Bummed, bruised, and bored
Argh - this emotional rollercoaster needs to stop. I don't know what's happened to my sunny happy go lucky attitude lately.
Well, I do know what's happened. I found out Monday that my contract at the college isn't being renewed; which means I work through August, and that's it. Over. Done. Now what. I have no idea. There are some openings at the radio station down the road - they sound like the perfect thing, so we'll see. I'm trying to view this as an opportunity, but I really loved my job - I loved the atmosphere, I love my boss, so this is very sad for me.
Add in Mom - my sis isn't being too realistic. I've been told I can't go to their house to see her. If I want to see her, I have to take mom somewhere to spend time with her. Hello - she's not well enough to be going anywhere. It's a long story, that I won't bore you with, but it's not fair, and started the week off badly. Then getting hit with my contract not being renewed... this up and down business is so annoying. Just when things feel like they're going so well, something stupid has to happen to blow everything up. I wish I knew, what it was, I'm supposed to be learning. I know that my potential isn't being reached doing what I'm doing - the limitations on that position, which have nothing to do with my boss (she's fought for years to change things) just don't allow me to really be her assistant in the true word. It bascially allows me to be the lobby coverage for everyone else, and leaves an hour to be her assistant. It's a frustration for all involved, and I think she knows, infact has said that I deserve so much better, than being stuck behind a desk - that my talents are not being able to be used to their full potential, and she wants better for me. In essence, I'm being "kicked out of the nest for my own good" I guess. In time, I will see that, but right now, it just feels like a kick in the gut. She's not happy about it either, but there's not much either of us can do. Anyway.
So......... my freezer sits full of Jenny food, untouched for the most part. I find myself going back to my old ways of living off diet pepsi, coffee, and not eating. I've been tentative to excersize, afraid I'll hurt or catch my new piercing - especially with any ab work. And OMG! My pretty new pink pj/sweats???? I was playing "kettle bells" with the ab ball (ok, so that wasn't so smart) but apparently I ripped a hole in the seat of my pants!!!! And what's weird is they're not tight!!!! It may have been the stretching that did it too, but regardless, hello, there's the hole. I haven't even had them a week - how frustrating! I don't think they're going to take them back because I was a dork enough to try to stretch, or play "kettle bells" in them. You have to admit, it's kind of funny. But they are so lightweight and comfy, and work so well for my piercing, that I have been living in them when I'm not in my regular clothes.
Compound all this with, I went bike riding and took a nasty spill - but then Thursday, when I was running out the door with all my work stuff - satchel and purse in hand (about 30 pounds I swear)... my foot was very numb, and I was trying to be careful, but in my haste, I caught it on something on the top landing, and before I could even blink, I was on the cement sidewalk, trying to figure out what happened. My left side looks like a train ran me over.... and my back was so bad I had to crawl back in the house, and wait for help. I managed to get in with my pain doc, rather than hit the ER - we decided that a four hour wait was not a good thing, and this doc is a surgeon, and can do anything they can do at an ER. It was still a wait, and he wanted to check the numbness out, but I'm finally able to walk a bit today.
All depressing subject aside - it's time again to start finding that happy place inside me, and get back on the horse. I've read a lot of blogs lately, where I'm not the only one who is just feeling a bit lackluster and just not wanting to do this anymore. It's been tough getting back on track after taking my little break. But I haven't given up by any means, and Monday is IT.
How have the goals gone? Obviously, mine haven't gone so well! lol! So lets try again:
1. Water excersize- 3 times this week.
2. Resistance (squeeze those muscles!) anywhere and everywhere whever I can - and you can do these isolations anywhere without anyone knowing. I'm working my abs as I sit here. You just suck it in and old it, count to 20, let it out... repeat...... you can do that with every part of you. And it does help. No, it's not magic, but it adds to what we're trying to accomplish
3. Big goal. Get BACK ON THE FOOD. I need to make myself eat. Here it is 1:30, and I still haven't eaten? Not good. That's the quickest way to kill your metabolism. But my big question is why? Why do I do this? Part is I'm just not hungry. The other part is, well, I just don't want to. Nothing sounds good. But I always feel better, eating the right things, and I know that's part of this feeling blue. I'm not eating the right things. Ha. I'm just not eating!
Not trying to be hard on myself, just trying to kick myself in the behind and get back on it.
What helps you when you feel this way? C'mon troups - time to reset goals and reorganize if you're feeling like me this week. :)
xoxo
Trish
Is your back totally well now?? Are you ABLE to exercise yet?
((((hugs)))) 