Feeling really good....

It's been a couple of days since I added a post so I thought I'd better get to it!  :)  Things are going really well right now.  I feel good about what I'm doing and I think that I will have another good week this week.  I did go a bit overboard last night though...had some Smirnoff Ice, cheesecake, and chips.  But to be perfectly honest, I don't feel bad about it.  It was fine.  I didn't really feel like I was losing control or anything.  I made a decision to have those things and I was totally fine with it.  I just made a commitment that I would stick exactly to my points for the rest of the week.  And the really funny thing is that when I totalled up everything from last night, I ended up using the EXACT amount of flex points that I'd had left.  That wasn't planned, but I thought it was pretty cool that it worked out that way.  So now there's no fudge factor for the rest of the week and I'm ok with that.  I don't think it'll be too difficult.  I've been really good about having my fruits and veggies so that really help keep me within my points range.  All in all, I think I have had a successful week so far.  Don't know that everyone would agree on that, but I think so!  lol 

Week 1 - down 4 pounds!

Just got home from WW and I lost FOUR pounds this week!  I am VERY happy with that.  It's good to see that my efforts paid off. 

Right now I am STARVING!  I haven't had dinner yet because of weigh-in.  The meeting is at 6:00 so I don't want to eat dinner before I go and weigh on a full stomach.  But it's 7:30 or so by the time I get home because there are no meetings in the town where I live so we have to go to the next county over.  I did have a light snack earlier this afternoon but it wasn't enough to last!  So maybe I will check in later.  Right now I have FOOD on the brain! LOL

Day SIX - feeling GREAT

Good news!  I am in a WAY better mood than I was a couple of days ago...guess the ol' hormones are on the down swing now that Aunt Flo is about over.  :p  I really do think I have that extreme form of PMS....I think it's called PMDD?  maybe?  I don't know what it's called, but I am pretty dang sure I've got it!  Of course, that coupled with the fact that I felt like I was going through "withdraws" from food...NOT a good combination!    But maybe the withdraw symptoms have subsided, for now at least.  I have been pretty content with my food the last couple of days and haven't really had any major cravings for "bad" stuff.  I think I have been eating enough fruits and veggies, and not nearly as much processed food, that maybe that is a cause for feeling better.  I've also been drinking water, something I generally don't do.  My goal is to drink 3 bottles of water per day.  I haven't been making the goal every single day, but I'm doing pretty good.  And I've noticed that yesterday and today I have actually WANTED water.  Weird, huh! 

Thursday nights are my WW weigh-ins.  So tomorrow is the big day!  We'll see how much all those fruits and veggies have paid off this week.....I am REALLY excited to see!  I have a scale (two actually) at home, but I have not let myself weigh.  When I'm going to WW I don't like to let myself weigh at home because it tends to mess with my head.  If it wasn't for weighing in at WW each week I'd probably be weighing at home EVERY day!  LOL 

Day FOUR, feeling much better today

First, I would like to thank EVERYONE that commented on my blog from yesterday about how depressed I was.  All of your words of encouragement and support were GREATLY appreciate. :)

The good news is that I am in a better mood today....SHEW!!  My poor little eyelids were all poofed out this morning.  I looked slap retarded!!  lol  Anyways, I am in a better mood today.  And today was a pretty good day all around.  I did have to go back to work today after being off two weeks for Christmas break.  I have planning 1st period, so that was nice.  Then 2nd period they were actually pretty good and very quiet.  (Kinda scary! lol)  Then by 3rd & 4th periods it was like we never even had a break.  They were all back in ALL their glory. :p  But even so, I didn't have any major problems.  I did have to shush them some, but I never really even had to holler to get their attention so that was good. 

Eating has also been pretty decent today.  I had a banana before I left for work, had a granola bar and hour or so later, then had some grapes a little after that.  The for lunch a had a salad made with all 0 pt veggies, some fat free cheese, and 2 tbsp of fat free dressing.  (It was good too)  By the time I got home from work I was hungry, so for a snack I had a whole wheat tortilla with some grilled chicken, fat free cheese, and salsa.  Also very good and it definitely hit the spot! (yay)  My goal is to drink 3 bottles of water per day and I did that! (yay!) 

