So as soon as i want to start checking up and blogging again my computer completly crashes..lucky? I know! Haha anyways after i just got that little dilemma figured out. So as i type i feel like i want to puke, have a painful headache and yet to still workout; let's just say this has not been my day. So with the weight loss rollercoaster things have been frustrating for me lately after i got back to California i had packed on a few pounds but to make a long story short i took those off pretty quick worked my butt off, which seemed like a lot for me but pretty little in literal terms but i am now 147. My body is such a mystery and it aggravates me i will never understand my body. I see a lot of people losing weight every week a pound or more and its taking me like 2 weeks just to lose a pound and im so happy to just still be maintaing. To lose that pound i was excericing burning about 300 excess calories from 400 to in the range of (500/600/700)then usual and eating RIGHT on my caloric intake for the day-1200-. I have a lot going on and its really tough for me to always burn that much extra calories and i have been hearing that im working my body too much but i have seen that as soon as i have my weekly splurge day or just a splurge i gained that pound right back. I just dont know what to do and i want to give up. I have a place i now go into weight weekly so it gives me something to hold up to other then myself and im just ready to see results..i want to know why my work isent paying off but im pround of that pound i suppose! Other then that i have been constantly busy with school school school and working things with my girl. I wish i could say things are now better but unfortunatly things arent always what you want--of course. I love that girl and i wont give up on her ever but its just i have my problems and my busy schedule but im trying and putting so much into the realationship because i know this is what i want and that with anything in life, you have to work hard for things and that things arent always easy. But as soon as im not looking shes behind my back doing things she knows hurts me and promises not too like im not even real. I know realationships are hard but theres a difference between TRYING to try and just saying your going to try and absolutly not trying. Never making time to talk to me when she knows she can. I understand she has a life too and things to do but i mean not even five concecutive minutes. Long distance realationships are hard but i see so many other people do it and i just its up to her. Were so perfect when were physically together but i say you dont deserve that until you can master being away. So much but im so over talking about it.
Once i offically get my computer totally fixed ill be back to finish checking up!!!
I have been having hardships go on lately and im so sorry for not updating. I didnt feel like a ton of people were enthused about or read my journal very much anyways so i kind of let it lack for the time being while i got myself back on track with this crazy life. I have much to update about as soon as i get a break from school, the gym, errands, appointments, etc and i will update a whole bunch. Im so sorry!!!
I have a lot of information to share with everyone and let you guys all know the exciting updates and everything! Until then i hope everyone has a happy new years and holidays but keep on track! <33!!
I hate my T.O.M so of course it being weds i did not have a good weigh in. Ill try to update about this all later when i have time but i just wanted to share one thing on my mind. It aggravates me how people are so different, or peoples bodies i should say. You can have two people and have them both splurge just a tiny bit over christmas holiday or a weekend almost exactly the same and one still lose weight and the other gain. Bodies are one big mystery to me and i dont know if i can take mine anymore!!!haha. i eat pretty well but my bodies made it clear that if i want results it has no room for any splurges. I workout my minimum because its just not fun for me..and ive noticed that i know i can handle exercise so i never even sweat or feel ive workout by the end..i just get my calories in. Thats not going to benefit or change my body anymore. Go big or go home..i have to.. Well ill let you all in on the scoop later!
So this is about the third time ive updated and it's deleted my entries! We'll give it one more try. So as i was saying ive come to learn to prepare my days more and not skip meals and or snacks!! Yesterday i was just so busy Tex and I going on errands and what not that by the time cycleing class started i was absolutly starving with nothing to eat and not wanting to get one of those cramps from excercise right after a meal. This drove me to eat eat eat after we got home kind-of late and i feel so guilty. Not only that but i ended up drinking a huge soda of sprite when i was told it was sprite zero and really it wasen't they made a mistake.It dosen't help that im expecting my TOM anyday now with those extra cravings and few pounds it willing hands over to me. Also another thing i have come to learn about myself is that peoples persuasivness really effects me and makes me give into foods so much more if i were to just go about it on my own. I dont want to get someone upset by not wanting to eat at the same time as them because everyone has there different schedule and stomach then others. Everyone i know around me just seems to be saying "go ahead eat this your paranoid" or "come on i havent seen you all day eat with me". I dont mind eating with the people i love i just wish i had notice or imput or compromise on it so that it can fit in my hard to manage calorie budget. I just have to learn to say NO to food or people wanting me to cheat my diet. So we will see how this week goes and the weigh in on Weds. It's funny how you can go from so happy a few days back to horrible over weight. If i dont do something drastic and get back on this my weigh in wont be good with my TOM..i always gain a few pounds and with yesterday i already had a big mistaken splurge.
I hope life gets better too. Now, im going to try to put myself in the mood!! and go workout! Its freezing outside and i feel like a popcicle! Oh and i tryed yogo today for the first time. I found i have my yay's and nay's for the class. I found it to be a little stepping out of my box for me because the vibe and all the beleifs and words werent really what ive heard or ever been used for a excercise. It helped my balance, (((flexability))) and mind{some what}. It was hard for me to find it relaxing, it being my first time because the stretches and positions hurt me more then the regular goers that i codent see how i could just be so at ease in pain. Some stretches were easy and calming because i stretch same muscles everytime i run or do cardio etc and others were hard. Another change for me was that im used to "working out" cardio wise burning calories so i can keep on track and yogo really focuses on stretching, and flexability so its not much of a calorie burner. I think i want to continue going when i can but not as just my days workout. As a healthy habbit for my muscles and something that will benefit this journey but still fit my cardio in.
