I was all about that the other night, wasn't I? Sorry about that. I spent the whole day inside, alone, watching movies and eating junk food. Sounds like a great day but it really wasn't. Time alone, with my thoughts, sometimes ends in a very bad place.
I'm glad I let it out though, it helps. I'm really ok. I made myself get up and out on Sunday. Went to church, great service! Then J and I went to a get-together. This time I went happily. It was a nice time. I still felt enormous but he doesn't seem to notice. I love that about him. I know I'm not very nice about him sometimes. I guess I just want what you see in the movies sometimes and it's not like that. There's lots of good stuff though.
I'm sorry, TatumsMom, but I broke my promise. I didn't work out today. I worked late to try to catch up on some things then brought more stuff home to do. An excuse, I know. But that's all I've got right now.
I don't think I've mentioned that I'm on our staff volleyball team. We play on Wednesdays. I've never been brave enough to do such a thing before. This year I thought, what the heck? So, at least I'm getting an itsy bit of movement once a week. Sooo not enough, I know, but it's something.
I've been taking my jug of water to work with me almost every day. I used to finish that whole thing every day when I was on track. Now I bring it back home nearly full. I'm getting maybe one or two glasses of water in a day. BUT I'm at least making the effort to fill it and haul it with me.
Eating's still crap. Every day I promise to do better. Every day I fail. I've got hold of the all or nothing attitude and can't seem to shake it. If I'm not going to do it 100% right then I'm going to screw it up royally. I hate that.
Posted By: Ready2Wow
Comments to this post:
10/07/2008 08:19
Hugs
I know you have probably heard this before, have you gone through some counseling for the issues you have or are facing in life? Maybe some of what you mentioned about your mother and father's relationship is carrying over to your relationship with J?
You deserve so much more than he is giving you, but you have to find a way to break through and get it.
And as for the volleyball team... WOW! That's wonderful. I think it's about much more than movement. It's about having the confidence to do it. And building MORE confidence FROM doing it. TWO Thumbs UP!
I read your blog today and yesterday and it reminded me of someone I know very well: Myself. It's just weird because I have experenced some of the same things as far as keeping thoughts inside, men issues, parents marriage, not feeling valued, and giving up.
Do know that #1 you are not alone, and people will let you down a lot, but the one thing that you do have control over is YOU and how you treat your body. You owe it to yourself to workout and feel good. Not anyone else. Working out can be the one moment everyday that you have to yourself, improving yourself, feeling good about your self.
Yes we may do bad one day but great another day. No one is perfect, we just go along doing things until we find what works for us. #2 DO NOT GIVE UP!! By giving up you are failing, but if you keeping trying you are making and effort and you can't fail. Take one day at a time.
#3 Sounds to me like you hit a rough patch, which is ok. We all do. I just went through one myself, it's just a circle good things, bad things, happy times, sad times. It just goes on and on. I think of life like this: God puts the same challenges in front of us for a reason. If we react the same way then the same situation will happen again (because we didn't learn from our mistake) but if we handle it diffently then we move on to the next level.
My suggestions for you my friend: Workout, talk to J and tell him how you feel more often, let him know what is important to you and what you expect. If he doesn't want to comply then he has to go... you will save yourself some heartache in the end. Can you talk to you dad? Just to get a feel of what happened and what was going through his mind. Talk to your mom see what she has to say. You may or may not get your answers but at least you tried and that means you didn't fail.
I hate that. 