Today has been a good day. It sounds like it's about to get a little more exciting, from the big clap of thunder I just heard outside! There's huge "thunderhead" hanging over the house - we rarely get thunder and lightning, the sun is shining, no rain really in site, so kind of strange - but beautiful!
DH BBQ'd again tonight, but I was a good girl and stuck with my Jenny plan. No off the menu today, I had my "fun" yesterday, and as I mentioned, it was almost a little dissapointing!
No fun deserts tonight - my JC snack today was "Bruschetta Veggie Chips" - but don't be fooled. They are very much like potato chips (infact they are made from potato - the Bruschetta is just the flavor). Tonight tho, I'm really in the mood for something sweet, so I had some fresh cut pinneapple. I am having the worst time spelling tonight! Anyway, it's gone well - walked about 1 and a quarter miles with DH today, which was very cool. Sounds like we're going to start walking at least every other day this week. Next week, we're going to try for every day.
I also made a long ago favorite from Jenny Craig... they used to have a killer recipe for "rasberry vinnagarette" dressing - it sounds kind of weird, but man is it good. If anyone still has the original recipe out there - please send it to me! I made it from memory, and it's pretty close, but I think I'm missing something, or don't have the ratio of ingredients right. This dressing is fat free - and low cal, but huge on taste. And it's not sweet, as the name implies, it's very tangy, and I love it!
I can't remember the exact measurements on this, but this is what you use:
Rasberry Vinegar - worsteschire (sp - geez!) sauce - fresh ground black pepper - a couple garlic cloves (I used powder, for lack of the real deal) - dijon mustard - and that's all I can remember. The original recipe does call for adding just a pinch of sugar, and in the past I've used equal instead. This time I didn't add any; and it's still really good. You mix it all together, and it's best when it sits a while before you use it. It's a perfect combo of tang and almost a little salty tasting, again I think from the "tang" - but it will also clear your sinuses if you use too much dijon mustard, so be careful! lol!
Anyway - if any of you have this recipe from the old JC days, could you please email me or blog it as a response? Thanks!
So really, just pretty quiet around here today. Didn't do much, other than the walk, which was awesome. And now it's getting very black outside, and the wind is really starting to pick up. I think I'm going to go take it all in!
Please think good thoughts of Missybelle - she's computerless for a few days, and I'm sure it's going to drive her nuts! And to MB's daughter, if you're reading this - please tell her it's fine to call; I'll try to make sure that I'm available at that time! Give her a big hug for us, and tell her to hang in there, she can do this!!! I remember the old days when I used to have internet withdrawl... it's not fun!!! So hopefully she'll hang in there, and not turn to food for comfort! So I'm asking all of you, send her good thoughts, prayers, and all kinds of good positive energy, so she can breeze through this week!
Have a great night all! I'm off to see the developing thunderstorm!!!
So, I hope everyone's Memorial Day Weekend, is going well.
It's been a great day. I had my burger, and ate it too. lol. I did put pickles on it, but I don't think it will kill me. But guess what. It sure wasn't what I'd built it up to be!!! Yeah, I won't deny that it was good - and no, I didn't feel guilty. But. and once again, a big but lol. It just wasn't like a "halleluia choir" started singing when I ate it. I was kind of bummed, and let down. Which proves, that I still apparently put food on an undeserved pedestal at times!
Especially, when we're on a "diet", I think we tend to put "real food' ie, food that ISN'T on our menu for the actual diet - on some huge pedestal, thinking that it will give us comfort, joy, and good fuzzy feelings. I realized tonight, it doesn't. It proved I think, once and for all, that food, is just food - something to sustain us. Sure we can enjoy it.... but it sure isn't worth all the hype sometimes!
I was watching Evan Almighty tonight, and something he said in the movie really hit me. There's a scene, where "God" comes to speak to Evan's wife, about faith. She had prayed for their family life to come together and for them to become closer as a family. And "God" said to her..."Think about it. If you pray for patience, does God just give you patience, or does God give you opportunities for patience? If you pray for courage, does God just wave his hand and give you courage, or, does God give you more situations in which you can develop courage?" Which leads me to... if you pray for willpower, and for balance...... it follows, that, does God just give you amazing super human strength and willpower to overcome cravings... or .. does God provide us opportunities to develop willpower and overcome the cravings ourselves?
That's pretty heavy isn't it?! So think about it... every time we encounter situations where everyone is eating birthday cake and potato salad when we're on our "diet"... we are being "tested"... given an opportunity to make the right choice; and doesn't it feel good when we do? When we realize that we don't need to eat the entire burger to feel satisfied....... when we run that mile and find that it actually feels really good to have done it. We are given opportunities every day, to make choices, good or bad, right or wrong, and every day we have an opportunity to learn a new lesson, or repeat an old habit.