Im so sorry i have kind of abandoned this site for a few days i have finally caught up with myself. So good news is that i took off the weight i gained over these holidays and as of my weight in today im 148.8 compared to the normal holiday weight of 151. Not only did i lose past my regular normal weight 149 i lost 2 more onces. Im happy with that and i def know my body by now..if i keep everything up like i have this success will continue and if i splurge like i was this will only be a temporary thing. I hope i can keep this up; i know i can.
I just dont have time for a real entry right now but im just letting you all know im still alive and going! I hope everyone is keeping up with things and ill have some happy stories to read when i finally have time to get back on. I promise a real update soon!
At this point in my my journal entries I apoligize for all my other dramatic topics and i understand if you all decide to not even find intrest in reading my posts at all..it just helps me cope with my other battles other then just my weight issues. At the begining of this week i was so proud of myself when i weighted in losing two pounds but then i went off my diet again this week and i shot up (even if its not real weight i know my body will have a gain). I have this never ending battle lately with myself and its driving me insane. I feel so un-motivated. I do good and then so easily i just give up or give in to food or whatever else. I never seem to be full and then after i get stomach aches because i ended up eating too much. Im having problems with "getting back on track" and i just need to find the cure because im sick of this plateu that i can only blame myself for. I was doing so good and i just have to get back to that step because im letting this other world take over me. I have done this before so why is it getting the best of me?
In other news..it's funny how a single issue or person can break you down completly. I have been having some problems with my girlfriend and its been hard on us; one day everything will be amazing and then when our world gets crushed with something i just become so weak and broken. My heart comes from the toppest top to the lowest low and i dont think its good for me at all or how i even get like that over something that happens with all relationships. I hate being an emotional person. I feel like im giving up so much for this relationship and she's kind-of just dragging along, i try and do so much and i just dont feel like its all mutral. When something goes wrong she asks me what's wrong and if i dont feel like talking and dont say something she will get upset (because yes i should talk it out) but then sometimes when i do talk she will get upset over something i say and i dont want her to feel like im complaining. When i hold it in shes upset because "i seem so depressed" and i just feel like she will get mad either way and all i want is to be able to talk to her and tell her how i feel with her understanding and just trying to be in my shoes. My mom has the same problem and its just something ive been dealing with for awhile now haha. I love romance and being swept off my feet..cuddling,and being close and shes just not all as much into as me and when i ever say something we argue because i seem to always be complaining or i wont say anything because i dont want to feel like a complaince. Dont get me wrong, i love having fun laughing and just being normal and whatever else but i dont know i just..a girl needs to feel that intimateness and like she means something? I dont know? I just have given so much supported her so much, she just dosent seem to be able or want to understand me right now. Id like to talk and express myself and work out something and just have her really take it like it matters to her so i can stop having to feel like this or bring it up. I love her and i know were better then this. I think a hot bubblt bath seems nice and will ease my jumbled mind.
So i left for my vacation earlier then expected and im with my baby; it's so nice to be back together. Im back on track with my dieting and it feels good..i cant let the food and lazy motivation take over me! I really need to build up more self control and im not sure how? Im doing good again but whenever i seem to go off i say "okay just two small cookies" and once i eat them i just want more and more and i let myself. Thats why i have to try to keep that stuff out of the house at most times which of course is an inconvience when i should allow myself a treat. Any ideas?
So today not a ton is going on..girlfriends at work and im stuck here for seven hours :/. I guess this allows me to have some "myself" time, clean, and to workout. Im really good about working out but once im done im pooped and not motivated to go do weights. Ive been really good about them lately so i just hope i can keep it up. One of the reasons why i believe im like that is because im not 100% always excited to work-out as it is, they have just become ruteins and i do the eliptical and tredmile just couting until i can get off; im bored. I need mix things up a little.
life is kind-of confusing right now :://. Other then dieting i have a ton on my mind and im not sure what to do about some things. But on another note what do you all think about diet soda? I stopped drinking soda in the beg of my weightloss because of the sugars and excess calories but now that there is none of that i just constantly drink it. Is it true that the caffein makes you gain weight?--something i heard.
It's funny how one thing that depresses you can make you not be able to function. Either makes you bindge or making you lose complete apetite. I feel so sick right now, i cant eat, or hardly move..all i want to do is cry in bed all day. I think when im upset i have a problem with being able to eat and when anger take the side i just cant stop. Joy; atleast i can admit to that. I guess this isen't entirly a "fitness/food entry" but we all need to express something. I have made the worst mistake ever, taken jealousy and blown it out of paportion hurting someone i love more then anything in this world over it..when certainly i could of gone about how i was upset in a different way. It was all fake and im not a perfect person but yet im so disapointed in myself and i cant figure out what inside me made me want to do that even if it was fake. Theres more too it and its complicated, but i just dont want to lose the one i truely love because of my stupid mistake and yeah something i probally need to find help with and work on. I have to realize that the things we do or say when were upset, wheather we mean it or not..still hurts the person it's affliected on. Im so sorry baby. You just have to realize im going through the same exact things..im hurt too.
. I love that girl and i wont give up on her ever but its just i have my problems and my busy schedule but im trying and putting so much into the realationship because i know this is what i want and that with anything in life, you have to work hard for things and that things arent always easy. But as soon as im not looking shes behind my back doing things she knows hurts me and promises not too like im not even real. I know realationships are hard but theres a difference between TRYING to try and just saying your going to try and absolutly not trying. Never making time to talk to me when she knows she can. I understand she has a life too and things to do but i mean not even five concecutive minutes. Long distance realationships are hard but i see so many other people do it and i just its up to her. Were so perfect when were physically together but i say you dont deserve that until you can master being away. So much but im so over talking about it.
. Well ill let you all in on the scoop later!
