I'm sitting on the floor (where I usually sit-in front of my nice furniture ), drinking my final glass of water for the day. I'm feeling good. Today was a good day. I ate well today-stayed on plan and didn't overdue it. When I was leaving work, I thought about fast food for a fleeting moment. I realized that I was too tired to make that kind of decision and had already chosen something to make for dinner. So home I went, and I enjoyed my dinner of rice and a big ole salad. After a little tv-watching, I worked out (Latin Dance Cardio Mix!) and have showered. I'm winding down from the day and hoping I can sleep tonight. Last night, I could not sleep for anything. I ended up reading until 2 am, and I still got up at 7!
Tomorrow is going to be a long day of meetings at the office. We ordered box lunches. I feel special because instead of just getting me a sandwich like everyone else, they ordered me a salad. It's nice to have supportive people in the office. My office is entirely composed of women, and half of them are wanting to lose weight. The other half are blessed with those skinny genes and feel bad for me (so they say). I don't want their pity. I have accepted that I will always have to pay attention to what I eat and how much exercise I get. I'm not going to waste my time singing a sad song about how it's not fair. I'd rather focus on what I DO have. For the weight I am carrying, I am in very good health-no high blood pressure, no diabetes, mostly mobile, no breathing issues, etc. I am sooo looking forward to being able to be more active in the future. I am going to run a 5K next year. I need to lose more weight before I can train for it (read: run). I can't exactly run yet-the knees have been abused and I don't want to hurt them, so I am waiting to run until I have less weight to carry around.
I just glanced at the tv, and the weather man is doing his report in a tuxedo. I think it's funny. I appreciate bowties.
Happy Monday, everyone! Make your week a good one.
My computer is (finally) working again! I missed it so...
I am starting a Challenge tomorrow with the 100 pounds to lose support group. I'm definitely excited about that! I am an overachiever in many areas of my life (basically all of them except eating and exercising!). A little competition helps me stay on track because I always want to be one of the best. I finally got a new scale, one that actually works, so now I will be able to keep track of my progress.
I've been thinking of how I will reward myself as I meet goals. I am still coming up with a system, but I am thinking I place $3 in a jar for every pound that I lose in order to help pay for the rewards. As I make 10 or 15 pound losses, I will get a small reward. When I am down to 275 and 250 and 225, I will get a nicer reward.
290- A new book (most likely "12 Steps to Raw" by Victoria Boutenko)
275-A Pedicure by my favorite nail person, tommy (he's the best!)
260-
250-Theatre show!
240-
225-
210-
200-I get to buy that new blender that I REALLY want from Blendtec.
Now, I can't tell you exactly what I'll want for the small rewards in the months to come. If I can't think of something I want specifically when I reach those milestones, I will have a jar (I have a lovely pot that says "joy" on it) where I will place some ideas on slips of paper, and I can pick one out at random if I don't have anything pressing to work towards. These choices in the jar will be things like a dinner out at one of the Raw Food Restaurants in town (we have 1, and soon we will have 2!), a new Raw book, movie nite with friends, more pedicures, etc.
I am feeling very optimistic about everything. I am feeling good and eating better and I just know that I am blessed and lucky to have a body to take care of.
I had good reasons for not being here! My brother is in the military, and he has been overseas for a year. He had some time off, and was at my house for a week, and we did all sorts of things that did not involve me being on the computer. The day after my brother left, a part to my computer stopped working. The new part is due to arrive any day now. I must tell you, it has been difficult not having internet at home! I don't like to get on EP at work because other people use my computer sometimes. One of the great things about blogging is that it is anonymous. If people I knew my associates were reading all of my personal thoughts and struggles, I wouldn't be nearly as open and honest. It's nice to have a place where I can share openly. I am sure that when I am on the other side of this struggle, I'll be more ready to share some of the thoughts and feelings I am dealing with, but for right now I don't want to have to talk about those things with everyone. I do have a select group of people I can be vulnerable with, but it's just not information I want to share with everybody.
I'd love to say that I have been really good the past 2 1/2 weeks, but that would definitely be a lie. I have worked out once in the last 2 weeks. It was impossible to work out when my brother was here-he was taking up all my space! I can't believe the mess he is capable of making, but his stuff was everywhere. By the end of the week, I was spending more time in my bedroom simply because that was the only room where he didn't leave his stuff. Sometimes I wonder how we grew up in the same house with the same parents-we are so different! But I love him so much, and I was glad to have him for a whole week-long visit, even if he did trash my house. Last week was just dreadful-cold and raining for several days. I am really hoping that was the last of our cold weather.