We are on this journey together. We are learning to change our habits for the better, once and for all. To lose this weight, and keep it off, once and for all. And it's up to us - to choose - right, or wrong. To live a life that's healthy most the time, or to live a life that's leading down a track to certain health failure. What I'm saying, is that we are the ones, who make that choice. :) It won't change overnight. Instead, on this path, we're given chances to find that balance and moderation on our own. And wouldn't you rather find that balance yourself, even if it is by trial and error - than waving a magic wand and having it all change? After all...... it's the journey, not the destination, where we grow and learn the most. And that my friends, is what will give us the power in the end. :)
So again I say, if you make a mistake, embrace and learn from it. If you have a bad day, consider it a blessing - because hopefully you just learned from what you feel went wrong, so that next time - you will be the one in power, not the food. Not the emotion. This my friends, is how we are going to end this weight battle for all.
Oh Yeah Baby!!! Today was weigh in at JC... I wasn't too thrilled, as the scale just didn't seem to be moving much this week - making it the third week of sort of a plateau. I can't complain, I still lost "bars of soap" the past two weeks, but I had a surprise this morning!
This week I lost another 2.5 pounds! That's dead on with my plan, so I was very happy! - and to be able to say I'm 216 on the Jenny scale, wow. So my big goal this week is to get below 215. That's a bit lofty, but I think it's well within reach. I walked a mile with DH yesterday - first time I've actually walked an actual mile! I've been doing the walking dvd at home, inside, but it's minutes - not miles, so really no clue what that would equate to. A mile didn't sound hard - but I was wrecked by the end of it! It was so nice though to actually walk with my husband, outdoors. It gave us time to talk a bit, and just spend some time together without a tv, computer, or a video game in the background. Oh, and did I mention? I look HOT in shorts! LOL!!!!!
Since I started this journey, I have to say I've loosened up quite a bit regarding the eating. I think I'm finally finding some balance now. With this being Memorial Day Weekend, I was going to not bother, and just stay with my JC menu. But I talked it over with my counselor today, and have decided that tonight I'm going to go ahead and have a "meal on my own" day, and allow myself to finally have a hamburger with the family. I'm kind of excited about that - but then again, it's just food right? I think I'm excited, knowing that I can plan it into my day, without messing anything up - and that gives me hope, that when this is over, I will be able to really have those things once in a while, without paying too much of a price. I still wrestle with that all or nothing thinking, but it's getting better. So keep your fingers crossed for me - I am allowing myself ONE hamburger, I haven't decided if I'm going to have the cheese on it or not. Instead of french fries, we're going to make our own "home fries" - steak fries that is, in the oven, using PAM and a little seasoning and bake them instead of deep frying them. We're going to practice some healthy choices, and it's good for all of us. Usually on a "hamburg" I'd only have meat and cheese, lots of mayo and the other condiments. So I'm going to remake that. Probably leave out the cheese for one - skip the mayo for two. And adding tomato, and lettuce. Presto, you have a healthy choice. Sub a whole wheat bun, and that's one more healthy choice. Add a big salad, and just a few of the 'fries" - and I think we'll be just fine. Sorry - don't mean to talk too much about food, but just trying to map it out from fat burger to ok burger. lol. And some people may not realize, just how much fat you're getting out of it just by eliminating the cheese and mayo, if you use that. By adding the lettuce and tomatoes, you're balancing it out, and you get a little fuller as well - so what you have in the end is a pretty decent choice.
Lets talk about whole wheat for a minute. You still have to be really careful with these things - because it can be very deceptive! Whole wheat, can mean they added one grain... or that it's 1/2 whole wheat... or if you're lucky you actually get what they seem to be advertising. So read the label. Also, they are sneaky! Sometimes, 1 serving, is only a 1/2 a bun!!!! So watch for things like that, especially on bread! I was told it's supposed to be less than 2 grams of fat per serving for a slice of bread, and under 100 calories. When I started looking for that, it surprised me, because it's not that easy to find! Buns have more sugar.. and sometimes more fat. So again, just be mindful to what you're really eating, and get in the habit of reading those labels. That's my soapbox for today lol - don't be fooled by fancy claims on the label! LOL! Finally, there's portion size. It's amazing... what we think is a portion!
Have you noticed how big those hamburger buns have gotten? There's such a nice variety now, and they offer the ones that look like restaurant buns.. "deli" style - but have you looked at the size?!! They're twice the size of a "normal" hamburger bun. So again, be careful with your portion sizes.