Now dinner was a slightly different story.........ended up going to pizza hut with my dad & step-mom.  I had salad (with a MINIMAL amount of dressing since it was NOT fat free) and 2 pieces of stuffed crust supreme pizza.  Now, I know that doesn't exactly sound like "diet" food, but that's the nice thing about weight watchers.  I can have pizza as long as I have the points for it.  And with all that I actually only ended up using 4 of my flex points so I thought that was pretty good. 

I have given myself a "bed time" of 10pm because I have gotten into a horrible habit of staying up too late and then always dragging some major a$$.  Well, it's 10:11 pm so I guess I missed it by a bit.  But I've had a very exciting evening.  My parents have a few miniature horses and one of them had a baby today so of course we were all out there ooooohing and aaaaaahing of that!  I only have one halfway decent picture so far but I will definitely be getting some more. :)

Thanks again for the support!  I'll holler at y'all again tomorrow :)

Day THREE, DEPRESSED

I am thoroughly depressed today.  Had very long and hard conversation with ex-boyfriend last night and now feel like total sh*t.  (And by the way, it had nothing to do with weight.)  I think I need to go to a shrink or something.  Sometimes I hate myself so bad that I just don't know what to do.  And all I end up doing is crawling inside myself and pushing people away.  Add in the lonliness factor and I'm just a big ol' mess.  I HATE being this way, but I don't know what to do about it.  I get in better moods sometimes, but they don't seem to last too long.  I am soooo tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster.  I'm hoping that fighting this weight problem will help.  I know that that is one of the major reasons that I hate myself.  Or maybe it's the other way around.  I don't know.  All I know is it sucks...ALL of it!

On a better note, I am doing ok with the eating.  Yesterday I did use 3 of my flex points, but for the most part, I ate very healthfully yesterday.  And I got up late today and didn't feel like making breakfast so I just ate an apple.  I tried to put peanut butter on it, but I didn't like that so I just ate the apple plain.  I'm already getting hungy again so I'm going to drink some water and then think about what I want for lunch.  I have the stuff to make 0 pt vegetable soup so I'm thinking about having that for dinner.  Which means I could have a slightly heavier lunch today.  I'll have to give that some thought....

O-M-G!!

This is only day TWO but I feel like I am having some serious issues right now!  Maybe this is what detox feels like!!  I want to eat SOOOOO bad!!!!!!!!  I'm not even really hungry right this minute, but I WANT to eat!  I want to eat something warm and cheesy and creamy and crunchy and salty and YUMMY.......I actually almost feel like I want to cry.  I just keep taking deep breaths!!  There are others things I could do around the house, but I'm so consumed with thoughts of food that it's like I am paralyzed or something!!

Day TWO, doing OK

Well, I did good at dinner last night.  I had some broiled seafood, NO BUTTER.  I had broccoli, NO BUTTER.  The only thing they put on my fish and broc. was lemon.  I made sure to ask! :)  I was very proud of myself.  I also had a salad with only 0 pt. ingredients and since the salad dressing was regular, I'm sure, not light or fat-free, I had probably barely a tablespoon.  All in all, it was a good meal.  And it actually tasted good too.  Of course, 4 out 5 of the other people I was with ate my all time favorite meal there, but it didn't bother me too bad because I knew that what I was doing was a good thing for myself.  OH, and I also had diet pepsi, NOT sweet tea.    I will say that later last night I found myself wanting to much.  I did eat some munchies that weren't really great choices BUT I did NOT go over my points.  I think that's a pretty good compromise.  Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyways. 

