Weigh in day

Okay, so now I have my offical "start' weight.  189.8.  which is still 44lbs down from my original start weight.  While I am not all that happy with my wieght it could have been a lot worse.

I am going to try and get back to my original plan which is to really stay on my Jenny Food and give up my Ice Blended's from the coffe bean, except my 2 cheat days...Tuesday and Saturday...please don't ask me to give up my coffee completely.  that would just be too cruel. 

I had a moment dealing with my mother today that would, under previous circumstances would have sent me over the edge and right to Pick up Stix.  I am proud of my self that I took control and didn't let her disfunticion push my buttons.  I hope I can continue to be this strong.

Here we go...once more

Okay, okay, I know....i have said this before.  But, I think that this time I may actually be able to get focused again.  I have been doing a lot of mental work on myself and I have been battling a few demons.  One major one is wanting to just stay in the dark about things.  If I don't see it, it isn't happening.  My partner always tells me to writing things down...lists, tasks, feelings...whatever.  I always avoid doing it.  If I don't put it down on paper it is a lot easier to ignore. 

So, tackle demon number one...get back on this damn blog and track my progress and my feelings...they will not go away if I ignore them.

So, wish me luck

weigh inanxiety

Okay, so since I have made my new commitment this is the first time I have weigh in anxiety in quite some time.  Actually in the past few months if I thought I hadn't lost or actually gained I woudl just cancel my appointment and try to ignore it.  I feel good that I am actually facing my demons now.  If I dont' this will never get better.

I also made a step today towards healing an old hurt.  My partner and I have been estranged from her son for a few years now.  We have tried a few times to mind the rift with out success.  I took a few minutes to email him today in order to made another efffort to do this and so far I feel good about my decision.  I hope it doesn't come back and slap me in the face but for now I think it was the right thing to do.

PMS

I really hate this time of month.  I feel like I gain 10 lbs and I have absolutely no self control.  UGH!  I am trying so hard to be good but it is not easy.  HELP

I just sat down with the food log and I have hit my calorie intake right after dinner, so I guess that isn't so bad but the night seems to be the worst time for my cravings lately.  I found these amazing peppermint oreo-like cookies at trader jo's and I keep feeding them to my kids so I don't eat them...of course if I had more self control I wouldn't have bought them in the first place, but chocolate and peppermint are a huge weakness for me.

okay, enough complaining...time to focus on a better day tomorrow.

back on track...i hope

Okay, just got back from JC.  I am down 3lbs from 2 weeks ago.  I don't really feel it so I don't trust there scale but I will take if for now.  I only have 21lbs to go to reach my goal and about 10 weeks till I hit my year mark.  I am going to try really hard to reach that.  My smaller goal is to be into the 160's and a size 10 by december.  I know that is a little lofty at this point but why not dream big.

I am offering up a challenge to anyone who wants some motivation.  Lets set a goal for the holidays and keep each other to it.  any takers???

Okay...here we go again.

I am back...again.  I have been having such a struggle with this lately.  Fortunetly I have not strayed to far,  I have gone up only a few pounds and I am already on my way back down.  I weigh tomorrow so I will put my offical weight in then.

I watched Kirstie on Oprah today and I think that really helped me get back on track.  She really has been an inspiration. 

Okay, now I am going to visit some blogs and say hello to old friends.

wow...I lost

this is my biggest loss in quite a while.  I have not been tracking my loses here but basically I have been up to 183 and down to 178 for the bast few weeks...up and down!  Now I think I am actually back on track.  I may reach my goal yet.

I'm Back...

Okay, so it has been a while.  I have to say it has been a hard summer, emotionally.  I have really missed blogging but i have also been a little afraid of it.  So, I am going to get back into this slowly...so...HI.  Hope everyone is doing great.

Thanks for the kick in the butt

Thank you ashleyb for the kick in the butt.  I have just has such a hard time sitting down and blogging...maybe it is the heat.  I am haveing a real hard time right now staying on task because I am TOTALLY PMS!  Last night I would have eaten my own arm if it had mayo and cheese on it. so I went out and got a Togo's sandwich.  i am doing okay during the day but I really want to eat at night.  My biggest hope is to just stay the same this week. 

I am gettting to the gym pretty well.  until today it was just cardio but this morning I began a little weight training.  The soreness hasn't set in yet so ask me again tomorrow how much I like weight training....

Hope everyone else is doing great!

Happy 4th

Okay, so it is really the 5th but i meant well. 

I am still over in Catalina with the MIL....help me, help me...

no it isn't really that bad this time.  We have spent a lot of time down town with the kids.  Yesterday we took a peddle boat around the harbor for an hour and got a good work out.  I think that the time I am now spending at the gym is making a big difference.  The weight is finally coming off my arms and  a little in my lower back, now all I need is my stomach. 

thanks to all of you for the encouragement.  I am commited to getting back home and back on program tomorrow.  My step daughter will be back from Spain in 4 weeks and I want her to see a real difference in me when she gets here.  I think that is a good motivator.