This weekend is typically a picnic/bbq blowout with friends.. not always so friendly to someone trying to watch their calorie intake. And lets face it, it's far more than that - it's a time to remember our fallen soldiers, and hero's. I never even knew that, until I was a "grown up". It's funny how these holidays sometimes can be drilled into our heads as a day to eat our brains out - rather than the what the holiday is truly all about.
So this weekend, I'd like to pay honor and tribute to all the wonderful brave men and women that died in service to our country - who laid it all on the line for us, so that we might remain free. Please don't forget to take some time this weekend, to honor your family members, your friends, and the hundreds and thousands of men and women who died for us, so that we could live in freedom in this great nation we call home.
And on a completely different note - as an excersize in freedom this weekend, here's to having a real hamburger lol. This will be a test for me - but I know I can do it. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm NOT going to feel guilty. And then I'm going to get right back to business and lose another 2 pounds, so I can be under 215 this week! Woo Hoo!!!!
Enjoy gang!!!! And if you are doing the BBQ thing this weekend - enjoy it, but have a plan - that way you can REALLY enjoy it, and not go so far off program that you feel you've blown it. And, no guilt!!!! We can do this!!!! :)
Today was a great day! The weight loss is really starting to show, and I decided it was time for a little shopping excursion. Now mind you, shopping and I, used to be great friends. But when a 22 started to be too small, it got very depressing for me, and I haven't bothered even trying to find anything decent. Not only that, but you've probably noticed, that the fashion designers don't exactly cater to us women over a size 14...... what is wrong with them? There are so many of us wearing above a 20... and wear does it say that we want to wear potato sacks?? Finally... finally we're seeing some designers with a brain out there, and you can find cute clothes - still I know it's like going hunting to find them.
Normally, I would bypass Nordstrom, and Macy's, and just head straight for Lane Bryant. Today, I was able to go to Macy's, and found several really cute tops - and here's the kicker. No more 24's for me...... I'm now wearing 18's, and 18's are almost too big!!! I can't tell you how exciting it was to buy a pair of 20 jeans last week - and within 3 days, they were far too big, so I went back and got the 18's. Those are now almost too big! By the way, if you're looking for a great pair of jeans - Macy's is the place. They have a line of jeans, from Style & Co., and they have just a touch of spandex in them, so they are extremely comfortable, retain their shape well, and look fantastic! And, here's the best part. They are always 29.00!!!! I supposed the only downside, is that they will never change that price, or go on sale - but for the money, they're the best jeans I've ever had. They fit perfectly, and they feel great on. So that's my tip of the day!
I found myself no longer looking for 3x...........it's 1x and 18's, and I was so excited! I think I must have gotten 8 new tops this week - (I got 4 new tops today at Ross) I also found a beautiful new pink floral dress (with the Stevie Nicks skirting on the bottom) and the tops are adorable. I can actually wear sleevless things now and I'm not completely disgusted with my arms! lol! The bellydancing is really shaping up my arms, and I even got some cool big turquoise sparkly acrylic bracelets - normally 22.00 a piece... they were onsale for 5.00 a piece! Of course, then I had to find a necklace to wear with them, and came up with a wonderful summery turquoise dyed abalone shell necklace... it has 4 strands of the shells, and it matches the bracelets perfectly. Of course, then I didn't have any earings that matched... so I found the exact matching shell earings and got them on sale! Woo-hoo! How fun is that?!!
Ross was the next stop after Macy's.... I have to say, Ross rocks! I got the dress, and 4 tops for under 50.00!!! It's hard because I haven't wanted to spend the money for clothes, knowing that I'm still in size transitions... but I feel so good in them, that it was well worth it - and I didn't spend too much money. I got styles and colors that I would have never worn before... and my special treat was a final stop at Nordstrom... I got some Ojon shampoo, which I just love, and then I got a big bottle of one of my favorite luxury's.... Philosophy "Pure Grace" fragrance spritz, and the body lotion. If you like their scents, the lotion is the best I've ever found. Not only is it wonderful and silky and thick, (but never greasy!) - the fragrance stays with you all day! "Pure Grace" is one of their signature scents, and it smells like you just stepped out of the shower - just yummy fresh clean scent. Amazing Grace is another favorite, and I got the spritz in that one too - it has just a touch of floral to that fresh scent. Both are perfect summer scents, and I even spritz my linnens with them - yum!!
So. Now I've got the shopping bug. And the shoes... I have never really been a "shoe" fashionista. But I look at them now and just drool. Sadly, because of my dropped foot, there's very little I can wear - heels, flip flops, and sandals, all just fall right off my foot when I try to take a step. I did manage to find some really cute silver thong type sandals... they look like bellydance sandals lol. Just my type!! But they look wonderful, and I can actually wear them - so there's hope! I'm going to start practicing wearing heels again. If I can learn to walk again, I know I can learn to wear a heel again. I just have to find the right style that won't slip off when I step - and strengthen my ankle, so that I can control it better. That's improved a lot, and almost 30 pounds lighter, maybe it will be easier. There's hope yet, and I'm not giving up!