I went for a wonderful walk on Monday with a dear friend. We try to walk on Monday mornings at least 2 times a month. It gives us a chance to catch up and get in a litte exercise! This week, we walked at my favorite place in Dallas, a lake I used to live near. On Saturday, I may try to bike around the lake-there is a 12 mile trail that goes around the lake. I've walked it in 3 1/2 hours. I imagine I can bike it in 90 minutes at a leisurely pace. For today, I will either do some latin dancing in my living room or have a walk in the neighborhood. Either way, I AM going to work out today. I'm actually looking forward to it! I always feel better after I work out.
Alright. Back to work. I will post again when my computer at home is up and running.
I made quite a mess this morning trying to prepare all my food for the day. I chopped a head of romaine, a head of red cabbage, and several other vegetables to go into my salad. After that I made my breakfast green smoothie (today's fruit: pineapple and banana!). Afterwards, I needed to clean up the counters, so I got out the 409 and wiped everything down. When I was finished, I put the paper towels away in the cupboard, and
I put the 409 away...in the fridge.
What??? I found it pretty quickly and had a good laugh at myself. In my own defense, my daily morning routine involves putting a lot of things back into the fridge (almond milk, spinach, etc.). I guess I was on autopilot...
The weekend was interesting for me. I've recently quit a second job that just wasn't working out. I lived on a large estate and kept the house in exchange for free rent in a very small efficiency. In the end, the family was more demanding of my time than I could handle. Since moving away, I have been spending more time taking care of myself-relaxing, exercising, ounging around, meal planning, etc. It.has.been.wonderful. I have spent the last 4 years going at a feverish pace with being in grad school full-time, working full-time, being involved in church and trying to have a semblance of a social life. One thing they taught us in school is that it is so important to take care of yourself, to have down time, to get the right sleep and nutrition. You can't help other people very well when you let yourself go. So this weekend, I enjoyed taking care of myself. I saw friends, I read an entire book, I took a nap. I loved it! I also had an anxious moment on Saturday, and I did a naughty thing-I drove 15 minutes to get some french fries and a custard from this place that I really like. French fries are my vice. When TOM is coming, it's all I can do to drive by the 8 or so fast food places between my office and my home. I have been able to let go of so many food things that are not good for me, but those french fries continue to call my name. Usually, I can talk my way through it, but on Saturday, I got some. My stomach was not happy with me as it no longer has a tolerance for grease. I felt very guilty afterward (and even during the consumption), and I had to deal with myself. But...I've been making good choices since then! I am learning not to throw in the towel when I havea small setback. It's important to keep the right perspective, to look at the accomplishments and the circumstances surrounding the poor choice(s). The more I am in tune with what's going on inside my head, the better I am able to handle myself. I don't always need to sooth with french fries. I could have soothed with a good conversation with a friend or some bible study. But I am learning and I am growing (closer to myself) and I am shrinking (my weight).
This morning, I decided to actually use my pedometer. I haven't used it in several months because a) i couldn't find it and b) i got out of the habit of remembering to put it on. I saw it sitting there today, and decided I needed to use it. This morning, I put in around 6,000 steps by picking things up around the house, doing laundry and taking a walk with a friend. I had to be into work at noon, and since then I've only put in 1260 steps. I read about a guy who lost a ton of weight by setting up a treadmill in his office and walking for 6 hours a day. He set up a desk platform that was next to the treadmill, so he was able to do his work from up there. He'd make phone calls, etc. from the treadmill. I think he was going slow, so he wasn't out of breath while on the phone. It would be nice if I could do that, but it doesn't work well for my job, as I run counseling sessions and one-on-one educational classes and meetings every day. I'll just have to stick to getting my steps in during am yoga and pm cardio. Tonight I plan on trying out my new latin dance cardio dvd. Should be fun!
I'm still working on goals and rewards. I'll post them soon!
