03/02/2007 18:44
Latest Logs
The numbers for the 27th don't reflect my non-treadmill walking, which was an hour out in the sunny shine.
March 02, 4.07 mi, 610 cal, 70 min
March 01, 4.09 mi, 618 cal, 70 min
Feb 28, 4.08 mi, 646 cal, 70 min
Feb 27 1.97 mi, 306 cal, 35 min
feb 26 3.80 mi, 605 cal, 70 min
Weight this morning was 151. I usually weigh myself after workouts but forgot to today. So, 150 is sticking as my average weight.
I got some fresh vegetables and sliced them up, filling a tupperware with them. Cucumber, tomatoes, fresh red peppers *mmmm*. I eat them plain when I feel like snacking (of course I snack on other things as well but at least this cuts out some of the negative snacking). I'll probably do more over the weekend (slice up more veggies). I also made me more tea apple.
I feel pouty.
03/02/2007 09:41
Personal Things
I have a younger sister, several years younger, who is definitely overweight. She is about 4'11'' and 130 pounds.
Today, she is with me because she is too sick for school (supposedly). Her attitude toward food is so warped and something I really cannot deal with. She is a competetive eater.
Now, growing up with 3 brothers you sort of only get what you fight for, but there is a point when you have to get a grip. When I was a little girl I didn't have a 'weight problem' (really I still don't think I do, I gained weight over several years but when it finally really dawned on me it could become a problem I set out to fix it). I had two brothers already and my mother babysat professionally. We had MANY children in our home, and sometimes there would be... I don't know, 9 or 10? There would often be only enough of a sweet treat for -almost- everyone, and whenever that was true I was ready and willing to give up mine. I knew that if someone didn't give it up then no one would get any because my mother wasn't going to decide to leave someone out so in my head it was sort of, 'I'm not getting one either way, why make them miss out?'
My sister is not that way. I can bring treats for her and my baby brother (a few years younger than her) and she will have her candy bar in her hand while being jealous of his. I really think she determines whether or not someone loves her by what food they are willing to give her (and other things they are willing to give, of course). This (the competetiveness of itself) would not seem so bad if she were two or three, but she will be a teenager in a matter of months.
Unfortunately, she is under the impression that the weight is going to magically disappear. Some girls in her school (it's a private all-ages school) told her that 'the weight will just FALL off the summer before 8th grade'. Uhh... WHAT? What medical journal did they get that load of crap from? First of all, the very fact that they named a season shows they do NOT know what they are talking about. Even if it fell off at the same age for every girl it doesn't mean summer. Girls are born all year, not just at one time of year that would make their bodies change during the summertime.
Secondly, no it won't. My sister is gaining weight. I think she has gained six pounds since her birthday (maybe more). This isn't healthy! This isn't 'baby fat'! When I was her age I had a little extra weight on me. My sister wears an XL girls clothes (though really I think an XXL would fit her better). When I was her age I wore about a L/XL- however, I was at least a few inches taller than her. She is, like I said, around 4'11'' (that might even be too generous) and I was around 5'2''/5'3''. I was active. When I turned around 14 I became quite thin. This was a result of puberty taking another turn, I guess, but the fact is that I WAS active. I was fit. When I look at pictures of me I had a defined body. At the time, of course, I thought that being bigger than the other girls made me fat but I was actually a really hot 12 year old *heh*.
This morning (did I mention she's here with me because she's sick today?) I find my sister with a bagful of cheese microwave popcorn in her lap, munching away. I took it away from her. I have fresh fruit on the counter, I have fresh sliced vegetables in the fridge, I suggested to her a piece of honey wheat toast with peanut butter and a banana.
She's insulted.
Well, I don't give a shit. I'm sorry her mother and father don't care enough to take care of her health-wise, but I won't let her destroy her body in front of me. If she can't stomach fresh fruit and vegetables then she can just damn well go hungry.
What am I supposed to do? I want her to be fit and healthy. My sister is VERY beautiful, but this weight is unacceptable. I've talked to my parents but it doesn't do anything. I've talked to her, I've been trying to lead by example, I invite her to the track with me, I make her the things I eat whenever I'm around her to do so. I have shown her the deliciousness of green tea green apple (which I thought she'd prefer to red, and she did- I prefer the red).
