Still Going!

I know I haven't been the best at keeping up here the past few months but
I'm still going!  I have lost 26 pounds and gone from a size 18 to a size 14.  I have quite a ways to go still and life has been HARD but I can do it...I HAVE to do it!  I hope you are all doing well too!

Negative Energy

I realize this is a weightloss blog but I am going to use it otherwise today (sort of).

I cannot allow myself to focus on the past anymore and let circumstances that I can not change get the best of me.  From today on, I will force myself to turn my negative energy into something positive.  When I start getting down, I will STOP and look forward to the future...and focus on what I want to do with my body and how I want to improve my health.

All things considered I have a good life.  I have great kids that love me and that I love dearly.  I have a husband who has been getting up with me just to sit and watch tv when I can't sleep at night.  He has been solely taking care of the kids and tending to my every need since I have been going through this time.

I have a gym membership that I pay $30 a month for and I'm not going to waste my money anymore darnit!  I'm going back on my phentermine tomorrow to help me start back up.

FOOD CANNOT SOLVE MY PROBLEMS!!  It will only make them worse by lowering my self esteem as I gain weight.  I want to live a long life and be here for my kids as long as possible.

SOOOOO.....

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (the past!),
the courage to change the things I can (my body and the future!),
and the wisdom to know the difference!!

I have to get myself out of this funk.....I need to learn to love myself!

Turned Back to Food

Well on Friday the 18th I was hurt more than I have ever been hurt in my entire life.  I won't go into details because I don't care to share my drama with the world.  But I cried all night long, throwing myself into a major depression, and then on Saturday I went to bed for 4 days straight.  I didn't eat a thing that Friday through Sunday - 3 entire days the thought of food made me want to throw up.  But when I went back to eating I went back to binging.  I have been eating anything and everything you can imagine.  McDonalds, Pizza Hut, ice cream, Taco Bell, Schlotskys....I didn't care.  I woke up today and took my phentermine for the first time in almost 2 weeks and am trying so hard to get back on plan and not let this ruin everything I was working so hard for.

I lost almost 5 pounds the weekend I didn't eat and was down to 186.  The last time I weighed I think I was at 191 so all things considered I think I'm about the same.  I won't log my weight until I'm sure it's evened out....

I want to get back to the gym, I want to be myself again!  I want to be playful and enjoying my family again.

And I now realize how easy it is to turn to food....good ole' faithful food that will never intentionally hurt you.

So Close!!

The 180's are so close I can taste it!!  I am so excited about this.  16 down, 55 to go!

It has been such a busy week but it's been a good one.  I have stayed on plan except I haven't been getting up early enough to do my pilates.  I need to get back on that because it really gets my day off to a good start.  I have still been going to the gym though.  Eating good and working out is really becoming easier and easier to do...almost just habit I guess.    My clothes are fitting loose but I don't want to buy new ones quite yet.  Some of my older ones are fitting again though and I love it!

We have been having crazy storms here the past couple of days but I think they should be over for awhile.  It spring in Texas though so we can count on them being back.

I went to the doctor last week for a normal checkup (haven't had anything but my girly checkup in like 7 years!)  He ran a bunch of blood work just to make sure I was healthy and I am very much so.  Cholesterol was 180, thyroid's fine, blood pressure is good, blood count's good.  Now I just gotta get the rest of this weight off me and I'll be good to go.

I can't wait for the biggest loser finale!!  I can't believe both girls made it!

Hope you are all having a good week.

Fun Day!!!

Tee-Ball was great!!  My little boy was so cute out there playing.  He did so good, with only a few drawbacks.  My friend and I then took our kiddos to the park to play.  I'm telling you - keeping up with my two kids kicks my butt!!!  It's more of a workout than I will ever get at the gym.  We didn't come home until about 4 in the afternoon (we had left the house at 9 am).  They were both so sleepy when we got in and I was sure they would both take a nap but they didn't!!  They should sleep well tonight!

I did good today - definitely got a work out in playing with the boys and ate well.  I want to lose weight and be healthy so bad so that I can keep up with my kiddos without a problem.  My mom was always overweight and never REALLY got around well enough to play with us much.  I don't want my kids to remember me like that when the're adults.

Well I am so tired.  Hopefully I will be able to go to sleep tonight!!

Back and Ready to Go

Have to make this quick because I gotta get the kiddos up and ready for TEE BALL!!  I weighed this morning and I was down one pound....but since I was up 2 pounds last week (which I never logged) it's really 3 so I'm not going to complain!  TOM sucks!!!  Hope you all have a great weekend!

Who Needs Sleep Anyways

So I got up this morning at 6 and did my pilates before getting ready, getting Alex ready, taking him to school and going to work.  I didn't leave work until 6:30 pm and was going to go to the gym but my husband needed to do some work on the lawn before it got dark and needed me to watch the kiddos...no gym for me today :(.

So here it is...2:30 am and I absolutely cannot go to sleep!!  I've had this problem for years.  Before I had Jacob I took Ambien and it worked wonders for me.  But he still wakes up in the night occasionally so I don't take it in case I need to get up with him at all.  I'm completely off of caffeine...I just don't get it!!

I haven't weighed myself this week.  I've just been feeling blah and I haven't stayed on plan very good with my eating, but I have with my exercise with the exception of today.  I will weigh myself in the morning.

On a happier note, Alex starts tee ball tomorrow!!!  I am so excited and nervous and anxious all at the same time.  He really doesn't seem to care or comprehend yet but I hope he has fun.  It's called a Miracle League - it consists of 7 different teams with all special needs children.  They have a special field to fit their needs and it's not competitive at all - just for fun.

Well I gotta be up in just a little over 4 hours so I should try and get SOME sleep tonight.  Hope you're all doing well!

It all makes sense now!

I just stopped nursing my baby (well he's 15 months old now) a month ago so I haven't had a TOM in two years (and I've been lovin' every minute of it!)  Well I woke up this morning to what appears to be the beginning of my TOM.  I hope hope hope my body is just really retaining water right now and that explains my two pound gain and that it goes back to normal after TOM.  I guess we'll see.

Well Alex is up watching Shrek and Jacob is still sleeping.  I want to go back to sleep so bad.  Isn't it funny how when you're a kid you don't want to go to sleep and when you're an adult you WANT to sleep?

Well gotta figure out something fun to do with the kiddos today!

Feeling Better....

Although my 2 pound gain is still apparent on the scale.  I will give myself until Monday to post in my weight log.

I ate ok today but not great.  Went out to lunch with some people at work, but then I went to the gym after work and got a really good workout in.

Friday is a great day to go to the gym - NOBODY was there!!

I've been snooze button happy this week and only got up in time to do PIlates once this week.  I'll make up for it over the weekend and hopefully get to bed at a decent time next week.  I always do much better throughout the day when I work out in the morning.

Hope you all have a great weekend...this two pounds WILL be gone...eventually.

Down in the Dumps!!!