the downward spiral

so i weighed today; another 3 pounds gone!!!  yea!  I have been very consistant with my work outs and very strict with my eating.  It is going well.  I find I am not hungry as much anymore-my stomach must be shrinking.  Anyway...This gives me the motivation to continue doing what I am doing.  My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of july when DH and I are going to san antonio for vacation...wish me luck!

TOM is GONE!!!

and so are 2 pounds!  yay!!  which brings my total to 4 pounds gone!  I am happy with this!  Just keep chugging along.... 

So this morning, I go out to start my car to go to work, and what do I see?  I LEFT MY INTERIOR LIGHTS ON ALL NIGHT!!!   so....of course my car won't start...and of course the keyless entry wont work because the battery is so low...and of course when I use the key to unlock the door, the alarm goes off...HA!  not enough juice to unlock the doors remotely, but more than enough to make the alarm go off....what a kick in the teeth...so DH had to (grumpily) jump start my car....he was none too happy about that...but....its better than listening to the alarm go crazy...----as a side note after the alarm went off, i couldn't get it to quit.....  so anyway that was the start of this morning...thats the difference between DH and me...I always think these situations are funny...exasperating and annoying, but funny nonetheless...DH on the other hand just gets pissed...oh well...what are you gonna do?  stuff happens...  Maybe along with losing weight, Im losing brain cells, because I have never left the lights on like that before....or maybe all the weight i have lost has come directly from my brain!  in any event, all is well now...car got jumped and we both got to work on time...

Now that the weekend is almost here  does anyone have any suggestions for some good movies to rent?  I think tomorrow night is gonna be movie night at my house....any help would be appreciated....

Thats all for now...TGIF everyone!!!

and we're off!

Pounds, that is!  Two pounds to be exact, although Im not sure how accurate this is...TOM is just finishing up; so I may still be hanging on to some Water weight, and I didn't have a BM, so maybe more??    I am hoping that next week will be my "accurate" but I am happy with this....now i just need to stay off the scale until next thursday. I did my morning workout today...pushed myself really hard...did 45 minutes on the arc trainer and burned 500 cals... Last night after work I went back to the gym and ended up burning another 450 cals, which put my daily total of cals lost at 850.    Thats so good!  I am really proud of myself.  Eating has been OP as well.  This time I WILL do it...Thanks for all your kind and supportive comments, it means a lot to me!  Well, its time for work, I will prolly write more later...happy thursday all!

morning after....

watching the biggest loser..  I am addicted to that show!  In fact, I even went so far as to print out an application to be a contestant.  Why I didn't submit it, I am not really sure.  I have Multiple Sclerosis (I was diagnosed just a year ago March 23) and I am afraid that I would have a relapse during the show and  wouldn't be able to finish.  I guess the MS is one reason why I am getting so serious about this weight loss thing now.  I realize that with a diagnosis of MS, there quite possibly will come a time when I am no longer able to walk, to move like I want to.  I would kick myself forever if I didn't lose the weight now, then later when I am no longer able to work out was still way over weight with no way of taking it off.  Also, I want to be able to have kids now (MS is not genetic so no real risk to child) and be able to be active and healthy with my child/ren.  I wouldn't want my kid/s to grow up bitter that thier mom couldn't ever play with them because she was too fat and got tired too easy.  Its kind of a mental thing at this point-that is my real motivation for doing this.  Yes, I want a healthy heart, yes I want to feel better about myself but the biggest reason is that I want a future I can be satisfied with.  Both for myself, myhusband and my future kiddos.  Not to mention that I am 30 and I feel my biological clock ticking like mad, and I don't want to be 85 watching my kid graduate high school. :)  But, I digress.  TBL (biggest loser) show is way inspirational for me.  Although i am slightly pissed that Bernie got voted off last night.  I think Kelly should have gotten the ax, simply because she ate the metric ton of junk that she did, and that Bernie gave his immunity to Brittany.  Plus he is a cutie patootie!  But alas, I have no say.  Anyway, I did good this morning with my workout on the gazelle.  I really have to say that I am getting used to this whole working out thing....NEVEr THOUGHT I would say that!!!  Still havent weighed...Thanks NatieB for your words of support...I will try to get the thought of the big bad scale out of my mind, and think of it as a "workout buddy" as you put it....but for today...I don't think so....TOM is here and I dont' want a inaccurate reading!  Well, time for work...I will probably write more later...hasta luego!!!  Happy Hump Day!

