Wow nothing like getting a little boost when your feeling down and out! I've been doing WW on line for the past week and was starting to feel that maybe the online thing wasn't for me, but that being said after seeing a loss I'm over the moon!

 

So it's the start of a new week with new and old goals. This week I'm going to try and stay on track with my WW points (some days are good and others....well we just won't talk about those..) I also bought a WII a month ago so I'm going to try and make the effort to use it every day...this is the one I know I'm going to struggle with. I have such a huge list of things to do and everything seems to go in front of doing 30 minutes on the WII but I'm going to really try this week.

 

I'm also pleased with the fact that I'm still taking the time to post and read others posts here. I'm finding that it's helping me, Lets hope I can keep this up as well.

 

Well here is to the start to another week, may I have the strenghth to fight the evil little food demon that sits on my shoulder everyday whispering ...eat it, come on I know you want it...it won't hurt just this one time.... Someone please give me a gun so I can shoot the little monster...

I've done some thinking about my food addiction, and yes it is a food addiction. I guess like they say the first step to recovery is addmitting that you have a problem. I have also realized that my emotions direct how bad my eating will be each day. Here is where the problem lies I need to figure out how to look at food as nothing more than something that my body needs to survive and nothing else. I have to realize that food may provide me with a moment of happiness but in the long run has given me years of unhappiness. So whats more important to me,  that moment of feeling good or losing this weight and feeling happy about myself for years to come.....we all know that answer to that one!

Well it seems that everytime I decide that I'm going to focus and lose weight this little evil side of me comes out and does everything it can to screw up my plans. I swear I eat worse for the first few days of a diet than I normally do? Now what the heck is up with that?

 

I really need to find out why subconsciously I am sabotaging myself. Maybe the fear of the unknown, see I have always been fat. I really have no idea what it's like to be "normal" I haven't shopped in a normal size store since I was 12yrs old and even than I was in the largest size they carried. My fat suit has always been my outer layer to the world. I can hide deep down inside and not have to worry about anyone really knowing the real me.

 

I have always been a comfort food gal, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm happy, oh hell I just EAT. I need to change the relationship that I have with food. I need to start looking at it for what it is....something that I need to live and nothing more. I going to stop revolving everything I do around food. This I think is going to be one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, but I need to change and now. I'm so unhappy with myself, and disappointed that my pattern of sabotage has once again appeared.

 

Time to pick myself up and brush myself off and try again.....

Well day 2 of WW was a bit of a disaster. I didn't start off so good, stopped at mcdonalds for a coffee and before I knew what my mouth was saying I had ordered a sausage mcmuffin....WTH??? It was like the bad part of the brain took control and the good lost the battle...arrrrgggg. And than to top it off I was too busy at work to have lunch until 3pm (sooo not good) had a pretty good dinner but than a couple hours later I was so hungry, it was like I hadn't eaten dinner??? once again WTH??? I know that the key to weight loss is proper eating, tomorrow is a new day, and I am thinking positive thoughts that tomorrow will be a MUCH better day.

I have tried and failed some many times I have given up keeping track, but this time I'm sticking with it. I'm tired of being FAT. I'm sick of not feeling good about myself, hiding in the corner and not being true to myself. It's time to take control of my life and what better place to start than the one thing that makes me so unhappy. If I can change how I feel about myself everything else will fall into place and be easier to deal with. 

 

So here I am. My own little spot where I can let my feelings out, and keep track of my success (and there will be success!...a little positive mental attitude here) I'm hoping by keeping a blog it will help me stay on this path to a healthier lifestyle. 

 

If anyone reads this thanks for taking the time to do so, and if no one does oh well thats not why I'm doing this.

 

Here is to the first day, my I not fall too hard!