I was in the hospital, laboring for my "life", while my husband patted my hand and watched the final four. Which can be really annoying when you go into transition during labor, and not only are you trying to have a baby, but you're fighting the desperate urge to reach out and take your husbands lip, and firmly pull it up over his head and down his back, call him names, and throw ice chips at him. I was in labor 22 hours. I pushed for 4. I almost didn't get through it, we almost ended up having to go cesearean, but the doc was brilliant, and said something that helped me complete the task - "so who's winning?"
And now my beautiful "baby" boy, is 19. I can't believe it's been that long. It was after that that I'd joined Jenny Craig, when he was about 6 months old, and ended up losing 90 pounds in less than a year. Kind of ironic, I feel like I've come full circle, now that I'm back, doing it again, with possibly even more determination than the first time.
It was a nice day. Husband cooked him a lovely birthday dinner, I ate my Jenny, and even the cake that's been calling my name, didn't seem to bother me. I just ate my Jenny cake, and all was well!
I have had a bit of a tough time today and yesterday, getting my food in. I've felt a little down, and a little more tired than usual, and I just haven't been able to make myself eat - I chose sleep instead. That is certainly a switch. In the past, I've always eat my way through whatever I was feeling - sad, tired - but this time I find myself meditating if I'm sad - and taking a little nap if I'm tired. And my body is still down those nasty water pounds it was up yesterday. So that's good. I just wish I could have made it over to the center, grabbed my counselor and made her weigh me so I could say, "SEE??? I WASN"T lying about having a textbook week!".
I know my body does this when I start excersize. It happens every time, and I don't know why I let it catch me so far off guard yesterday. I think it was because the scale was so steady in going down every day this past week, even up to Saturday night, I was showing 232 and 233..... down from 235 from last weeks weigh in. But to have it show 237 on Sunday morning? On weigh in morning?? That was just a little too much. That was a five pound difference on my scale - by the time I weighed at the center - only an hour later, it was a 2 pound difference - that's how whack this is (and my scales are finally in sync with theirs - the numbers might be different, but the variance of pounds is the same) - then 4 hours later, after a little nap, to have the scale back at 233!!!! Today it's at 232. I'm so tempted to change my weight on here. But I won't. Next week will be a huge drop - I am envisioning it... I'm believing it......... and I just need to get back to eating everything during the day and not leaving anything out like I did today.
Thanks again for all your support......... you guys are wonderful. :) Stay strong! Stay well! Keep focusing on how great you're starting to feel. This is such a gift. No matter what the scale says, I know I'm losing and it more importantly I know I feel so much better, and that my friends, is what's important :)
So I took some time, did a little meditation on this week, and have come up with I have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing that I did caused this. It's just how it is this week, and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I can't go wrong - not matter what the scales say. :)
It's more the mystery of why my body reacts this way that weighs on my mind. But I know that thinking negative thoughts, or beating myself up for something I didn't do wrong, is just wasting energy that could be better spent focusing on the good things - and attracting the good things in my life.
Have you ever noticed, the weeks that you do really well, are the weeks where you're really happy, you're excited, and not just thinking positive thoughts, but turning them into feelings. Not only is it good for us, but for the people around us. I proved again to myself today, that angry thoughts can continue to boomerang into depression; and everyone around me becomes cranky as a result. The next time, I have to just ride the wave - be thankful for the changes and wins I had during the week, continue to put my focus and energy there, and the rest will take care of itself. :)
Don't lose hope. I say that for myself as much as I say that for all of you, when something like this happens. It's just our body trying to adjust, and when I think about it, even though these are all good healthy things, my poor body has been abused by my eating habits and thinking habits for so many years, that there is bound to be times where I slip back. But it's not worth staying there. Accept it, and bless it, and send it on it's way :) And know that every thing we're doing is getting us one step closer. As one of my brilliant new friends on here said, what is really important is how you feel! Do you feel better? Do you feel more energy? Do you feel more alive? Yes! And is it worth throwing away those feelings for even a moment because of a little bump in the road that you had no control over? No. It will be made right :)
And the only way to fail - is if you never try. :) Have a great week everyone!
I am truly at a loss. I have tried so hard, I have been so positive, I have been so PERFECT. This week I added 3 days of excersize - 4 with a cardio/bellydance session last night. Today was WI. All week, the scale has been increasingly going down. Getting all my water. Eating every bit of food on the menu. No substitutes. No extras. No alchohol. No "volumizers". Last WI, scale said - 235. Yesterday, scale said, 232.8. Woo Hoo, gonna see that loss today!!!!!
