I'm setting a new goal:

SO, it's great and all that I have my ultimate goal out there of being 145 lbs... but last night I was thinking about how the next time I see my family will be Thanksgiving... and it would be oh so nice to walk in looking like a million bucks... especially since a lot of them have no clue that I am dieting. So, my new goal is to hit 200 lbs. by Thanksgiving.  I can do that, right?  I lost 17.2 lbs in 6 weeks... and I now have 14 weeks to losr another 20.2.  If I can't do that, then I will disappointed with myself.

So, I am changing my weight goal which will change my chart... I think it will also help in allowing me to see really how large the change has been when my graph doesn't span 100 lbs... ;)

Another Week Down...

I think weigh-in is completely motivating.  I mean, it's weekly, so you get an update every week at the same time, and it can motivate you in a lot of different ways.  The first way is if you lose.  I LOVE when I lose—and who doesn’t??  So far, I have only gained at one weigh in, and stayed static at another.  All of the others have shown a loss for me.  A loss motivates me to keep going because it shows me that what I am doing is working, and gives me the confidence that I can reach my goal.  I have questioned before whether my goal is attainable, or not, but deep down in my gut, I really believe that it is.  I haven't seen 145 lbs. since I was probably 14 or so.  At 16, when I got my drivers license, it read 160.  And I don't ever remember anything less.  So, at first, it seems like an impossibility to me.  Until I see that constant loss that I have been seeing... then I KNOW I can do it!

Weigh-in is also motivating when I DON'T lose.  It motivates me to do better, and to eat healthier foods... make healthier choices all around.  It motivates me to try to squeeze some exercise into my nutso schedule.  I don't always succeed in that, but I try.  And a gain at weigh-in has also motivated me to set new goals to help me achieve my long-term goal.  A couple of weeks ago I set a goal to walk to my meeting each week.  It's no picnic of a walk-- the walk there is easy-- all downhill.  But that means that the walk home is ALL UPHILL.  And believe me, it's no sissy hill!  ;)

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to write that down for myself.  Because it is motivating for me just to see me write that I am motivated by my weigh-ins.  It reminds me of how much my outlook has changed since I attended my first WW meeting just 6 weeks ago.

Overloaded with the "motivations" in this entry??  LOL!

Okay, onto a new thought.  I just read Almost Me Again's blog and she has a recent entry where she inquires how she can possibly fit the exercise she needs into her schedule... and asks when we possibly sleep.  My answer to her was that I don't.  And it made me think about how crazy my life is.  Seriously, sometimes I just don't sleep more than 4 or 5 hours a night for weeks on end.  And I rarely get any exercise fit into my schedule, either!

I am a full-time working mom to three children aged three and under.  During the week, I am pretty much a single mom because my husband works in the city (1.5 hours away) and spends a large amount of his weeknights there.  I have to keep up the house, the kids, myself, make meals, do laundry, bathe kids, dogs, and anything else that comes into my house, work 40 hours at one job, work another 15 hours a week at the restaurant, run errands, fix cars, mow our 1.5 acre lawn and more.

I just don't sleep.

And I wonder how I can possibly stay healthy with a schedule like this.  It also affirms to me why I have gotten into such an unhealthy funk—of course, I can’t blame it all on my current lifestyle… I have been overweight for a very long time… well before I was married with a house and kids.

I’m all over the board today, so here’s another tidbit.  Yesterday I put on a pair of linen pants that 7 weeks ago, I could barely get up over my thighs.  I had to keep pulling them up yesterday because they kept falling down my waist.  You just can’t beat that feeling.  :D

I think I need to write more often so that my blogs can be shorter!  LOL

For those of you commenting and helping keep me motivated, even when I am not feeling good about my process mid-week: THANK YOU.  Your comments really help… and remind me that there are so many others out there facing this challenge right along side of me.

Can't this just be easy???