So this is a pretty pointless blog this time my friends. But I just had to tell you how fun it's been today, and this past week, actually going out and buying some new, smaller, and yes, sexier (!) clothes!!! I look in the mirror, and my double chin is GONE! I even discovered that I have a dimple - a DIMPLE!!! - on my cheek when I smile! You couldn't see it before, because I was too puffy! Who knew!!! Here's to losing our double chins, and finding dimples again!!!!
I read a great blog this morning (Thank you Hoosiermomof3!!) - about the scale, and taking back the power from the scale. This really hit me - if I went to church as often as I worshipped at the scale, I'd be a Saint by now.
At first, it was innocent enough. I'd check the scale once a week - and kept it put away; never weighing at home, only at Jenny. But that evaporated after the first week; curiousity got me, and then the troubles started. Pretty soon I was weighing every day... then it was every morning, and every night. Pretty soon I found myself, the addict I am, weighing after I'd eat something, or drink a bottle of water to see what the difference was. I'd weigh in the middle of the night to see if I'd lost anything yet. And on weigh in day, I'd wake up, weigh, go back to sleep, get up and weigh a couple hours later, go back to sleep.. etc... then, if I didn't like what I saw, I'd go through all my clothes until I found the lightest weighing garment to wear to weigh in.
Overboard? Yes. I now weigh once a day.- and really, that's too often. But I wanted to see what my body did - and pretty sound it was an obsession. I did learn some things though - never weigh after drinking 2 gallons of water.. lol. Never weigh after you've eaten dinner.... and the more sleep you get, the more you seem to lose! (within 8 hours anyway!) The night I only got 2 hours of sleep, I retained water like a madwoman. I know this, because after going back to sleep, getting up 4 hours later and weighing again, I'd lost 4 pounds - which tells me it had to be water. (that and because my rings were tight; I was puffy). So... the scale can be very deceptive.
And look what it can do to us. It can create a magnificent everything's wonderful day...... or it can smash your hopes and dreams in a heartbeat. I love what Hoosiermom said about the scale; to quote her: "the scale is not my friend..... I would never step on my friends like that". And then she said, that it was time to put the scale in it's place, essentially taking it off it's pedestal and taking her power back from the rollercoaster it puts us on.
Face it, the scale can make or break us, It can decieve us into thinking we're terrible people - it can make us feel guilty. And it's an inatimate object!!! Even my little girl kitty has learned that the scale must be something magical; after watching me and DH get on it every day at least once a day, she now also gets in the act when she wants attention - she can actually hit the button that turns it on, climbs on, then sits and meows at you until you come look and tell her good job! LOL!!! (she's quite interesting to say the least.. I think she must have been human in another life...)
But I digress. It IS time to take the power back from the scale, before we become blind by a sea of numbers. Like food... the scale is just a "tool" in this journey. It doesn't determine our worth. And it certainly doesn't show the big picture. The bigger picture, is that when you look in the mirror, you can now see a cheekbone. When you look in the mirror, you can now see a waist. Does that determine our worth?
No. And it's time that we again go back to that foundation - to love ourselves, right now, for who we are. We have come a long way on this journey. Some of us have lost over 100 pounds. Some of us, are just starting. Some of us, have been struggling for the past 6 months, and seen "only a few pounds", but have increase their excersize to athlete levels - and lost 3 sizes. But when we look at that scale, we can't see that. It doesn't tell the story of us going to a big party, and eating smart choices instead of drinking 3 martini's and eating 3 of every hor's d' ovres! That 3 pound loss over the last month on the scale, doesn't tell the story of the marathon we just ran for the first time in our lives - without stopping. It doesn't tell the story of the 3 dress sizes we've lost.
So although the scale can be a useful tool, it's just that - a tool lol. And a size, is just a number. The important question is, how do we feel? If your clothes are looser, there's no arguing that progress has been made. And "progress" not "perfection" is what will get us to our goals, but more importantly, help us stay there.
