rawr
At this point in my my journal entries I apoligize for all my other dramatic topics and i understand if you all decide to not even find intrest in reading my posts at all..it just helps me cope with my other battles other then just my weight issues. At the begining of this week i was so proud of myself when i weighted in losing two pounds but then i went off my diet again this week and i shot up (even if its not real weight i know my body will have a gain). I have this never ending battle lately with myself and its driving me insane. I feel so un-motivated. I do good and then so easily i just give up or give in to food or whatever else. I never seem to be full and then after i get stomach aches because i ended up eating too much. Im having problems with "getting back on track" and i just need to find the cure because im sick of this plateu that i can only blame myself for. I was doing so good and i just have to get back to that step because im letting this other world take over me. I have done this before so why is it getting the best of me?
In other news..it's funny how a single issue or person can break you down completly. I have been having some problems with my girlfriend and its been hard on us; one day everything will be amazing and then when our world gets crushed with something i just become so weak and broken. My heart comes from the toppest top to the lowest low and i dont think its good for me at all or how i even get like that over something that happens with all relationships. I hate being an emotional person. I feel like im giving up so much for this relationship and she's kind-of just dragging along, i try and do so much and i just dont feel like its all mutral. When something goes wrong she asks me what's wrong and if i dont feel like talking and dont say something she will get upset (because yes i should talk it out) but then sometimes when i do talk she will get upset over something i say and i dont want her to feel like im complaining. When i hold it in shes upset because "i seem so depressed" and i just feel like she will get mad either way and all i want is to be able to talk to her and tell her how i feel with her understanding and just trying to be in my shoes. My mom has the same problem and its just something ive been dealing with for awhile now haha. I love romance and being swept off my feet..cuddling,and being close and shes just not all as much into as me and when i ever say something we argue because i seem to always be complaining or i wont say anything because i dont want to feel like a complaince. Dont get me wrong, i love having fun laughing and just being normal and whatever else but i dont know i just..a girl needs to feel that intimateness and like she means something? I dont know? I just have given so much supported her so much, she just dosent seem to be able or want to understand me right now. Id like to talk and express myself and work out something and just have her really take it like it matters to her so i can stop having to feel like this or bring it up. I love her and i know were better then this. I think a hot bubblt bath seems nice and will ease my jumbled mind.
thank you for all the support lately.<3