Things have been going pretty good this week.  But dammit, why did I have to go and do something stupid yesterday!?!?  Well, I met a friend at the Mall of America yesterday that is just moving to the States from Isreal… she was in Minneapolis visiting family, so I met up with her.  I was running late so I wasn’t able to take the time to eat breakfast, which wasn’t a huge deal… we went to Starbucks mid-morning and I got a Pomegranate Fruit Frappuchino—fairly healthy… Pomegranate juice, Tazo tea and Ice… I am not sure of the actual points, but I was trying to relate it to a regular Frappuchino  (how the HELL DO you spell that???) which has milk and other fattening stuff in it.  I had the points for the regular Fraps in my Dining Out book, so I took a guess that my drink was, at most, 3 points.  Not bad.  Then, we really struggled to think of a place to eat lunch.  My friend eats Kosher, so the only place we could think of to go to lunch was a sushi place.  I had never had sushi before and was very pleased to find out that the California Rolls I had were only 3 points.  Add to that the tiny bit of Edamame, a bite of my friend’s tuna sashimi, and a couple of bites of a sushi and fruit concoction that I took most of home to my husband, I figured my total points there was about 4.

SOOOO, I left there at around 2:30 after consuming, AT MOST, 7 points of my 26 daily points.  I had a ton left, and then I came up to a DQ.  I told myself, “Heck, you’ve got so many points left… go ahead a treat yourself!”  ARGH!  So, I got a Dilly Bar.  The book says 5 points.  But I KNOW this dilly bar was bigger then the norm, so I counted it as 6.  I DO NOT FRIGGIN NEED DQ!!!  There are such better choices on which to spend my points!!

Then, I got home and fixed dinner for my family… had boneless, skinless chicken breasts thawed out in the fridge… instead of baking them, or grilling them or something healthy, I dipped ‘em in egg and breaded them in a concoction I made up consisting of bread crumbs, parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and Italian dressing seasoning.  Then I FRIED them in olive oil.  As a side I made sweet potatos… put them in a casserole with butter (REAL butter, mind you), brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg.  I will tell you, dinner was DAMN good… but I can’t even figure out how many points it was… *sigh*  I just know it was over my limit.  Add to that a glass of milk… ugh.  So, I considered all my points for the day used up, and took away 10 of my flex points for the week.  I’m hoping that what I ate was not more than 23 points worth of food.

I am getting past my bad day yesterday by having a good day today.  Started my day off with the usual bowl of Special K with Strawberries (my FAVORITE diet food!  LOL) and a bottle of water.  I brought light yogurt and an apple to work with me so I have healthy snacks for the day, and brought a can of Campbell ’s Select Vegetable Soup for lunch.  1 serving is 1 point.  Yep, read it and weep, baby, 1 point!!  So I may even eat the whole 2 servings that are in the can!!  *wink*  The Minestrone is awesome, too, and also only 1 point per serving… I highly recommend this food to fellow WW dieters who are looking for satisfying, filling, low-point lunches.

Anyway, I have babbled on long enough… time to get back to work.

Baby Steps and Giant Leaps

Well, I know it's been a while since I blogged, but I am pretty sure that there really isn't anyone reading this, so I guess that I don't have to apologize to anyone but myself.  :)

Things have been nuts the last couple of weeks.  On August 5th, we had a birthday party for my daughter who turned 2 on the 7th.  I did really, really well when it came to eating that day and was really proud of myself for dealing with that particular obstacle.  That is, of course, until that night... my husband's family all spent the night and decided that we were all getting drunk.  Now, I hardly EVER drink, but it was a great opportunity since there were others around (my ILs) who would take care of the kids the next morning, so I thought...what the heck!  Well, of course, alcohol and mixed drinks are fairly high calorie... and then add the fact that while intoxicated, I didn't watch what I ate so well... LOL... I ate like 4 pieces of birthday cake and a bunch of chips, as well as other food that night.  So, I blew that day.  But, I had done well enough the rest of the week that at my weigh in last Monday, I had only gained 0.2 lbs.  Not bad, I'm thinking.

