09/22/2009 22:36
Late afternoon/ Surgical clearance
I believe that I am cleared-- I had my pre-admission testing and they called me to say all my labs were fine and the nurse (who was very nice!) told me that I had a beautiful EKG. Awesome, more to the point of why I am doing this NOW instead of waiting to get excuse me-- fatter-- and sick. I am glad I'm healthy but my whole view is distorted of myself. I have a 'reverse anorexia' of denial of just how overweight I am . Wah.
Anyhow: that is not to shame and blame-- just to come to terms with why I am really doing this and the fact that the sacrifices will be worth the freedom from yo-yo dieting.
I'm also glad to report that I seem to be doing REALLY well with the liquid diet-- better than some others seem to report on the lap band support boards I've been reading voraciously. I am not struggling to follow the doctor's orders to stick with the liquid diet. It is what it is.
Do I enjoy no solid food? NO. But, if that's what I'm supposed to do to have a successful result, and I'm being asked to do it for a mere 10 days-- I CAN do it.
Do I enjoy no solid food? NO. But, if that's what I'm supposed to do to have a successful result, and I'm being asked to do it for a mere 10 days-- I CAN do it.
I was saying that I cannot wait to get started to my MIL, and she reminded me that I HAVE started-- now I am 5 days into the liquid diet, and when today ends, I will have less days to get through than I have already done. Of course, I have an additional 10 days of liquid diet AFTER the surgery as well.
Anyone who says this is 'an easy way out' is bananas.
My very wise friend of these boards, Noodles, reminds me that losing the weight is just the start-- and the keeping it off is SO key. Noodles: I could not agree more. In fact, from what I understand, the keeping it off is a main reason to do the banding surgery. Yes: I can white knuckle any diet with my level of determination when I apply it... but no one can white knuckle her whole life. That is what the band is for... it won't do it for me, but it will be a tool to keep my appetite at bay-- and that will help me LOSE and MAINTAIN.
I've got alot of learning ahead of me... it is like learning to eat all over again b/c your stomach is different (not cut, but restricted.) Anyhow: I am eating an elephant, so to speak-- one bite at a time, and that's the best I can do.
Some good things that are coming of my liquid diet-- my head is cleared of diet nonsense and lots of things occur to me, here are a few:
1) I've never really been 'free' to eat what I want-- that is a lie I tell myself, and I'm up against that lie every time I need to buy a larger size, worry that my clothes will look tight, or worry that someone I've run into whom I haven't seen in a while is thinking "gosh, she gained weight."
2) I'm willing to really change my life in a way I've never done. I know this is forever. I know I'll be eating smaller portions for all time... but I also am hopeful that with the help of the band, it will be much easier to acclimate and continue the habit of small portions
3) I have emotional eating tendencies, and the surgery won't make these go away. But the surgery will give me a powerful tool to fight those tendencies and work on other coping mechanisms. I've never eaten "out of control" from emotions-- I've just 'used' food in lots of wrong ways. I'm currently unlearning coping with stress by eating-- I'm having to deal with surgery prep with no food for comfort.
There is probably so much more, but we'll all have to wait and see what is revealed over time as the layers come off.