VICTORY over da'sweets :)

I have to admit; I am pretty stoked with myself today.  I did so good with my  eating.  Slim fast shake for breakfast, a fat free pudding as mid morning snack; tuna with light mayo and whole wheat for lunch and a cheese stick.  With LOTS of water.  Tonight I will have veggie beef soup that I made last night; and it is scrumptious and filling; and LOW CAL/LOW FAT!  I am especially proud because in my office at work there are two boxes of evil.....Girl Scout Cookies....yes, I bought them a couple of weeks ago, and have not touched a single one....and if you know anything about the addictive properties of those little nuggets of sin aka SAMOAS you know its hard to ignore them. but, i have prevailed....really can't believe it...used to be i would polish off a whole box in a sitting without even giving it a second thought.  God, these changes are sticking....YES!!!  change is in the air....I am so happy...I still haven't weighed...i am mortified...beyond....belief...I hate the scale so much; its been a source of pain and misery for such a long time...i know that if i weighed it would probably show a loss, but i am traumatized of it still....arght...that is frustrating....

Do I have tire marks on my forehead.....

cause I feel like I have been run over by a truck....  I have been very consistant with going to the gym bright and early each morning at 6am to do my workout; which usually consists of 40 minutes on either the elliptical or the arc trainer (which I lovingly refer to as the "gazelle") but last night aunt flo showed up, which made me entirely exhausted (not to mention CRAMPY) so this morning, it took all I had to haul my arse to the gym.  Im pretty proud of myself for actually going-usually I would have just laid in bed with the excuse that i was on the rag, so I didn't have to go.  NO MORE EXCUSES!  I went, I conquered!  Yea!  Maybe the ache in my legs from my workout will distract me from these bloody cramps...I hope so!!!  Now I just have to focus on not blowing it today on my diet....PMS=chocolate cravings=binge=self destruction.  I will be strong....i think i can, i think i can....arrrgh its hard being a woman sometimes!

fear of the scale

So, here I am probably a week after "officially" starting to work out daily; and I am mortified to step on the scale.  I just feel like if I step on the scale, and it shows I haven't lost anything I will be crushed.  I guess I am kinda pessimistic in that sense; but anything that keeps me from breaking at this point ill accept. 

I know everyone always says to keep your "healthy weight loss" at one to two pounds a week; but that seems like such a small amount....especially when you have ninety pounds to lose.  thats like ninety weeks, forty five weeks at best.  Crap; that is almost two friggin years!  Isn't there a faster way?  I guess I have to look at it like a "one day at a time" deal.  If I think about it interms of 2 years i think Ill go bananas.  I just really want to make it.  I don't want to fail anymore.  AARGH!!

one small step for man......

so here we go...another journey down the road to perpetual bliss, otherwise known as a little place I like to call "skinnyville."  Its been years since I have been there; and I miss it horribly.  My current residence is in FATLAND, and i hate it.  You can't do much in fatland.  Except eat, sleep and feel sorry for yourself.  So I have decided to pack my stuff and move on.  Yep, movin' on to a better life, on to a world of size 10 jeans, tankini's and muscle tone.  So long miserable cellulite, adios stretchmarks, see ya later spare tire, and farewell to the unending jiggle of the upper arm.  Spring is here in Texas, which means stores will be booming with sales of too short shorts, barely there tank tops and my personal favorites, the "that's gotta hurt" string bikinis.  Of course I will waddle into the "plus sized" stores for the, hide my leg capri's, disguise the roll  oversized t shirts and of couse the ginormous sunglasses to hide my shame.  But this is the last year.  No more plus sized anything, clothes or otherwise.  Im so o ver it.  I am fed up. tired. miserable, and Im not gonna take it anymore.  I am on a mission to make myself healthier and happier.  Enough with the misery, i quit!