And here's something hopeful, and impressive. I love to watch America's Next Top Model. Why, I don't know... but for the first time, one of the 2 women remaining, is actually a plus sized model. Her competition looks like she hasn't eaten in years - what is interesting, is when you look at the pictures of this plus size model, compared to the other woman - she looks huge. The reality check - she's probably a size 14 at best... and she's very tall - and she's beautiful and perfect. But we are so used to seeing these pics of these size 0 women, that are eyes are immediately fooled, and our brain says, "she's heavy!" It's not our fault - we've been conditioned in this. As a result, I bet many of us can look back at our teenage years, and at the time we thought we were overweight. And if we were to look at that picture now, we'd gasp and realize, no we weren't at all!!!! Raise your hand if you've done that!!! I know I have...... I had 2 girlfriends, they lived on each side of me when I was growing up. They were always a size 5 and a size 3... and would constantly moan and grown about how "fat" they were. I was a healthy, proportioned size 12... and I thought I was obese. I hung my head... I had no confidence... I thought I was ugly, and every day with those two, I was reminded that I was fat. What I wouldn't give to be "fat" again!!!!!
Then there's the another side. When I decided to take up bellydance, as a size 22.......I was terrified. I had been doing dvd's at home, and decided to find a class. I was positive, that all the women in the class would be teeny tiny little things, probably in their mid 20's. I will never forget this is long as I live, because my entire thinking changed that day. I walked into that class, ashamed of who I was, and what I'd become. When I walked into the room, to my shock, I didn't find a room full of size 0 women. I didn't find a room full of tanned, perfect abbed 20 year olds. What I found, was a room full of diverse, different sized, different aged goddesses. I was the newbie - the others, many, had been bellydancing for years. The ages ranged from late teen, to 70!!! And I was one of the smaller women there. The amazing thing, was that the larger women - and these were some of the women who'd been dancing a while... were wearing these incredible costumes... the first thing I noticed, was that they weren't hiding their bodies. These women, held their heads high, and moved with such grace that it literally took my breath away and shattered my idea of what beautiful is. I have to admit, coming from a pageant background - and an "x" aerobics maniac.. one of my first questions to myself, is how is this possible, that a woman over 300 pounds, 1, was the queen of the room and 2.. how could she move like that???
That is very embarrasing to admit; that I would judge like that, especially considering my own body. But I learned a huge life changing lesson that day. The woman I called "queen of the room", was just that. She was confident, elegant, poised, and had a presence that just took the entire rooms breath away. You noticed her imediately, and not because of her size. She had an inner glow, that permeated everything around it. Then, the teacher had this woman come up, and do a demonstration. My jaw hit the floor. Turns out she'd been dancing for years, and had won several awards - she had a grace that I didn't think was possible. And all of these women, had this wisdom about them.. it's like they knew something I didn't know. Do you know what it was? They loved themselves. They believed in themselves, and didn't care what anyone thought. They had accepted who they are, as beautiful. As a result, you couldn't help but see only that about them!!! I was humbled beyond measure that day - and when I went home, I looked in the mirror, and for the first time really made peace with my body. A funny thing happened after that in the weeks that followed - once I made peace with myself, and began to tell myself that I loved myself the way I was.. that I was beautiful the way I was right that moment - the weight started dropping like crazy!!! Over the 6 week class, I dropped 40 pounds!!! I didn't even try!!!
So for all this rambling........what I learned, is that accepting ourselves for who we are - walking confidently and with poise - believing in ourselves, that we ARE beautiful no matter what size, shape, age we are...... that we DON'T have to look like that picture of the model in the magazine - that we simply are who we are, and that is a beautiful thing - all these things shattered that old belief that I must be ugly, that I can't do this or that because of my weight... I finally had someone like me, to look up to... and that led to me finally looking up to myself. And that led to the end of fighting my weight - fighting everything about me - if you can do that, and I know it's hard - but if you can do that, you will be able to start letting go of those old beliefs. All the old negative talk that you've tortured yourself for years with. You will be able to start fresh, with a new attitude, and a new motivation. Because then, this becomes not so much about looking like those models in the magazine... instead it becomes about treating our bodies like the "temple" they are... to focus on our "inside" instead of the outside... which naturally puts us on track (without the fight) to treat our bodies in the way that we want them to be. There's a saying, "If you can see it, you can achieve it". A wonderful man named Bob Moad instead says, "You'll believe it/achieve it - when you can see it". In other words.... we have to envision ourselves the way we want to be, and it starts on the inside; accepting us for who we are. Then we can move forward, and work on polishing that image of ourselves.
So here's to seeing it this week................seeing every beautiful curve... every beautiful thing about us. Walking with our head held high, with confidence. And maybe putting a little shimmy in our steps on occasion! And finally, another saying, ..... never "to-do yourself so much, that you forget to "ta-da"!!!
Take time to nurture, love, and yes, even admire yourself this week. See yourself behaving the way you will when you're at your goal weight. What will be different? How will you walk? How will you carry yourself? - and then, start today, doing just that. It doesn't matter what the scale says today. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks we should look like - or what they think we should act like - it's time to take that power back too. It's not selfish - it's essential. And we deserve it. If we don't love ourselves... how can anyone else love us?
