It's Thursday and I've done 50 minutes on the treadmill already today. I've been doing 2 workouts a day on the treadmill, usually 30-40 minutes each, since Sunday. If I do anoter 20 minutes today and then I get my workout in tomorrow I'll be able to take a day off on Saturday (except I won't, I'll probably still do at least one thirty-five minute workout of lesser intensity).
I've already seen a dramatic improvement in my health. That is something I just wouldn't trade. Feeling healthy?! My God! I never feel healthy! Why do I let myself get inactive? Being healthy and feeling well is SOOOO much better than tasting something sweet or being able to lay on the couch. It means that I can actually DO the things I WANT and HAVE to do and not worry about how I'll feel that day. I'm really looking forward to monday to see if I've lost any weight this week. When I see what results I have or haven't achieved on the scale I'll be able to judge a bit what I want to see happen on the scale and I'll start with my trackers.
My goal is going to be 147 pounds. I'd love to say my goal is to meet that mark in 2 months, but that (20ish pounds) is quite a bit for 2 months when I'm just starting back out. But then, so many of us also lose that first bit of weight much quicker... but there are also plateaus so it sort of evens out.
Gah.
Can you hear my mind whirring? I love my treadmill.
That was such a wonderful thing to report. Somehow between October and December of this past year I gained a lot of weight... . My boyfriend visited in October and I felt great, I was wearing size SIX! When he came back at the end of December, I was very uncomfortable with myself.
Between those visits I could feel my body changing week to week and I'm still not sure why, but I decided not to let it keep sliding.
I bought a treadmill and I love it. That is all I ever really used at the gym besides resistance weight machines. I'll be weighing myself this coming monday for an official weight when I will actually create a workout routine and see what I can do about making the permanent life change that I always wanted. I am hoping that it will be less than the 168 (gag) that I found last week when I weighed myself. I hope I can get me back down to the 140s and then create a different routine that will let me make a commitment and outside of that live my life freely without constantly worrying about my waistline.
I KNOW that I can do this. I LOVE the way that I feel after a workout. I love the way I feel when I dress cutely for my boyfriend, who soooo deserves the fit woman he once had.
I know that I can do this. I also know that I don't need to feel bad about those last three months of 2007. I don't have to be ashamed of something I'm willing to work to fix.
See... I've been extremely depressed. There are some things to consider as real medical reasons for my depression but overall I think that it is the way I have been treated the last two years by the people in my life. I am trying to fix my life and essentially cut a lot of them out in the process (sounds harsh, yes) but it is proving to be a very difficult uphill climb.
My health is declining. This is very hard to deal with for me. It makes work difficult, it makes exercise difficult. If you knew my luck, well... get this- after a week of hard swimming and putting forth much efforts into getting into the swing of it and making sure I was active every day all four pools in my community were CLOSED to be DRAINED and rebuilt. Can you beLIEVE that? Why do that in summertime? In south Texas? Give me a break.
So I've made a decision- I'm buying a treadmill. I don't want to, but in order to get a gym membership at the accessible gyms for me it will cost $300 to start (first month's fees plus registration) and I would be joining mostly for the treadmill-access (I like treadmills!). I can get a treadmill with electric incline adjustment for around the same cost.
So, that is what I'll do. In 2-4 weeks I will make the purchase. I'm actually pretty excited about it... I don't -want- to spend my money on this, but having it will be very good.
Because of that, I'll be back here in 2-4 weeks. When I buy the treadmill I will return to blogging here. This site is a huge motivation to me, and I miss it. I miss having anything to report. I miss having calorie logs that really tell me how well I'm doing.
I hope I haven't been forgotten about and I hope people can forgive me for disappearing. I'm sure I'll be making it up to you : )
I'm sorry that I've been gone, and I don't know if I'm 'back'. I went out of town to see my boyfriend for awhile, still hovering weight-wise where I was, but when I came back I had gained a few pounds again (why does visiting him ALWAYS mean gaining weight?)
Now I've been taking medicine again- medicine I've multiple times SWORN I would NEVER be back on. It makes me feel sleepy, lethargic and hungry. Since starting it I've gained ANOTHER three pounds, so I am up six from when I left.
I'm swimming, I'm walking, I'm TRYING to eat healthy (the stuff makes me VERY hungry- like, I eat a full meal and my stomach is -growling- and giving pains two hours later). I'm probably going to give it a couple of months of me continuing to try to lead a 'healthy lifestyle' rather than 'working out' and let this stuff get out of my system and hope that the weight comes off sort of 'naturally'.
This is really messing with my body and my self esteem. It's been difficult for me to go to the pool. I don't know... i'm 5'7" and even around 155 pounds I shouldn't be as ashamed of my body as I am. I feel so fat. I really do.
If I get back down to 147 I don't know what I'll do about seeing my boyfriend from then on. I can't keep visiting him and gaining weight for it. I just can't.
I don't know why I start drifting away from every blog I ever have. I really LOVE this one, so why do I stop using it so frequently?*sighs*
I haven't been weighing myself obsessively lately and became afraid of the scale again. I finally got the courage to step up on it yesterday and weighed 148 still. Huge relief! Very happy to see that (especially since it was after both breakfast and lunch).
I've a new job which I don't think I'll write about much. My internet is total garbage, it's very difficult to get online much less surf sites.
