Ok. So yesterday could have been disasterous. I know I have slow digestion issues ever since the accident, but this was ridiculous. This morning I weighed, and the scale back down - and get this - a total of 12 pounds lost in ONE DAY. That's how crazy my system is. I know it's water, and I know that by the end of the week, nothing has moved through - I guess I'm just going to have to break down and add metamucil or something by mid week or suffer another hysteria attack at the scales.
The good thing, great thing really, is that even furious, I didn't emotionally overeat. I didn't go off the program. I stayed true, and it paid off. The true will be tomorrow, when I go for WI. I hope it stays down, I wish I could have weight today. But I know I'm doing everything right, so it has to go down eventually, it just might not be on "my" schedule. :) So as long as I keep going, my body has no choice but to let it all go. In the end does it matter that it takes another day, or week? Or month? No. I'm eating healthy - I am healthier. I am stronger. I am thinner, and every day getting smaller, stronger, and happier. It's all good. :)
Ok. I'm furious. LIVID. Before I rant and scream like a baby, I have to remind myself. My home scale is not possibly reliable. Still.
I got up this morning, and the scale said 240. TWO FORTY! I have followed the program to the letter - no caffeine - no salt - no alchohol - not ONE cheat - I then checked the scale in the kitchen, which is a "good" scale supposedly, that one said 236....which would be 235 on the Jenny scale... but 4 days, and if that scale is right, that means I'm back up 4 pounds. I just don't see how that's possible, unless, and the only think I can think of, is that water goes out; but nothing else seems to be if you know what I mean. I know it has to be wrong - if it's not wrong, that it has to be water, but it's still miserable to look at that after trying so hard, ...... and see I told you. After all my great positive comments, I knew I'd eventually throw a tantrum.
This doesn't make me want to go binge or anything. Throw things? Maybe. lol. Seriously, I just don't understand!! But, that's it - the gloves are on, and if the "scale" thinks it's going to cause me a backslide in my eating now, it's wrong.
Dear God, I'm talking to an inatimate object.
I know..... I know I know, that I can fluctuate 5 pounds of water - I saw it last week. And what's crazy, if I weigh in a couple hours, I'll probably be down 3 pounds. I really think this scale is psycho. It has to be. Please tell me it has to be. ARRRRGHHHH!!!!
Ok. Not going to let this get me. I'm going to stay on track, doing what I've been doing. I did do sit ups and leg lifts, but not enough that it could create havoc - I do know once I start excersizing at all, the scale immediately goes up at first. But stil, it wasn't enough to do anything. I'm whining aren't I?
Usually to see something like this, I have done something to inflict it. But I swear, I've gotten all foods in, not added anything, got over and above my water in. No soda. No coffee! I want to scream right now, but I know that won't solve anything. And I do know, that as long as I continue what I'm doing, that the scale will LOSE in the end - but I need to just stay off it. It's obviously not behaving, and in all honesty same thing is happening to my husband which makes me think something isn't right with the scale itself.
Calm. Zen. Today is going to be a great day. I am smiling... I am smiling....I am happy..... I am thin....... lol
Well, despite having the creeping crud, I am finally feeling much better tonight. And I'm proud of myself. Even though I've been home the past 3 days, I've stayed right on plan. That's a huge victory for me - in the past, I would have eaten my way through the house, trying to comfort my "not feeling good". To stay on plan, and not do that, to see that by staying with it, I actually felt better - was a huge reward. I am convinced that my head really is in a different place this time, and I can see, even though it's early, that this is being treated like a lifestyle, NOT a diet. That gives me even more motivation, because this time it's for real - this time it's for me. This time - we're breaking the barriers that have kept me chained to this weight. It's one thing to think you know "all about how to do it". It's another, to actually be using those tools, and living them. I know it won't all change overnight, but we're almost 2 weeks into something that's always felt so hard in the past - suprised to find that it's easy! I think I may have finally gotten to the bottom of this for the first time in my life. And I'm not afraid this time. I'm excited! It will be so great, to wear a belt - to wear boots! To walk down the street, and feel happy and confident with how I look and feel. I already am feeling it. And I know, that no matter what challenges come, I am confident I will get through them - because I'm looking at the bigger picture this time.
Congrats on everyone's wins today! May they be many in the days to come!
I've been on JC for a little over a week now, but since Thursday of last week, I've come down with what I first thought were allergies - but is instead full blown bronchitis. I've done well with the menu, still eating what I'm supposed to. But today, I didn't wake up until almost 11 - so missed out getting breakfast in early. Sort of messes up my whole schedule. No worries, I ate my muffin, and will just have to stay up a bit later to space my meals out right. I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow. My main challenge is wanting to eat at all when I feel like this - can't taste anything, and would rather sleep! There is a victory in this. In the past, when I was sick, I'd want to eat the house out. Comfort food. But I'm finding if I just stay true to the menu, that I am just fine. If it gets really bad, I have a cup of extravagent tea (something exotic, comforting, so I can feel special lol). Trying to stay off the scale, I've seen how it can fluctuate 5 pounds in one day, without ONE cheat. So I'd rather not torture myself and set off a "binge" when I'm feeling so crummy. I'm hoping to get enough spunk to go sit in the hot tub, maybe the steam will clear my sinuses, and soothe my aches for a while. Of course, my mother would tell me, "you can't go outside in a bathing suit when your sick!!!". Bleh. Whatever. (Aw! The Rebel has returned!)