And carry a bar of soap with you to weigh in. LOL.
And not to wash my mouth out with!!! Here's an interesting thought. I was talking at work with my "weight loss buddy"; a gal that's sort of jumped on the weight loss bandwagon after seeing what I've done - well, I was telling her about my 4 ounce loss. And she said, hey, .. that's a bar of soap! And I was thinkin.. what?? And then I realized what she was talking about. That 4 ounces, is the size of a bar of soap. That's nothin to sneeze at. I've thought about the bag of sugar... the 10 pound bag of potatoes... but I've never thought about ounces before. Needless to say, I've come to appreciate the size of a bar of soap much more now!!!
Today has been pretty good so far. I went to the local "farmers" market; at least the closest thing we have to one here - and I got the biggest most beautiful strawberries I've ever seen in my life - and they're awesome!!!! I was going to get some cherries - but my goodness - 10.00 a pound???!!!! It's getting ridiculous, the price of food... the price of gas... and what's sad is it's coming to where it's less expensive - far less - to buy fast food. And we all know what it does to us if we're eating it all the time! It's just a little disheartening today. I think I'm going to devote a space in the back yard, kick DH's loving behind a bit, and have him help me develop a little plot back there where I can grow a vegetable and herb garden. It would be good excersize, and it would make it affordable to eat our own vegetables... and it would be helping the environment to grow our own. I think lol. I don't know, sounds good though! It would be organic and groovy and cool. So that's a thought. :) Other than that, not much went on today. Had a birthday bash for my boss, that was cool - we completely put one over on here. That was the biggest accomplishment, because it's pretty hard to do that! She's the queen of surprises, so I was pretty proud of myself!!! Anyway, I'm off to make my Jenny fish and chips... mmm. My favorite. And yes, .. I did eat at the potluck - but I ate salad, used my dressing, and so I did fine and it wasn't considered a "cheat". :) I feel a lot more balanced today, and that's good.
Hope you're all off to a good start this week. Thanks for all the great comments!!!!
Ok. So I guess I took my counselors talk a little too much to heart yesterday lol. I just did pretty much whatever I wanted yesterday - but you know what? This morning I feel like maybe I've gotten it out of my system, and now I can focus on eating what I'm supposed to again.
I think this is a hard call for me, because I'm spending money buying their food. The menu is meticulously planned out.. and it was drilled into my head, not only as a client, but later as a counselor that you need to follow the menu exactly! Well, if I remember correctly, there were weeks when I was on it before, that I did stray, and sometimes those weeks were better weight loss weeks than the weeks I followed it perfectly.
Yesterday started out innocently enough. But DH went golfing - then later called and announced he was going to a baseball game - so there I was home alone and bored and with it in my head that I was going to have a free for all. So again, there's that extreme. I hadn't eaten breakfast... and I knew I was going to eat steak with the family. In retrospect - what I should have done (I know, don't should on myself!) - was to eat the lunch, eat the breakfast, then have dinner with them. But my brain said, no no no, don't waste a JC day, you're throwing money in the toilet! So I ended up eating a piece of poundcake for breakfast - at about 3pm. Grr. Then I just didn't eat until DH got home and grilled the steaks. I drank too much coffee, and too much soda - and I just didn't plan ahead. So my first attempt at allowing myself "real" food - ended up messy. The good thing I guess, is that today, I have no desire for anything but staying on my plan. And I still want that stupid Dairy Queen waffle cone - and I think I just need to go have one, and get it out of my system.
But I found myself yesterday once again doing the wrong things, because I was going to have one meal off plan. I don't understand why I'm so hard on myself - but today I'm back on the plan, and I've made my salad, and it's going to work with me. It's my bosses birthday, so that might be a challenge - but truthfully, I don't have a tough time avoiding cake. What's dumb too, is that Jenny food includes a "snack" every day - everything from bruschetta chips (they're really good, like potato chips) to triple chocolate cheescake - there's no excuse for not being able to stay on the plan! (DOH! And there's that all or nothing again!!!) You know what? I think I need to go excersize, and get my thinking straight. I also think I need to revisit my motivation. Why did I start this? Because I wasn't eating right, and wanted to get on track. Ok. So I got on track. Hmm. Maybe that's the problem - I achieved the goal... and then there wasn't another one lined up to keep me going. I limited my choices there - so I need to make a new goal! So not just wanting to get my eating on track.... wanting to permanently lose this weight. By..............??? Well, for this week, it's by trying to find the middle - the center. The place where foods aren't good or bad. It's just food! I put the "good" things on a pedastal... and really, it's JUST food!