Am I wrong to feel so concerned about it? I don't want her to have a hard life over something she could change. I want her to be able to run with the other kids. She asks me, 'Do I look fat to you? Come on... I'm not fat, am I? Tell me.' How can I answer that? She is BEGGING me to tell her she is not fat but it is a lie. She says she doesn't look fat to her... ? I don't know how that can be.
Her current weight is only 10 pounds less than my goal weight, 5 pounds less than my low goal weight. I'm 8-9 inches taller than her... .
03/01/2007 19:47
Weigh-in again
Eh.
Weight's been officially listed at 150. I tested the scale several times with 5 and 10 pound weights, it was reading properly after a while so I stepped on and weighed 149.something. I've been 148-152 throughout the last two days, going up and down throughout each day, so I'm going with 150.
I'm SO tired. I can hardly wait to put my workout logs up for the week and have the weekend to let my feet finish healing (they're doing pretty well). One more day, one more day, ONE MORE DAY!
Hopefully I'll reach 140 by the end of the month. I didn't mean to set the goal on the tracker that I did, but what's done is done. I haven't been able to change it. If I TOUCH 140 by the end of the month I'll input it. Even if it's the outside low weight for the day : P Like... instead of putting 148 today which was my low weight I put my middle weight, but if I hit 140 before the tracker time ends I'm putting 140 in. That's the only way I'll be able to 'succeed' with it. 8 pounds in 1 month is a lot when you have only 8 pounds to go : /
I also might mention that last night I couldn't sleep, so I got up and put on some of my size 8s. Even though they looked silly and caused serious muffin-topping, I was able to zip and button them. I also put on some pants that are the right size (11) but I haven't worn in a long while/were still a little too snug last time I did and THOSE fit with room to spare.
I'm very excited for the possibilities!
02/27/2007 20:00
Willpower... NOT!
I broke down and weighed me.
148 according to the scale, though I'm positive it's broken. That makes me sad. I don't want it to be broken : ( Or more than that, I don't want it to be FIXED! Hah : )
I decided it was better to weigh myself than to keep worrying about it. I didn't want to trudge through the next few days worrying that I weigh 160 all of a sudden. I'll pretend that I believe I weigh 148 until I can replace the battery or scale altogether.
02/27/2007 17:16
Get a grip, Sveta!
Yikes am I sweaty.
I decided to think about why I'm dreading the scale. I don't think I've gained weight... I've been eating quite well, when I eat out I carefully measure out what I eat and make single restaurant meals last for multiple meals. I haven't missed any exercise (though today's was lacking, I'll explain in a minute).
With my level of activity I would have to consume over 2500 calories a day to gain ANY weight. Quite near over 2600. That is for a gradual gain, too... . I think it's 3,500 calories for a pound, right? So I'd have to be eating like 3,000 calories a day to see even a gradual fat gain (gradual as in still showing up week-to-week).
I think the real problem is that I am doing well and for a long time and I feel almost like it's time to start living free of the scale. If I don't lose another 10-15 pounds then so be it. I am working out a LOT. I am eating multiple fruits each day (and I don't even LIKE fruit), I eat vegetables, I exercise portion control, I eat slowly and get full, I let chocolate melt in my mouth (and it is soooo much better that way, my honey gave me these belgian chocolates shaped like seashells that I'm to eat no more than 3 a day of IF i burn off enough calories to account for them and they are amazing when you let them melt on your tongue... by the way- I've had the 44 piece box since Christmas and there are still 22, and I gave away 7-10... that's sooo not me of 8 months ago, the other 3 boxes of chocolates he gave me (heh, yeah he is something else alright) are still wrapped in their seals).
But... ? I tend to retain water very easily, and I'm dealing with a little bit of a health issue right now. My period (or something) has been around for 10 days. Usually I have moderately heavy periods at the start, but this one was insane. I was going through super-absorbency tampons in an HOUR. I mean, how embarassing is that? I got my period in the afternoon and hit the gym for 70 minutes. When I came home? I'd bled through my underpants (i couldn't tell if any was on my pants). Today I took something that should hopefully get things menstrually back on track. It could also cause bloating, though. Blah!
