09/29/2009 12:56
More woes-- and it is good to get it OFF my chest
Wow, journaling is SO powerful, y'all. It feels so good to tell you guys the story and vomit it out b/c it is like its own infection. Crazy bad and I don't even feel lke I have a right to complain so much-- so many worse things can happen in the world. And thank God it is ME instead of my husband or my son. That would be worse by 4 bllion fold.
Anyhow: so now I'm at the point where I believe there are SLIGHT improvements to be noticed. Yesterday, I went 8 hours without a pain pill and that was historic in recent memory... and the finger continues to be itchy. Both signs that this is the viral infection-- not it's bad sister, MRSA. We wait for the cultures.
As for the Weight loss surgery-- I haven't rescheduled it YET, but based on the fact that it will be late October before I clear this virus, and the fact that we're going away in December to "Beaches"--YAY!-- AND the major savings we will have by putting funds into Flexible health spending account (so the surgery is paid for before taxes)-- I'm postponing until January,
That is a painfully long time-- but I'll have to find a way. You may find me here bitching and complaining in the weeks to come.... but I am a tough girl and I am going to come up with a strategy leading up to my surgery date to make the time pass relative to waiting for the surgery to happen,
Here are some thoughts--
I want to get pyschologically prepared for the surgery-- this run up time will be instrumental in learning all I can about what to expect after the band
I want to get pyschologically prepared for the surgery-- this run up time will be instrumental in learning all I can about what to expect after the band
I want to get physically ready-- while I am waiting out the virus, I've got to be honest-- dieting hasn't been my priority... but I will be thinking through healthier choices soon (doing my best in the meantime,,, but the 7 day liquid fast was followed by some hedonistic eating in my crisis. Sigh.)
I will create a NEW countdown to the surgery once a new date is planned-- this will help me with the mental readiness and also handling the wait time.
Once I can do these things-- particularly scheduling of the surgery-- which I am a bit afraid to do right now with my finger continuing as is... feel superstious... I will feel more settled on the weight loss front.
Of course, there have been some second thoughts-- but after discussing with my DH who is awesome-- I've decided to move ahead once I am physically healed from this finger disaster. I am ideal candidate and I just don't want to get-- ahem-- 'fatter' and make it harder on myself.
The worst thing about the WLS plan and the 3 month wait is the acceptance that I am overweight enough to have such a procedure and my issues warrant it and having to wait... it is like saying this in raw terms "I'm fat but I have to wait to do the thing that will help be not be fat anymore." Yes: I know I can lose some weight before the surgery-- and I hope to do so-- but with the finger front and center-- while I don't want to be fat, my fat can't be my focus.
The worst thing about the WLS plan and the 3 month wait is the acceptance that I am overweight enough to have such a procedure and my issues warrant it and having to wait... it is like saying this in raw terms "I'm fat but I have to wait to do the thing that will help be not be fat anymore." Yes: I know I can lose some weight before the surgery-- and I hope to do so-- but with the finger front and center-- while I don't want to be fat, my fat can't be my focus.
Argh.
Well: thanks for listening-- love to you all and I plan to be around here for venting and checking in on my friends alot more. I cannot wait to be ready for the surgery and be a success story.... I know that the surgery isn't a quick fix-- but I believe that it is right for me, and it is a tool that I will do well with having.
More soon,