So, I decided to get back to the grindstone this week and was very careful.  I had a couple of tough days, especially in the beginning of the week, that I really wanted food constantly.  I think that having a day like Saturday threw my mind off and got me craving sweets and bad stuff again.  But I controlled it well... and when weigh in came around last night, I had lost 5.8 lbs!!!  In one week!  That put my total weight loss at 15 lbs!  WOO HOO!  I am thinking 15 lbs in 5 weeks ain't bad!

My new goal for the week, and for the coming weeks (I am going to set one new long or short-term goal each week now) is to walk at least 3 times a week.  One of the walks will be to my WW meeting each week.  I walked there and back yesterday and felt great!  It's not an easy walk, either... our town is built on a hill... and I live at the very top of the hill... the meeting was at the bottom of the hill... and it's a pretty steep hill, too... ;)

SO I have reason to celebrate this week.  Now, if I could only stop the pattern of losing big one week, then staying level the next, then losing, then not, then losing, etc. I would be great!  So another goal I have this week is to lose again.  If I went with the current pattern, I would stay pretty much the same this week, but I am determined to see at least a pound loss this week!

The Pessimist in Me...

I have always been quite the optimist... I have had to be if I wanted to get through my life unscarred and unscathed.  It works most of the time... but I guess I was being a bit pessimistic on Monday.  My weigh-in proved me wrong about my inability to stick with this.  I lost another 4.2 lbs. for a grand total over three weeks of 9.4.  I really can't complain about that, I mean really.  I am hoping this week to lose that last .6 to get me up to a 10 lbs. loss.

I am so freaking proud of myself, and I learned a few things about this diet over the last week.  It's OKAY to treat yourself occasionally.  It's OKAY to eat.  It's OKAY to not eat anything but diet food all the time.  What is important is portion control and an overall understanding and confirmation of everything that goes into your mouth.  I found that the first week, when I was seriously depriving myself and not using my points up, I stressed about food... and obsessed over it!  But this last week, I didn't stress over it.  And that's why I thought I was over eating.  Granted, I still believe that the 3 pieces of cake were not a good choice over the weekend, but I have to forgive myself for that.  And good lord, at least I enjoyed it!!

The kicker came after weigh-in though.  My husband, in his own special way, wants to help me lose the weight.  If that means that by eating junk food next to me for hours, reminding me at the dinner table when I am eating something he thinks I shouldn’t eat, and not having a lot of faith in me, he must be doing his job... (Yes, imagine my eyes rolling here, please).  SO anyway, I cell him to tell him how much I lost this week and he says,”Oh, that’s great!  I was sure you were going to gain this week!”  Ummm, excuse me??  He tries to back out of it by says, well, it just didn’t seem like I was eating well enough to be on a diet and because I was still having snacks here and there.  Whatever.  What he isn’t taking into account is that I am not eating three helpings at dinner anymore… or 2 bowls of cereal every night before bed… or having a bowl of ice cream with caramel topping for dessert after dinner… but I hope that after this last week I have proven to him that I can do this.

Now if I could only get him to lose some weight…

My next challenge to myself is to start walking every night.  Last night the heat finally broke, so after I put the girls to bed I hooked the leashes on the dogs and went for a walk.  I am hoping that I can get my brother-in-law to hang out for a wlittle while before going to work tonight so I can do the same thing again.  My husband is staying in the city for the night, and it's impossible for me to walk very far with all three kids: I don't have a triple stroller, the wagon hurts my back when I try to pull all three kids, and when one of the twins walks, it's at a snail's pace.  Or maybe I should call up N (my diet buddy) and go out for a walk right after dinner with the kids-- she can push one stroller and I'll push the double... hmmm...

Hope everyone is having a great & skinny day... :)

The Best Things in Life...