Hope everyone is doing well this week! WI Sunday........ I know I've been right on ... I just hope my body will play nice! If it doesn't, what have I lost? Really nothing. I've gained another week of eating right. It has to catch up eventually anyway if I keep at it. So no looking back... just forward. :)
You know, I've watched this show the past couple weeks now. I've decided that it really bothers me. Not the fact that they're losing weight. It's the weight in that bothers me. I realize it's a contest, but it's so sad! There's such an attitude of defeat, and almost shame, when people only lose 1 - 3 pounds. 1-3 pounds is HUGE! It's GREAT! And they can't even celebrate - instead they're punished by being thrown "under the yellow line". When you're gaining muscle - working that hard with the weights, you're not always going to see a drop - infact, you may see a gain! Muscle weighs more than fat, and that's where measurements should come in. Regardless, how great that these people are getting in shape. But it broke my heart when Brittany stepped on the scale - 170 - a huge victory for her, a moment she should have really been able to celebrate. Instead? It's almost an air of punishment and dissapointment. I just think that's sad. I hope they know what an amazing thing they're doing aside from just a game show. :) They should all be so proud of themselves. I just hope it doesn't influence those of us trying to lose, that 1-3 pounds is a disgrace. It's not. It's a victory!
Well, I did it. I went back to Jenny on March 9th - and I am so glad that I finally did.
I'm not new to this program. In 1989, after the birth of my first son, I joined JC and lost almost 90 pounds. I kept it off until the birth of my second son 4 years later. That's when it started to really creep back. I should have immediatley gone back, but I was ashamed, and embarrassed, and I'd failed. I have slowly gained all of it back, and then some.
Weight has always been a mind game for me. At my thinnest, I was running in pageants, and I was losing weight for all the wrong reasons, and in all the wrong ways. Scarsdale, aerobics up to 4 times a day (I taught 2 classes, and then would go to the other teachers classes) , Herbalife, you name it I tried it. I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks, and was a skeleton from the waist up - but still had too much muscle from the waist down. At my lowest, I was 140 - a size 5 then - and I was told, that if I wanted to win at the State level, it wasn't good enough.
I look at those pictures now, and can't believe what I looked like. My body was out of proportion - I was so tiny, it's hard to even fathom it. And the number on the scale made no sense, but again, it's because I had muscle. The mental part is what really messed it up for me. Getting down to a size 5, and being told it's just not good enough - resulted in gaining back 30 pounds within a month after pageant was over. By the time I had my first son, I weighed in at 214. I was a size 22. When I lost on Jenny, I got down to about 143 at my lowest point - and I was again between a size 5 and a size 3. Again, go figure. After my second son, I just gradually kept going up and up - after the accident I couldn't excersize, and so it got even worse, until I reached 248.. infact, I know I went over 250, but I never saw it on the scale. I'm still a size 22, I'm not sure how that works, other than again, I still have lots of muscle - I must to be able to wear that size - the same as when I was 214. Regardless.......
Last Sunday, I started out at 243 on Jenny's scale (244 on mine). I have always believed in this program, but in the past I've always lost weight for the wrong reasons. A wedding. A pageant. A performance. My husband. This time, I'm doing it for me, and me alone. And this time, so far, it's been a breeze!
First WI was yesterday - I'm a Sunday girl - and I was down 7 pounds!!! Some things I've noticed- what appeared to be hot flashes, are completely gone! I have more energy - I'm more motivated to move. They have asked me to wait on the physical activity until I'm back to eating again. I had completely messed up my metabolism - skipped breakfast, skipped lunch, and was eating dinner, maybe every other night. So some days, I would have nothing but a pot of coffee (and probably a gallon of creamer..) a six pack of diet pepsi, and a pack of ciggarettes. I knew I had to get my eating in place. One of my goals for doing this, is that I am going to quit smoking. I'm a singer - and besides the health risks, it's ruining my voice. I also want to eliminate my back/nerve pain, and so losing this weight will hopefully help with that.
I am proud to say that I got all my foods in, that I didn't go off the menu once - completely stopped the coffee - and down to one diet pepsi a day, if that. I'm not sure how I did that without having a terrible headache, but the caffeine didn't seem to cause me horrible withdrawls. I'm even getting the vitamins in, which is another miracle.
My mind set this time has really been influenced by a book - called "The Secret". It's all about the Law of Attraction - asking for what you want - seeing it - believing it - giving thanks for it, and then knowing, that it's on it's way. It's amazing how different this program and the weight loss looks from that perspective. I am being kinder to myself - I am feeling more balanced. And with this being my usual big PMS week, I haven't seen any of those horrible little symptoms at all yet.
So today, I started on the week 2 planned menu, and so far, still, so good. I love to bellydance - which I discovered when I was healing from the back injury. I couldn't really dance, but I could do the movements, and they really helped. So I'm back into that again, and am ready to do some serious shimmying! I'm also doing some strength excersizes in the hot tub - I found I could do sit ups in there without the pain by hooking my feet under the grab bar.
I'm really sick right now - the crud is going around. That's usually a very dangerous thing for me, because I want to eat when I'm sick - to comfort. Again, so far, none of that has happened, and I don't even have an urge to. I suppose it helps that I saw such a good loss for this first week. But whatever it is, I'll take it.