Today, I'm going to just get it out in the open and not hide it, I only did 35 minutes on the treadmill. This is BECAUSE (yes, excuses, see?) I walked about 1.25 miles outside. I meant to walk even longer outside but forgot to make one of the turns and so didn't walk quite as far/long as I could/should have. I considered just letting that be my lackadaisical exercise for the day but then decided no. I didn't have time for a full 70 minutes and got three calls while on the treadmill for 35 telling me I needed to leave because I was supposed to be somewhere else. I only answered one and said I'd be done soon, but I had to get a certain amount of time in. I stuck to it, and I'm somewhat proud of me for that. I burned 308 calories in those 35 minutes. I feel like I let myself down by only doing half of what I'd like to do, but I did meet my base requirement.
Question for Readers!: On days I work out I'm supposed to be drinking 103 ounces of water a day. How many ounces are you supposed to drink?
I thought it'd be neat to ask silly questions and contrast and compare answers for different fitness things : ) I think I'm going to change my journal's name from Dieter's Remorse to 20 Pounds Walking if I can because I lost 20 (more than) pounds walking and people are always saying, 'You can't lose weight -walking-.'
02/27/2007 12:45
dread
I'm dreading to weigh in thursday.
i don't know why. I've been eating well, I've been exercising, I shouldn't worry about it but I am.
Very much.
02/26/2007 17:21
Wonderful Weekend
So, after my banana-slimfast-poptart breakfast I took a shower. When I got out, my long-distance boyfriend was outside waiting for me as a surprise. I haven't seen him in a LONG time. Not a week, not a month, way longer than that. I won't go into it, but I rarely get to see him. I'm head over heels and completely devoted and starrrrving for him most of the time (not literally! I eat! just don't get kissed or held or any sort of affection *tear*).
The thing is, he hasn't seen me since I started trying to lose weight! I was hoping I could be at 140 by now, but 150 had to do. He seemed sooo pleased with the way I look. He was so complimentary, I mean just over and over telling me how good I look and how fit I am.
The really important thing was that he is the reason I've been able to do this. Losing weight/getting in shape is different for different people but what I needed was for someone I love to take me seriously. To take me seriously and help me and hold me accountable, and he did it. I reached out to him for the help I needed and he instantly stepped up. He's been there every step of the way helping me make rules, bending and giving me freedoms on holidays and special occasions and keeping me on track when they are over. He's been amazing. I've overcome SO much temptation by gathering strength through my relationship with my boyfriend. I make him promises that I won't eat or drink something and I won't. I won't because he HAS to be able to trust me, it is very important to me that I am trustworthy for him. But it's more important that he asks me. That he reminds me. I love that he loves me enough to help me with this, to really help me.
So, for the weekend, after my breakfast, I had basically two meals. We had mexican food, I wasn't hungry at the time and have a stress problem where I can't swallow when I'm in noisy places so I ordered a soft taco with shredded chicken and avacado slices in it. I didn't quite finish that. Well, I didn't finish the tortilla even nearly, but I ate over half of the chicken and most of the avacado. I had half a can (he claims less, saying 3-4 ounces) of coke, and that was all for the day. Other than that he went and bought me a 17 ounce bottle of coke which I drank a bit of, he drank a bit of and I still have more than 1/4 of sitting here on Monday. Heh. Proud! I know that I should've eaten more but the joy I was feeling for his being around made me pretty much have no appetite.
We had mexican again on sunday, no breakfast despite waking up at 6, going out for lunch at 11. I ordered a giant burrito which has so far served for three meals for me and there is still more left in the fridge than what I ate at the first 'meal' and the third one.
Today I continued my workout routine. 70 minutes on the treadmill, 3 sets of 3 different resistence exercises with my arms, plenty of stretching. I need to allot more time for weights, I want to do 5 sets of the exercises come wednesday. It's so hard to motivate me to spend two whole hours in the gym, though. I already spent over an hour and a half in there today *whines*.
02/24/2007 13:05
stuffed
Uhhhg. I know my appetite disappears at the end of my period, but this is ridiculous.
I had for breakfast today what I had for lunch yesterday- half a slimfast, a poptart and a banana. I threw away 1/4 of that wonderful poptart (I really do love them which is why I have them with the banana and slimfast- healthy stuff that'll help fill me up while still letting me have my poptart!). I threw it away because...
I am stuffed.
Not wanting to eat (no appetite) and not being able to eat seem like they should be two different things (most of the time), but maybe they are not : ( I was trying to eat a healthy, filling breakfast to start me out right. I guess I got it.