Okay, I stole this from a fellow blogger... but it seemed like something very appropriate that I needed to do today.  See, things aren't going so great today... and it has nothing to do with my diet.  Let's just say that I have never, in my life, wanted to murder someone, but today, my mortgage company and everyone who works there are coming close.  And keep in mind, my property taxes are due today.  Which I have been paying in to my escrow account.  At the mortgage company.  And I don't have them.  End of story.

"Make a list of at least 10 free things in life that make it better..."

1. Hugs and kisses from my girls.

2. Hugs and kisses from my husband, and, for that matter, from the dogs.  (Funny that they are in the same category? I think not!)  ;)

3. Fall colors in the hills.

4. Watching the deer munch on our apple tree in the bak yard.

5. Watching my girls play and giggle.

6. Watching the sun set over the river valley.

7. A phone call from my mom, or from a friend.

8. Fresh veggies from the garden.

9. Watching my basil and sage grow... and smelling them everytime I go out on the deck.

10. A good comedy or drama on TV.

11. A clean house.

12. A cool shower on 100% day... like today...

13. Blogging

14. Friends.

15. Hand me down clothing... it will be even better when they don't come from other fat people!

16. Backrubs.

17. S-E-X.

18. The smell of Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's house.

19. Family.  And family reunions.

20. A day with my great-grandmother.

21. Sleeping in.

22. Compliments.

23. A good song on the radio.

24. The smell of a Stargazer Lily.

25. Mowing the lawn on the rider when it's cool outside.

26. Watching huge snowflakes fall in December.

27. Sledding!

28. A hard, cleansing summer rain.

Is There Some Motivation in the House?

Well, another weekend down the drain.  It’s just so hard to eat well when I am spending so much time at the Club on weekends.  Too many temptations.  *sigh*  J made K a cake on Saturday for her birthday and Vi made the frosting from scratch.  I HAD to try it.  I went for a tiny little bite, and it was so good that I ended up eating 2 whole pieces.  I have to say that if I was gonna blow it at all, THAT was so worth it… LOL.  It was the best damn cake I have EVER eaten.  It was extra moist (J told me later it was because he added extra oil—oh joy!) and the frosting was TO DIE FOR.  It was incredible.  And probably made me gain 4 lbs right there.  Friday night I ate off the buffet and tried to eat healthily.  Problem is, I am not sure if the French dressing was our Fat Free stuff that it usually is, because I went into the walk-in later and saw that the fat free had been replaced by regular… but none of it was opened, yet, so I am hoping it was the last of the fat free dressing.  On Saturday night I had the Smothered Chicken: a grilled Chicken breast topped with onions, mushrooms, red & green peppers, and a slice of mozzarella cheese.  I figured that would be pretty healthy.  So I was halfway through it when Vi said, “Ah, that should be pretty good for you.  And don’t worry, we don’t even use pure butter anymore—they replaced it with a butter/margarine mix to save money.”  WHAT?  Butter?  Ugh.  You’d think that since she KNOWS I am on a diet that she would think about that and leave all of that crap out…

I am just really getting disappointed in myself... I had such a fire in me when I started this time around-- I have never been more ready or determined to lose weight.  But i just CAN'T seem to stick with it!  I think a major source of the problem is that we are so short on money... buying food is tough, let alone buying fruits and veggies and stuff.  I can't surround myself with healthy foods, and my choices for eating healthy at home are so minimal!  I get so frustrated!  I feed my family a normal meal, then look around for something I can eat.  When I don't find anything, I just sit down and eat right along with them.  I eat less than I used to, and it's a well-balanced meal... I mean, I am big on making sure my kids get a full variety of foods-- lean meats, veggies, milk, bread, etc. but the way they are prepared (because a lot of time, the stuff is from a box) they are higher in fat and calories than I should be touching.  So what is a girl to do?  I can't throw it all off on that, though.  I am also having a hard time with staying away from unhealthy snacks... but even when I think about not eating it, I think about a healthier snack I can have instead... and there IS nothing.  Not a piece of fruit or anything like that, so I just go ahead and eat the unhealthy crap.

