I am just having so much trouble keeping up with EVERYTHING! I love this site, I love the support I have found, and being able to relate with others on here. Just between work, school, working with my kiddo with autism, making time for my other son....I've been having trouble making it!
I haven't been as focused either. I weigh the same. I haven't lost....but thankfully I haven't gained either.
On a good note, both of my kiddos are doing WONDERFUL!! Alex (my 9 year old with autism) has been doing so good. He has been calm lately and we have been working with his behavioral therapist on communication methods. If he's not going to talk, we have to figure out some other kind of communication. It's going well though! She (his behavioral therapist) recommended an iPad to help with learning and communication. He has one now and I have been amazed at the results. Gotta love technology!
Gotta find a way to get back to being focused on ME in addition to them....and everything else.
I miss being here! Just gotta find a way to make time for all of it!! BUT HOW??? If any of you figure it out, let me know!! :-)
I'm still around!! I haven't abandoned this site. My mother-in-law has been in town and we've been busy. Had my little Jacob's 4th birthday party this last Saturday and Alex's 9th birthday is tomorrow. We've had some ice and snow and the boys have been out of school three days in a row. That is a record!!
Look forward to catching up later, but I gotta go for now!
I've had such a hard time trying to find time to update this thing! My school started back on Tuesday. I only took one class this semester because I'm really getting burned out trying to do too many things. Between working, school, family and TRYING to go to the gym regularly I feel like I'm gonna collapse!
I was down 2 pounds this week. I wish I were more happy with that number!! I SHOULD be more happy with that number.
Update of events lately - On Wednesday, Alex's behavioral therapist was here. Jacob was playing with her for awhile and then ran off. She works with kids with autism of all ages and within the entire range of the spectrum. My husband told her about how I thought Jacob might have autism and she looked at me and said "Seriously?? Get out of here!" She said she doesn't see it at all. She said she notices him modeling Alex quite a bit and that there is a significant speech delay, but she doesn't see a bit of autism. THAT made me feel a lot better. His speech delay does still concern me. He's delayed in both receptive and expressive speech. But he has come a long way, and we're doing everything we can to help him so hopefully he'll catch up.
A lot of my stress has been relieved lately. I have had some mess-ups with my diet. I've been giving in to sweets here and there, but still staying away from my beloved Dr. Pepper. I get discouraged, but I really want to make this a lifestyle change. If I have to lose 1-2 pounds a week to get there, then so be it. I also need to be more active. I would like to make it to the gym three times a week and attempt to be more active just in general. I live in fear of turning back to my addiction to food. I don't understand WHAT the obsession is!
I was off work today, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Got to spend some time with the hubby and Jacob (he gets out of school at 11 am). Went to the gym and upped the elliptical to a level 7 (did level 5 last night). 50 minutes and 550 calories later, I was done. My legs feel like jello tonight. Tomorrow will be an off day though because Alex has therapy after I get off work.
I finally got back to the gym today, and I know that's JUST what I needed. Helps me work my anxiety out. Just making myself get there is the challenge. Did 45 minutes (50 if you include the cool down) on the elliptical. 3.75 miles and 510 calories burned.
One more day off before I gotta go back to work. My long weekend is going by way too fast! Gotta get the boys in the bath. I'm running behind tonight!
So yesterday a friends son had a birthday party at Let's Jump. She invited Jacob and I had RSVP'd and said he was coming. Yesterday morning I had SO MUCH anxiety. I was so worried that we would go and he wouldn't play with the kids, or he would act in a way that would confirm my worries about autism. I almost canceled. But I knew I had to take him. Besides I had told him that we were going and he couldn't WAIT for cake lol. So I took him and he blended in JUST FINE. I had just worried way too much for nothing.
Then last night I went to dinner with my best friend and got to vent about all my craziness lately. I am SO thankful that I have a husband that doesn't mind when I decide to go somewhere at the drop of a hat. He's always so willing to watch the kids and let me get a little bit of sanity, even when he worked all day or has to work the next day.
During the night Alex had an anxiety attack. These happen few and far between, and I am pretty sure they occur from dreams because they always happen in the night. So I gave him his anxiety meds and hugged him until he calmed down. I was going to take the boys to my moms today because my husband works 13 hour days, which makes a long day just at home alone with the kiddos. But Alex is still feeling groggy from the meds last night (it was actually about 4 this morning), and he seems to just want to relax. So it's another long Sunday at home!