This has been a good week! Yesterday, I started the morning with my first real try at Yoga. The night before, I decided I couldn't wait another minute, so I rushed out to the store and examined all the workout DVDs for a half an hour. Eventually, I settled on a Yoga for Beginners DVD and a Latin Dance Cardio DVD. Ever watch a workout DVD? I felt kinda silly watching this woman work out while I sat on the floor, but I'm glad I watched as it prepared me for the workout. The funny thing about yoga is it's not designed for people who have bulges in the middle...but I enjoyed my workout nonetheless. I know eventually I won't have that bulge in the middle, and by then I will have had lots of practice at doing yoga. After the yoga, I actually said out loud "that was fun." I am hoping to start 3 mornings a week with 20 minutes of yoga. I also hope to do 40-50 minutes of cardio every weekday. On Saturdays, I will be at the lake for walks, bikerides, reading and relaxation as much as possible. One good thing about living in the south is that warm weather comes early and stays late. I don't miss the cold weather up north one bit!
Let's talk about eating. I need to go to the grocery store like nothing else. Since I eat so much produce, I end up going to the store all the time. When all the produce is gone, I'm usually in trouble because all that's left in the house is the bad stuff that I shouldn't be eating so much of. I couldn't make my green smoothie today because I was out of the green part. I should go to the store right now, but who wants to go to the grocery store on a Friday night? Actually, Friday night is better than Saturday when everyone else is shopping.
I am working on coming up with some health goals, both short-term and long-term. I'm also thinking of rewards that I can afford and would really enjoy. Anyone have any reward ideas?
When I realized how long it's been since I blogged, I was so sad! I think about writing all the time, but I never take the time to do it. Well, here I am. I need to write. It helps me process. It helps keep me motivated.
So much has happened in the last year! It would be impossible to note all the dietary changes I have had in that time. Suffice it to say that I have tried a few things in that time that definitely did not work for my body and I tried some things that were okay and somewhat successful. I also had a high-time of stress where I did not care what I put into my mouth, and I paid for that! I went up another 10 pounds. Add to that bad digestive well-being (greasy fast food and my intestines no longer agree!), and I knew I had to do something...
That is when I heard about the Living Foods way of life. I eat a lot of raw food now. I was 100% raw for a while. I've scaled back to around 70% in order to save a little money. I am just so pleased with the results of this lifestyle change! I just feel soooo much better! My digestive tract issues cleared right up. I feel lighter and better. My skin looks better. And I lost a whole bunch of weight without setting foot in the gym. It has been great! I am still learning how to be successful at raw, but I feel really good about the groove I'm in. I have a green smoothie for breakfast every day. Yeah, you heard that right-a GREEN smoothie! I typically use 1-2 handfuls of spinach leaves, 1/4 of a fresh pineapple, and whatever other fruits I feel like having that day (today I had strawberr and banana), along with either water and ice or almond milk to reach the desired consistency. They sometimes look "interesting" (someone at work today asked me about the swamp water I was drinking!) but they taste phenomenal! You can't even taste the spinach, but you get the benefit of all the nutrition! For lunch I have a salad full of wonderful fresh produce and top it with dressing I make myself. Sometimes I make raw hummus and have that with veggies, and sometimes I make a blended soup with avocado and red pepper (yum!). I also make bananas "ice cream" using my wonderful Champion brand juicer. I am looking forward to getting a dehydrator eventually. Then I'll be able to make a lot more things.
After taking a break from working out to pack all my things, move, unpack all my things and get sick, I am now back to working out. I am sore today from the work I did yesterday, but I smile because I know I'm doing good things to take care of myself. I just feel like I am in a good place. God is good, and I see him all over my life. I am thankful for the peace that I have about my life right now, and the opportunity to take the time I need to take care of myself. It's a great day to be me! Later today, I am going to do some cardio with the Tae Bo dvd that I have. Billy Blanks always makes me smile. :)
If I had an extra $100 laying around every week, I know where I would spend it:
"M" the trainer at my gym.
Yesterday I worked out with a trainer at the gym to make sure I had good posture on the weight machines, etc. "M" was just amazing. He's the best trainer I've ever worked with, and he's sinfully good looking (I like to call that the cherry on top). Ah...it was good. I feel the soreness today, and it makes me smile. When I'm sore, I know I've done something.
