just told me he just cleared his 600th mile. HE HAS RAN 600 MILES. That's amazing to me! And I want to amaze someone else with that! Not only would it be awesome to be able to say "I run 400 miles in a year" but I next year at this time I could say "I run 400 miles in a year and I've gone down 6 dress sizes doing it!" and even if I DON'T go down 6 dress sizes... I'm going to have to go down some!
I'll give you that 400 miles in your first year for someone who is overweight and lacks motivation is a big extreme. But maybe I should attempt 20 miles in a month... Hmm... We'll revisit this after the 10th...
On any note... I'm down... let's hope that's the case tomorrow! =)
Much love to all who have written me wonderful messages! I promise I will get back to you soon! Sorry, just completely overwhelmed right now! *HUGS*
I challenge you... get up and do 10 jumping jacks RIGHT NOW. if you're in your office, your house... it may be difficult in your car... hold on i'm going to do it myself...
So the scale went down today and I have no idea why… it definitely shouldn’t have gone down. I had fast food twice (McDonalds for breakfast and Sonic for lunch) and then Macaroni and Cheese for dinner.My husband wanted to try to make homemade mac and cheese and I couldn’t say no… =(But for some reason, it went down… go me?!?!
Did you know that String Cheese and Banana’s are options at Sonic?I found that interesting. (I had tater tots.)
So I have to admit something… I am NOT motivated at all to lose weight. I know I should. I know what to do.But my motivation level is absolutely ZERO.I’ve maintained the current weight for a while now. So I know I know HOW to maintain weight. It’s the getting it off that is complicated.
Okay, it’s NOT complicated.It’s very straight forward, eat the right foods and exercise… but yet… nothing.
To be honest, I’ve got 8 days to finish 8 weeks worth of school work or else drastic consequences will occur… and this really stresses me out.And I can’t focus or do anything else. I work from 8-12 everyday and I have other meetings during the day I have to go to for my wedding planning business… but I study the rest of the time?
So maybe my goal should be to at the VERY LEAST to maintain my current weight through the 10th… made better eating choices between now and then and then after that start a regular activity program…
*sigh* that’s all I have for today… motivation… 0… maybe I should watch Biggest Loser tonight to motivate myself…
So tonight for dinner we had steamed rice with a bit of left over turkey gravy and shredded turkey breast. The gravy wasn't the BEST thing in the world FOR you, BUT it certainly tasted amazing. I decided to give my husband the vast majority of it, since we had 1 sweet potato left and I figured I would have it as a side. (I keep hearing how GOOD they are for you!)
Well after making my husbands plate, I made my own (the potato is already cooking in the microwave) and I realized that it was still a LOT of food! It completely filled up one of our cereal bowls. I knew at that point I didn't need the potato.
But it was already cooking.
Here are the factors that I thought about, but never really paid much attention to ...
1) Sweet potatoes are good for you, but not with 4 tbs of butter and 1/4 cup of brown sugar.
2) Sweet potatoes are only 20 cents a pound right now and could have easily been thrown in the trash.
3) The vastness of my first course for dinner could have been put in a tupperware container for tomorrow's lunch.
4) I wasn't all that hungry to start with... I just didn't want to wait till 10 tonight and THEN get hungry and eat before going to bed.
On the upside, I drank water instead of Dr. Pepper... But my decisions astound me sometimes.
So, I'm at home studying today and I sent my husband out to get some groceries.... my GOD was that a mistake. He wanted to know what I wanted for lunch. My initial response was "taquitos" I've been craving them, and don't they sound good? Well he doesn't say anything after I said that... instead he gave me a look... which I interpreted as the "fat look". You know the one... the one where he's saying "you don't need any taquito's". So I sat and I thought about it and guess what... I don't need taquitos. I'm not craving them enough to justify gorging on a box of taquitos right now. So, I called him at the store and told him to just pick up some lunch meat from the deli. It will be healthier and it will last longer... which on our budget, every decision we make will be budget concious.