Wrong. I got up today, and the scale had jumped OVERNIGHT, from 232.8, up to 238 on my scale!!!! NO POSSIBLE WAY. All I can think of, is not enough sleep - went to be far too late. Excersized hard, late. Maybe not enough time to recover, so my body rebelled and held all that water I was drinking last night. I know it's water, because now that WI is over? I'm running to the bathroom every 3 seconds. Why couldn't that happen earlier???
It's enough to make me just cry and cry, and scream, and throw things, and yes, GIVE UP. Last week, it was an overnight jump of TWELVE pounds. It was gone the next day, but still. How can it be humanly possible, to have that much water being retained??? I have to remember... in the past on the week I've started excersize, the scale always either stops, or gains a pound or two. But so hard not to get discouraged when you are so proud of yourself for getting off the damn couch and doing it - and feeling better, and feeling thinner, only to be slapped in the face, and questioned by the counselor as if you're lying to them.
I know I dish out the rah rah, good job, don't worry it's just water... don't worry it's just muscle... don't worry; you'll see a big drop next week. So why can't I apply it to myself? I'm being so good to my body. How could it possibly rebel against that?
Please pray for me. Because I am so discouraged right now. I'm not in danger of "binging". What I am in danger of is saying screw it, and not eating for the rest of the day. Of course it's the bad thing to do. And right now, the rebel is really doing a number on me - "rebel" has tied up "enforcer" and especially the "compassionate observer" and has temporarily locked them in the closet.......... I need help. And a good long cry. I wonder how much water could be lost through crying. lol.
Love you guys. Here's to a better week, but don't see how the week can get any better - we just need my body to cooperate.
l have been feeling so great these past couple weeks. This week I finally feel like it's starting to pay off. People are starting to notice. And isn't it strange, when you feel so good, you're excersizing and moving, the scale is moving in the right direction for once, you are actually starting to feel healthier, and feel the shift of wanting to eat better to maintain that feeling. And then it happened.
I looked in the mirror. The above is all truth. But in less than 30 seconds, that truth came screeching to a halt, becoming fiction, as I saw my reflection. I don't know why I haven't really seen the truth before. I looked in the mirror, and I didn't know her. For some reason tonight, from the waist down, I look more pregnant than I have ever looked with either of my sons. How have I not seen this before? How could I have ever become this way? Even knowing the numbers, I've never really seen myself for what I've really become.
I stared a long time. OK. This is the truth. Yes. It hurts. Strangely, I was calm. As I looked further, really looked, I realized why I looked so out of proportion. From the waist up - when I really looked - I looked thinner. My face, is thinner. My shoulders are thinner.
This may sound like a negative thing; but it's not. You have to accept the truth, no matter how painful, before you can find that center in your self, and change things for good. You have to make peace with it, in order to let it go. Maybe because I know I'm saying goodbye to that woman in the mirror, I could finally honestly see what the mirror truthfully reflected. And though it was painful, it's nowhere near as painful, as if I were remaining that way. I'm very lucky - because I finally can see the way out now. Tonight, was sort of a last look back. Finally, after all this time, I really saw her, embraced her, and now understand, that it's ok to let her go. I have literally outgrown that form - and finally, I am moving on.
Then I saw something else. I saw the spark behind her eyes. The hint of a cheekbone. The hint of a new shape forming. A glimpse of all the wonderful beautiful things to come.
And so tonight, I said goodbye. To a way of life that no longer serves me. To a body that is tired and broken, to a spirit that has experienced many wounds. And I said hello to the girl with the sparkle in her eye. The one with a whole and healed body. The woman emerging -with a spirit, that is teaching me how to finally let go of the past - and fly.
Wow - this is insane. Here it is the end March - and we're having snow! This doesn't happen here - roads are icy this morning, so it's a little dicey out there. Add snow falling in places, and oh the panic! Around here if you just say the "s" word, the town entire state hides, the businesses and schools shut down, and the roads shut down! lol. I laugh because I learned to drive in North Dakota, in the snow. But I have to admit, Washington snow is far different than North Dakota snow. But hey, I love it. I must have watched the big snowflakes coming down for about 45 minutes yesterday, just mesmerized by them.
Week 3 still going well - it's "TOM", so that's a bit challenging. I want to curl up in a ball and forget about everything, but have gotten my two days of excersize in, and I'm going to get number 3 in tonight. I feel so much better with the excersize! And the scale is doing the slow creep up again, even though I'm following my food exactly and have added in the excersize. But this is the time of week it happens, I've noticed it's a pattern, and it's nothing I'm doing, so I can't worry about it. So far it always drops back down to below where it started to creep, so I know it's water. It's still a bit frustrating though.