Will I ever solve this riddle???? It's so easy for me to tell all of you advice.. and part of why I think it doesn't stick for me personally, is that we are so used to putting everyone first, that by the time I get to me, I tend to cut corners. Does that make any sense? It's like, ok, I can take care of me tomorrow.... and instead it needs to be ok, I am taking care of myself right NOW. So with that, I'm going to go have my breakfast, and a piece of fruit, and do my excersize, and go to work. lol. I'll check back in later - I know I sound like a crazy person at this point. But I know it will become clear.... this is so much more than just losing the weight. It's time to look at the BIG picture... it's more than just seeing the scale move down. If I can embrace the things that are getting the scale to move, then I will solve this for good. But that's the hardest part. And really, until I get to the half way mark when I have to plan 2 days of my own foods, I don't feel like I have that freedom to experiment. So the plan, is to stick to the plan, and write everything down... really focus on the feelings this week... and regroup with the goals... and the motivation. And if I go off plan, it's not going to be a spur of the moment thing, it's going to be planned - and I'm going to make sure I adjust accordingly. And then stop at one serving. And then NO GUILT.
Ha! Good luck right/??!!!!! I'm just spinning in circles, so I'll come back later!!!!!
Well, just got back from WI, and by the grace of God, I still lost a few ounces. Last week was a bit messy, so need to tighten the reins this week.
Had a nice chat with my counselor, and here's an interesting idea. I was reflecting on this past week, and some of the weeks previous. You all know that I'm still pretty all or nothing - black or white - when it comes to the diet part of this journey, I've tried hard to find the middle, but after talking with my counselor this week, and after the bit of a debockle I ran into this week, I have realized I'm still teetering on the edge of perfection, or not at all.
I realize I still am making lots of excuses... it's water retention - it's not enough water... it's not getting in my salad and my fruit... (why is that so hard?) and excuses tho they may be - they're still true in my book. But my counselor today helped me realize I'm still holding that all or nothing belief. And she suggested something very scary for me. Think of it like a test - an experiment of sorts. She says that I'm being so strict in my thinking, that I need to loosen up a bit - and yes, allow myself that glass of wine once a week. Or allow myself that stupid DQ waffle cone thing I've been craving all week. With a "catch". Allow myself that thing - and LEARN TO STOP AT ONE SERVING. So, ONE glass of wine. Not three. Learn that it's ok to have it... make some minor adjustments somewhere else.. but most importantly, do not feel guilty about it, and STOP when I've had ONE. Apparently, and I do know this is true. If I keep going at the rate that I can't do this and I can't do that, and I have to be perfect, one of these days I'm going to completely melt down foodwise.
Now, I know these things. I preach these things. So why, do I continue to not follow my own advice?
This week I'm really going to focus on the diary again... what is going on emotionally - stress - etc, when I find myself craving something. So this week the focus is to "find my center"... find the middle... and learn that it's ok to have ONE, and learn to stop at one. I'm a little nervous about that, but I think if I can do this, then I'll be conquering a major hurdle for when I get to half way (2 days on your own) and maintenance.
I love you guys - thanks for all your support. Hope your weeks have gone well, and I'll check in more often this week!!!!
I've really been bad about blogging lately. As a result, I haven't been so stellar on the "diet" this week!!!!
I'm sitting here waiting to go to my weigh in... and it looks like I'm going to stay the same for another week. That's completely my fault... I had another week of steady loss.. Mon I was 218... Tuesday.. 217... Wed. 216!!!... and then I got over confident.... DH made this insanely amazing meatloaf, and me craving "real" unfrozen, unproccessed food, had some. Next morning, I was still at 216, so I figured I had a license to "have a couple things for a change"... uh huh. You know how that goes!!!! So Friday, I end up getting dragged to the local watering hole with DH... and I'd been so darn good, but ended up drinking about 3 gigantic glasses of red wine. And ok, a couple of mai tai type drinks.. needless to say, I let it all go, and of course, that made me want to eat things I shouldn't. Thankfully, I really didn't have much I could eat here, unless I was going to binge on Jenny food, and that's no fun! Still, the alchohol got me in trouble.
I haven't gained, but I know the scale is going to stay the same. That's ok. I needed a bit of a "real world" experience - not necessarily the alchohol, but some "real" home cooked food - and I admit. I didn't "neeeed" it, I was craving it in a bad way. I didn't handle it too well. I should have taken a serving, sat down, ate it, enjoyed it, and let it go. But instead, I snuck pieces when I thought no one was looking. ARgh. But I think we all have weeks like this on occasion, and I think that if I didn't "crack" once in a while, for the amount of time I'll have to be on this program, I'd lose my mind.