So today is going good so far.  I slept in really late and was starving when I got up.  Luckily I went grocery shopping last night so I actually had stuff to make.  I had a whole wheat tortilla with 2 scrambled eggs, fat free cheese, and salsa.  It was decent.  I'm not gonna lie, I would rather have mcdonalds.  hahaha  But I know this was MUCH better for me.  And if I wasn't so hungry I probably would've just went with one egg instead of two.  I've also drank one bottle of water so far.  Considering that it's already after noon, that might not sound like alot, but trust me when I say it's alot for me.  I'm about to get another bottle and start working on it. 

I'm kinda down in the dumps today.  Yesterday I felt like maybe I was starting to get sick.  Today I just feel tired and drained.  Not really worse than yesterday though so maybe that is a good sign.  We'll see.  I have been off work for two weeks for Christmas break but have to go back to work on Monday and words simply can not describe how much I do NOT want to go back to work.  I rather enjoy being a bum.   But I still have alot to do at home this weekend.....house work, yard work, etc.  And I just don't want to do any of it....AT ALL!  I would really just love to lay around in the recliner and watch tv all day.  I need and want to spend some time with my horse today but I just don't have the energy.  She is a baby and is still in the process of being halter broke so she can be a pain in the rear when it comes to leading.  We're working on it, but I just don't feel like I have the energy to fight with her today.  I'm a bad momma I guess.  lol

I guess I'll go do SOMETHING now though.....................

Day ONE, I'm HUNGRY

Well, I am hungry right now, but I'm doing ok.  And the main reason I am hungry is that I have not gone grocery shopping yet to stock up on things that are actually "good" for me.  I have my list made out though and I will be going later this evening.  And the good news is I am going out to eat dinner at 4:00!!  So at least I won't have to wait that long.  Of course, by eating that early, that probably means I will be hungry again before I go to bed.  But by that time I will gone grocery shopping so I should have some sensible snacks in the even that that does happen.  And really, that could be a reason for me to go to bed earlier tonight too!  haha  I need to do that anyways...I'm a teacher and we've been on Christmas break for the last two weeks so my sleep schedule is majorly out of whack!

I'm trying very hard to drink water today.  I haven't drank much, but at least what I have drank today has been water.  At this point, I pretty much need to FORCE myself to drink it.  There are lots of sodas in the fridge.  Some diet, some not.  I really want to get away from soda altogether, even the diet stuff.  And besides sprite, I actually do prefer to drink diet soda.  But really, soda isn't good for me either way.  My goal is to only have ONE (diet) soda per meal, not all day everyday.  And once these sodas are gone, I will vow not to buy more to keep at home.  I think I will still have diet soda when I go out to eat because there's something that just grosses me out about ordering water at a restaurant.  For some reason I always imagine them filling my glass at the sink in the bathroom.........CRAZY, I know!!  lol

Well, I'm off to shower and head to dinner now.  Normally where we're going tonight I would order chopped sirloin with brown gravy and french fries.  And I clean my plate too!!  And even though the salad bar comes with the meal, I don't usually get salad because I don't want to fill myself up before I get to the yummy stuff!!  Well, that's about BASS-AKWARDS!!  HAHA  So tonight I will go for the opposite mentality and maybe go with some baked chicken or something like that.  I will have to scout out the menu......I'll let ya know how it goes. 

The night before day one....

Just like a bazillion other people, my new year's resolution is to lose weight.  I have done this MANY times before.  And I do usually lose weight, but I don't stick with it and then I end up gaining it all back, plus some.  But again, that's like a bazillion other people. 

I feel kinda different this time.  Almost sad.  Like I'm losing a good friend or something.  I really do feel that food is like my drug.  Eating makes me feel better.  Unfortunately, it also has very bad consequences that actually end up making me feel worse.   But at that moment, when it's going down the hatch, I do actually feel better, almost comforted.  I think I have a mental problem.  I know HOW to lose the weight, I just have to overcome all the mental garbage that's dragging me down and making me hate myself and this person that I've become.

My goal now is to FEEL better.  I'm tired of being tired and having no energy.  I'm tired of carrying around all this extra baggage.  I'm tired of not liking myself because of it.  I have alot of good qualities, but this extra baggage just ain't one of 'em!