People started to really notice something in me is changing yesterday. It's hard when you have so much to lose, and I'm surprised that people are seeing something so soon. Then again, I'm seeing it too - mostly in that I sort of have a "glow" - and alot of that I think is just all this energy, and being happy! I am wearing makeup again, and wearing nicer clothes - I just feel better so I'm taking more time to take care of me.
No big life changing things to write about today, other than the snow! But I'll write more later :) Have a great day all!!!! Hope everything is going splendidly for you!
I'm so happy! You guys are so wonderful. I can't thank you enough for the great posts and all the encouragement - it really helps. Being able to journal through the blog, and all the great tools combined with visiting the Jenny site, has really made things easy. It this is one thing, that has never been easy for me. At first I kept waiting for "the other shoe to drop"... but as I've been telling all you, if that's what I think, that's what will happen! So I let it go, and just decided there no reason this can't be easy! And, the loving Universe being accomadating as it is, said, ok, here you go!
I did my second official "walk" tonight. I used a great walking DVD called "Walking for Weight Loss" with Debbie Rocker. She'll probably drive me nuts before it's over, but it was 30 minutes of awesomeness! I feel so good right now. It was pouring outside, and I was worried I wasn't going to get out there today, then I remember, why not take it inside? It just felt so great, and my husband was so good - he was playing on line poker (not for real money lol) and was a good sport about me accosting the tv. He even threw out a couple "you're doing great's" along the way. That's a miracle! lol.
I've been setting myself reasonable attainable goals, the food is great, and I'm losing! I peeked on my scale today - I know I know, but according to this newer scale, I am now down 12 pounds from the start! I won't count it - I only count my official weigh in's at the centre, but I'm pretty confident that I've hit at least the 10 lb mark. Drinking tons of water, eating everything on the menu, still haven't added any salt, staying off the coffee unless I plan it in. I know there's no calories in the coffee - it's the creamer that I can't live without, and what so quickly adds up to trouble with me. But I've found I can live with the serving size instead of a 1/4 cup in each cup of coffee lol. So I am allowing myself a cup every couple of days or so. But listening to my body, and really, only if I really am craving it. So far that's the only thing I've really craved.
Last night I tuned in to the Oprah "webinar", "A New Earth" by Eckart Toley - what a great book! It's crazy deep - all about the Ego, the roles our Ego plays... it will either make no sense at all to you, or you will have all these "whoa" and "aha!" moments! I'd explain it, but I can't - but it's about awakening and enlightenment; the "shift" that so many people are starting to encounter. It's exciting and is bringing some great understanding into why I act the way I act at times, (especially when I act in a way I don't want to). If it sounds interesting to you, it's every Monday night, just go to Oprah's website and sign up. You don't have to view it live - you can catch up on it the next day, and you can also go back and review all the other chapters. I finally got the book this weekend, so now I'm finally reading it, and it's excellent. I hope she'll go back now and do a webinar for "The Secret". I guess this has never been done before, people from all over the world tuned in at the same time for a book club! It's pretty cool!
Have a great week everyone! I'm going to go watch "Dancing with the Stars" LOL! Shimmie On my friends!!!!!
I was thinking about this today. If a single thought, could form the Universe, a single thought can shape us too.
I know that when I'm happy - when I'm thinking about good things - dwelling on the wins, not the "losses" (ok, except for the weight! hee!) - good things keep piling on through the day. When I'm thinking about the bad things, even if it starts with stubbing my toe, and getting mad about that - pretty soon then I'm late to work because I was fussing about stubbing my toe, spilling the coffee cause I'm late, then the boss is mad because I was late... I forgot something crucial at home because I was worrying about being late... on and on and on, and I'm thinking, well this is just going to be a rotten day... and guess what. It will be.
Today is about ressurections... The Ressurection - but how can that apply to us? If you think about it, what we're doing right now, every time we do something right for our bodies, we're "resurrecting" a new body... new way of life... I'm giving thanks today for all the good things that have come my way, and that continue to come my way - today I choose to bring those good things into my life - to ressurect happiness and content in myself. Today I am choosing to live fully, and conciously, in this present moment.