But that's ok. I'm feeling better and a little more optimistic. I REALLY need to go grocery shopping.
I felt like I had a somewhat decent week, but I only lost 1 pound this week. However, I was stressing all week and I didn't drink much water at all and I can tell my body is retaining it.
I have a long weekend - don't go back to work until Wednesday. I've got to get back to the gym this week, but that probably won't happen until atleast Tuesday because my husband works all weekend.
I have been feeling a bit depressed too. Don't want to do anything but sleep (but then when it's time to sleep, I can't so then I'm tired all the time.), etc. I honestly just want to stay in bed all weekend, but luckily my boys won't have ANY of that! :-)
Searching for that motivation I had just last week. I need help finding it!
"WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today’s PEACE"
This is SO true. I just have to remind myself of this.
Sooooooo today ended up being a bad eating day. But I've been doing really good, so I'm not going to be hard on myself at all. Today, I got a text from a lady who is like a second mother to me. She said she was coming over to play with the boys tonight....and expected me and my husband to go be alone for awhile, no matter what we do. We don't have a lot of people that we trust with Alex, our older son, so we rarely have a babysitter. We JUMPED at this opportunity. We ended up at Romano's Macaroni Grill. My meal honestly wasn't TOO bad. I had a grilled chicken breast cooked in olive oil and seasoned with fresh lemon juice. It was served with a side of pasta, which I ate about half of. Buuuuut I had some gelato for dessert. It was a pretty small serving and topped with some fresh strawberries but it was wonderful. I'm sure I'll pay for it on the scale tomorrow, but I'll just be good tomorrow to make up for it.
With all the stress lately, I was very thankful for her coming over. What's funny is that I hadn't even talked to her about everything. But she was over on Monday to cut Alex's hair, so I'm sure she sensed it then.
I've been here a few times when I got a second but haven't had the time to blog. Still doing pretty good with my weight though. If I could only stay off the scale!
It's been a stressful few days. I think I'm just driving myself crazy with the Jacob situation. I talked to my husband about my concerns and he agreed for the most part, although he thinks I'm jumping to a diagnosis. We talked to his teacher about it (he's already in a class at school for delayed preschoolers). She understands our concerns, but she also reminded us of the huge progress he's made over the last year. She's worked with a lot of kids over the years, both with and without autism. She said on occasion she gets concerned herself, but then he quickly breaks that with all of the typical stuff that he does. She doesn't think we need to jump to getting him evaluated again. That we're already doing everything we need to do for him, and we don't want to put an inaccurate label on him that will follow him the rest of his life, even if he does catch up. She LOVES Jacob and I know she only wants what's best for him, so I trust what she says. She is right though - he's already in the class, in speech therapy and we work with him a lot at home. We'll see what happens! No matter what, I love my kiddos more than anything in the world.
ANYWAYS! I feel much better since the caffeine headaches are GONE. My body feels better since I'm not eating a ton of junk. I do need to start working out to relieve some of my stress. I know it will make me feel better, but it's just GETTING to the gym that's hard. I need to clone myself!
So I SHOULD be happy today, right? The great weight loss, my baby boy's birthday, no headache anymore. I am....really, I am. But I have spent some time in tears. I've been facing a lot in my life over the last week, since I can't hide from it anymore by just eating. As I was playing with Jacob Saturday morning, it hit me. I have mentioned before he's significantly delayed in speech (and he has an older non-verbal brother with severe autism). It's more than that. It's more than just a delay. I think I've known this for awhile, but I have been in such denial because I can't face it. While he has already passed up his almost 9 year old brother in many ways, I really think he might have autism also. Jacob talks...and he can answer yes or no questions. He can answer what he wants to eat or drink. He can tell you facts (like his alphabet, numbers, who people are, etc.) He doesn't have sensory issues. He has always pointed to things. He's very social with both kids and adults. He has decent eye contact. But if I ask him what he did at school today, he doesn't answer. If I ask him how he's feeling...no answer. You can't sit and have a regular conversation with him. Now I will say that he has progressed a TON since this time last year. He wasn't even answering yes or no questions then. So atleast he IS learning. But if it is autism.....then autism is autism. And I know what a difficult path this will be. So I have to work on looking it right in the eye and working towards what's best for my children. And NOT using food to hide it!