But really, I'm not here to vent about our budget or the deli meat or the taquitos. I'm here to vent about the FAT LOOK. I seemingly interpret this look alot. So really, it's gotta be psychological, right? I mean, would my husband, of two weeks, REALLY in his right mind give me that look? And if he really thought I was grotesquely fat (like I see myself), he wouldn't have even married me, right?! I've got serious issues, obviously... but I wonder... will these harsh assumptions of how the world perceives me change after I lose the weight? Or will it always remain...
If you haven't read this book... I would recommend it: Jemima J... It's a good inspirational fictional read... that hits a little too close to home... I think I'll read it again...
So in years past, I usually looked at Thanksgiving as a GREEN LIGHT to eat anything and everything that I wanted. Including, but not limited to Green Bean Casserole and Cornbread Stuffing. DE-LISH!
This year was a bit different though. I know what the scale says and I know how the clothing fits. And unfortunately, I know what the wedding photos look like... and boy does it look like I need to lose some weight... MAN...
On the upside, I didn't eat nearly as much. I had all of my favorites, just not as much of them... and I didn't even have dessert. I figure if I'm not crazy about something AND I'm not hungry, there's no point... just because it's "Thanksgiving" doesn't mean I should eat anything and everything because it's there.
So... I'm didn't. And guess what?! The scale went down... and THEN I had even more to be thankful for.
Note to self: A goal to remember is that every meal I eat isn't going to be my last opportunity to eat that particular food. It wont' be my last time at a mexican restaurant or my last time for pasta primavera... so why eat ALL of it? Why look at a menu and be utterly confused because I want to eat it all? If I want to eat it all, then obviously I'm not CRAZY about anything in particular... so why not have a salad? Okay... and maybe some queso! =)
Hope everyone's Saturday was awesome... we'll check in soon.
My last post was January of this year, and it's already November. How much of a disappointment is that? But man has it been a BIG year! (12lbs gained =(....)
This year has been so emotionally charged. I got married. And it's wonderful and great (at least I vouch for the first two weeks), but it's made me realize something. I AM, FOR SURE, AN EMOTIONAL EATER! 12lbs fluctuation in my weight tells me that. When I logged on for the first time in a long time today, I was shocked to see that I was down to 241 and now I'm back up to 253?! Why? That's absolutely absurd! Isn't getting married supposed to ENCOURAGE you to lose weight? Instead amongst the stresses of life, I just gained more. On the plus side though *pun intended*, he has too! =) And we're both now settling back into normal life and are realizing severely, that we need to do something!
Our wedding was small, but sweet. But unfortunately nothing like we wanted. We wanted a beach and a breezy outfits and margarita's for our closest 5 friends who bothered to come. Thankfully, by opting to have it here we were able to celebrate with everyone. And even more thankfully, this gives us a GOAL!
Kyle and I want to renew our vows on the beach that we originally hoped to married on, in two years. It's soon compared to what most people do for vow renewal, but we also didn't take a honeymoon, so this will serve as one! =)
But... a) You can't be a fat bride on a beach. b) I don't want to spend my vacation JEALOUS of the skinny girls. c) I want to wear much skimpier lingerie on my SECOND wedding night... if you know what I mean!
How do I plan on doing it?!
BECOME MORE ACTIVE.
This dieting crap is for the birds. I mean there are ALWAYS good decisions and BAD decision. But there are also "better" decisions that may not necessarily what the diet book tells you to do, but will satisfy a small craving that you're having. I've tried the dieting and GEEZ it's a pain my rear and it always leaves me craving exactly what I can't have. Granted, it's all psychological, but it's a never ending battle. So how about I make some better decisions about food and focus on being active.
We actually have a dog now and we chose a hyper breed on purpose. So we have been outside more often which has promoted us to walk/move more. But then again, anything is "more" compared to sitting on the couch.
I'm back in school full time (working part time) and I'm taking a "personal health" class next semester which will focus primarily on exercise and nutrition. That'll be good.
Because I'm working part time now, our income has lessened drastically... so our "going out to eat fund" has been cut drastically. Which means more cooking at home, and we all know that usually ends up being quite a bit more healthy than going out to eat.