We can't change the past - and tomorrow never comes. We only have today. We can choose to waste it, and dwell on the the little things that drive us crazy - creating stress and most likely a miserable attitude by the end of the day - Or, we can choose to believe that we are right now, we are attracting the good things into our lives.. by feeling good, by being thankful, by viewing everything we already have as abundant and beautiful.
"We are fearfully and wonderfully made". And God, doesn't make mistakes. Celebrate the beautiful person you are right now - love the body you have right now, while believing and knowing that the body you'd love to have, is on it's way!!!!
A single thought - will spiral into more thoughts of the same. Thoughts are things - and we are magnets. So what will you choose to think today? :)
I'm just feeling so good, I had to write some more!
I just finished my JC fish and chips - I was a little leery - I'd had it a couple years ago, when I managed to flub through maybe one week before giving up - and it was a disaster. This time, I cooked it in the oven... was able to brown it, the steak fries came out wonderful! Not much salt, but didn't need to add any with the malt vinegar. It was so good! I'll never cook that in the micro again. It reminded me of my childhood - when I was little, my mom, my sis and her 2 little ones at the time, and I, would go out to a little place called H&R ( I think?) Salt Esquire Fish and Chips. It was like an Ivars.. only it was Old English fish and chips, wrapped in the newsprint (copied from a London newspaper!). I remember, that I hated the malt vinegar at first, but learned to love it. This reminded me so much of that... I really took my time and enjoyed it. I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed my food "in the moment" like that, and yet at the same time had such a strong memory of childhood. It was really interesting, and very cool. I had a good sized spinach salad with mushrooms and grape tomatoes, and the JC Balsamic Vinegarette dressing.
I have to say, the Jenny food is really good. I'm never too full - and never hungry afterwards. The portions look shockingly small when you first see them, and you almost have to laugh (or you might cry!) at first - but they never fail to satisfy. I'm going on the 3rd menu, and there's a huge variety so I never get tired of the food. When I think about it, as a family, we were maybe rotating 5 or 6 dinners, over and over an over. Talk about bored. That was one of the reasons I decided to join Jenny - nothing sounded good. Nothing that I felt like taking the time to prepare anyway! I get to eat some form of chocolate every day - whether it's the peanut butter chocolate "anytime" (energy/vitamin) bar - or cookies and cream bars; to smores bars, double chocolate cheescake; chocolate or lemon cake - there are choc chip cookies; toffee bites miniature cookies- there's almost too much chocolate for me. Tomorow I get to try their new chocolate mint bar - looks like the girl scout thin mints.... looks pretty good. Of course, it's not all chocolate! There are many types of snacks, all great so far, plus you eat fruit twice a day, and several servings of vegetables. Always a spinach or garden salad with lunch (or dinner if you prefer). Breakfast was a "stuffed breakfast sandwich" which was also very good. Ok.. way too much talk about food - one of my pet peeves. However, if anyone is considering joining JC, you won't be hungry, and you will have variety. At your half-way mark, you start doing 2 days on your own - no JC foods those days. What's great is you learn portion sizes and really get it into your head up to that point, and you learn that you can have variety. They now also have all the nutritional info on the packages. They didn't use to- I think because they were concerned people would try to swap in their own food with the same calories. Though that was a nice thought at times, problem was, a calorie is not just a calorie - it's the type that counts, and every day is balanced. I've known so many people, who've "played" with the menu's, and wonder why they aren't losing. But they haven't learned yet how to do exchanges. The great thing is you just follow the menu and enjoy it, until half way, then you start learning the exchange system and how to cook and prepare your own foods. By the time you reach goal, you slowly increase your exchanges until you're eating all on your own, and they still monitor you for a year to make sure you've got it.
I don't mean to spend all night singing the praises of Jenny! But I have to say, this is the one program that has ever worked for me, with any type of lasting results at all. My downfall, was when I gained 2 pounds.. then up to 5... I was overconfident, and thought, I'll worry about it later... I don't need to go back for 5 little pounds.... and then you know the rest of the story! I'll never make that mistake again. Just because you go back, doesn't mean you have to buy their foods to get the 5 pounds off - but you have the support of the counselor and the encouragement. I was foolish not to use that. It's so easy to get caught up and think you're invinceable, when you've lost 90 pounds. You think, I could never gain this weight back. And when it starts to creep back - Ego shows up and says, you don't need help, don't be silly -
You know what? BE silly,. No matter what program you choose - don't make the mistake I did. Do the maintenance - and more importantly, if you start to gain, even 2 pounds - go back and check in. That's the way this weight is going to really stay off - by never letting it get over 5 pounds up.