On the body front, I went shopping yesterday! I shopped all over this beautiful mall here. I tried on almost nothing because I don't know what my sizes are. Finally, I went into a store and saw a dress I -really- liked. I grabbed it in both a medium and a large, took it into the dressing room and decided to put the large on first. If it didn't fit, no disappointment, right? I've been wearing larger for 3 years or more. Sure, I've lost a lot of weight but if the sizes don't go down that's not really something I can control.
I slipped the beautiful, silken dress on... and I was -swimming- in it. It was giant on me! I was so stunned, I wished like nothing else that my boyfriend was there for me to jump around with and celebrate! AHHH! I was all alone, though *grrr*. I took it off, put the medium on, and it was soooo much better. Not too tight at ALL! The dress looked awful on me (and on the other woman who'd tried it on in another color at the same time I did), but I was sooo happy.
I then went to another store and took a deep breath, went to the jeans and found two different cuts in size 10. I was terribly sure one of them was too small, so I tried on the one that looked like a bigger-ten. They went on very well, but they went on so well I was sure the others wouldn't fit. I'd have to squishhhh into them.
But... I was wroonnnnggg. They also fit perfectly. So that means, basically, I've dropped 2 pant sizes since I started this (which is what it should be, 10 pounds is supposed to generally be a pant size and I've lost 23ish pounds).
I'm waiting for finalization on my new job so that I can go shopping for work pants. I intend to buy at least three (but probably five) pair and a bunch of tops.
I can't wait!
I'm going to try to answer some questions that were asked of me and get back to everyone and catch up on blogs now. I have such a focus problem *grrr*. I do miss ya'll!
This morning I weighed 145 and change. Very, very exciting. FIRST time the scale has said 145.anything! Wooooo hooo : ) Of course come the end of the day I've made my way up to 149.something. My stomach also went from looking very flat this morning to very bloated after my bath this evening. Unsettling!
I got sick at the track : / I'd already done a mile and a half so I came home and rested.
Ok, so I've been steady at the 150 mark, going up two pounds and down one (so at like... 150.5 I guess) since coming home two weeks ago.
Of course, that was 4 pounds up from the 146 the day I left- I didn't realize when I came home and was finally able to weigh myself (my boyfriend said I'm bordering on obsession... uhhh BORDERING?!) that I had PMS. I was a little upset to see 4 pounds more.
It didn't go away, much more disappointment.
Then I found out I had PMS of course, but I didn't feel like it... so I figured I wasn't holding any extra water. Then I got my period (bleh) and had massive needs for salt and sugar.
But today, finally, with my period over I thought, 'Hmm... I seem to be peeing a lot today and yesterday,' so I stepped on the scale.
147.4!!!
I even got a weight and tested it and it weighed it at 5 pounds even. Hallelujah, thank you, God : ) YAYYY! I can gain two and a half pounds this weekend ; ) Hahahahaha *coughs* *chokes* *gags*.
Alright, so everyone who I spend time with regularly knows I am working out, eating better, trying to lose weight, get fit and be healthy.
And yet they all continue to offer me things that they KNOW I cannot have.
Every time they do I say, 'I can't eat that'/'You know I can't have that' and they respond with, 'Oh, that's right, you're on a diet.'
And I have to give them a lecture, because they're being jerks. I am NOT 'on a diet.' This is not a temporary thing. This is something I believe in.
Do I intend to slack on the rules a bit when I get to my goal? Well, sort of- I am in maintenance mode right now and so already 'slacking on the rules'. When I am in weight loss mode I am much stricter- when I am in weight-loss mode there are NO exceptions for chocolate or soda.
When I have a very bad craving, I have a soda (if it is before 3 pm or if it is decaf after 3 pm) with a limit of 2 sodas (cans) a day. I probably drink about 7 cans of soda a week right now (meaning about 6 ounces a day). This is down from 2 liters of soda a DAY for over SIX years. This wasn't diet soda, either. This was the good stuff. In addition to that I do stomach crunches and leg lifts to 'earn' those seven sodas.
I am not going to order a giant piece of cake in a restaurant for dessert. I can wait until I get home and eat one of my chocolates that my boyfriend gave me (I've dipped into the second layer finally and eaten three or four of them this week after not eating any for about two months... come on, I had my period : P).
This isn't a diet. But you know what? People offering me things and me being able to say no empowers me SO much. I love when someone says, 'Do you want this greasy tray of...' and I can say, 'No, thanks. I don't eat things like that. It isn't good for you.'
I sure hope it burns a lot of calories because it -definitely- makes me hungry. It is hard work and my hands are sore and raw : (
I just don't want to get out of the habit of blogging, so I'm posting here to keep up. I am struggling with counting calories. It's not something I'm used to, but Wednesday I'm pretty sure I kept under my 1750 and also Thursday. Today I started out with 1/3 of a sandwich from Jason's Deli (California Club). I have no idea how many calories are in them : /
Company starts arriving today, and the painting isn't done *gah!*.
I went back to the track and did TWO more laps, so a total of 3.75 miles at the track today, plus walking up there/back 4 times, plus walking to/from my brother's school 4 times.
That puts me over 4 miles easy today. I'm SOOO proud of me! Woo hoo : ) : ) : )
I'm thinking of buying a pedometer to calculate all of these outdoor trips that I use to add extra time on my walking. The only ones I add are the trips to the track (since other people get to drive, if I'm walkin' up there then that should count toward my workout) and to my brother's school, which I don't have to do but do to add to my daily activity. I'm considering this one. Any opinions? And before anyone suggests- I won't be going the Nike/iPod route : P