02/23/2007 17:08
Weekly Weigh-in and New Courage
Holy... shit...
My scale has been acting funny. Today when I got home from working out it told me I weighed 154.5. That seemed quite high to me (alright, so it seemed two pounds high, but you know that is a LOT when you're working yourself silly five days a week), so I picked it up, turned it over and and put it back down right side up. I thought it might be imbalanced...
when I tried it again? 149.something
I went immediately and got 2 five pound weights. I tested it again.
160
without weights
150
with 20 pound weight
170
*headspin*
Could I be 150? I don't even want to think about it right now.
My treadmill efforts this week:
February (date, time spent, calories burned)
19th, 70:00, 593
20th, 70:00, 560
21st, 70:00, 554
22nd, 70:00, 582
23rd, 70:00, 602
I did weights Monday Wednesday and Friday. In addition to other weights I've been doing a chest press (like a bench press I guess but on a resistance machine so a little different?), which is difficult because I have VERY bad shoulders, but I am taking it slowly and have already increased my lifting weight on the chest press in just 3-4 efforts. This makes me feel REALLY good. I know i'm lifting close to nothing but if you had shoulders like mine you would understand : P If I strain them (which is easy to do) the tendons all the way up the back of my neck swell and I can't raise my arms. Very scary and excruciating. It actually has made me just sit and cry while waiting for pain meds to kick in.
Uhg. I'm off to have a snack of some sort, these workouts leave me famished : / but I guess they do burn off well more than half of my morning/afternoon food intake!
// Bare-Bellied Sveta (me)
Now, I'm not silly enough to think I can go out in public that way but I wanted to see how I looked, if I really was getting close... I think I am *giddy*
02/23/2007 13:16
Dinner at Dawn!
I'm so tired.
So far I have made it to the gym each day this week (except Sunday which is an off day, of course) and met my goals each day. Today I'll probably be there for almost two hours to finish off the week- I need to up my weight training and I still need to do my 70 minutes.
My big and second toe on my left foot are taped together with athletic tape. This is because I tore my big toe open. I put a tissue in between and then taped around and around until they were stiffly joined. I don't even k now if I can make it 70 minutes with the pain I was feeling on my short walk this morning, but I am going to try. If it comes to it I will try to do two 35 minute sessions on the treadmill.
I never sleep at night. Last night was no exception, I had to get up at 6:20 to get the kids up for school. Of course I hadn't gone to bed until after 3, because... why would a person go to bed before 3? (actually, I went to bed at a perfectly reasonable 1 a.m.- my body just refused to sleep)
I'm hungry. The working out makes me hungry, I'm burning close to 600 calories per treadmill stint at this point. In september I thought that would NEVER happen. I told a woman in the gym who I didn't even know that it seemed impossible and working out seemed pointless. I was only burning 80 calories a turn... ! I've come very far. When my boyfriend mentioned burning 750 calories in a workout I felt annoyed at my inadequacies.
I bought a taco dinner from Taco Cabana the other day. It makes 4 tacos... ? I ate one for dinner and I was very full off of it. I ate a second for breakfast yesterday, a third for breakfast today. Perhaps the fourt will be dinner tonight. They're very yummy.
I've finally seen some pounds come off. My lowest mark on the scale is now 152, but I don't feel like marking that down as my weight. It came up both wednesday and thursday, but I'll wait until I'm past it to consider it a possibility. 152 would be my lowest weight in about 4 years.
I'm almost happy with my body. 13 pounds to go, I can't wait!!
So today I've had:
Breakfast: 1 chicken taco (no idea how many calories), 1 can caffeine-free coke (150 calories), 60 leg lifts and 40 crunches (yes, exercise for breakfast)
Lunch- Chocolate poptart (200 calories), banana (105 calories), half a slimfast shake (95 calories).
1 chocolate shell (very decadent, very satisfying) (approx. 40 calories)
Oh! And a green tea(0 calories?) with an apple(81 calories) blended into it. I cut the apple, put it in the blender, put four pieces of ice in, put one cup of unsweetened green tea in and set the blender to liquify. I ended up not adding ANY sugar to it once it was cold, it was quite good. The apple made it sweet enough to drink without extra sugar. I'm going to make more for the weekend *mmm*. Drink your fruits!