So far on the menu's, I haven't used any "volumizers" for the foods. Volumizers, are "free" and limited free (3 per day) foods/condiments, etc, that you can add to bulk up your meal, or just switch it up and make it different. But I did go ahead and get the "Creative Recipes" book from JC to add some zing to the foods. I don't really feel I need them now, but months from now I'll probably want a different twist. The recipes are fantastic, and lots of ideas for veggies and fruits.
Hope all of you are doing well! Have a blessed Easter - and remember - as far as food goes, it's really just another day! Stay with it, but if you don't, don't let it ruin the day - get back on right away. Here's to a 1-3 pound loss for all of us this week! You know you can do it! Enjoy the company; your family; fellowship. That's what really matters - not whether or not you eat a big portion of ham and sweet potatoes for dinner! :)
God Bless You - With God, All things are possible! Happy Easter :)
Today has been so wonderful! I am feeling so happy, content and good! I started excersize today. I walked for 20 minutes, I'm not sure how far but we'll get to that later. I walked at a good clip too, and it felt good! After that, I sat in the hot tub, and did water excersizes - sit ups, push ups, leg lifts, squats, arm circles, things I couldn't easily do on land, and not quite so easy in the water either. But I worked our hard, using the water as weights - and kept it up for 45 minutes. It was awesome. My body is sore, but not out of hand, and it's a good sore. After that, the boys wanted to go to the mall - normally I'd want to take a nap - but we went, and I walked the length of the mall twice - slower this time, but I was really feeling it.
I got my prize - I bought the Eckhart Tolle book, "A New Earth". Oprah and Eckhart are doing a 10 week "webinar" book study every Monday night. I've been "attending" but hadn't gotten the book yet - though I still have gotten a lot out of it. You can still register and get in on it, it's free, and it's pretty amazing stuff. And as Eckhart says, you'll either experience an awakening - some big "aha" moments, or you won't, and it won't interest you. I'll find out when I start reading... but I've already started looking at things differently - everything on this earth, is alive, has a pulse... to walk outside and look at a tree, but not give it a name... to really look at it, pretty soon you can feel that "pulse"... sounds crazy... you just have to experience it. But it makes you realize how incredible we really are... what miracles we are! What miracles everything, every tiny flower, to every giant tree - are living- pulsing with energy - and suddenly you're living in the moment - and everything is amazing. It just sounded interesting to me, and I'm really working on the mental attitude this time. It's exciting, and wonderful! I can't wait to read tonight. I also got myself a walking CD with an indoor workout and an "outdoor" cd to walk to, and it had a pedometer! I've been wanting one of those, and it will be interesting to see how much things really add up.
If "A New Earth" sounds interesting to you, go to Oprah's website, and check it all out. It's pretty cool stuff! Maybe I'll see you on the webcast!
It's a great morning. Official WI today - though it wasn't what I was hoping for, I'll take it. After another roller coaster ride on my home scales, I know this week I just need to stay away from the scale. I've quickly learned that by Wed./Thurs... my body is holding everything from the week - it's just not going through me. So hopefully will remedy that this week.
Regardless - my loss was 1.6 pounds today, for a total of 8.1 pounds! I'm in the 230's, and already almost out of them - next week should be great! I am also starting excersize this week - finally got the ok since I'm steady on my menu. No big challenges loom this week, other then getting that excersize in. I've decided when I hit the 30 pound mark, I will set my quit date for smoking. Make sure we've got the excersize in place, and still strong on the menu. All is going great, and I am starting to see what look like cheekbones!! Ha! Who knew???
Ah yes... and "The Secret"...... what a great book - what a great positive outlook on everything. It's so easy -
Ask for what you want......... give thanks for it....... imagine it as if you already have it........ and then BELIEVE. Really feel what it feels like to have it... own it.... and know, no matter what the circumstance, that it's on it's way to you right now. So with that in mind, I am seeing and believing 230.........but why limit myself. How about 229............ yes that sounds good. Shoot for that, and take whatever I get inbetween! lol. And my newest mantra? Replacing "Should" for "I Deserve"........... it really helps!!!!! And we DO deserve... we deserve so much. We are doing such a great thing for our bodies. For our minds.... and for our spirit. And since "I deserve", I'm going to go out and get myself a little "prize" for all the tiny and huge victories I've had these past 2 weeks!
Thanks so much for all your support - you are all angels, and it helps so much. :) Have a Happy and Blessed Easter, and Happy Spring! To New Beginnings!!!!!! (Again and again and again!!!!)