Anyway, tonight is weigh-in.  I am not expecting much… I just hope that I don't see a gain… L

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help!!  This week is so hard and I keep finding myself eating things that I KNOW I shouldn't eat.  I manage to fit them into my points for the day/week, but I know that I am sabotaging myself by eating this crap!!

Last night was a really, really hard day for me.  I grilled steaks for dinner and made baked beans and potato salad and marinated some onions up for the steaks.  Then, I sliced up a summer squash for me, threw in a little salt, pepper, and minced garlic and sautéed it in a little olive oil, since I was going to avoid the baked beans and potato salad.  Well, my kids wanted some of the squash, so I ended up only getting a tiny bit of it.  Then, I couldn't resist the baked beans, of course, so I had some of those.  Then, when I went to write everything down this morning (I got lazy last night) I looked at the box that the steaks came in and it said that each small steak was 320 calories with 28 grams of fat!  ARRRGH!!  So, between the steak, the baked beans, and everything else, I went WAY over my points last night!

The, the worst part is, after dinner, the girls had ice cream with caramel sauce for dessert.  Well, let me tell you, if I have one MAJOR red-light food, it is caramel.  I LOVE caramel.  SO, I put some on their ice cream, then licked the rest of it off of the spoon.  Then, when Deborah didn't finish hers, I ate it up.  It was probably only 1/8 cup of ice cream and a teaspoon or so of caramel, but DAMMIT, I have to stay away from that crap!

Then, what a wonderful husband I have *sigh*... we were sitting on the couch watching TV and he sat there and chowed down a crapload of Tortilla chips and salsa.  Jerk.  He ate and ate and ate for like 45 minutes.  I wanted some of those damn chips, too, so I sat there salivating, trying NOT to think about them.  I ate a nectarine, but it didn't make the craving go away, of course... he keeps telling me that he wants to be helpful and wants to support me, but he always does crap like that!!  Or, he'll tell me about the fast food he ate for lunch, or tell me about the fattening dinner he had at his parents that of course, sounds AWESOME to me.

Then, today, I had a subway wrap.  Not the most terrible thing I could have, but it would have been better had I left off the cheese and the bourbon sauce... *sigh*  Oh, but I picked up a diet pop to go with my lunch and I decided to try something new.  It is SOOO good.  It's called Diet Pepsi Jazz... Strawberries & Cream flavored.  Now, usually, I hate diet Pepsi, but I LOVE this!!  WOOHOO!

Oh, since I am on the pop subject, can I just bitch about the fact that they STOPPED MAKING DIET COKE WITH SPLENDA???  JERKS!  ARGH!  I hate the taste of Nutra Sweet... and I LOVED Diet Coke with Splenda.  I suddenly couldn't find it anywhere anymore, so I asked the owner of the gas station near my work and he told me that they stopped making it.  F#!@ers.

Alright, I know, I know.  This has turned into more of a bitch-fest than anything, but I just had to get it all out.  AND I had to find somewhere to put my energy because right now I want a candy bar SO bad that I just think I might die.  LOL   Seriously, though, I am fighting it so hard right now.  And my co-worker has one in his desk drawer that he keeps offering to me.  ARGH!

I hope you guys are all having a much better day than me...

Oh, and by the way, we are inheriting two more kids this weekend, so instead of three screaming children, I am going to have 5 for the weekend.  Stress makes me eat.  Wish me luck.

Bumps in the Road

I know, I know... it's been a few days since I blogged... or did much of anything on here this week... I've just been VERY busy with the kids and work and stuff.  But here I am again.

