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Name: texasmommy
City: Fort Worth
Region: Texas
Country: United States

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Height:	170.2cm
Start weight:	217.00lb
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Remaining:	62.00lb

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Really Simple Syndication

01/08/2011 18:23

Reality Check

So I SHOULD be happy today, right? The great weight loss, my baby boy's birthday, no headache anymore. I am....really, I am. But I have spent some time in tears. I've been facing a lot in my life over the last week, since I can't hide from it anymore by just eating. As I was playing with Jacob Saturday morning, it hit me. I have mentioned before he's significantly delayed in speech (and he has an older non-verbal brother with severe autism). It's more than that. It's more than just a delay. I think I've known this for awhile, but I have been in such denial because I can't face it. While he has already passed up his almost 9 year old brother in many ways, I really think he might have autism also. Jacob talks...and he can answer yes or no questions. He can answer what he wants to eat or drink. He can tell you facts (like his alphabet, numbers, who people are, etc.) He doesn't have sensory issues. He has always pointed to things. He's very social with both kids and adults. He has decent eye contact. But if I ask him what he did at school today, he doesn't answer. If I ask him how he's feeling...no answer. You can't sit and have a regular conversation with him. Now I will say that he has progressed a TON since this time last year. He wasn't even answering yes or no questions then. So atleast he IS learning. But if it is autism.....then autism is autism. And I know what a difficult path this will be. So I have to work on looking it right in the eye and working towards what's best for my children. And NOT using food to hide it!

Posted By: texasmommy

Comments to this post:

01/09/2011 11:50

I've been there

I nearly cried when I read your post. I remember realizing my 2nd son had autism, and it was pure hell. My first thought for you is not to jump to conclusions regarding your son's diagnosis. Speech delays involving language processing don't necessarily mean autism. I say this especially because it sounds like expressive language is the issue and not the basic ability to speak. Also, autism is intrinsically a social disorder. If I understand you right, he has interest in being social and can connect with other people, for example with eye contact. That's a good sign.

Just something to consider. Any kind of developmental problem is heart-breaking, but if it's not autism, there's greater hope for conquering his language problems head-on and getting on with your lives. How old is your son? Do you have a doctor who actually understands autism? (I no longer assume any doctor knows anything!) I hope you have better luck!

That being said, maternal instrinct is powerful. My flash of insight came one sunny day driving my boys down a tree-lined road. The effect was like flashing lights. Eric started crying and I wondered... My heart was pounding when I drove back home the same way. Crying again. It was like the wind being knocked out of me. Not a classic autism flag, but my first son was very affected (although with a positive response) by flashing lights and also, epilipsy is on the same spectrum. Anyway, I just knew. I went back many more sunny days hoping he wouldn't cry, but got the same reaction every time. I cried, but overall I stayed in denial because I was barely holding onto my sanity as it was dealing with my other son.

You didn't ask, but I'm going to give you some advice... Take it easy on dieting. Eliminating caffeine, limiting calories, and strenuous exercise are all ultimately great things for your health, but in the short term, doing it all at once or in an extreme way stresses your body too much for what you're going through. Remember a couple days ago when you were feeling horrible? That's your body telling you something!

Please, PLEASE, focus on being good to yourself! Don't make your body go through boot-camp when your entire being -- body, mind and soul -- is already being bombarded by huge external stresses!

Giving your body the basics -- nutritious food, sleep, and moderate exercise -- will give you the most strength to get through the emotional roller-coaster you're on right now. It will also keep you moving toward your health goals until/if your emotional life stabilizes.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint when you have autistic kids. Pace yourself. And please take my very unsubtle advice as I mean it. You know what's best for you. I just wish someone had said this to me 10 years ago. Take care!

Posted By: auntserepta

01/10/2011 10:00

Who do I think I am anyway???

Sorry about last night's ramblings. I had no right to put my stuff on you. I think -- I hope -- my heart's in the right place, but you're the expert on you and your family. I'll try to leave my rantings on my own blogs.

Hope you're feeling better today.

Posted By: auntserepta

01/12/2011 07:55

to auntserepta

Thank you for your comments! I always appreciate them! Jacob just turned 4. He has ALWAYS imitated his older brother from the time he could walk. However, when he was about 2 and a half we knew he was significantly speech delayed. We had him evaluated by ECI and started him in school shortly after turning 3. When he was evaluated before, they just diagnosed him as delayed, but didn't feel that he fell within the autism spectrum, not even PDD. He was hardly talking at all at 3, so he has come a long long way. My husband says I watch him under a microscope, and I do......I always have.

I got chills reading the story of when you realized there was something going on with your second son. I can only imagine how that must have felt.

I handled my first son's diagnosis fine. We almost lost him when he was a baby because he was born with a heart problem. I knew autism wasn't something that would kill him, so I knew I could deal with it. However, if I had known that when he was almost 9 years old that he would still not be talking and despite all my greatest efforts, not be progressing much I probably wouldn't have taken it as well.

But in our situation we just have to take things as they come. It's so incredibly hard, because I'm one always looking at tomorrow, next week, next year, 10 years from now. But if I do that right now, I will drive myself crazy. Literally!