Yesterday was a really good day. I felt very alive, happy, content. (the song "feeling good" as performed by Michael Buble was like my soundtrack for the day) I had several people tell me I looked beautiful, happy, etc. One friend even grabbed my hand and said we had to go to the dark corner so we could make out because I looked so good. (ha!) It's so nice to hear those comments. I broke up with the boy a few weeks ago, and it's nice to know that I still have some appeal. I know that I am amazing. It's nice to be reminded that other people are noticing how great I am as well. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. God really is so good in giving me this amazing support network!
Today I am working on setting some goals for the next few months. Wish me luck!
I have this problem with overscheduling. I have so many commitments that I need to honor. I end up experiencing burnout because I never have down time. When I look at my schedule and try to find something to take out so that I can have some time for myself, the only things I might be able to get rid of are sleep, gym, and church. Well, I don't want to get rid of any of those things! And I can't really get rid of church. I love going to my superfabulous church! I can't stand the thought of cutting back on sleep because I need it to survive the craziness that is my week (and really, I probably need more sleep than I am getting). The gym...needs to be a priority. I am in such a difficult position here. I know this season of my life will be over in 6 months, but I've been living it for 2 1/2 years and I am growing weary.
I did not go to the gym at all last week. I did take a 12 mile walk with a friend yesterday though! I absolutely LOVE being outside and it was a great time of conversation and enjoying nature. I am trying to devise a plan for working out this week. I feel the need to take my workout routine and kick it up a notch! Step one: actually go to the gym Step two: do the usual cardio with at least the usual intensity, and then actually use the weight machines (why do they intimidate me so much???) Step three: steam sauna every other day (Man, i really love that steam sauna! It's like the only quiet moments I have all week-I just have time to think about nothing, to pray, whatever. It's the best 20 minutes!). Step four: repeat several times a week.
I saw a picture yesterday that someone had taken of a group of friends talking. It happened to be a side shot of me. I.was.HORRIFIED. Oh my word, I had no idea that I look like that! I am struggling with self-confidence today after seeing that picture. Isn't it strange how body image is connected to our concept of our intelligence, our credibility, our integrity? I have the battle within to be quite interesting. I would like for that battle to be over soon. The remedy: continue memorizing scripture and get to the gym and change what is horrifying me, make it disappear.
I have been using the elliptical for cardio at the gym (I had a knee injury when I was a teenager. My knees are too weak to try running, even on a treadmill, until I lose more weight and continue the strength training in my legs). Tonight I was doing intervals 4 minutes, 15 seconds at a light job and 45 seconds at a sprint. I did this for 35 minutes. Well, I guess 2 ladies were watching me. They said “you did so good up there!” I was so proud of myself when I heard that! I was pushing myself, and I know I could have pushed a little more, but I want to be able to move in the morning, so I want to start slow and work my way up. One thing that I thought was interesting was one of the women then says, “I can’t even do that.” Why are people so surprised when they see how active I am? I know it’s because I weigh 300 pounds and they are not used to seeing bigger people move around that much. I know she meant the comment as a compliment, and I am taking it that way. It just reminds me of all the judgment I face by people every day. I know that people make assumptions about me based on how I look, and it makes me self-conscious sometimes. Now, I know that I am a child of God and He has made me beautiful and full of worth, so I carry on in spite of all the judgment. Sometimes it’s just hard to face other people knowing what they might be thinking. I still have great friends and a great job and a great church-I haven’t let my weight stop me from experiencing a good life. I am looking forward to experiencing even more things once I am healthier. J
Today I decorated my bathroom mirror with the dry erase markers. I’ve written the verse I am currently working on memorizing: “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and self-discipline.” (2 Tim. 1:7). I also wrote some other phrases that have become my mantra for the last week and have helped me to stay to task with diet and exercise. The last thing I wrote was a big box that says “ Today I thank you (God) for…” So here’s what I am thankful for today:
~the 3 new pairs of workout pants I found on clearance last night
), drinking my final glass of water for the day. I'm feeling good. Today was a good day. I ate well today-stayed on plan and didn't overdue it. When I was leaving work, I thought about fast food for a fleeting moment. I realized that I was too tired to make that kind of decision and had already chosen something to make for dinner. So home I went, and I enjoyed my dinner of rice and a big ole salad. After a little tv-watching, I worked out (Latin Dance Cardio Mix!) and have showered. I'm winding down from the day and hoping I can sleep tonight. Last night, I could not sleep for anything. I ended up reading until 2 am, and I still got up at 7! 
