Weeds
I hate 'em. Detest 'em. Loathe 'em. And when they start to creep up in my yard I tend to ignore 'em. For a while anyway. Until they, much like Glen Close's character in Fatal Attraction, taunt me that they will not be ignored. Then I get out there and destroy 'em. Some I whack with the hoe, others I just yank out by the roots. It's grueling, especially when my allergies start acting up or I get dust in my eyes. But when I'm done...ahhhhhh....it feels like such an accomplishment. I know I've actually conquered something. Ha ha weeds, I WON!
I did the weed destroying yesterday. I put on my MP3 player (I'm not cool enough to have an iPod yet! 
) and my baseball cap to hide my make-up-less face and went to it. While working I try to distract myself with thinking and yesterday, for some reason, I started thinking about the presidential nominees and the way religion has played/is playing a huge factor in this race...then thoughts went to the ladies on the View and how Joy always makes fun of people saying that the events that happen in the world are God's will. She doesn't get it. She doesn't see how a loving God allows such evil things to happen. I don't either, entirely. But one thing that I have never doubted in my life is my faith in God. Joyce Meyer likes to say something like this: Unbelievers say there is no proof of a God and yadda, yadda...Her answer is, "Well, if I'm wrong, then when I die no harm, no foul. If you're wrong, you spend eternity in hell." Ouch! But it makes its point.
Please know I'm not trying to preach here, this is just the stuff I was thinking...I'm getting to my point!
So, as i thought about Joyce Meyer, I started thinking about how she always says that "God told me" this or that. And I know many other people who say that as well..."God told me...," 'The Holy Spirit spoke to me..." And I believe that if you know how to listen, He does speak to you. Me, well, I just never have trusted myself enough to know if God is trying to tell me something or if it's my own thinking. Looking back, I'm convinced that He's led me down certain paths for specific reasons, but I can't convincingly say that "He spoke to me."
Until yesterday.
And it just hit me really hard.
The weeds.
The weeds represented all of the crappy thoughts and behaviors in my life. I tend to just let them be, ignore them, and let them do what they're going to do. But if I would just get busy and do the grueling work, then I could reap the rewards. I could feel good about the accomplishment. I could look and feel good again. But the longer I wait, the higher they grow, the more they taunt me, until it all seems too overwhelming to get a handle on. Once I buckled down and tackled the weeds, it wasn't all that difficult a job. If I would just buckle down and get busy with this getting healthy, eating right thing, I know it wouldn't be so hard.
Now, you might say, Why do you think that was God and not just your own brilliant mind at work?! I don't know, really. I just believe He was helping me see what I was doing to myself and that I just needed to get back in gear and do the work.
My goal for this week is to work out 5 days. At least do something. We haven't made it to the gym in a while. Maybe once in 2 weeks? M has a crazy hectic life and when she can't make it, I use that as an excuse to skip the working out altogether. Not anymore. I WILL work out 5 days this week. No excuses. No matter what. Unless I break a limb...God forbid!
Food. This is my biggest struggle. I made another Ellie Krieger recipe today: Herbed Bulgur-Lentil Pilaf. It was....ummm....ok. Not delicious. I don't think I'll ever sit around and CRAVE bulgur and lentils but it wasn't terrible. I'm proud that I tried something new but not sure if I'll even finish the leftovers in the fridge. Still, I'm almost certain that I don't want to spend my life counting POINTS and/or calories. I don't. The thought of it just stirs up such negative feelings. I hate that because I know it works. Still, I'm going to do this for this week: eat 3 meals and two maybe 3 small snacks every day. I say maybe 3 because when I work out, I want to be able to eat a little more to refuel. And I know what's healthy versus what's not so I will make the best possible choices I can. Really stay AWARE of what and how much I am eating. We'll see how that goes.
Oh! And no weighing. At least not right now. I know the number's ugly and I just don't want to face it right now.
OK, this went way long. I love you all. Hope you had a great weekend and I'll try to come by and say hi tomorrow!!!
but it looked awesome nonetheless....can't wait to try it!!!