So today was supposed to be a productive day, or at least in my mind it was. Was gonna get up and do the wii  before I even went to work. Got myself all motivated and everything. Talked myself the morning...I was pumped. Yea that didnt work, ended up waking up for work 40 before I was due in. No morning coffee, and rushed and aggrivated. Motivaional no no don't pump yourself up for excersice the night before if on that said night you happened to have had a couple of drinks to many, might I add drinking is a big diet no no...back to square one I go. But this time I am hyping myself up to believe I am smart enough to see my mistake and correct it. At least that is what I will tell myself until the next time and then I will just get mad and cry and whine that I am fat. I swear there is a true skinny girl inside of me. Has to be I know what I do is wrong, the empty calories I fill my face with in order to comfort whatever I am feeling at that moment. Thats my problem I am an emotional eater and god has benn nice enough to make me and emotional person. Those two things don't go hand in hand. I have learned little tricks to keep the calories at bay substitution of junk food with healthy food that none of the kids will eat, so it sits there cause I really dont want it but what the hell theres nothing else, amazing how long a box of wheat thins can last. Work was unproductive and since I have been home I have yet to find any motivation for anything. Unmotivation is good, I caught u p on some email, paid some bills, chatted with a long lost friend and in the process I found something soothing....

 

Unmotivation is good, sometimes, I am fat, yes I admit it. But I am happy and for the better part that means I am comfortable with me. I lost 4 pant sizes recently something I should be imensely proud of...but I let a Wii board make me feel like that wasn't good enough. I am comfortable in my own skin and have learned to embrass the person I am. The changes I am making is because I choice to be healthy and I a m not.  I want to see my daughters and son grow to see my grandchildern to grow old. At the rate I am going i will see none of this..and the sad realization in that is I know this...