Well, I am still sticking with it-- this is the longest I have ever stuck with a diet-- I am going on 2.5 weeks... woohoo!  And I have a LOT farther to go, but even getting here is like a triumph for me!  Since I was told at my first weigh-in on the 17th that I needed to use up more of my points each day, I have been eating more.  But I don't feel very good about it, because even though I am resisting snacks and bad foods, I still feel like I am eating a lot.  Granted, my choices are much healthier, but, uh, who knows.  I know that to really make this work, I need to get more active, but between two jobs, a husband, three kids, and a house to take care of, I cannot find any time that isn't already reserved for something else, or for SLEEPING.  It would help if we were busier at the Club, because then I would be running my butt off, but right now we are pretty slow and I spend a lot of time sitting or standing around waiting for something to do.

I also need to find some money to go grocery shopping for more healthful foods on a regular basis... like veggies and fruit and stuff like that.  We are all out of the broccoli, carrots, summer squash and green beans that I stocked up on last time already, and my kids and husband and BIL (who is living with us for now, long story...) are consuming that all up so I never get a chance to get to it myself.

Anyway, I had my second weigh-in on Monday night and I had no gain, no loss.  Better than gaining, of course, but still a little discouraging already.  But I had a really bad BAD day on Saturday-- I was working a wedding, and we feasted on the buffet after the guests were done.  I tried to keep my choices healthful, but I ate over my points and had a bunch of lasagna which may not be the best diet food ever... so I am blaming my lack of loss (LOL) on Saturday night.  I figure if I had just stuck to veggies and low fat stuff, I would have lost a pound or two.

I am trying to be better this week.  I have stayed away from temptation this week better than last, already.  BUt I have run into a few times that I had no clue how many points I was eating.  Like last night at the Club I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup.  I totally had to guesstimate how much I had, and then how many points it was.  That gets hard.  Restaurant food all together is tough to figure.

Anyway, if I can just get a loss this week... 3 lbs would be nice, but I can handle it even if it's only 1lb.  Anything less, or any gain, might just make me give up... and I don't want to give up!!  I need some motivation to keep me going!  ARGH!

A Little Off Course

So last night I went to Wal-Mart and did some more grocery shopping so that I had things to eat that are halfway good for me and fit in my diet.  It was the first time that I went out looking for the WW Smart Ones Meals someplace that had a bigger selection.  Our small-town grocery store doesn’t have a whole lot of them, so it was fun and exciting to see all of the varieties that I can try.  While I was looking, I found these little key lime cheesecakes… mmmmm.  So, I bought a pack of them.  I figured at 3 points each they would be a nice treat.  Well, since I knew I had them in the freezer, I couldn’t possibly go the night last night without trying one.  I was out of points for the day, so it came off my flex points.  Not bad since I had only used 1 all week so far.  Well, let’s just say that it was awesome and SO worth those 3 points.  I almost felt guilty, though, since I have been doing SO well and have stayed completely away from junk food since I started… well, except for that little McDonalds run that I wrote about last week.  But no matter, both times easily fit into my weekly points.

 So anyway, on to today.  I think that having such an “indulgent” snack was a BIG mistake.  Before last night I was doing SO awesome and had basically self-brainwashed myself into seeing all junk food as evil, and even though I had been around junk food and horrible stuff for the last week and a half in my office, I was never tempted.  But today… man, today… today was awful.  There were cookies left here in the office that were left over from lunch that was brought in for the meeting.  One of them was from my lunch—I had put the cookie aside and left it alone so someone else could have it.  So today, I ate it.  No good reason, either.  *sigh*  I mean, I can easily fit it into my points, but I KNOW that I didn’t need it.  And I didn’t even really want it THAT bad… I just thought, hey, I could eat that cookie… and then I did.  I am SO mad at myself, you know?  I keep telling myself that it’s not worth it—nothing tastes as good as getting on that scale 5 lbs. lighter felt on Monday… NOTHING.  So why am I trying to sabotage myself??

So, from now on, NO more desserts.  They are not worth the disappointment I feel in myself when I eat one.  And back to drinking more water.  I stopped drinking regular pop and everything else, but I am not really drinking any water this week, either… L  It’s time to get my head back down and my eyes on that finish line!