I only got in excersize 1 time this week - and I think that's where that loss came in... because I lost despite the meatloaf incident. Unfortunately, the wine incident was too much, and those 3 pounds that seemed to come off, are right back on. I am still celebrating that I'm at 219... below 220.... but I put myself back one week, and that's a little frustrating. Blah!!! I'm rambling!!!
Well, better go get this over with so I can start a new week, and hopefully get back on track! I do have exciting things to tell you about this week though - I'll save that for when I come back.
Well, not a big loss this week my friends, but still a loss! And with the past 2 weeks being 4 pound losses, I'm ok with that!! It still adds up!
.7 pounds lost this week, making it a new total of 24.5 pounds lost!
Another 8.5 inches lost... making total inches lost, 21 inches! That's almost 2 feet off of me!!!!
I went shopping this week - first time in a long time. I've gone from tight 2x tops, to a loose 1x... one top is an 18, and it's too big on top!!! (Should I really be celbrating that though?!!) And, the size 20 jeans I bough are also too big.. but didn't try them on, and didn't want to chance it.
Friday I stopped at the gas station, where they know me pretty well. I stop pretty frequently there. One gal has taken quite an interest in my weight loss, and I hadn't seen her in a while. Well, I was wearing my hair up, which I also haven't done in a while, and I went in to pay, and I thought it was odd that she didn't say anything to me. When she looked at my license she took a double take, and said, "Oh my goodness - you're the Jenny Craig girl!" she continued, I didn't even recognize you!!!! Wow!!! That was very cool! Everyone started asking how I was doing this, what I was eating, how the program works - she told me that with my hair up you could really see the loss, and she didn't recognize me at first. It's not easy for me to take praise, but this time I stood tall, and took it all in. It felt so good to have someone acknowledge my hard work. I think one good thing about this go-around.. is that I've made a real effort not to base my weight loss on people noticing. I knew it was going to be a long road, and possibly even longer before anyone else would notice, and before I'd really notice, and I didn't want to base my motivation on other people's praise to keep me going. That's hard - we all want everyone to notice every ounce we lose, because it helps us stay motivated. And I know when or if we don't recieve it, it can be dissapointing, and sometimes it can even make us give up. But if you're doing this for yourself, then what other people think, doesn't have such an impact. And though it felt really good to hear compliments - it also feels good to know that I don't have to depend on what someone else thinks to keep me going. For maybe the first time in my life, what I think is what matters. It's hard, and it's scary, but an independence and quiet courage and strength start to develop when you can put all that behind you. What's amazing, is one day you're thinking about it and realize, that YOU are driving you - not other people's thoughts and reactions. That's huge if you're someone like me, who's thrived on the "applause" - when you've allowed other people your entire life to determine how you feel. You realize that YOU are in control of your happiness - that you are the one who makes you sad, or happy, and that you have that choice now. That's a powerful thing. And I know with God on my side, "who can be against me" ? Right?
So the lesson this week, is to take that step, and learn how to love yourself. Right now, for who you are. Right now, in this body. Right now, in whatever situation you're in, good and bad. Because you are a wonderful, smart, talented, beautiful person. And you deserve the very best in life. No one is going to walk up to you, and just hand you the keys to that - because the keys to that door - are in YOUR heart. Take some time this week to spend a little time with "you". Right here, right now, is exactly where we're supposed to be, for whatever reason. Know that you are on the right track, and that you hold the keys to your happiness, or your sadness. You hold the keys to your success, or your failure. You get to choose, which door you open, and which door you close. Whether you move forward, or stay stuck in the same place - or stuck in the past.
When times get tough, and I want to be hard on myself, I try to remember that "we are all perfectly and wonderfully made". And God doesn't make mistakes. Besides, a "mistake is just another way of doing something". So this week I'm going to continue on that path of loving me, and doing right by me... so that I can continue to be strong, and loving and lose this weight. If I take care of me now, then I'll have so much good to offer those I love. I won't be running on empty trying to feed my soul with other people's praise - or that triple chocolate whatever.
And that my friends - is what really feels good. Am I being selfish? No. No, I'm not. And I'm not going to let anyone convince me that I am. We don't do enough for ourselves anymore. We spend so much time doing everything for everyone else - chasing that "ever elusive kudo" (and not the candy bar!) - that if we'd just slow a bit and even take one day out for us, we might realize that it gives us far more in the end - to be able to take on all the things we need to get done. So I mention the oxygen mask again - time to pull that mask on your face first. Even if it's just for one day. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel - how much more energy and strength you'll have, not to mention patience for all the little things in life.
With that in mind, I'm going to go excersize!!!! Much love to all of you!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!