Because our income has "lessened", my shopping budget is gone. I was never a shopper, more of a buyer. You know "I need another pair of jeans, the biggest one I own doesn't fit anymore" kind of buyer. Or the "I rubbed a hole in my thigh on the only pair of jeans that still fit me, so now I need another pair" buyer. NEVER a shopper. The word "shopper" implies that you have options. The word buyer means that you're sifting though the sales rack PRAYING TO GOD that there's a size in there that is big enough, even if it's not long enough. And I definitely pertain to the later description. Well, I don't have money for buying new sizes or replacing the large ones I have now. What I DO have though is a closet of clothing that all fit at one point of time that are BEGGING me to get off my tuff, lose some weight and let them see the light of day again. And damnit... those jeans WILL get mud on them again!
I guess that means I have to do something about it, huh?
So, it's been about 2 and 1/2 months since I've written here and to no surprise to anyone, this comes at you January 2nd! New Year resolutions... the same resolution I've had for years. The same resolution I decided on back when I first started talking to ya'll.
I thought I had it down last time, but life got in the way. First life, then finals (yes I'm going back to college)... then the holidays and shuffling family activities with necessities that needed to get done. SO here I am, still unable to take a breather from all the chaos, but I'm here still the same. I think I've come to realize that life just may NEVER slow down. But that doesn't mean I can't force myself to make time FOR ME. Regardless. So here I am. I'm not going to go ape-enter four letter word here. I'm going to do what I can, but keep you updated in the process. School starts up in a couple of weeks, so I'm going to try to get a good start to get me there!
You'll see on my weight thing, that I did go up! :-( As of this morning I was 250.6. That's no fun for anyone, but the crazy thing is that I went down a dress size. So maybe I've gained some muscle, but most likely, I think it's that the sizes are fluctuating a bit to give me a false ellusion.
I have a couple of new stretch marks since we last talked. Right on my lower tummy, they are absolutely disgusting, but I can't blame anyone but myself.
The great thing though above all of this is that I've gone back to church! Kyle and I have talked about going back to church forever, and we started a little over a month ago. So far we really like the church we're at. But we'll give it a little while long before we can start calling it home. So though my resolution is to "lose weight and be more healthy" my ULTIMATE LIFE GOAL is to get closer to God. Because I know, from experience, that I can't do this without Him.
So, here's to to the new year. 2007 was filled with tears of sadness and joy. I still tear up and cry when I think about Kyle's mom. The holidays were not the same wthout her. But I smile knowing that I get to marry the son she raised to be amazing. Speaking of that, we have set a date. November 15th, 2008! So that means my friends that I have 10.5 months to get this show on the road! Let's see where this journey takes me!
Hope all is going well for you all and that your holidays were amazing! Welcome to 2008!
Great news about life!I got a new job!Yes a higher paying, better job, in the same field that I’m in, WITH A BIG OFFICE AND EXCELLENT PARKING DOWNTOWN!Does not that not sound like the best thing in the entire world?!The only down side is that the dress code is VERY business professional.So I have to go buy a bunch of business suits this weekend…
But not too many, because I’m losing weight!I’m actually about staying even right now.I haven’t lost anymore since my last report, but I haven’t gained either (which is really amazing when you consider what I’ve been doing).Well I guess I haven’t been THAT bad, but I haven’t been that good either.*sigh*I’ve been about steady for two weeks now and I think I’m ready to drop another ten.What do you think?!
Wedding planning is going great, I will be sure to post a picture of my bling sometime this week.Kyle’s the amazing one behind the camera, so I’m going to have him take a picture of it.It still sparkles like none other! And I L-O L-O L-O-V-E it.It’s amazing.
Other than that, tell you the truth people, I’m not all that motivated to go truckin away at losing weight again.I mean frankly. I’m TIRED and I love food! Haha.But I know what will happen, I will go shopping this weekend and see a bunch of cute stuff NOT in my size, and have an absolute tear fest and then get motivated again.Maybe this new job is a blessing in more than one way! ;-)
I hope everyone’s weightloss is going well! I have a goal that by the middle of November I will FOR SURE be down another 10 pounds.Which will be awesome because then I will be down a total of 20, but ALSO because by losing 10 pounds I’ll probably move into an old size of mine and be able to wear more of my clothing!And MAYBE just MAYBE chunk these size 20 jeans out the window! Woohoo!
